Hi everyone! So here we are, last chapter, the epilogue. This story took me so long, much longer than I planned or expected I'd like to thank everyone who kept on reading and is still here! You are awesome! It also made me doubt myself and my abilities so many times, made me reconsider if I should even bother with finishing it but then, there was always someone reminding me that there were people who still liked and still wanted to read the end so I'd like to thank those people, you know who you are, I can't tell you how incredibly grateful I am for your support! :) So now, here comes the last part of this story, I had this in my mind as an epilogue all along, I knew I wanted to do this so I'm happy we reached this after all. I hope you'll enjoy it! :)
Disclaimer: Sadly, even after all these chapters, I don't own them...
Epilogue
"We wouldn't be late if you didn't insist on taking pictures of Matt every minute..." Kate rolled her eyes.
"Yes but this is his first day of school, Kate, how are we going to embarrass him in front of his first girlfriend if we don't have tons of pictures of him from all his childhood?" Castle argued and she snickered.
"I don't plan on embarrassing him anywhere actually... I'm a cool mom, if you remember." she said, hinting to a compliment she got from her son that weekend when she let him have cereal for dinner. Because really who was she to tell him not to eat that when he wanted cereal? Not like he asked for it every night...
"Yeah right. We both know who's the favorite parent here..." Castle shot back, pointing at himself with his thumbs.
Kate rolled her eyes just as the elevator dinged, signaling that they arrived on the homicide floor.
"Keep flattering yourself, Castle..." she told him with a smirk then strode out of the elevator, leaving him behind. "What do we have, Ryan?" she asked from the detective rushing towards her. "And what's with the crowd?" she asked, looking around.
"The feds are here, they want to assist on the case, asked specifically for you..." Ryan told her, passing her a folder. She opened it and saw images of a young woman's corpse. The case file said her name was Mandy Locker, 25, inhabitant of Staten Island.
"Me? Why me?" she asked, looking for a connection but finding none. She didn't know this girl, never even heard of her...
"She was in some sort of a protection program of theirs and the agent who's leading the group is the one who led the investigation in the case she was involved with. He said he knows you from years ago, his name is..." Ryan said but as they got into the bullpen she caught sight of the man standing next to the murder board, her blood running cold as she recognized him.
"Will Sorenson." she muttered, interrupting Ryan.
"So you know him?" the man asked.
"Oh I know him alright..." she nodded, thoughts swirling insanely quickly in her mind all of a sudden. This man who changed her life in so many ways, this man who didn't even know about it. She was still so angry at him in a way but then again, years has passed, long years and she was all settled now. Happy with people she considered family. She had Rick and Alexis and Matt of course. She had the guys at the precinct. And Will Sorenson appearing here was so unexpected and threatened to complicate everything. Ruin everything somehow. Why was he even here? Was it only just the case? Would it be possible that he somehow knew about... About Matt? It couldn't be... But then his presence brought up so many more questions. It was easy to decide against telling him about Matt, he wasn't around...But now that he was there, she had some doubts. Should she tell him about Matt? Should Matt meet him? Would he even want to...?
"Detective Beckett!" Will's voice greeted her as he spotted her and he walked to her with a big smile. She felt Castle's presence close by her side and she appreciated it as she squared her shoulders, deciding to push her thoughts to the back of her mind and act completely professional.
"It's Captain, actually." she said as she shook the hand extended towards her.
"Kate, you okay?" she heard Castle's worried voice behind her as she rushed into the break room and went to the coffee machine. She kept up her facade all meeting long, she acted like the cop she was, only focusing on the case but as soon as the meeting was over she couldn't stand staying there, her emotions getting the better of her again.
She didn't turn as she heard him close the door and stared at the pot of black liquid tensely until she felt his hand on her shoulder, stroking down her arm and settling just above her hands, which she only now realized that she tightened into fists on the counter. His body was a welcome and reassuring pressure at her back and after a moment she finally allowed herself to relax back into him and let out a sigh.
"No..." she admitted.
