Authors Note: Wow… it's really strange to know that this will end soon… It's strange, because somehow this and you got a real big part of my life and I'll reaaaallly miss this. But there's another story out there I hope you'll like just as much as this. I hope you enjoy this and I appreciate your reviews, your feelings and your opinions a LOT! They never leave my mind!

Oh and by the way… there's another video out there I made for Callie/Arizona and I think it's a beautiful song which matches them good in a way… if you are interested watch out for: Arizona & Callie - Clear Blue Day ( Amy Jo Johnson).wmv

Hope you all have a nice week!!!;-)

-Sun


Chapter 28

(Arizona)

14 days long I was an orphan and yesterday evening I've found my mother again in a way no one wants to be found.

She called me, because she was worried and I had to tell her: "Hey it's your legitimately right to worry… Well… I've been in hostage and shot twice as I've found out 3 days ago and because of that incident I can't remember anything, not even my own parents or where I came from. Oh and…. It's great I've found you, Mom!!!"

Not a good way to tell your mother everything is fine and she shouldn't worry, because after I told her the things I remembered she started really to worry, just like a mother do.

And even I didn't know her very well we talked for hours; talked about it, talked through it, until it was in the middle of the night, but it felt good to hear her, it felt good to hear a familiar voice. It was good to listen to her stories and it felt so good to remember things… in a way.

Everything's a little bit lighter instead of a dark hole with no place to escape.

But the night wasn't as peaceful as it hoped.

It was full of her face In front of my close eyes. I shifted in my sleep and I instinctive reached out for her warm body. But she wasn't there. She was nowhere, but in my heart and in my restless and hopeless thoughts.

I started the morning with taking a shower, eating and drinking mechanical and now I'm sitting here, on the edge of my bed and I'm looking around.

I've packed everything I need, and even I feel like I'm ready to go, even I want to follow her request to find myself finally again I can't leave without doing something.

I hold those keys in my hands again and there is one for my car, my apartment and one for my parents house Mom told me yesterday night, but there are two left and it feels like I find the answer at the hospital.

I once worked there.

I was part of a hospital, of a team, and as I've found out I was the head of peds surgery.

I spent a lot of time there and I hope I'll find something there.

Maybe something I've to deal with before I leave.

And maybe, deep down inside, I hope I'm going to find Calliope.


(Callie)

"What do you want here?" I ask him completely annoyed, because I know what he is going to try: Complaining and telling me what I'm doing is wrong. Something I already know, but there's nothing I can do about. Whenever I'm thinking of her I want to hide in here, forever.

"Well… I'm your best friend; you look like someone who is deliquescing in self – pity and you are absolutely looking like someone who just gave up and left her guts days ago and that's really not the bad ass Ortho I know."

I look away and hide my face in my Arizona – smelling - so – good – pillow, because I don't want to hear all of those things. I don't think he understands what's really going on, what I've done.

What I've done was misleading the story, destroying it and letting her go; I was the one who made her leave. But he doesn't stop, he's continuing, trying to let me see what's obviously, what he is seeing: There's hope. There has to be…

"Fight, Callie, Fight… You have to fight, Callie… And that's what you are going to do. You love her and she's the first person who hasn't betrayed you or left you without saying a word. She is the first person who loves and adores you and she is the first one who fixed you and oh no; you won't let her go, because you are ashamed. You won't stay here, because when she's gone I can't be here to satisfy your sex addiction, because I'm in a relationship now… You see, there is no way you are letting her go, cause I know what you are without her, Callie. You need her and she needs you. And because of that you are going to stand up now, take a shower and furthermore we need you in the hospital. You will go to work today, because the chief is already mad and there are a lot of broken bones to fix. The right thing before you are walking to her apartment, begging her to forgive you and work things out with her. Any other questions?"

As I look in his eyes I can't describe the feeling that's rushing through my veins.

It feels like luck and realisation, realizing how true the things are he said. And there's raising hope, because I want to think of her with a big fat smile plastered on my face. I want to think about the good times, the nights, we shared in a good way, knowing there will be other nights and other days I'm going to call her mine. I wouldn't be the same without her, because she revealed me who I am, and of course I wouldn't be the Callie everyone knew when I would let her go without trying, without fighting.

