A/N: So I think I'm going to slow down my posting schedule just a bit. Every other day or so, instead of every day. I needed a break, but forced the last chapter out anyways and I'm really not happy with it. I might go back later and fix some stuff.
Credit to Eviline for the idea that Rhynn now rules over Nightmare's domain in the Fade. Lol.
Anna241 also mentioned something important. Rhynn would need to be careful, lying in bed day after day. I couldn't fit it into the chapter, but imagine that she would take care not to get bed sores and whatnot. She's not going to be confined to bed rest for too long, but yeah.
Disclaimer: Dragon Age is not mine.
Chapter 28: Enough is enough
I'm just staring at the wall, most likely drooling on myself, when Varric knocks on the door frame and pokes his head in.
"You awake in here, Princess?"
"Barely," I sit up a bit more, excited to have a visitor. Being confined to bed rest is about as exciting as it sounds. "And Princess? Really?" I make a face.
Varric chuckles, "Well, you did slay a powerful Fear demon in its own lair. Doesn't that make you the new ruler or something? Plus, I know how much you like frilly things."
"But Princess?" my nose wrinkles. "Couldn't it be Queen instead?"
"Hmm…" he pretends to think, scratching the scruff on his chin. "Nah, you're not graceful enough."
I clutch my chest dramatically, "That hurts, Varric."
"Truth hurts," he shrugs and I give a small smile. "Anyway, I had a reason for visiting." A book appears from behind his back and he sets it on the covers over my lap. "Figured you might be a bit bored just sitting here, especially with Chuckles gone."
Varric brought me something to read? That's so thoughtful! I pick the book up and examine the flashy cover. Hard in Hightown… Wait, seriously? I flip it over and, sure enough, there's a picture of a grinning Varric Tethras on the back, chest hair proudly displayed.
I give the author a flat look. "You brought me one of your own books?"
Varric grins roguishly, "Let it never be said that I won't shamelessly self-promote under any circumstances." I have to laugh at that, even if it's a bit half-hearted. Varric's grin fades. "Hey, you okay?"
I thumb the book's pages restlessly, not making eye contact. "Just, uh… nightmares. Can't sleep well," I mumble.
I hear a hum and a large hand snatches the book from my lap. "You know what, I'll read you the first couple of chapters. Give you a feel for the characters." He pulls a chair over and sits down, flipping to the first page, and beginning, "They say coin never sleeps…"
Thank you, Varric. I lean back against the pillows, feeling a little more at ease.
Later that night, my attempt at sleep goes about as well as usual. I wake up screaming, dripping with sweat. Falling back asleep is about the last thing I want to do, so I snatch Varric's book off the bedside table and spend the rest of the night lost in its pages.
.
The Inquisitor's return means Solas' return, which means the return of actual sleep for me. The bald elf takes one look at my dark circles and bloodshot eyes and declares it an early night for both of us.
I try to hide my shock when, instead of leaving for his own room, Solas crawls into bed with me. Um, hello there. I must not be all that successful, because he props himself up and examines me shrewdly.
"Does this make you uncomfortable?" I see his lips twitch, giving away his amusement.
"No," I cock an eyebrow. "It's just surprising, that's all." And exciting. Maybe a bit arousing. It's both a relief and a disappointment that I'm no longer naked under the covers, but if it weren't for this damn stomach wound, I'd throw a leg over and straddle him, just to see the look on his face.
Instead, I slide my foot across and run my toes playfully along his leg. Solas' eyes dance and he leans over to capture my lips in a passionate but restrained kiss. Despite holding back, we're both breathing harder by the end and Solas' fingers have dipped into the collar of my baggy nightshirt.
"You'll probably still be able to fall asleep right away, won't you?" I pant.
"I have had much practice," he replies distractedly, staring at my mouth.
"Oh, have you now?" I tease.
Solas snaps out of his trance and rolls his eyes at me. "You know what I meant, Rhynn." I just smirk and his eyes soften. He lays back on the pillows and grabs my hand, twining our fingers together. "I'll be waiting for you," he promises before his eyes close and his breathing deepens.
I try to relax, reassuring myself. It's going to be okay. Solas will be there.
He's not always going to be around to chase away the nightmares.
Maybe not, but he's here tonight.
It takes a while, but I eventually slip into unconsciousness.
.
Many nights pass where Solas keeps the terrors at bay. Each time, I become a bit more disgusted with my fear and a bit more disappointed in myself. Though I know Solas helps out of affection for me, not pity, I am still ashamed. I've done just fine on my own for nearly ten years now. I shouldn't need someone else to handle my problems for me.
So tonight, as Solas slips off his vest, back to me, I come to a decision.
