Author's Note: So, I'll start off with a short apology. I absolutely never intended to go this long without an update but life happens. I have been working on this chapter forever and I'm still not sure I'm completely done but I have to let it go for now. Hope you enjoy and I want to thank you all for sticking by me. Thanks for the reviews, favorites, and follows. They sure make a girl happy.
Disclaimer: I do not own The Vampire Diaries.
Chapter 28: Frozen and Dresses
I was in such a hurry to get to the loft and now that I'm actually here I'm frozen outside the door. Frozen seems to be the way I've been spending my days lately. I have been so melancholy, just moving through the days without letting anything really touch me.
What is wrong with me? I need to snap out of whatever has taken hold of me. I don't know if it's everything that's happened lately or if it's the cold Virginia winter that has me frozen in place. I can't move or think. It's hard to believe that just a few weeks ago I was in Jamaica and happier than I ever thought I could be. Ditto for just a few days ago.
Okay, Elena, I think to myself, get over yourself and quit being such a baby. You know you're dying of curiosity and you have ignored Damon long enough. He has been trying to tell you about this for two days and you decided not to pick up the phone. I roll my eyes at how dramatic I am being and decide to knock on the damn door. Before I can, it opens and reveals Damon with a glass of bourbon in his hand. As always, I'm stunned by how handsome he is and how piercing his eyes are. God, how I have missed him.
"How long were you planning on standing there?" He asks, as I am still staring, actually gaping is probably more accurate.
"I was getting ready to knock." I protest but he looks at me with that look that says he's not buying it. In typical teenage girl fashion, I roll my eyes. "Whatever, can I come in?" I can't believe I'm asking him to let me in. No matter what, I never thought he wouldn't but he doesn't seem either excited or surprised to see me.
After a pause, which worries me, he opens the door the rest of the way and ushers me in. "Mi casa su casa."
When I enter, I turn to hang my coat behind the door and notice that Damon's Christmas present from me is on the wall. There are also racks with his clothes in the alcove outside the bedroom door. I can only think of one reason why but that seems completely off-base. "Are you living here now?"
"Uh, yeah. I called Ric on Monday to ask him about it and then moved in yesterday."
"That was fast." I comment, still trying to take all this information in. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to ignore him. I'm so confused.
"When you have money things can happen quickly."
"Obviously. What happened? Why are you here? What about the Boarding House, your father, Stefan and the townhouse?" I have so many questions. These seem like just the beginning.
"Stefan knows he is welcome here anytime. I put the townhome up for sale because you'll be at Whitmore next year and I don't see any reason to keep it if I have the loft." I'm stunned at this news and tell him so. He says it doesn't matter, what's done is done and things are working out like they are supposed to. "As for my father, I'm not living with him any longer or ever again."
"What happened, Damon?" I go to put my hand on his arm but he moves out of my reach. This is ridiculous.
"You would know if you had bothered to call me." I start to defend myself but he holds his hand up and I stop. "I know you asked for space and time to process and I promised to give that to you. There is no way I would violate that without a good reason and you should know that by now."
"I do know and I'm sorry, Damon. I haven't been here for you and you wouldn't call me if it wasn't important."
"Anyway, to make a long story short, I talked to Katherine and got answers to all of my questions."
To say the least, I'm stunned. "She actually told you everything and you believe her?"
"I have no reason not to. Everything she said fits." Damon then tells me the whole story and to say that I am shocked is an understatement. I'm also getting madder by the second.
"How dare anyone, much less your dad and my uncle, mess with our lives like this? Did you tell Ric? Is that why he told me to come over?"
"Thank God for Ric or you might never have darkened the door." Damon says sarcastically and it cuts me to the bone. "Actually, no. He only knows about my father. It's not my place to tell him any more than that."
"I guess that's a conversation I'll need to have with him and Jenna. How am I going to tell her this? She'll be furious." As I'm saying this, something clicks in my brain. "Wait a minute. When Katherine first showed up, he said something about how you never know if an ex is really an ex and that I needed to watch myself with you. He knew what was going to happen and he planted the seeds of doubt."
"Elena, he couldn't have planted those doubts if there wasn't already something there. You obviously didn't trust me."
"That's not true. I did trust you and I still do. It was her I didn't trust."