"Is he that Will?" he asked knowingly.
"Yes." she whispered. There was no need to tell him the history there, he was actually the only one besides her father and Lanie who knew about Matt's father.
"Oh Kate..." he squeezed her to him, not knowing what to say. He could only imagine how conflicted she must have been feeling.
"What do I do?" she asked desperately, turning in his arms and putting her palms on his chest, playing with the collar of his shirt absently as she looked into his eyes. She looked so lost that he just wanted to hug her and take her home and protect her from all of this but he also knew that this was a part of Kate's past, a major part that she had to face. That there were serious decisions to made here and that she would have to come to the conclusions on her own, he couldn't impose on her choices.
"What you feel is right, Kate. I can't tell you what to do, it's your life and your choices..." he murmured, cupping her cheek with a loving smile and pressing a kiss to her nose.
"That never stopped you before." she grumbled with a little pout but she couldn't deny that just having him there with her calmed her nerves a great deal.
"What I can promise, is that I'll support you whatever you decide in the end..." he told her and she smiled at him.
"I love you, you know that?" she whispered.
"I love you more..." he winked and she rolled her eyes.
"Why is everything a competition for you?" she teased then slowly, reluctantly pulled away from his embrace and grabbed a two mugs and poured coffee into them.
"It's not just about me... It's about Matt. What if I made a mistake back then? I don't want to do wrong by him now..." she voiced her concern.
"Give it some time, think about it, sleep on it... You could even try to talk to him about it somehow. Subtly of course. But you don't have to decide right now." he suggested, accepting the mug she offered to him with a grateful smile.
"Thank you." she whispered after a long minute.
That night, after dinner where Matt enthusiastically told them about his whole first day at school, Kate sat at her son's bedside with nervously fidgeting hands, waiting for him to finish his shower. She smoothed out his blanket for about the fifth time, biting into her lower lip as she let her eyes travel across the wall of his room. The two of them moved in with the Castles six months ago and Matty was so excited about his new room. He planned everything, how he wanted to decorate it, where he wanted the furniture, he even insisted on painting the walls himself. Of course with Alexis's help. They bought blue paint and stickers of cars and dinosaurs and the two of them, with a little help from Castle, did it in one afternoon. Now the room was full of his clothes, his books, his toys, boxes of Lego piled up in a corner under a desk. The school bag they bought a month ago for him was sitting proudly on the office chair where he left it.
The door opened and her little boy paddled into the room barefoot in his pajamas and she glanced up with a little smile.
"Mommy? What's up?" he asked with a confused face, stopping in the doorway.
"Nothing sweetie, come on...time to go to bed." she told him, patting the bed and pulling back the covers and he walked closer, crawling into his bed and curling up on his side so he could look at her expectantly. "You're so big, it always surprises me how fast you grow..." she sighed and he rolled his eyes.
"Mom..." he drawled. "Are you getting emotional because of me going to school?" he teased with a grin.
"Me? Emotional? Never." she laughed, shaking her head. "No I was just... watching you tonight, thinking how you're such a great little boy, you know... And I can't imagine how you turned out this great." she said and he pushed his face into the pillow.
"Mom." he groaned and she poked his side with a chuckle.
"Come on, hear me out... We both know that I wasn't the 'bestest mom ever' for so much of your life and I know you had Grandpa and I can't even tell you how grateful I am for his presence in our lives... But I'll always feel bad for those first years, you know..." she told him and he blinked at her from his pillow.
"Mom... what's wrong? Are you goings somewhere? Did something happen?" he asked suspiciously.
"What? No! Of course not, I'm not leaving anywhere." she said hurriedly and she realized that her words did sound a bit like a farewell of sorts. She just didn't really know how to talk about the one thing that's been on her mind, pulling her down, troubling her all day long.
"Good. Because I need you to make me peanut butter sandwiches tomorrow..." he muttered and she laughed.
"Wow, this is all you need me for?" she pouted. "Rick can make your sandwiches..." she pointed out.
