Love Is Hell

Chapter Twenty-Eight: The Quarrelsome Maternal Logic

Author's Note: Long time since I've updated, but hopefully I'll be forgiven! :D

As planned, Kate and Sheldon were packing on December 22nd; tomorrow was the long twenty-hour ride to Texas, which in Kate's opinion, might as well have been 24 hours. Kate had already packed her bags—one big suitcase. She'd packed a week's worth of clothes, and she'd brought her laptop to read online medical journals while she was on the train, although she bet that Sheldon would keep her more than occupied. Preparation was never a bad thing in any case.

Sheldon was placing his clothing items in the computer, labeling them. According to Leonard, he did this the last time they went on a train in order to scan his clothing parcels and be sure that everything was in order and accounted for. Also, it took him three hours. It was five o'clock, Tuesday, and because it was so, Kate had gone to the Cheesecake factory and brought him back a BBQ Bacon Cheeseburger—bacon and barbeque on the side—so as to not completely ruin his routine.

Sheldon came out of his room where he'd been for the past two hours and thanked her properly for his dinner. Naturally, she responded with "you're welcome, Sheldon". As for herself, she had chosen rather to Pizza Hut and bought a personal pan pizza, and a large Diet Coke.

"Are you almost finished with your logging?" Kate asked conversationally, sitting across from him at the kitchen table.

He shook his head, saying, "It'll take another hour."

"Exactly?"

Sheldon looked at her curiously, saying slowly, "Yes...exactly sixty minutes."

"Ah..." Kate uttered. She chewed thoughtfully then sighed. "Sheldon, may I ask you a question?"

"Considering your inquiries rarely stem from unbearably vague questions like those of Penny's, I'd invite you to do so," Sheldon replied—although he seemed to speak more to his cheese burger than Kate.

"Is your sister stupid?" asked Kate curiously.

The question didn't exactly catch Sheldon off guard but it did make him cease to eat any more of his burger. He placed it back down on his plate, looking at her—indeed, taken aback.

"Not that I'm hesitant in returning an answer, but I have to ask as preliminary—why do you ask that?" asked Sheldon.

"If she's an apple that fell way off the tree, the liklihood of she and I bonding is very small," Kate told him bluntly. "However, if she remotely spawns some intellect, there can be hope."

Sheldon cleared his throat and said quietly, "I don't understand your premise."

"All right," Kate returned. She shifted her legs so one now crossed the opposite. "It's customary for a girlfriend to bond with her boyfriend's sister or brother. Considering that Missy is a woman and I am, too, a woman, it'd be easy for us to bond considering we understand our genetic make-up and the problems that coincide stereotypically. But, say, she is as naïve and ignorant as Penny—the magnetism between us would be less likely to happen than if she were, hypothetically, a likeness of Amy."

Sheldon's mind seemed to click to the socialization for his mouth parted slightly with knowing, and he straightened in his seat.

"Ah, now I understand. In order to commit yourself further into my family you're attempting to understand my siblings and my mother," Sheldon said. He smiled briefly, saying, "The adage 'when you marry, you marry the family as well' makes much more sense to me."

"Right. So you see my problem." Kate returned hopefully.

"Actually, I said I understand your premise; the dilemma remains irrelevant."

"How do you mean?"

Sheldon sighed exasperatedly—he always expected Kate to catch on but there were times where she seemed to distal to his telepathy that he seldom wondered if Kate was so compatible to him as he knew her to be. However, he didn't expect Kate to understand him completely. So he divulged.

"Kate, you're attempting to become closer to me by simultaneously relating with those that have known me for years," Sheldon summarized. "In doing this, you're not only attempting to befriend my contemptuous twin sister, who made my childhood a living hell. And although my mom seems to have taken a liking to your personality, you're not to be obligated to understand her either."

Kate rolled her eyes, replying, "So you're basically telling me that the answer to my question is not only meaningless but I shouldn't get to know your family?"

Sheldon nodded, returning, "You're a smart woman, Kate; I knew you'd eventually see it my way."

"I don't see it your way; I understand what you're saying, but not the same way you feel." Kate replied.

Sheldon looked at her confusedly.

"I'm sorry you feel that way," Sheldon replied nonchalantly, not sorry at all. "However, I stand by what I said."