"I don't want you to help me tonight," I say quietly, fear causing my voice to warble.
Solas turns around, vest still clutched in his hands, eyes narrowed and head tilted in confusion. "May I ask why?"
My eyebrows snap together, anger at myself bubbling to the surface. "I hate being weak," he opens his mouth to speak and I raise a hand to stop him. "There are things I've left to fester for many years. Ignoring them was easier, especially when I had more important things to focus on." I pause, taking a steadying breath. "That's just an excuse, really. What happened to me… I'm sure you've been able to deduce some of it." He inclines his head, eyes sad. "It broke me. I'm… not exactly sane, Solas," I admit.
"I do not know of a single person that can truly be described as such," he interjects, setting his vest aside and climbing atop the bed.
I laugh once without humor. "Maybe… but really. Sometimes I… I hear a voice in my head." The alien is crazy. Imagine that.
Solas sits cross-legged above the covers, watching me thoughtfully. "Have you considered that this voice might be – "
"Yes," I interrupt. "I wished so badly that it was something… someone to help me… but no." I shake my head vehemently, looking down at my lap. "My mind is just broken."
Two fingers pressed to the underside of my chin draw my eyes back up. "What is broken may be mended," he insists softly.
"I know," I reply, laying my hand on his arm. "That's why I need to do this. It's time I face my fears." Solas looks oddly proud as he presses a kiss to my forehead. "But… I'd like it if you were still there," I continue.
"Of course, Rhynn," he settles beside me, arms under his head. When I wiggle closer and lay my own head on his bicep, he brings a hand down to rest on my shoulder. "I'll be waiting for you, as always."
I let out a shuddering breath, trembling with nervousness, and he holds me tighter.
.
The dream starts in the typical fashion, coming to in that mind-numbing whiteness. I feel the all-consuming panic wash over me, making me forget my goal. That is, until a certain elf waltzes in and pulls me into an embrace.
Eventually, my mind clears and I gently push away. Solas nods encouragingly and I stand, just as the inner door opens. I clench my fists and turn to face one of the beings that has plagued me for so long. Its flabby skin ripples as it approaches and I move to meet it, trying to ignore the way my legs shake and my heart races.
The creature gurgles at me and I pour all of the hatred I feel into a glare. "I know what you are," I state through gritted teeth. "I know you're just a spirit, acting out my dreams… probably a demon, considering this is a nightmare." I take a determined step closer. "But I'm going to pretend you're real for a minute. Hope you don't mind," I say mockingly.
A pause, and then I begin. "Your kind kept me locked in this God-forsaken room for so long, with its white walls and two fucking pieces of furniture!" My face burns with the force of my anger and resentment. "You poked and prodded at me, cut me open and did God knows what! And all I was left with were barely-visible scars and the knowledge that I'd been violated beyond measure!" I suck in a harsh breath and take another step forward.
"It's because of you that I wondered whether my thoughts were even my own anymore! It's because of you that I will probably never be able to have a child! Whether I ever wanted that or not, you took that choice away from me!" I screech, tears running freely from my eyes. "You've done enough! I've allowed your hold over me for too long!" I grab the mask on its face and stare into its soulless eyes.
"I refuse to fear you any longer." I want so badly to rip the mask off and watch the thing suffocate to death one last time… but I don't. "Leave," I hiss, dropping my hand.
After a long, tense moment, the alien visage dissolves to be replaced by that of a demon. Then the scene fades, along with the spirit. I stare at the place it once stood, wiping the wetness from my cheeks and attempting to calm down. Warm, slender hands caress my shoulders, slide down my arms, and wrap around my waist.
"Ir abelas, lethal'lan," Solas' voice sounds strained in my ear as he pulls me tightly to his chest. "You are stronger than I ever thought possible."
I take comfort in his embrace, closing my eyes and leaning my head back onto his shoulder. I lay my hands over his own on my stomach and just breathe. Eventually, I turn in his arms and pull him in for a kiss. I devour his lips, holding him in place with two hands fisted in the collar of his sweater. It's a short kiss, but one filled with all the things I don't quite know how to express with words.
I pull back with a ridiculous wet smack. A victorious grin splits my face, the first truly genuine one to grace my mouth since before Adamant. "So…" I walk my fingers up Solas' chest and press one into the dimple on his chin. "The night is young still. What shall we do, 'ma fen?"
Solas returns my smile, eyes shining with relief and amusement. "I know just the thing. Close your eyes."
I do as he says and feel the rough rock beneath my feet change to something soft and springy. When he tells me to open my eyes, I pull back, glancing around in wonder. We're standing in a grassy meadow, hemmed by forest and crumbling arches.
