A/N: I think you guys will like this one better than the last few (as far as the feels go...). Be sure to let me know all about it and leave a review! ;)


Another night alone. All of Albus' nights were spent alone nowadays. Well…most of them. Devan was usually out at night, lately. He always said the same thing, too – out at the gym with friends. And Al knew he was lying. Maybe he went there sometimes. But every night? When some nights he came home smelling of wine more than sweat?

But it was okay. Albus didn't mind. If he was cheating on him, then…he was okay with it. He had told himself it was fine because he was losing his grip on this relationship, too. He was sure that showed, even though they never spoke about it. All they did was kiss and fuck and sort of cuddle at night. They went on dates, but hardly spoke. And that was just fine.

Albus didn't feel a lot like talking lately. He was actively tuned out. He still went through all the same actions as before, now including having sex even though it turned his stomach. But he just wasn't there.

He was a hollow shell of a ghost.

This night was no different than they usually were. Devan had come home from work and changed into his workout clothes. He kissed him once, just barely on the lips, before rushing back out the door.

Knowing this routine, Albus settled down with his newest book on the couch. He sighed heavily, sipping at hot cocoa and idly flipping a page. Listening to music that he wasn't even hearing and didn't much care about. It was just something that was on the radio for background noise. Just so he felt like there was another presence in the apartment with him.

At first, Albus didn't even place the sound correctly. He was so used to the usual silence he surrounded himself in that the noise actually sounded too distant to be in the flat. He frowned, looking up towards the bedroom. The door. The bathroom?

Carefully setting his mug and his novel aside, Al raised himself up off the couch. He stretched his back, still trying to gather where the tinkling sound was coming from.

The kitchen….

In absolutely no hurry, Albus slipped around the wall into the kitchen. He stared around the small, dark room, absolutely lost. Then glimpsed a faint glow from the countertop. His hand went for the Muggle cell phone lying there face down, illuminating his face harshly. Squinting his eyes, he just kept staring down at the thing as it continued to ring.

Albus had only answered the thing once before. Only when Devan had put it in his hands months ago and called it to show him what it did and how to work it. It was meant to be a quick form of communication, he supposed. But he'd rather write a letter or just…wait. There was nothing so urgent in his life as of late that he couldn't wait. But Devan said that if work needed to contact him, or vice versa, he needed to have a phone on him. Or if Devan himself ran into trouble, this line of communication would come in handy.

Vaguely, he remembered having given the phone number to people he knew. Just a few – his parents, Lily, James, Rose. Just in case, for some reason, they needed it. But no one had a number to give back, as far as he had been aware. To this day, the only contacts in the list were Devan and the bookstore.

He wasn't too confused, then, to see that it was an unknown number that showed up on the caller I.D. before the tinkling ring faded out. Then came three beeps in a row along with a message that told him he had four missed calls. He had missed four calls because he hadn't been able to figure out what he was hearing. That's how checked out from the world he was.

Who so desperately wanted to get ahold of him that called that many times within the past few minutes?

As if in answer, the phone began to make the noise again in Al's hand. He jumped at the sound, louder now that he was closer and just stared. Debating on whether to answer or not, as he had no idea who could even be on the other line?

But, in the end, he figured he might as well give it a chance. What else did he honestly have to do with his night?

"Hello?" he whispered, pressing the answer button on the screen just as the phone was on its last ring. He remembered after the soft greeting that he couldn't just talk at the piece of Muggle technology and quickly brought it up to his ear. "Uh…h-hello?"

For a moment, there was no answer. Just a shuffling noise that disturbed the peace around Albus. Caused a ripple in his quiet sanctuary. He frowned, pulling the phone away from his ear to look at it. It still said he was on a call…. So he raised it back up to his ear and repeated the question.

"Albus!"

The acknowledgement was quite abrupt and quite loud in Al's ear. He winced, pulling the heavy object in his hand back a bit before slowly settling it up against his skin again. The tone he recognized as belonging to Louis. The soft French accent layered with a British center that came off as snobbish and impatient. But tonight it was also caked with another quality. Something that thickened his tongue and made him slightly more receptive.

Clearing his throat, Albus leaned back against the counter. Someone must have given his number to Louis. That made sense. They were family, after all. "Louis," he said simply in response, the fingers of his free hand tapping upon the hard surface under him.

For a moment, all he could hear was background noise. It was loud and obnoxious with a bassy undertone that repeated over and over again. Suggesting that Louis was somewhere public and raucous. Then came the soft, loose laugh that again made him pull slightly back from the sound. "Hey! I, uh…. I have somebody here that wants to talk to you!" Everything the other man said was like a boom. Either he was trying to compensate for the noise around him, or he wasn't aware of his volume. Whichever it was, Albus was getting slightly annoyed.

