CPOV
It's strange, to say the least, to be escorted into your elevator and down to your car by men carrying automatic weapons. Once safely in our vehicle, the two men return to their positions upstairs. Ryan is driving, Sawyer is riding shotgun in the passenger seat. Neither one is carrying a machine gun. Seated beside me on the back seat of the black SUV is Flynn. We haven't had a session yet today but I suspect the trip home from the hospital will involve one. Ryan will stay with the vehicle. When the guys were checking everything out for our return to Escala, they found a block of C4 under my R8. It was removed easily enough and no one was hurt but from now on, someone stays with the vehicle at all times until its parked again at Escala.
I'm nervous. So silly, really. After all, she's unconscious. My subconscious reminds me exactly why she is lying here. Isaach may have been the man who struck her, but I am ultimately the person who drew her into this mess. I see the suits by the entrance to the Neuro ICU. I am forced to present ID and sign in. Once inside, the gentlemen sitting beside her bed stands and leaves.
I stare down at a stranger. Her head has been shaved. There is still obvious bruising to her face and arms. She is on a respirator, oxygen, with IV's in both arms. There are cardiac leads on herand she is hooked up to a bank of monitors above the bed. I am appalled at how much she has suffered and suffered alone. I grasp her hand and clutch it to my heart. I cry into it. I beg for her forgiveness. I call her name and beg her not to leave me. I promise her everything, I promise her anything, if she will please just come back to me. I know I am not worthy of her love, but I will do whatever it takes if she will just please come back.
Her hand is so cold, I can not help but be reminded of how cold dead bodies are. She is so lost in a sea of crisp white sheets. The pain inside me is overwhelming. I close my eyes and feel it rip through my core. I whisper her name again, desperate to see her blue eyes once more. Instead, I feel myself falling. The next thing I know, Flynn and Sawyer are holding me up and dragging me out of the room. I find myself in a small private room, lying on a couch with Flynn sitting opposite me. So much for a quick session in the car on the way back home. He's in his element here. He looks very comfortable. I, on the other hand, would like to stand up and walk out that door as quickly as possible. The room is dimly lit. It looks like a good place to grab a nap. Well, that's not happening.
Flynn stares at me silently but with gentle, compassionate eyes. His strength is my weakness. I could tell him anything when he looks at me like that. Its as if he compels the harsh truth out of my twisted soul. He nods silently for me to begin, but I can't and instead I start to cry. It is a while before I can get control of myself and we can continue.
"I didn't expect her to look like that. She is so tiny to begin with and she just seemed so lost in that bed with all that equipment. Her hand was so cold. Th-they shaved her head ."
"I saw."
"Why Flynn? Why did they do that?" I ask, my voice filled with pain.
"Remember, her brain was swelling and the doctors needed to be prepared for emergency surgery. It was a necessary preparation."
"You could still see the bruising from where she was beat.I am responsible for that. I have to live with that, to know how twisted and fucked up I really am. I am worse than I ever thought. I always knew I had a monster inside me but I never really knew, I didn't understand. How the fuck do I go on Flynn? How do I pretend I am just like everyone else when I am nothing but a cold hearted monster?"
"Cold hearted monsters don't cry. They don't have regrets. They don't recognize their actions were wrong. You are not a cold hearted monster. You're a man that was suffering from seven months in isolation, being manipulated by psychopathic pedophile. You and Ana are the victims here. Do you understand? Elena took advantage of you. She pushed your buttons. She whispered all the right words to get the violent reaction she wanted. You are an innocent victim and you need to fully forgive yourself if you ever want too share a future with Ana. Can you do that?"
I hesitate and finally sob, "I don't know if I can."
"I didn't say it would be easy, but it is necessary. I will be here, right by your side. I will help you with every step. You can do it Christian. I know you can."
As always, I am strengthened by his confidence in me, by his trust and loyalty. If anyone can get me through this mess, its Flynn. I nod yes to him as I struggle with my tears and grab another tissue from the box he offers. I can't help but think of Taylor earlier threatening to beat my ass if I cried again. I chuckle softly and Flynn asks what is amusing me. I tell him and he laughs out loud.
"Good thing for you he didn't come today."
"Sawyer tells him everything. I'll hear about this yet. You'll see."
"Let me know what happens," Flynn says with a grin.
"I will," I promise as I stand and we both start for the door. Flynn was ahead by a step when I grabbed his arm, he turned, his eyes suddenly concerned.
"Flynn, I know I dont say this near enough, but thank you. I mean it. Really, just thank you for being, here, there, wherever the fuck I needed you. Thank you, man.
Flynn just smiled gently, and replies with a squeeze of my arm, "You are most welcome."