"And I stand by what I've just said," Kate responded, annoyed. "Given the chance, you wouldn't want to get to know my mother, would you?"

"Not a chance," Sheldon stated. He saw Kate's livid expression and he quickly added, "Although I wouldn't pass up the moment to meet her either." He recovered after seeing her cold gaze, and said instead, "Look, Kate. I'm only interested in knowing you. Whether your family, however cold and distant they may be, is interested in understanding my persona is of no dilemma to me."

"But you don't care if I don't get to know your mom or your sister?"

"That's not what I said," Sheldon replied quickly.

"Oh really? 'Although my mom seems to have taken a liking to your personality, you're not obligated to understand her either' isn't telling me you don't care if I relate to her or not?"

Sheldon gazed at Kate irritably.

"Excuse me, but I believe I've missed the original conflict." Sheldon said slowly. "Are you annoyed by my impassive interest of the relationship you're intending towards my matriarch or vexed by the inevitable infarction you'll gain from attempting communication with my sister?"

Kate frowned deeply.

"I'm pissed because you don't care if your family likes me or likewise!" she snapped.

Sheldon stared at her incredulously. With a soft voice, he replied, "Kate, even if I could control the brain activity that goes on in my mother's head and the inherent lack of activity that systemically occurs in my sister's, I would be without any thought manipulation in making them like you." He added apathetically, " 'Likewise'."

"That last was uncalled for—mockery is rude."

"I must say your profanity was as well," Sheldon returned coolly. He resumed eating his BBQ burger; however, Kate was not completely over her irritation. She frowned at him, made a frustrating scathing noise, and left to the bathroom, possibly to take a shower.

Sheldon was a little worried when Kate didn't come out of the bathroom for an hour. He had finished his labeling and logging. Glancing at his wrist watch, he stood in front of the bathroom door, wondering if he was safe to knock on the door, to check on her.

He knocked three times, each repeating after "Kate."

She answered at the last, "What." Definitely, even though the word enticed inquiry, this answer was not a question.

"You've been in there for almost an hour," Sheldon told her. He glanced at his watch again and said, "Strike that. It's now exactly an hour."

"I'm relaxing."

"In the bathroom?" Sheldon remarked.

"I'm taking a bath."

"If you stay there any longer, you'll get pruny."

"I've not been in here for an hour, I've been in the bathroom for an hour," Kate replied, her voice muffled by the barrier of the door. "Your assumption is that I've been in the water for sixty minutes, when it's only been five."

"What did you do for the other fifty-five?" asked Sheldon.

"Do you really want to know?" Kate remarked coldly.

Sheldon winced at her response. Nothing immediately came to his mind but he resisted the thoughts; a vehement Kate was nothing to reminisce about.

"Kate, are you angry?" Sheldon asked.

"Anger isn't an emotion; it's a combination. I'm frustrated, annoyed, and inexplicably pissed."

"So you're angry," Sheldon summarized.

"Yes, Sheldon! I'm angry!" Kate snapped furiously. "God, do I have spell out everything to you!"

Sheldon sighed quietly.

"Kate, I despise talking through the door but simultaneously, I'm unsure about the social protocol."

"If talking through the door is that bad for you, you can either come in or stop talking."

"There is a third option," Sheldon suggested.

"I'm not getting out of this tub."

Sheldon nodded once, saying, "All right. Then I'll come in."

"Just be advised, I'm taking a bath with no clothes on."

"Why would you be clothed?" asked Sheldon.

"I don't know," Kate responded—her own curiosity at the inquiry surfaced slightly, softening her angry tones to ones of subtelty. Sheldon opened the door slowly and saw that Kate was, indeed, in the tub with no clothes on. Thankfully, for his sake, the bubbles covered the flawless flesh along her collar bone. With the minor exception of her arms on the sides of the tub, her neck and face, and her knees bent so they surfaced from the bubbles, her body was covered in the water and white foam.

Sheldon stood beside the sink, arms crossed. He looked at her.

"I just want you to know that I think this entire situation is predicated on nonsense," Sheldon stated.

"And I'll have you know that it doesn't matter what you think," Kate said.

