Meredith woke up, stretched across the bed. That was how she slept now. She used to sleep on her side, leaving plenty of room for Derek. But now that she was by herself, she spread her body across. She let out a soft moan as she stretched her legs and back. She opened her eyes, realizing that she was in her bed. She remembered going to the sofa.
Meredith threw the covers back and climbed out. It was early. She didn't need to get up for another half an hour. But she was awake, and she was ready. A tiny bit of Meredith was sad when she saw Derek's long frame laying on the sofa. They shouldn't even be in this position. They shouldn't be lying about it.
"Derek." Meredith said quickly as she poked him in the shoulder.
"Hmm... What?" He asked as he looked up at her.
"What time do you have to be up?" She asked him as she glanced at the clock.
"Six." He muttered as he covered his eyes.
"Why don't you get in the bed?" She asked as she pointed. "I will reset the alarm."
"I'm already here. If you would just reset the alarm, that would be great." He told her as he rolled into the back of the sofa and covered his head.
Meredith let out a sigh as she walked over and made the bed. She felt bad. She just did, and no one could stop her. She wished she didn't. But she couldn't help it. No matter how much he hurt her. No matter how much he hated her. She would always love him. She reset the alarm for six and made her way into Liam's room.
Liam was adorable. He was the light of her life. She looked down at him. He was already awake, looking up at her with his blue eyes. He seemed perfectly content playing with his hands and talking gibberish. A smile covered her face as she leaned in and picked him up.
"Leelee, you are getting so big." She said with a smile as they walked down the hallway. "Someday, I think you will be lost bigger than mommy. Maybe you can carry mommy around. Someone will have to." She muttered as she looked off.
She laid in bed at night and wondered. Would she be alone? Would she get frail and old and everyone would forget about her? Liam was the light of her life, and she was already expecting that he would be there for her. It was selfish, and she knew it. But he was all she had. She had to actively tell herself not to do that. She couldn't hold him back. Everyone would flourish around her. And she would be alone.
Meredith loved her alone time with him. It was all the other times that killed her. She knew he would be walking soon. He was making milestones everyday. Erin was doing sign language with him, and she was sure that she was grasping it. She didn't understand much sign language, but she loved that he was learning it. And she was trying to learn herself.
"I told you I could take him." Lynn said as she walked into the kitchen.
"I was already up. And so was he." Meredith explained as she kissed him on the head. "Do you like that, big guy?" Meredith asked as he picked up a piece of banana and placed it in his mouth.
"Wow... He is a good eater." Lynn pointed out.
"You have no idea. And all of his food in in that cabinet. And he had his own shelf and drawer in the refrigerator. Are you sure you will be okay with him?" Meredith asked.
"Meredith... I have five kids, and twelve grandchildren. I will be fine." Lynn said as she rubbed his cheek. "Can you say nana?" She asked him softly.
"Mama." He said with a smile, followed by gibberish.
"So, dear... Do you want breakfast?" Lynn asked as she poured herself a cup of coffee.
"Oh no, I'm fine." Meredith told her as she spooned a bite of baby food into Liam's mouth.
"This has to stop!" Lynn said frankly as she looked up at Meredith.
"Excuse me?" Meredith asked as she looked over at her. "What are you talking about?"
"You know what I am talking about! Stop this, Meredith!" Lynn said loudly as she sat down in front of her.
"Mom." Meredith grumbled as she rolled her eyes. "I'm fine. I know what you are talking about. I eat. Okay? I am fine."
"Don't you roll your eyes at me. I can't handle this." Lynn told her. "You don't eat! And you are hurting yourself. You look horrible. You are way too thin. You look unhealthy." She spat. "You have a problem. And damn-it, I am not going to let you kill yourself. I am not letting my grandson be left motherless."
"I eat." Meredith said as she looked at the floor. "I do eat. I just..."
"Talk to me." Lynn said as she grabbed her hand. "Please."
"I was stressed out. I was stressed out over work... Everything. I was fat after Liam. I was too fat. And Derek- I needed to lose weight. And I- I know it sounds stupid... I would forget. I would forget to eat. I would get busy and I just learned to ignore it. And now, I know I need to, but I can't. I just feel sick when I do." Meredith said with a frown. "I know I look disgusting. Look at me. I'm a failure. I am worthless." Meredith said as she cried.