And the mention of Louis having someone he knew that wanted to talk to Albus was enough to bring him into full shut down. He looked towards the medicine cabinet, knowing his emergency potion was there in case he needed it.

Already, it felt like his skin was on fire. He wasn't sure what the emotion underneath that was, but he knew it was harsh and burned white-hot. So warm it was making his palms sweat, loosening his grip on the phone just slightly. Noticing this, he held harder and sighed into the receiver. "Look, Louis," he whispered as another shuffling noise slammed his hearing. "I'm not really in the mood for this…."

"Hello, Allie…."

Everything inside of Albus suddenly iced completely over at the sound of that particular voice. It was slurred and imperfect, but he would know it in any form. It was a voice that called up painful memories with one decibel, bringing him crashing to his knees. He swore he'd heard something crack, but maybe that was just the fragile bubble he had created shattering around him. Or some deep chasm containing every single memory and feeling he'd stowed away about this particular man on the phone.

"You're breathing really hard," Scorpius giggled. Yes, he actually giggled. Not like a flustered, little schoolgirl. No, it was more of a hearty and enthused sound that lacked caution. "Am I doing that?"

"I think you are," he heard Louis whisper. He must have been close at his side. Was he listening in?

Covering his mouth, Albus shrank against the cabinets at his back. He tried to breathe quieter, but it was difficult when he had to keep even telling himself to breathe.

"Wait, I think you're supposed to be serious. This is a serious matter, Scor. You have to be serious. Stop laughing!" This, of course, only increased the fit on the other end. Following was possibly the sharp hint of a slap, quieting the laughs. "No, really. Stop laughing, Scorpius! He'll hang up on you!"

How do I hang up? Albus thought to himself, pulling the phone away from his ear just to stare at it. But with his vision so blotchy and his hands so shaky, he couldn't figure it out. Did he want to figure it out?

"Don't hang up!" Scorpius said quickly, causing Al to cautiously bring the object back up so he could hear properly. "Don't hang up…. It's not funny. Really. It's not."

"You're drunk," Albus uttered as the thought came into his head. It was why they both lacked their usual ease of speaking. The words were forced – still flawless, but forced. Like they had to think very carefully to get the syllables to form correctly. Their tongues were heavy with alcohol and clearly they were having a good time. So they had called Albus, for a bit of fun. That's all he was anymore – a crazy source of entertainment.

Holding back a hurt, weak noise, Albus stayed on the line. He told himself it was just going to be for a few more minutes, because this ache in his heart was painful. Mostly, he just wanted to know what it was the other had to say. Somewhere deep, deep down, he was actually interested in why he would ever get a call from a drunken Scorpius. There was curiosity eating at his insides, begging to be recognized. But all he could feel was the absolute anguish this communication was causing him. Ripping apart all of those stitches over his heart.

Again, Louis gave a sparking laugh. "Yes, because it's fun, Allie! Do you remember what fun is?"

A sting. A slap to the face. A harsh realization that Albus might not even understand that concept anymore. He gave a mindless chuckle, not even understanding the humor in this. The fact that he was miserable and had lost all sense of worldly pleasures wasn't funny. It was just sad. He was sad. Pathetic.

"Lou, would you shut up?" With a heavy sigh, Scorpius shuffled on the other end again. In the span of a minute, the background noise faded. The throbbing music was still there, but it was only a mere blip on the spectrum. The most distracting sound now coming from that end was the fact that someone was taking deep, measured breaths. Calming themselves. Steeling themselves. "Albus, are you still there…?"

The pain of hearing that voice softer, kinder and more genuine than he had heard it in a long time, was worse than anything else Albus had felt this night. He rubbed at his chest again, shaking his head back and forth. The keen that fell from his lips was absolutely unnatural. "Y-yeah," he choked out, reaching up to wipe away free-flowing tears that quickly replenished themselves.

Albus supposed the sigh of relief could be calming. It could have showed him some sort of sign or light. But to him it was just heartbreak all over again. "It's good to hear your voice," Scorpius said softly, his voice still seeming with alcohol. But he was more subdued than he had been a moment ago. "Really good, actually. Merlin…."

"Why are you calling?" Albus snapped. His voice was tight and harsh, trying to smooth over the reopening wounds inside of himself. "Why would you call me?"

"Because I'm in love with you," Scorpius said gently. There was a quality to his voice that said he was also having difficulty with his conversation. That his heart was also having problems dealing with this. "And Louis joked that we should call you. He got this Muggle contraption for film school or something and…said your father gave him your number. It was just supposed to be a joke. Just a stupid joke…. But…I didn't anticipate how hearing your voice would feel."