"Is there a point to your fervent debate?" Sheldon replied cautiously. "Or is this the similar quarrelsome matters that I hear Leonard and Penny maintain when the matter is not about bought and paid for shoes, which onlookers assume it to be, but the underlying situation is negligent behavior and passive communication."

Kate stared at him from the tub and said, "How the hell do you get Penny and Leonard's underlying substantiate tones but you miss mine completely?"

"So there is a connection," Sheldon said in his 'ah-ha!' tones.

"Yes, Sheldon. There is a connection." Kate replied curtly. "So why don't you make it."

Sheldon scoffed arrogantly, returning haughtily, "I believe I already have and you were the one that missed it."

Kate frowned again, saying, "I got your connection, Sheldon. I made it. You got it. Now you say it."

"Apparently, you weren't listening the first time," Sheldon returned coolly. "I already have."

"Now you're just repeating yourself," Kate muttered. She rolled her eyes and looked away from him.

"Kate, why are you so intent on things so complicated?" Sheldon inquired. "So you want to bond with my mother and sister; I never said I forbade it."

"Well, you're not interested in it either."

"Of course I'm not. I already know my sister and mother," Sheldon told her.

"That's not the point."

"It's not?"

"No!" Kate voiced emphatically. She sighed tiredly, shaking her head. "My god, it's like I have to spell out everything to you when it concerns human interactions."

"I can't help it, Kate. I was made to be logical and practical; human interactions are neither," Sheldon returned. "Besides, you knew of my social ineptitude, given our nonverbal interactions on the computer via Facebook, Twitter, and MySpace. I'd have presumed that despite our ability to communicate rather well—excluding this situation and a few others in the past—I still lack the understanding of underlying social conventions."

Sheldon saw that Kate was either forming a headache or she was attempting to keep back whatever belligerent response she restrained; her fingers were on her temples and her eyes shut with much force. She turned to look at him.

"Sheldon, look...I'm not angry with you, okay?"

"I'd say differently; your tones of the past hour and intentional avoidance is pointing to the only conclusion that you are angry with me," Sheldon said. "The query I find cast into the shadows is that why are you so inclined to relate to my mother?"

"Because I don't have one," Kate returned.

"That's not true; your biological matriarch resides in an rural area in Washington, which by the way is currently undergoing some massive rain fall," Sheldon noted. He placed his hands behind his back and said additionally, "Come to think of it, I believe we must rethink our packing residuals; after all, Nebraska is by no means in any comparison to California's weather. It'll be definitely inclement where we'll be residing for Penny and Leonard's wedding."

Kate gazed at him. A small smile reached her lips but not her eyes. Sheldon saw this and he quietly apologized for the small diversion. He sat on the side of the tub, looking at her.

"Sheldon, it's psychological."

"Oh, good grief," Sheldon returned. "It's always psychological when it concerns you females. Why not base this on a logical stimulus, Kate?"

"Which is what?" asked Kate.

"You're attempting to bond with my mother, find a mutual ground of companionship and interlaced compassion and equalized empathy to substitute whatever negligence and distance was placed between you and your maternal guardian," Sheldon stated. "That's the psychological inference. Logic would dictate that if you preferred a maternal presence in your life, you'd communicate with your mother."

"My mom is dead to me," Kate replied coldly.

"All right," said Sheldon quickly. "Then bond with my mom."

"You're against it though."

"Oh, Kate, Kate, Kate," Sheldon sighed tiredly. "I never said I was against it. I didn't forbid you at all. By all means, gain my mother's trust and favor. She already likes you more than Missy."

"Really?" said Kate lightly.

"Yes," said Sheldon. He beamed, saying, "She told me that even if my sister didn't show to the Christmas dinner, she'd still consider it relatively enjoyable, considering you'd be joining us. It happened that Missy would be joining, and this neither negates nor improves the dinner; her presence isn't exactly alternating the equilibrium of what Mom considers this to be a future special Christmas."

Kate smiled.

"Well, I'm glad we solved that one," said Kate.

"I'm glad too. Now, can you please get out of this tub? You're starting to prune." Sheldon noted her hands.

"All right." Kate said.

Sheldon stood and walked out of the bathroom. Kate dried off and then put on her clothes. Naturally, she and Sheldon went back to the log and redid their clothing attire for Texas and Nebraskan weather.