"Yeah… I have another question…" I say and he looks really annoyed.

"Callie… don't say something wrong. I prepared this speech with the others. You didn't know how long it took to memorize each word exactly."

I laugh out loud, smiling for the first time in days, because I know I'll win her back. I will have to win her back.

"Could you go back to the hospital and tell the chief I'm there in 20 minutes?" I ask and then a smile is crossing his face.

"Let's get this done…" he says brightly before he is leaving me alone again and I know I'll prove her my love. I'll do anything to make her mine again.


(Arizona)

Driving through a city you've barely seen but you recognize is far away from the things you want to experience.

At the moment my whole life is far away from a life someone would like to live.

But the worse thing is not to know what to do, because I can't differ between right or wrong, between good and bad, between the right things to do and doing a mistake you can't just pray away after doing it.

Which way should I go? Which way am I going? And how am I able to decide to leave when my heart is telling me something else?

But on the other hand I need to hide away to sort things out or… maybe… I'm leaving this place forever… Maybe all of this happened to show me something was wrong before. Maybe it was my second chance, maybe it is my second chance now to change the way I'm living. To change everything.

Finally the car stops and I step out, handing 10 dollar to the taxi driver and wave a friendly goodbye.

And it's completely awning.

It is awning and super weird, to walk into a building, seeing faces you have seen before, recognizing voices and glances. It's scary how much they seem to stare at me like I'm a ghost and somehow I really am. I am strange to them like they are to me.

Aren't we all strangers?

I know the corridors, but I'm not quiet sure where to go and so I ask one of the nurses at the reception where my personal office is.

The old woman is frowning, until she seems to remember something important for example to who she's talking, to which Arizona. She remembers something I can't forget: I'm a guest here, a stranger, searching for answers.

And then finally she's answering me with a fake smile: "Of course Dr… Robbins… follow me…"

She's leading me to the elevators, and everything feels strange, but it's not the hospital, or the fact that even the woman in front of me knows more about me than I do… It's an intense feeling as I'm standing in the small room, closing my eyes as its moving upstairs.

Another presence is lingering here, founding its place beneath me and I smell her scent. But as I'm opening my eyes the familiar smell is already gone, but a sudden smile is gracing me face.

We leave the elevator again, rushing from one corridor through the other and every thing around me is moving so fast, eyes observing me, intermingling with mine. Faces entering and leaving my mind within seconds and this familiar scent is everywhere.

Everything happens so fast while I'm moving in slow motion. I wish this would end and I could be normal again, how ever I normally was…

And finally I'm standing in front of a door revealing those letters, saying my name and I thank her, before I'm pulling out my keys to open the door with shaking hands.


(Callie)

It feels good to be here again.

It feels good to see old faces, the people who exactly know who you are.

I even leave the chiefs office with a smile after he screamed at me for staying away from work for two days right before he said sorry, because he knew it has to be hard for me, like it's hard for the hospital to loose such a good doctor.

But I corrected him. No one has lost anything, not yet… and so I walk around, greeting my patients and my working mates and it feels good to have a part of your life back.

But there's still something missing and it's the bigger, the important part of who I am, how my life is and I want my old life and my old self back; the one I was when she was around.

The only thing that's really missing is her around, hearing her bouncy steps, watching her looking hot, even in a navy blue scrub pant and scrub top.

I miss her scent that even force out the hard and obstructive hospital tang.

I miss her arms sneaking around my waist so suddenly I shriek, but I immediately lean back and give in her comfortable touch.

And I love it when she does that and I love it when she sneaks downstairs, because she wants to see me, to kiss my neck softly, caress my chin.

And I love it when she's whispering the words "I've missed you…" into my ears right before she's kissing my lips no matter who is around and who is probably watching us.

And I love that… how she's showing me her affection for me and how it doesn't matter where we are. She kisses me whenever she wants, whenever she needs.

And I love those brief moments with her, no matter how short it is, most important is that I see her.

A sad smile is crossing my face, because I don't even know what she is doing right now… and I wish I would know…


(Arizona)

The room exactly looks like my apartment. As tidy as it and as messy as mine in it's personal way.