If words could come through a phone call and soothe a person's soul, it would have felt like this. Al was sure of it. He covered his mouth again to hide his soft wail of longing. The sudden swell of intense need to hold this man and be held. Not to sleep with him, not to even kiss him. Just to feel those arms around him, clutching so tightly it hurt…. "I don't even want to speak to you, Malfoy," he lied, but only because it felt better. It helped to keep him in check.

"I missed your birthday…."

The idea was almost laughable. That Scorpius would even care to remember when his birthday was. That he would make certain to mention that he remembered. What was that even supposed to mean to Albus? Was he supposed to be happy? Sad? The choice between the two seemed pretty black and white, yet he couldn't help but to feel like he was somewhere in the middle grey about it. It was why he chose to say nothing.

As his own silence continued, Al found himself shifting. His position changed from having the linoleum dig into his knees. Instead, he took a careful perch upon his backside, leaning against the cabinets in a more comfortable pose. Sinking into a better frame of mind as well as posture.

"I, uh…. I would have done something special, you know. I mean…." Scorpius cleared his throat and Al swore he could hear the shrug of his shoulders. Could see his eyes dancing with that soft, silver gleam. He was mischievous, and yet…kind…. "I mean, I bet your guy – Devan, was it? – did something special, too. I don't doubt that. I'm sure if you chose to be with him…he's wonderful. He has to be everything I'm not, right? He has to be everything I just could not give you when we were together. It sickens me, but I have to believe that's the truth of it. Otherwise, you wouldn't choose someone else. I have to believe you're with someone better than I ever was.

"But, that's beside the point." The smile was palpable through the speaker. Crackling itself in Albus' ears and infecting him, as well. He didn't want to smile or take any joy in those words. How was he supposed to help it, though? "If I had been there for your birthday…. If I had the honor of calling you mine like I wish for every morning when I wake and every night when I close my eyes and see your face, here's what I would have done…."

Scorpius painted a brilliant picture with his words. They all came out in a flurry of passion and undeniable heartache. He told of waking him in the morning with some sort of fancy coffee and a biscuit that he fed to him in pieces. Interlaced with the bites were probing, loving kisses that always left him craving more. He spoke of them not needing to share any words in this exchange, their soft smiles and chuckles saying more than they could ever hope to speak.

After they had grown tired of this lazy morning in bed, they would have shared a shower together. Steamy and full of lingering touches. Their bodies close as they helped to clean one another. But never going further than the simple grazes of a hand. Gearing them up for something more to come later. Letting the thought of something intense fuel them through the day.

The rest of the morning and afternoon would have been spent around Muggle London as well a Diagon Alley. They would have shopped, merely browsing at windows because they needed nothing more than their close proximity, until their feet grew tired. A quick lunch would be eaten as they went, Scorpius reminding Albus constantly that they would have a meaningful dinner later to make up for the speed of it.

When it came time for this dinner, Scorpius would lead Albus up atop some hill somewhere. Making him walk and hike while holding his hand to keep him going. Encouragements that it would be worth it would be muttered whenever the other wanted to give up.

And in the end, it would all definitely be worth it. Just as the sun began to set, they would reach Scorpius' stopping point. Sitting atop the hill would be a blanket laid out with a picnic basket. Inside – everything that Albus loved prepared with absolute precision and care by Scorpius himself. They would sit and watch the sun set, eating and enjoying a bottle of smooth, sweet wine. And when the stars began to shine brilliantly in the sky, they would abandon all thoughts of food in favor of deep kisses and gentle caresses. Under those stars, they would make the most passionate love they'd ever experienced. Ending in a toe-curling finality, their fingers grasping at whatever they could reach. Lips touching skin wherever they could.

The walk home, because apparating was too fast and harsh after a beautiful day, was quiet. When they shared words, they were soft and calculated. Their fingers never lost grip on one another. And their hearts were never closer. The two would return to bed, naked and wrapped up so close under the covers that they wouldn't even know where one started and the other ended. And just before Albus drifted off to sleep, Scorpius would press his lips to the man's forehead and whisper a soft "Happy birthday, my love."

By the end of the detailed explanation, Albus was absolutely shaking with his sobs. It sounded beautiful…. He had covered the mouthpiece to the phone the instant he started to feel the hitch in his chest. There was no way he wanted Scorpius to hear what this was doing to him. If he did, he would know that his birthday expectations hadn't even come close to being met this year. That this sounded like a dream in comparison. A dream that he wished he'd had a chance to experience.

"I know I shouldn't tell you that…. I know I shouldn't desire for anything so passionate or loving from you. Not when I messed up so badly over Christmas. I know it was my fault that you ended up…sick…. I know you saw what happened. And I know that I don't deserve you anymore. I pushed you away." There was a choking tone to Scorpius' voice. It softened to nothing more than a whisper. "I pushed you away…and into another man's arms. A man I'm sure you deserve because he sounds loving and wonderful and is brilliantly attractive…."