"Oh, Meredith. That is not true. Do you hear me?" Lynn asked as she hugged her softly. "Having children is rough. Especially with the job you have. And Derek is never here. I understand. But you need to make a conscious effort. You are not disgusting. Or worthless. You are stressed. You are beautiful. And I love you. And I do not want to see you hurt yourself. Try for me. Try for Liam." Lynn said as she kissed her head. "Baby steps. I will make you some scrambled eggs, okay?"
"Okay." Meredith said with a nod. She was great. But she was better. Lynn did seem to understand. Even if she really had no idea.
Meredith walked quietly around the hospital. She was almost afraid to see Craig. She was in that avoiding mode. She didn't want to talk about the fact that Derek was staying back in the house. She didn't want to tell him that they were back to playing house, and attempting to do it even better than when they were married. So she avoided. She had to.
Meredith looked up to see her intern. She was actually working. Researching. Meredith liked to see that. She liked to see her interns actually interested in medicine. They needed to do thing on their own. They needed to search it out, instead of expecting the hospital to teach them everything. Every little bit made the difference. And the ones who tried, they had the advantage.
"Dr. Jennison." Meredith muttered as she walked up. "You and I are scrubbing in on a rhinoplasty with Sloan in and hour. You need to find him, and begin to prep the patient." Meredith explained as she looked up.
"Right away, Dr. Shep- Dr. Grey." Katie said with a nod as she walked away.
"Thank you." Meredith groaned as she looked down the hall, seeing Derek.
Derek's eyes locked with hers. She quickly looked away. She didn't want to encourage any kind of conversation with any man today. She flipped open her chart and sighed. She was hoping that Lynn was doing okay with Liam. She had all the confidence in the world with Lynn. But Lynn didn't know him. Not like Erin did.
"Hey, whore." Cristina said as she walked up.
"Hey." Meredith muttered as she drew in a breath.
"So, I still can't believe you never came back the other night. I have to give you credit, I never thought you would screw him on a first date, but good for you." Cristina said with a smile.
"Screw- God, Cristina. That was a week ago. Where the hell have you been?" Meredith asked as she looked up.
"Here. And loving every minute of it." Cristina said with a smile. "I have been getting every good surgery... So. Was she good?"
"Him. Oh god no... I didn't- There was no way. I left in the middle of the date." Meredith said with a sigh.
"Seriously? Oh god, Mer. You need to get a life." Cristina said as she rolled her eyes.
"I wasn't ready. I tried, okay. And it wasn't- Derek was on a date. Some blonde. And I couldn't sit there and watch that. Not to mention, the guy- I don't know. He rubbed me the wrong way." Meredith replied frankly.
"So McDreamy was on a McDate?" Cristina said, shaking her head.
"Yeah." Meredith sighed as she felt a chill come up her spine.
"Wow. Did you freak out?" Cristina asked as she looked up at her.
"I went to Joe's... Craig, luckily he was there. That's why I didn't come home. He took me to his house." Meredith explained with a nod. "I was plastered. I just- I couldn't- I needed that tequila."
"You don't have a problem with tequila." Cristina said dumbly. "So you screwed him? Kovac? He's- He's hot. I mean, okay for being a death squad doctor. But yeah... I'd do him. Was he big?"
"I didn't screw him!" Meredith spat as she rolled her eyes. "What is it with you thinking I am screwing everyone?" Meredith asked frankly.
"You should be. McDreamy is McAss now, and he is moving on. You should be too." Cristina said frankly. Meredith's eye's got wide when she looked up, seeing Craig coming her way.
"Hey... I thought you were avoiding me." He said as he walked up and put his hand softly on her arm. "Afternoon." He told Cristina.
"Eh." Cristina muttered as she looked up at him.
"I was trying to." Meredith admitted frankly. "But apparently I did not do a good job? But yes, avoiding..."