There are books and files everywhere and a comfortable couch right beneath my desk and the chair I used to sit in.

But the most magnificent thing in this room are the amount of pictures plastered on the wall, gracing the place I worked in and I walk further on to the wall, touching the faint surface of the beautiful pictures painted by children hands, made by their love, their affection and their fantasy and I take in, absorbing every detail I see.

There are trees and cats or dogs.

There are houses and the ocean or the nature and flowers.

There are tiny bodies with their parents, siblings, and there I am too, smiling brightly like each of them.

And finally I reach a picture with another woman printed on it… dark long beautiful hair, her smile as bright as mine and her hands… her hands are locked with mine tightly.

A beautiful feeling interrupts my thoughts, rushing through my body and I can't stop myself from touching the place where her face is drawn and I smile. I smile because I think of her beautiful smile, of her beauty… of her face and of her touch.

But it's a sad smile I'm smiling, because when I entered the hospital I already knew this might be the last time I see all of this. I already knew deep inside of my heart what I was going to do. I already decided, even I also regretted. But I know I need to do it…

As I walk to my desk, recognizing a picture frame, revealing me a part of my past I know what to do if it's right or wrong.

Maybe I have to start with my past, with my childhood, where I'm coming from to know who I am now, to be able to remember what happened here.

Maybe then I'll be able to forgive… Maybe not… I don't know…

But as I close my eyes I smell the vanilla cinnamon scent again and I know black is the colour of my true lover's hair…

Am I really able to leave this entire, to leave her behind to start a journey I might never come back again from?


(Callie)

After 3 hours staying in the OR I'm already to leave the room again. I came here after I got paged 911 and I rushed through the corridors to come early enough to do my job and it felt amazing to be able to help. It's right what she is saying all the time… Our job is the most hurtful and the most terrific job.

It's the most powerful feeling in the world and somehow it gives me the power to believe that this day is going to be a good day. It's going to end well, because in a few hours I will leave to show her that I love her. To show her what I did was the worse thing I've ever done, but I did it out of love and I won't give us up. I just can't.

"Callie!!!" I spin around and recognize Mark who is trying to catch up with me with an expression on his face I can't read.

First when I saw him I thought he was running after me to talk about my 'Winning Arizona back' mission, but now as he's standing there breathlessly I catch a hint of worry in his eyes.

"What's going on?"

"She's… She's here!"

I almost ask who he means, but my eyes are open wide as realisation hits me hard.

"Where?" I ask with a shaky voice.

"In her office…" I nod grateful before I rush through the corridors again.

Minutes later I'm in front of the door I pushed open so often to see her and doing things on her comfy couch you shouldn't do while working and I see her standing there with her back to the door.

I'm moveless, but my heart is pounding so heavily in my chest my whole body s somehow shaking.

I want to go in and talk to her now, tell her the things I wanted for the past 2 days, but I hesitate, because I remember something.

A time months ago when we barely knew each other like now.

Months ago I stood at the same spot.

After she kissed me, after she captured my mind, I knew I'd have to give it a try.

I was attracted to her more than I was to someone before and I believed it would be worth to try even I was scared. But this could be something more than a kiss in a dirty bathroom at Joe's that never left my mind.

But after she pushed me away and I was so stupid to go to her and confess her that I want to give it a try in the most stupid way while she had a date with someone else I hide away from her as good as possible.

But there was a feeling deep inside my heart, a longing I couldn't shake.

And so I walked through the corridor where her office was and I watched her through the small windows while she was working, bowing over one of her files, working through books to help her patients.

I watched how she cared and how she desperately rubbed her temples when she was overworked again and I wished I could massage her, talk to her, be with her, help her, let her know how much I was truly aching for her.

I watched her sleeping when she laid there on her couch.

I watched her and the more I watched her the more I want to be with her, the more I want to give it a try and the more I want to show her that I was worth it.

That the imagination of us was all worth it.

And that's what I want to do now too.

So I open the door and lay my heart on a card.

I lay my heart on a coin and ask "her head or digit" and as I step in she spins around looking at me with her eyes and her mouth wide open.

"Hey Ari…" I say and she is barely smiling as she is throwing a simple reply into my direction.

"Hey…"