"Yes but I like the way you make it." he stated simply. "It's with mommy-love." he added, quoting her from a conversation about a week ago, making her grin widely.
"That's right..." she agreed reaching out and stroking his hair. "Though Rick can make it with daddy-love to be fair." she added, figuring this could be a way to steer the conversation in the direction she wanted to.
"Yes but he's Alexis's daddy. I love him, don't get me wrong... It's just, that he's not my actual Daddy. He's Rick and he's family but... not my daddy. I wouldn't feel good if he used his daddy-love for me..." he shrugged like it was no big deal and Kate felt a rush of warmth at his cuteness and a blow to the stomach at his resignation at the same time.
Her son, her son who never knew a dad. Her son who didn't even know why he had to grow up without a dad, he didn't know it was because of her, because of her selfish reasons. Because it was easier for her back then. And she knew no matter how it would complicate things for her, no matter how much pain she'd have to go through and how many uncomfortable situations ad awkward conversations it would bring... She'd have to make this old mistake right. She had to give him the chance to know it. Because even if she wasn't a very good mother a few years back, she tried her best now and she knew, as a good mother that her son needed a father. His father. Even if Rick was the perfect father figure for him and she loved him with all her heart and she knew Matt did too... Her son had the right to know who was his real father, if he wanted to... Because not knowing could be the worst thing and she didn't want this to ever possibly come between them in the future.
"Matt... Did you ever wonder about your Dad?" she asked quietly after long minutes, a part of her hoping he had fallen asleep already. But he wasn't, he just shifted under the covers and looked at her with narrowed eyebrows.
"Sometimes... Why?" he asked.
"Because... because sometimes I wonder if I deprived you of something, if I made you miss out on something you crave. I wonder if you'd be happier if you knew him... I wonder if the choice I made was wrong or not..." she murmured.
"Mommy... I sometimes think about my dad, yes. When we made cards for Father's Day in kindergarten or when someone's dad always came to pick them up. Sometimes when Jackson told me about how he and his dad played baseball in the park every Friday. But I guess we had other things that we did. You and me. And Grandpa. And then with Rick and Alexis. I can't say I never think about who he could be... But I'm not saying I'm missing it too much either." he said and he sounded way too old for his age. Kate realized that he was probably young to be talking about this but she wouldn't have felt good if she didn't discuss it with him at all. "If he's not around that means you and him must have had a fight and you don't like each other anymore and then I don't like him either." he said easily and she smiled.
"It's not about liking... Before I even realized that..you were on the way, he broke up because he moved away and I never actually told you this, honey, but... When you were born, I made a decision, a rather selfish one not to tell him about you. Please don't think he never showed up to visit or never sent you a gift on your birthday because he doesn't love you. He didn't because he never knew you existed..." she admitted, feeling like a heavy weight was lifted from her chest as she said the words even though she just took the blame, the rightful blame for so much of his childhood worries and probably pain.
"Why are you telling me this now, Mom?" he asked with a sigh.
"He's... He's here Matt. I didn't know he would be... He was just there at the precinct when we went in today, working the same case..." she muttered, twisting her fingers together clumsily.
"Did you..." his question hung in the air and she finally looked at him, his eyes wide awake and no matter what he told her about not caring, hopeful. And that was when she knew what she had to do.
"No. Not yet. I needed some time to think about it. Wanted to...talk to you about it." she said. "But I'll tell him tomorrow if that's something you'd like. You could meet him actually..." she offered with a small, encouraging smile.
"Meet him..?" he asked, unbelieving.
"Yes. You could come to the precinct after school, we could go for lunch if you'd like."
He didn't say anything for a long time and she was watching him carefully as the wheels turned in his little head, contemplating the idea and she knew he came to a decision the moment a tiny smile started to curl up the corners of his mouth.
"Can we eat ice cream afterwards?" he asked and she chuckled.
"Whatever you want, sweetheart." she told him.
"Then okay." he said and nodded, pulling the covers around himself as he settled into a more comfortable position.
