Chapter 27
You sighed as you tried to think of everything that was going on around you. Everything in the last year had happened so fast. As if on cue, the rain began to fall. You looked up to the sky and saw it had blackened over quite a bit. You didn't care. You weren't ready to go back inside. Bam didn't want to hear you whining about how miserable you thought your life was. If you looked at it, you actually had it pretty good. You hugged your knees to your chest and buried your face in them. You began to sob. Your world as you knew it was just becoming more fucked up by the day. "Ma'am are you alright," you heard a voice call to you from somewhere above you. You looked up and to the right and saw a stranger standing on her balcony. She was dressed mostly American, with a kindly air to her. She was smoking a cigarette, but put it out when she saw you look up. She too was standing in the rain. She looked to you as if to ask for your answer yet again. You nodded your head, but she didn't believe it. "Honey," she said, leaning over the railing of her balcony that was facing yours. "You don't come to Switzerland and sit on a balcony in the pouring rain crying your eyes out if your alright." You looked at her, "fine then. I'm not alright. My world's freaking fucked up right now and I can't even do anything about it." She gave you a sympathetic look. "Tell me what's wrong." You shook your head in protest, "you wouldn't understand." "Try me." You sighed at her persistence and gave in," alright. I moved from my home in Westchester about 3 years ago. I went to Rome to study music. I made a lot of friends and loved them all. But my parents died when I was smaller. I only had my brother left. He lived back in Westchester with our friends. They all had a house. I moved back from Rome to be with them, because I couldn't take it anymore. My friends all turned on me. I came to Switzerland with the guys my brother lives with. Their all like my brother now, except Bam. He's my boyfriend, we've always been close. We ran into my friends from Rome and they pissed me off royally. They wanted me to come back to Rome and made my brother and his crew all feel like shit by saying that they were the reasons I had to give up my music dream. That wasn't true however, I gave it up completely on my own. I wanted to be with my old friends and my brother. Now my boyfriend's sleeping in the hotel room, sick. His allergies came back and he blames himself for ruining my Swiss vacation. If I wanted to, I could go out and enjoy myself, but I chose to stay back with him because I wanted to." She watched you very closely as you told your story.
She nodded at the end. "You don't have that much of a problem. When you leave Switzerland, you'll never have to worry about your Italian friends and your boyfriend will get better. Don't worry about things, but you may wanna go inside and dry yourself off, you'll be sick soon too if you don't." You shook your head in protest. "I need to stay out here and cry it all out." She sighed slightly at your stubbornness, but didn't say anything for a moment. "Alright," she said, standing from the railing. "I'm gonna go inside and let you have your cry. If you need anything, holler." And before you had a chance to even thank her, she disappeared into her room. You didn't have any idea who this lady that had helped you was. You didn't even know why she helped you. She could have easily gone inside and waited for you to be done. You didn't feel like trying to figure her out right that minute though, you had a cry to get on with. You buried your head in your knees again and let the tears flow freely. The sky didn't clear, but the rain pelted you harder. Bam had no idea where you were at and neither did the guys. The door was shut and the curtains had fallen in front of the door. They could easily leave Switzerland without you. Something told you, you should go back inside, but you couldn't. You wanted to stay on the balcony for just a little while longer. Just to soak up some of the fresh Swiss rain. It felt so good to have it running down your face. You sat in your spot on the balcony and let the tears fall for everything. You even knew you shed a few for Lee. Even though you decided never to cry for him, you had to let yourself do it just once. You tried and tried to wipe your eyes, but everything was soaked outside and you had nothing dry to do it with. You put your head in your knees and thought of your parents. The tears really flowed then. You tried and tried to stop crying, telling yourself that there was nothing you could do now and that crying would only make it harder to move on. But you couldn't help it. Every time you tried to stop, more and more tears flowed. Soon, your eyes were red and sore. But still the tears didn't stop. It was as if all of the tears you'd fought back so many times before were finally able to come out. As if they'd been stored in a dam somewhere and the dam had finally been broken. You continued sobbing for what felt like eternity.