"I figured as much." Craig said softly. "I'm sorry for last night. I know I was a bit of an ass. I just- He hurt you, and him being around... I don't want him to do it again. So I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be that way. So how are you feeling?"
"Good." Meredith said with a nod.
"That's good. You want to grab some lunch?" Craig asked as he looked up at her.
"Eh... I have surgery with Sloan." Meredith said with a smile. "In about thirty minutes."
"I see how you are." He joked. "That's fine. I'll see you later. Have a good day, okay?" He asked as he kissed her cheek softly.
"You too." Meredith agreed as she looked up and watched him walk off.
"Okay... What the hell was that?" Cristina asked in shock. "You and him! You didn't tell me. Man- I can't believe it. He is wow... Were you ever going to tell me about you and him?"
"Uh... Its complicated. I'm not really sure what it is." Meredith said with a sigh.
"It's something... Definitely something. He wants you. And I say get it while the getting is good. McDreamy is getting his, you get yours. I'd do him." Cristina said with a chuckle.
"You would, whore." Meredith joked as she looked up.
"So true... So true." Cristina said as she walked away. "Do him already." Meredith stood there and shook her head. Maybe she was right.
Craig did feel like somewhat of an ass for the way he had acted towards Meredith. He liked her. From the minute he saw her at Addison's, he was stunned. She enthralled him. He had a girlfriend, but he didn't care. It was an attraction beyond words. It was intense. Even just seeing her that one time, he wanted her. He started basing decisions on her. He played the cards just right. He wanted her, and he made sure to say just what she wanted to hear. He couldn't believe that it all fell into place, but it had. It fell perfectly.
Derek was competition. But at the same time, he wasn't. The man was a fool. He was so far in over his head, he had no idea how to crawl out. He had an obvious passion for the hospital, and no idea about priorities. Craig had been worried about him. But it didn't take him long to realize it wasn't an issue. He hadn't been satisfying Meredith's needs in a long time. And that left Craig in the perfect position to move in. Meredith was the type of woman that needed love. She needed passion. And he could give her that. And more.
Craig was a cocky man. Somewhat like Derek, but with different motives. Derek was arrogant about himself, but even more arrogant about his job. His ego was overinflated, and everyone supported it. Around the hospital, he was the neuro god. Craig was cocky in a different way. Craig liked women. He liked to seduce them. He loved to love them. And when he saw Meredith, he saw in instant lover, and an instant family. He like Liam. It was perfect. He liked to get what he wanted. And he wasn't afraid to throw it in everyone's faces when he did.
As Craig walked into the cafeteria. He was feeling full of himself. His chest swelled with pride. Things were moving well. He kissed Meredith on the cheek, and she didn't pull away. There was a gossip mill that ran rampant in Seattle Grace. And he was sure they were in it. It made him feel great. It made him feel in charge. As he walked through the line and grabbed a sub, he spotted Derek sitting off in the cafeteria at his own table. Craig smiled. Perfect. Time to taunt.
"Hey." Craig said with a smile as he walked up to the table.
"Oh, hey." Derek answered, unsure of why Craig was over there.
"Mind if I sit?" Craig asked as he pulled out his chair. Even if Derek did mind, Craig was still sitting there. He had to mark his territory.
"Sure." Derek said simply as he forked his salad.
"So, you're back at the house." Craig stated frankly.
Derek could sense the animosity from Craig. He could tell that it pissed Craig off. What he didn't get, was if nothing was going on, than why did he care. Craig brought it up for a reason, and Derek was wondering just what that reason was. Either way, he could play just as hell as any other guy. And he was up for the fight.
"I am." Derek agreed as he looked up. "Why do you care?"
"Well, seeing as Mer and I are in a relationship..." Craig pointed out. "I just think it odd. You come back to play house. That was you don't have to tell your mom."
"You're what? relationship?" Derek asked, his attention piqued. He was hung up on that. "I just talked to you days ago. Meredith said nothing was going on."
"Oh. Things are going on." Craig said with a smile. "They are going on." He said, definitely suggesting that he and Meredith were having sex. "All the time."
"You know what, you are a real arrogant son of a bitch." Derek pointed out.