"Okay." she whispered, getting up from his bed and leaning in to press a goodnight kiss to his forehead. When she moved to switch off the light she heard his hesitant voice.
"Mom? Will Rick be hurt that I'm having lunch with...my dad?" he asked, the title still a bit new and unfamiliar to him and his question was so thoughtful that she was in awe of him.
"Of course not, dear. I'm sure Rick will even come to the lunch with us if you want him to." she told him and that seemed to calm him.
"Oh, fine then." he muttered, looking at her as she backed out the door and started pulling it closed.
"Now sleep, my sweet. You'll need the rest! Do you know the second day of school is even harder than the first?" she asked dramatically and he giggled.
"Goodnight, mommy." he sighed and closed his eyes.
"Sweet dreams, Matt." she whispered then closed the door.
The next day she was a nervous wreck. She couldn't focus on anything and by the time two o'clock arrived and Castle left the precinct to pick up Matt from school she could barely contain her trembling hands. All the worst scenarios came to her mind and she couldn't stop the spiral...
She felt her heart beating wildly as she eyes Will Sorenson from the other side of the bullpen. He was chatting with a few other FBI agents around a computer, probably waiting for some facial recognition program to run and have results. Not even suspecting that his life was about to turn upside down in a matter of half an hour.
She felt like she should at least warn him, tell him in advance but she just couldn't get herself to move. So she sat there behind her desk, her heart beating faster and faster as minutes passed and then suddenly her phone vibrated with a text from Castle to tell her they were in the elevator, coming up. She sighed and standing up, she practically dragged herself across the bullpen and patted his shoulder to get his attention.
"Sorenson, can we talk?" she asked and he nodded, stepping away from the group and following her towards the break room. As they walked she saw the elevator doors slide open and her eyes met Rick's instantly. She mouthed 'break room' to him and he nodded, gently putting his hand on Matt's shoulder and steering him in that direction.
"What is it, Kate? Is something wrong?" Will asked just as they entered the room and she shook her head.
"No nothing is wrong." she stepped up to the other door of the break room, looking out and smiling at Matt, who waved at her instantly.
"If this is about the case, you could have told me in front of the guys, I trust them all completely..." she heard Will's voice from behind her and she turned back to him.
"No Will, it's not about the case. It's... There's someone I'd like you to meet." she said just as Castle and Matt entered the room behind her and she felt their presence just by her side. She turned to look at them, shooting Rick a grateful smile and then reaching out towards Matt, who moved to her, almost pressing into her thigh and side, seeking some comfort in this completely new situation.
"Mommy..." he murmured, barely audible.
"Hi sweetheart!" she stroked his hair lovingly, trying her best to reassure him.
Then she looked back at Will and saw him gaping at her, his eyes traveling between Matt and herself a couple of times then jumping to Rick only once before he went back to the boy and Kate.
"K-Kate... Is that... You have a son?" he stuttered, sounding unbelieving.
"Yes." she nodded, waiting for him to figure it out on his own. She looked down at her son, thinking how he did resemble Will, his eyes and jawline are his father's.
"How..." Will started then trailed off, his eyes widening slightly and he started again, sounding even more uncertain. "How old is he, Kate?"
"He'll turn seven in a few months." she answered.
"Seven?" his voice hitched a bit and she could see the wheels turning in his head and he looked at Matt again and this time something changed in his eyes, something softened and he smiled at the boy. "Seven." he whispered. "Kate, is he...?" he asked, sounding almost hopeful and relief flooded her chest because she did actually worry about his reaction.
"Yes, you're the father." she said, the words feeling so strange and alien in her mouth.
"Oh my god..." he muttered then he stepped forward and crouched low to be level with Matt. "Hi!" he greeted the boy, sticking out his hand.
"Hello." Matty muttered, still pressed tightly into Kate's side but he grabbed the man's extended hand and shook it. "I'm Matt." he said and Kate smiled, even when self-conscious, her son had his manners.