Devan was attractive. He had a way of carrying himself that demanded attention, even though his shoulders were always sagging with his insecurities. He was very good at hiding what he was actually feeling and thinking. His eyes were a blue that was as vivid as Albus' green. And the facial hair scruffing up his jaw surrounded him with this mature edge that was alluring. The fact that he was pleasing to the eye wasn't something that could just be denied.

But in comparison to Scorpius' soft features, perfect platinum curls, slightly crooked canines, dark eyelashes, and powerful muscles…. This all meant nothing.

"Tell me you're happy."

"I'm happy," Albus said reflexively. It was a lie – he was the furthest thing from happy or content or even okay. Al was a mess that just wasn't getting any better. He was trying, he really was. But something just wasn't quite clicking into place. And this phone call just was not going to help that.

The broken sigh that Scorpius gave perfectly echoed Al's heart. More than anything right now, he just wished he could reach out and grasp onto this man. Hold him close and feel what they were experiencing together. He wanted to run to him and be with him and never look back.

But he just couldn't. Albus was with Devan for a reason. This was what he needed and he couldn't just give up everything he had worked for since last December for his unreliable heart. Scorpius would only bring more heartache. His crashing pulse and wracking chest were signs for that. He still loved this man…but he could not do this again….

"Albus…. I love you, okay? So much that I told my parents about you before I came back for school. I gave up everything I was expected to be because I knew I was destined to be with you. I'm sure you read that in Louis' letter…. You did read the letter, right?"

"Yeah…."

"Okay, so you know that already. But I just need you to hear me say it. Even if nothing comes of it…I need you to hear it. And I've been writing you every single day! I'm sure you've locked away your journal, but…. I ran out of pages last week. I had been filling margins and empty spaces when I could, but I just can't find any more room. And now I feel like I'm lost because I can't figure out what to do with myself…. I mean, I keep busy. I have an apprenticeship with my father. But writing to you kept me kind of…going. I know you weren't reading, but even just the hope that you were seeing what I had to say…."

Albus sighed heavily, then jumped when a loud beeping erupted in his ear. Jumping, he looked at the screen and frowned at a warning message. "Uh…Sco- Malfoy…. It's telling me I have 5 percent battery left. I think…. I think my phone is going to die…."

The letdown Scorpius felt was palpable. Al's heart reached out for him, but he reigned it back in quite quickly. "Right," Scorpius said softly, sounding tired all of a sudden. "Um…I suppose I should hang up, then…. Merlin, I don't want to. I could talk at you all night. I know you haven't said much, but the little you do say…."

"I have to go," Albus stressed, hearing the beeping again. He didn't want to hang up, either. But maybe that was a reason that he should. He was with Devan. Devan was keeping secrets from him, but he didn't want to reciprocate. He just wanted to continue to live his life as 'normal' as it had been since leaving St. Mungo's. "I have to. And…. I need you to not call me again. I'm with Devan. I can't have you calling me every time you get drunk to tell me you love me."

Tears were still falling down Albus' cheeks as he said this. He was just hoping that Scorpius wouldn't hear it.

"Right…. Right, you're right. I won't call again. I promise." Scorpius sighed heavily through his nose and struggled for a moment for words. "Right," he repeated. "It was still nice to hear your voice. And I still love you. Make sure that Devan takes extra care of you, okay? Um…I'm going to…hang up now…. Okay, uh, bye…."

The line went dead not two seconds later. With it, Albus' heart felt like it flat-lined, as well. He groaned like a dying animal. Not long after that, the screen on his phone flashed a goodbye as well and went completely dark. Seeing this, his world felt like it crashed down around him. He slid further down the cabinet, ending up sprawled out on the cool kitchen floor, taking in ragged breaths. Feeling like a piece of him was missing again, which meant for those few minutes he had been speaking to the other man, he had once again felt whole.

Scorpius made him feel whole.

In good conscience, that night Albus couldn't have sex with Devan. Scorpius was too firmly in his mind. That visual he had created with the perfect day was still in his mind. He knew if he was touched in an intimate way by his boyfriend, all he would be able to call to mind was Scorpius. He'd flinch away. So he'd feigned a stomachache and curled up tight all to himself on his own side of the bed.

The next few nights after that, Albus couldn't sleep. He couldn't have sex with Devan. He couldn't bring himself to look at his boyfriend the same way. He took emergency potions daily, hoping they'd kick him back into the right gear somehow. But nothing worked.

And he had a feeling that nothing will ever work….