"Possibly. I thought you would be happy. She is. You can't satisfy her, and I am. Besides, you moved on. Why shouldn't she?" Craig asked frankly. "I was hoping you would wish us luck."
"You are talking about fucking my wife, you prick." Derek growled as he felt the anger surging.
"Ex- Ex-wife." Craig said quickly. "Divorce. You signed. I'm not sure what you think your rights are. But don't worry about her. She's happy. I keep her satisfied."
"Fuck you." Derek spat as he stood up. "And I did not move on. I'm not sure what the fuck you are talking about. You think you've got it all..." Derek chuckled. "And you are one stupid fucker if you think that." He had to get out of there before he hit him. He couldn't start w brawl. Not as chief. As much as he wanted to, he had to pull himself away.
Craig looked up at Derek in shock. He didn't expect that. Derek marched away angrily. He could see the anger in his body language. Craig wasn't really sure what Derek was thinking. Now he was beginning to wonder if this was a war. If it was a war, it was one he wanted to win. And he would. He would.
Derek could feel the anger boiling over. He had never met such and arrogant asshole in his life. For him to sit there and say that he and Meredith were having sex was too much for him. He didn't know. He wasn't sure if they were having sex or not. He didn't know anything anymore. Well, he knew one thing. The idea of Meredith moving on, it made him sick.
Meredith stood into the scrub room next to her intern. She was already tried. She wasn't even sure why. Maybe it was the stress. She couldn't seem to turn her brain off. It just kept spinning and going crazy. She was in an emotional mess about Derek and Craig. Having Derek around in the house was driving her crazy. It was hard to pretend. And even harder to pretend that you didn't want to pretend.
"Dr. Grey." Mark said with a nod as he looked over at her.
"Dr. Sloan." Meredith said with a smile as she walked up to the table.
Meredith watched Mark. It took a certain person to do plastics. Had to be someone with and open mind. Meredith could never do it. She couldn't have anything to do with stupid people wanting to change their body image, and going crazy over it. It was different when someone was injured or mamed. But to get larger breasts and a face-lift, she couldn't get that. But Mark, it suited him well. He was precise, and he had the patience.
"So, how is it going?" Mark asked as he looked over at Meredith.
"It's going." Meredith said with a sigh.
"I heard that mom is in town." Mark said with a smile. "And I have to ask, how the hell are you guys doing it?"
"We are... Doing it." She admitted with a sigh. "It's hell. Living a lie. I love mom. And to sit there and pretend, it's horrible. But at the same time, I can't tell her. I love her. And how do I tell her that I divorced her son? I can't tell her that I have split of her grandson's family in two. I can't tell her that I gave up because I couldn't handle it. And that her son has a girlfriend and lives in an apartment. Or that I have a- A thing and I don't know which end is up, or one day from another." Meredith said with a sigh.
"Oh, Mer... I'm sorry." Mark said with a sigh. "I don't even- I cannot pretend to have an idea of how hard this is. I see what you mean. Mom, she always had dreams for Derek. And everyone knew that she loved you two together. She had high hopes for you guys. And I can't imagine having to tell her that you just couldn't do it. And Mer, you can't have guilt. You can only do what you can do." Mark pointed out.
"You are right. When I was there- When I was in the middle of it all, it was hell. All I could think was that I needed to get out. Everyday I felt like I was suffocating. And the minute it was over, I was expecting to feel better. I thought that the oxygen would fill my lungs and I would come back to life. But then, it didn't. I didn't feel any better. I almost felt worse. And now... I don't know. Maybe I did make a mistake. Maybe I did gave up too soon. But it's too late. Derek has moved on..." She said as she trailed off and stared.
"And now so have you." He said sadly. "What is this I hear about you and Craig?" Mark asked, eager for the gossip.
"I have no idea. He's nice. He's great. And I- I really like him. I think he's a great guy. And Liam likes him a lot. But I don't know what I'm ready for. I want to move on, but I don't. I just want what I had, and I will never have that again." Meredith said with a sigh.
"Well, Mer... It is your life. Only you know what you can take. You are the only one that can make yourself happy." Mark told her frankly.
"I know. The only problem is... I have no idea how to do that." She said with a sigh.
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