"I'm Will." the man said and for a moment they just stared at each other, both of them in awe of the other.
"Why don't you sit and I'll make you all a hot chocolate." Castle suggested and Will nodded, moving towards the table and Kate followed with Matt. As she passed Castle she reached out and squeezed his arm affectionately to let him know how much she appreciated what he did.
"Matt just started school, right honey?" she said as soon as they were all seated. Matt choosing to pull his chair right next to Kate's, almost sitting in her lap.
"Yes. Second day." he nodded and she could see a sparkle in his eyes for a moment, a story that he was just dying to tell her but then it faded as he looked at Will, obviously not wanting to share it in front of him. And Kate understood really but a flash of guilt spread in her chest because it was her doing, Matt didn't know his father because of her and even though she was trying now, she hoped it wasn't too late.
"Oh lord, I remember my first days at school..." Will chuckled and Kate raised an eyebrow because she didn't think he would. It was so long ago, she could barely remember herself. Also the man seemed so at ease with Matty, probably it was a show and he was just as nervous as she but he did a great job of trying to get the boy to open up. "It was a disaster." he shook his head and when Matt tilted his head, Kate knew that the man had his interest.
"Why?" Matt asked and Will grinned at him.
"I was such a weirdo back then... I also had thick glasses. And my mom dressed me in these colorful T-shirts with baby animals on them and the boys who had footballs and Superman on their clothes all laughed at me and called me a baby." he sighed. "Then of course I showed them what a badass I was when I stood up to them and we found out we actually liked the same stuff... But it took me a week or two. First week I went home on the verge of tears almost every day, telling my mom that school just wasn't for me and I shall not go ever again. That I'd rather be stupid than go there for six more years..." he said nostalgically and Matt laughed.
"I already have friends. Jackson from kindergarten and I just met this girl today... Mary. She's very nice." the boy said enthusiastically.
"Yeah? And what's your favorite subject?" Will asked just as Castle put a mug of hot chocolate down in front of them.
"Thank you Rick!" Matt said with a smile before answering. "It's probably reading... we read a lot at home, with Rick and Alexis. And even Mom, though she doesn't like when I read what Alexis is reading because she says it's just not for me. And I'm not allowed to read anything Rick writes even though I really want to..." he told Will before shooting a pout in Kate's direction, eliciting a chuckle from her.
"Yes, and that stays like that until you're old enough." she said firmly, directing it more to Will than Matt, knowing the man would probably try to win Matt's affections by buying him the books he wanted without even thinking...
"Are you really an FBI agent?" Matt suddenly asked, studying Will closely.
"Yepp, I am." Will nodded then pulled out his badge and put it on the table so Matt could see.
"Will Soren...Sorenson." Matt read aloud. "That's a weird name." he commented and Will chuckled.
"Yes well, you can call me Will." he said.
"'I will..." Matt nodded then started giggling wildly at his own pun.
"Oh god, Rick that's completely your fault..." Kate groaned, realizing what her son was laughing about and glaring at the man with the same stupid sense of humor and annoying jokes, who stood by the counter, looking absolutely smug and proud of himself.
"I know, isn't it great?" he exclaimed and stepped up to the table. "High five, my man!" he told Matt and they slapped their hands together in the air.
"So you guys... all live together?" Will asked, eying the three of them.
"Yes. With Alexis. We moved in not long ago and I painted my own room!" Matt told him excitedly and then launched into the story of how they did it.
Half a hour later Kate and Will had to go back to work on the case because uniforms picked up a suspect on the run, so they agreed to have dinner the next night and Rick said he'd take Matt home until they started the interrogation.
"Well, it was great meeting you, Matt. And I can't wait for tomorrow..." Will said with a wide smile as they stood in front of the elevator.
"Yeah, me too!" Matt said and when Will held out his fist, Matt bumped it with a laugh. Then the agent stepped away a bit to give Kate a moment with him.
"Are you okay, sweetie?" she whispered, bending down to cup his cheek, observing his features for any sign of wrong.