"It's beautiful," I tell him, walking over and trailing my fingers along the ancient stone.
"This is a place I found some time ago. I am still unsure of its history, despite extensive searches of the Fade." Solas bends over and plucks a wildflower, then walks over and tucks it behind my ear. "But I, too, found myself in awe of its natural splendor." He smiles at me softly.
The romantic gesture makes me feel giddy and awkward. "This thing probably has bugs on it." Oh my God, Rhynn.
Solas barks out a laugh, shaking his head in amused disbelief. "Things are certain to always be interesting with you."
I snort, "I don't think you'd know what to do if I cooed and sighed and batted my eyelashes."
"I was not aware that was something you knew how to do," he raises a challenging eyebrow, hands clasped behind his back.
Well, I can't just let that one go. I smirk internally, stepping closer until our bodies are centimeters apart, just brushing with each inhale. I pluck the wolf jawbone from his chest, examining it for a moment and caressing it with my thumb. I tighten my grip and glance up at Solas through my lashes, parting my lips and fluttering my eyelids a bit. I hear him inhale, his own eyelids lowering as he leans in. With our mouths about to meet, I pull away, letting go of the necklace and sauntering past him. I hear a breathy chuckle behind me, and when I glance back, he's watching me hungrily, eyes flashing with excitement. I face forward again and smirk outwardly with satisfaction.
The air is warm and the sunlight makes my current clothing feel somewhat stifling. I close my eyes and picture myself in a pair of shorts and a V-neck T-shirt. It takes a while, but I know right away when it works. More comfortable now, I lay down in the grass and soak up the sun. It may not be real, but it feels fantastic.
"An interesting choice of attire." I hear the grass rustle as Solas approaches and look over to see him silhouetted against the sky. He sits beside me, stretching out and propping himself up with his elbows.
As I watch, the many layers covering his torso disappear, leaving his chest bare. Somebody's gone without sunlight for too long, but… fuck yes! I take in the sight with an obvious grin on my face. Solas doesn't look at me, but I get the feeling he just knows. Eyes closed, he tilts his head back, exposing the long column of his throat. The urge to lick it is strong, and I feel wetness pool between my thighs at the thought alone.
I tear my eyes away, desperately trying to remember what he said last. Oh, right! "Am I making you nervous, showing all this leg?" I tease, kicking one straight up from where I lay.
"Hardly," he glances at me sideways, eyes dragging lazily over my body, from the toes wiggling in the air to my head. Not even a little bit fair. I try not to squirm.
I last for five long minutes before rolling to my knees and crawling over. Solas opens one eye and watches me curiously. I sit cross-legged next to him, my knees touching his side, and reach out a hand to trail my fingertips over his stomach. The muscles beneath jump and I hear him gasp quietly, both eyes closed again and lips parted. I press the palm of my hand to his skin and smooth it upward between his pectorals. He lays down completely when I lightly rake my nails back to his navel.
As I skim a finger from one hip to the other, just above his pants, those blue eyes snap open to watch. I'm keenly aware of the growing bulge in his trousers, but dragging this out is much too fun. I rise to my knees and place a hand on either side of his torso, leaning down to pepper kisses over his lower stomach. Fingers thread into my hair and I pause to grin up at him wickedly. Solas lets out a gust of breath and drops his head to the ground, throwing the other arm over his face.
I lick and kiss and nibble a path up his chest. When I reach his collar bones, I lift my leg over and straddle his waist. Starting at the lobe, I drag my tongue along the edge of one ear, then close my mouth around the tip and suck. Solas cries out, grabbing my hips and pressing them down at the same time that he thrusts up. It's been so long since I've done any of this and the sensations are overwhelming. I release his ear to moan loudly, rocking against him. Solas rolls us over, grabbing my wrists and pinning them to the ground on either side of my head.
"You make me want to lose all control," he whispers breathlessly, nuzzling my chin out of the way to nip at my neck, then soothing the spot with the flat of his tongue. I squirm beneath him, seeking friction of any kind. Every time my hips come close to making contact with his, though, Solas shifts them out of reach.
"Solas," I groan, frustrated, but he just chuckles and skims his teeth over the top of my right breast.
Solas has released my wrists and is in the process of snaking a hand under my shirt when something strange steals my attention. It feels as if a weight is resting across the top of my thighs, but that doesn't make sense… Solas' hips are between them.
Having sensed my distraction, Solas pauses and looks up at me. "Is something wrong, Rhynn?"
"I… don't know," I answer truthfully, frowning.
Before anything more can be said, I wake up.
A/N: Hmm… I wonder what woke her up…
'Princess' might not be what I stick with, but Varric and I are trying it out lol.
'Ma fen: my wolf