Meanwhile in the hotel room: The guys had come back, and they were looking for you. "Bam," Raab said, shaking Bam awake. Bam groaned and rolled over. "BAM," Raab said, getting angry now. They'd been back for almost a half an hour and none of them had any idea where you were at. Raab had got you something and he was dying to show it to you. "What," Bam groaned, sitting up. "Where's Bean?" Rake and Dun chorused. Bam looked at them dumbfounded. "I dunno. She was here when I fell asleep. She was reading a book." The guys all looked at each other. "Did you guys have a fight?" Dico asked. Bam shook his head. "Oh fuck" Raab muttered. They all looked at him in an odd way. He simply pointed to the book that lay on the floor between the beds. The guys looked, but still didn't get it. Ryan had an almost glazed over look now on his face as well. "She mentioned something about when she reads that book but I don't remember right now," he said. He was apparently in a drunken state of mind. "Every time she reads that book, it reminds her of our parents. It makes her cry. Hard. She's been known to lock herself away for like days on end after reading it. That's what happened in Rome, and why she was almost kicked out of the school." The guys all got a glazed over look.
Bam was sick, so not much was clicking with him. And the rest of the guys were drunk off their asses. "Guys. Where the fuck is she?" Raab asked, now starting to worry. They looked around the room for a moment and noticed that your shoes were all there and so was your room key. Even every pair of jeans you had was there. "Tear this room apart," Raab ordered, beginning to strip the beds. The guys obeyed and started tearing the room apart. Bam even contributed to the search effort, although he had to stop to wipe his eyes from his allergies. They stripped the entire room bare of everything at least twice, but nothing came up. They searched for nearly four hours, until they all collapsed on the floor. "I need air," Ryan said, yanking back the curtains. He saw a thin trail of what looked like smoke rising from the balcony area. He shrugged and poked his head out the window. "HOLY SHIT!" he yelled, running to the door. He whipped back the curtains and threw open the door. He fell at your side. You were sobbing so hard, you didn't even notice. You were now soaked to the bone due to the rain, and your whole pack of cigarettes had been ruined. The last one had fallen when Ryan opened the door. That was why you didn't notice his appearance, you were too busy worrying about the fallen ashes to care. He put his arm around you, startling you quite a bit. You jumped, but noticed it was only Dunn. You looked up at him and smiled slightly. He kissed the top of your head gently. "Are you alright?" he asked softly. You nodded your head. "I just had a lovely cry. And I managed to nearly freeze my toes off." You wiggled your toes, and to your surprise, they moved.
Ryan stood up and pulled you up with him. "I'm sure everyone else would like to know that your alright," he said, taking you back inside. Bam threw himself at you before you were even in the door the whole way. You hugged him back, stumbling slightly from his added weight. You fell to the floor, Bam still attached. He kissed your neck and collarbone repeatedly. "Alright Bam," you laughed, pushing him off. He pouted for a moment, but got off of you. He pulled you up to your feet. It was Raab's turn to hug you. "I thought I lost you," he whispered in your ear. You hugged him back, but weren't sure why everyone was so glad to see you. "We just spent the last four hours tearing this room apart trying to find any trace of you," Raab explained, letting you go. "But I got you something today," he said, crossing the room. "Fuck. Where'd it go," he muttered. "Ah well, I'll have to find it once we get this fucking place back in order." You smiled, that was the Raab you knew and loved. "I'm sorry," you mumbled. Bam hugged you from behind and put his head on your shoulder. You kissed the top of his head. "I thought you'd be awake in an hour and be calling. Then it started to rain. And the lady. Oh gosh." Bam put his hand to your forehead. "I think you'd better lie down for a few minutes. Your gonna turn into a human popsicle here in a few minutes." He laid you down in the bed you'd been reading on earlier and pulled a pile of blankets from the floor around you. "Better," he asked. You nodded your head. He helped the guys clean up the room. You watched helplessly. They wouldn't let you get out of bed no matter how hard you tried.