"Yes. He's very cool, mom." Matt nodded. "But you're cooler..." he added with a grin.
"Oh good, I'm relieved." Kate pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I'll see you tonight, be good for Alexis!" she said.
"I'll try. Love you mom." he murmured and her heart swelled in her chest.
"I love you too, baby." she said then putting a hand on his shoulder and stroking, she straightened up and looked into Rick's eyes. "And I love you." she whispered, stepping closer and pressing a chaste kiss onto his lips, staying close for a moment, her nose nuzzling against his tenderly.
"I'm so proud of you." he breathed, his lips brushing against hers with every word, filling her with unexpected warmth.
Then they pulled apart, a blush coloring Kate's cheek as they stared into each other's eyes for a bit longer before the elevator arrived behind them. Castle smiled at her once more before he grabbed Matt's hand and they stepped into the elevator, waving Kate goodbye.
That night Kate and Castle got home very late. They were following up leads all night and it was way past both kid's bedtime when they finally arrived at the loft. The living room was dimly lit, barely a little light filtering in from the one lamp left on in the kitchen. Otherwise the loft was dark and quiet.
They tiptoed inside, moving around very silently as not to wake the kids. While Castle took a shower, Kate went upstairs to check on Matt. She didn't want to wake him up, only opening his door a few inches to peek inside and see if everything was okay but he must have stirred at the slight movement because he shifted, blinking his eyes open.
"Mommy?" he muttered drowsily, his fist coming up to rub at his eyes.
"Yeah it's me, baby... Don't wake up, sleep." she told him, moving inside his room and squatting down next to his bed, running a hand through his hair.
"Did you catch...the bad guy?" he murmured.
"Not yet but we're close so maybe tomorrow." she whispered.
"Tomorrow we're having dinner with Will..." he reminded her.
"Yes I know. We won't be this late, I promise."
"Mom?" he asked hesitantly.
"Yes sweetie?"
"Thank you." he murmured, his fingers playing with the edge of his pillow.
"For what?" she asked with a smile.
"For letting me meet him."
"Oh honey...you don't need to thank me. I'm sorry I didn't give you the chance before..." she whispered regretfully.
"'t's okay..." he murmured. "Not like...I really need him or anything...I have everyone I need. You and Grandpa and Alexis and Rick... I don't need anyone else." he said and she smiled at him, feeling affection and gratitude for her little boy flood her body. "But he seems nice." he finished with a little shrug.
"An extra gift at Christmas and on your birthday...how cool." she joked with a grin and he giggled.
"No!" he drawled out. "Not what I meant. Just...it is cool that my dad's an FBI agent. Nobody in my class can say that... They all have lawyers and salesmen and managers for dads..." he told her.
"I'm glad you like him." she murmured. "Now sleep." she added, leaning in to press a kiss to his cheek. "Sweet dreams, I love you Matt."
"I love you too, Mom."
She backed away from his bed, her gaze staying on his form as he closed his eyes and snuggled deeper into his blanket. Then she stepped out, pulling the door closed and smiled. It was almost unbelievable, only a year ago, she never would have thought they'd get here. It was amazing how many things could change entirely. A year ago, she was a terrible mother without realizing it, never paying much attention to her son, not putting his needs first, not loving him the way he deserved. A year ago she was lonely and bitter and only focusing on her work. And today here she was, with a loving man downstairs and his daughter who was like a sister to her son. And Matt, he was finally happy, really happy. She sometimes caught herself staring at him, wondering how she could have missed seeing how all she ever needed to be happy was him, how she could not notice how perfect her little boy was... And she couldn't be grateful enough for having people in her life who helped her see it, who kicked her in the ass when she needed it and steered her in the right direction. A year ago she never would have thought she'd be here, after a day like today, she never would have thought she would ever talk to Will again, let alone tell him about Matt. And now here she was, knowing she had made the right choice, knowing she was on the path of being the mother Matt deserved. The best mom she could possibly be.
Thank you for reading, I hope you liked it! Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated! :)