"There's no point in arguing about it. What's done is done." That seems to be his favorite phrase tonight. Ugh. How am I going to get through to him? He doesn't seem interested in anything I have to say.
"I don't want to rehash this either but you really didn't have sex with her?" There's a place deep down inside that has never believed that he did but still, common sense rears its ugly head and tells me that my eyes can't be wrong. It has to be my heart that's wrong.
"No, Elena, I didn't."
"Okay. So can we move on with that knowledge and forget that all this happened?" I go to put my arms around him and Damon moves out of my reach. "Okay, that's it. What is going on with you?"
"Elena, I love you more than I ever thought was possible to love someone. One of the things I love most about you is how close you are to your family and friends and how loyal you are to them. You stand by them no matter what. Apparently, I don't merit that same loyalty, the person you are supposed to be in love with."
"I am in love with you and that's why I was so upset when I saw you in bed with her."
"I understand that but when I told you I had been drugged and had proof, you acted like it didn't matter and I was still responsible."
"Damon, that's not what I was doing. I was mad at her and at myself for thinking you would willingly sleep with her. Before I knew you were drugged, my gut said something wasn't right but I didn't listen to it. Instead I chose to believe what my eyes saw and, as I said before, I don't trust her. I knew she was here to come between us."
"But if you trust me like you say you do; how could you believe I would do that?"
I don't want to tell him the answer to that because it's going to hurt him. However, the truth is our promise and that's what I'll give him. So I take a deep breath and say, "Because, and I'm not proud for thinking this, I sent you out that night all riled up and with the promise of sex when you returned."
He takes a step back from me and starts pacing. Every couple of steps he stops to look at me like he wants to say something but can't find the words. Then he goes back to pacing. Finally, he comes back and stands in front of me and I am very afraid of what he is going to say. I was right, he's hurt. I want to take the words back but it's too late.
"Elena, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. I don't understand what I have to do to get you to understand that you are it for me. I never want to be with anyone else again. I can't even imagine having that desire. I don't know how else to say it. You. Are. It."
"I know, Damon, I know. You keep telling me and I hear you but I still don't understand why me. Why am I it? I just don't get it." At this he cups my face, causing me to finally start to thaw out and the tears start flowing. I had forgotten how much I love the feel of his hands on my face. It feels like home so I try to absorb the feeling because I'm very afraid of what's going to happen to us.
"Elena, I love you for so many different reasons. You are so fierce and so loyal. You have an adventurous soul that matches mine. You could take the world by storm if you wanted to." Damon is brushing my tears away while I'm blushing like crazy and when I see the look in his eyes I know what's coming next. I blush even harder. "Don't even get me started on how beautiful you are. As soon as you come into a room, it brightens up. Your dark eyes are so beautiful. I love it when you're lying on my chest and your hair spills across it. I could play in it all day. Then there's your boobs and your ass. What guy could resist those?"
"Damon, that's not funny." I'm still crying but I'm also laughing at his absurdity. I know he's trying to tell me all the things I want to hear and lighten the mood at the same time.
"It's a little funny but it's still all true. I wish you felt the same way about me."
"Damon, how can you even think I don't? I love you so much that it literally hurts sometimes."
"I don't doubt that you think you love me but I'm not sure you actually love me. You love the idea of me. I take care of you and Jeremy and you're grateful for that. We have off the charts, amazing sex. You definitely want my body and you're confusing that with love."
Now it's my turn to be mad and I bring my hand back like a snake to strike him but before I can make contact, he grabs my wrist. I try to jerk it out of his hand but he won't let go. "Damon, let go now."
"No. I didn't hit you for telling me the truth so you aren't going to hit me for the same thing." After we stare at each other for a few more seconds, he does let go and I drop it back to my side.
"But it's not true." I protest. "I do love you and it's not just my hormones. Yes, I am insanely attracted to you and you make me feels things I never even dreamed about. But it's more than that. You do take care of me and Jeremy and that is part of it. You have fit it with my family and friends because it was important to me even though you didn't have to. In our first conversation on the back deck, you understood more about me in five minutes than people I have known my entire life."
"Like I said, you think you do but you don't." Damon says this with such resignation and finality that I feel like I've lost him.
"So what now? Where does this leave us?" I'm so afraid of the answer but I have to know.
"Honestly, Elena, I don't know. All I know is being with you drives me crazy and not being with you drives me crazy. I hate that you didn't believe in me but not enough to say I'm done."
"Then we're not done. I want to fight for us and see what happens." I have such renewed hope in us. I just need to prove to Damon that I do love him. On instinct, I wrap my arms around his waist, he lets me this time, and I snuggle into his chest to breathe him in. He kisses the top of my head and that's all the encouragement that I need to turn my head up so I can kiss him on his gorgeous mouth. I feel him hesitate for a fraction of a second and then he's kissing me back.
Before I know it, I'm up against the nearest wall and we're doing what we do best and what we do when we need to feel our connection. While I'm running my fingers through his hair, he's kissing my chest and he hovers over my heart.
I pull his head up so I can look in his eyes. "Damon, are you sure?"
"Elena, I'm sure." He tilts my chin up and looks into my eyes like he's searching for something. "Are you sure?"
"Definitely. I want to make new memories in your bed." There's something instinctual between Damon and I that's hard to describe. With Matt there was a certain level of awkwardness, like our heads would go in the same direction and our rhythms were never synced up. I know without thinking about it that if we're going to his bed, then I wrap my legs around his waist and he'll carry me there.
Once there, he lays me down on the bed and he loves me like only he knows how. I try to convey how much I love him because he needs to understand that I do. Every time I try to say the words he shuts me up by either kissing me or making me scream his name.
DEDEDEDEDEDEDEDEDED
DPOV
Damn it. That's not how that was supposed to go. She wasn't supposed to break through my defenses and we sure as hell weren't supposed to fuck. Why the hell can't I think straight when she's around? She starts talking and I actually listen.
In the beginning, I said she was either going to save me or destroy me and I'm still not sure which it is. For a long time, I thought she was going to save me. She was everything I needed and wanted and I thought she felt the same way. It was like we were each other's air and we were finally able to breathe.
Then my father, John, and Katherine came along to wreck it all. Maybe instead of being furious I should be thankful that they exposed our relationship for what it is and not what I thought it was. How could I have believed it was anything more than sex with her?
Elena knows my weakness because it's her. When she looks up at me with those big doe eyes, I can forgive and forget everything if I'm not careful. I can't stay away from her but I can't get too close either.
DEDEDEDDEDEDEDEDEDEDE
EPOV
After leaving Damon's bed, where he didn't ask me to stay and I didn't offer, I went straight home to tell Ric, Jenna, and Jeremy what happened with Uncle John. I'm still in shock over everything that has happened and still can't believe my dad's brother would do this to me.
"What do you want, Elena? Do you want John out of your life? If so, done." Jenna is always so supportive although I'm sure it helps that she is not a fan of John's.
"That's exactly what I want. I gave him a chance and this is what he did with it. I'm done." Strangely, instead of making me sad, I feel nothing but relief.
"Okay, so we are all in agreement. John is banned from this house." Jenna says with finality.
"No we don't all agree." Jeremy says and it shocks me. I thought he would be behind me in this. "He was wrong but he's still our uncle. He only did what he did to protect you, Elena."
"Jeremy, he lied and he paid someone to break me and Damon up. To make sure that happened, Katherine drugged Damon and made me think he slept with her." I protest but I know it's falling on deaf ears because Jeremy is the only person who is possibly more stubborn than I am. As the older sibling, I usually give in. Not this time.
"Elena, John didn't make Katherine do anything. She did the drugging on her own as a means to her end. Besides, it should tell you something that she had to drug him."
"Enough, you two. Jeremy, if you want to see your Uncle John, that's perfectly understandable. No one is saying you can't. However, if Elena isn't comfortable with him living here, then he isn't going to."
"Of course Elena gets her way just like always. The whole world revolves around Elena and what she wants." And with that, Jeremy is out of the kitchen and up the stairs.
I start to go after him but Ric stops me. "Let him go, Elena. He needs some time to process and cool down. If you go after him now, you're only going to fight more."
"As much as I hate to admit it you're absolutely right." I sit back down with my chin in my hands. "Also, thank you for making me go to Damon. I needed to get over myself and let him back in."
"You two have been getting hit from all sides, myself included, since day one and its time we all got out of it and just let you be."
"Thanks, Ric. I appreciate that. Now if you could just convince Damon of that." I sigh, as I struggle with how much to tell him and Jenna. "He doesn't believe that I love him and no amount of me trying to convince him is working."
"Elena, you know he thinks he doesn't deserve you and he doesn't trust easily." Ric points out. "I was surprised by how quickly he let you in and threw himself into your relationship."
"From everything you and Stefan had said, I was surprised too. That's why I thought it was meant to be and it would be easy."
"Oh, Elena, nothing worth having is easy." Jenna puts her arm around me and I lean into her. "You have to start being there for him and trusting him. Trust is so huge in a relationship. He needs to be able to trust you and he needs to not only feel like you trust him, but to know that you trust him."
DEDEDEDEDEDEDEDEDEDEDEDEDE
On Saturday morning, we decide to do a spontaneous day of wedding dress shopping. Since it's our last semester of high school, we have really light schedules so we don't have much homework on the weekends and Jenna's last semester doesn't start back until next week. Which means it's the perfect day to do some preliminary shopping. Plus, Jenna's best friend, Andie Starr, is off today. Andie is the first bridesmaid and will be walking down the aisle with Ric's brother, Jacob. Then it will be Bonnie and Jeremy followed by Caroline and Stefan.
I don't know Andie that well but so far she seems to be a blast and Jenna absolutely loves her. I was worried about her and Caroline but they seem to be getting along great as well. They're both over the top and driven so I was afraid they would compete for the center of attention but they seem to be sharing the spotlight even though it's supposed to be all about Jenna.
I'm not doing the greatest at focusing on Jenna either. Damon and I have been texting like crazy today and there's no signs of slowing down. The latest conversation is about the venue for the wedding. He thinks it should be in my backyard because then my bedroom is upstairs and we would have a convenient place to sneak away.
I'm still not sure what's going on with our relationship but if he's still making plans for us that far in the future, it counts for something, right? Andie has been trying to figure us out since she's just now learning about the relationship and I give Caroline the go ahead to explain the latest while Jenna's trying on the next dress.
"So what Elena told me," Caroline begins and I roll my eyes as I continue to text Damon, "is that when she went over on Wednesday, they had a big talk and then had sex but she didn't stay. He didn't ask her to and she didn't offer. Then she went over on Thursday and they cooked dinner together. They had sex again but she didn't stay. Then last night, Stefan and I had dinner with them at the loft and she was still there when we left. He says I love you but won't let her and he won't let her talk about the future."
"Caroline, have you ever thought about being a reporter? You are definitely a natural." Andie compliments her and if I couldn't already tell they were going to be friends, this definitely cements it.
"Believe us, she has the interrogation thing down and she remembers everything." Bonnie comments.
"I'll take that as a compliment." Caroline beams. I'm not sure that Bonnie meant it as a compliment but before I can say anything Jenna comes out of the dressing room in the worst dress of the day and we all forget about ourselves for the moment. Jenna had been trying on really simple dresses and I think she decided to get our attention with this one. It's really poufy with lots of lace and she is completely lost in it.
"Now that I have your attention, we are here to look at dresses and not to discuss Elena's sex life or Caroline's career path or for Elena to text Damon every five seconds." Jenna chastises us in that great way that she and my mom shared.
"You are completely right, Jenna, and we are sorry. We promise to behave the rest of the day." I put my phone away while saying this so she knows I'm serious.
"I have a fabulous idea." Caroline pipes up.
"It better have something to do with these dresses or the wedding." Jenna warns.
"It does. Why don't we have a get together for the bridal party next Saturday night? That way we can all get to know each other better while planning the wedding."
"What are you thinking? Pizza and beer?" Jenna asks, hopefully. I know this would be her preference but Caroline is determined that everything about this wedding is going to be elegant.
"As your wedding planner, I was thinking more wine and tapas, maybe some mixed drinks." Now Jenna is regretting letting Caroline have that title. However, I think it's going to work out because Jenna's going to have a hard semester while we're having an easy one and no one multitasks like Caroline.
"Okay, I'll deal." Jenna agrees.
