I was standing on the float with Belium people staring at me with pure amazement. They all wish they had my life simply because they thought it was perfect. But It wasnt perfect. None of our lives were perfect. There were actually probably more flaws in our life then a faceless person in society. Perfect, flawless, amazing, was nothing close to the style of my life. If they only knew.

1 hour later 7:00 pm

Standing on a float for 3 hours staright isnt fun. I love to see the smiles on peoples faces while they watch Big Time Rush sing but my legs cramp up.

I still didnt talk to really anybody unless Carlos offered to talk to me about something meaningful. Kendall and Logan were being Assholes. Carlos told me about how him and Logan got in a fight but it didnt see as bad as Kendall and ours. What was going to happen next.

We arrived at our hotel which was more laid back compared to the other hotel we stayed in. Logan and Kendall had already settled down at the pool relaxing their legs from the parade.

"What are we doing tonight James?" Carlos asked me

"Crashing and burning." I responded

"No dude, lets get out of this place come on!"

"Carlos, I dont think we should do that?" I said while I threw my ipod to the side table of the twin bed. Carlos stood over me like a creeper.

"I dont want to go clubbing, I dont want to go out to eat, I dont want to make the world a safer place, I dont want to walk around Belgium, I dont want to check out Belgium girls."

"Fine man."

"Im going to get to bed." Carlos said to me while he jumped under the covers. When your famous sleep isnt in your dictionary so You get it as much as you can. Carlos fell gently to sleep while I escaped to the bathroom.

The feelign of missing my baby and my girlfriend came back to me and hit me in the face. The tears were about to spill out, the emotions were about to get the best of me and then they did

I was a celebrity and this was a bad idea but I was willing to try anything

I had never done this before, but I was willing to try anything. I took the blade out...

The moment it hit my skin the cold contradiction between the blade and my hot skin made the cut burn. Warm blood emerged out of my skin that trickled down my arm very slowly. The pain was quite bad but as time went on it didnt bother me as much. THe sight of the dark red blood was frightening to me yet it made me feel so good.

I felt as if all my troubles floated out of my system. It wasnt I felt better I felt relaxed. My tears stopped. It wasnt a bad feeling but It wasnt a great feeling. It just eased the pain of my troubles.

i wouldn't say happy but i found that i couldn't cry after i cut my body became tired and i was relaxed

it was like when i cut the anger or sadness flood out of me along with the blood.

After 10 minutes I got off the corner of teh bathroom floor and washed my wrist off.

I know I was a celebrity and this wasnt a good idea but no one would notice. It was a small cut and barley noticeable.

Hopefully...

I returned to my bed and sat down. I had perfect timing.

"James." Logan mumbled

"Im going to take a shower." Kendall yelled to aminly Logan obviusly avoiding me.

I fell back on my baed making sure my wrist was under the covers and closed my eyes.

"Guys who is on their period?"

"What?" Kendall said confused

"James, Carlos, have you had any girls over here?" KEndall asked us stubborning

"No." I awnsered simply for me and sleeping Carlos

'Why is their blood on the floor?" Logan asked

"I dont know." I said

"Why is their drops of blood on the floor." Logan asked

I froze in place. How stupid was I, real stupid. I thought I cleaned it all up. I am a dumbass. Carlos woke up startled and looked at Kendall and Logan and put a pillow over his head

"Carlos why is thier blood on the floor."

"How the hell should I know."

"James come get your gross towel off the floor." Kendall yelled to me while Logan went back to his bed. I walked like a robot to the towel and lifted it up and he grabbed my uncut wrist and pulled me close.

"I know when your lying so tell me what the hell is going now, you have caused enough trouble."

"Im going to get some R & R." I said camly and he let me go and I walked to my bed

Kendall P.O.V.

When James was lying his cheeks would get smaller as if he were biting them from the inside to keep from either laughing or showing emotion with his face.

NEXT DAY

J.P.O.V.

Today we had the day off. We were spending a week in Belgium. We were going to Brussels in 3 days but we were staying here for 1 more week. Gustavo was back in L.A.

From:Camille

To:James

Hey baby

From:James

To:Camille

Hey Sweet Stuff

From: Camille

To:James

Leighton said Mommy, I just wanted to let you know

From: James

To: Camille

Im so proud of him, I wish I could have been there

From:Camille

To:James

I love you baby

From:James

To:Camille

I love you sweet cheeks

From:Camille

To:James

I Have to go I will call you later.

I needed to back to L.A. I was becoming a monster.

Kelly P.O.V.

I was had just left the airport and was in Gustavo's black stretch limo. We came back from Belgium becuase Griffin had his all Music Directors Meeting that must be attended. I gave the boys an organized schedule of their next 2 days their since we would be back by Friday and it was Wensday. We have them the day off today and a CD signing tomorrow

RING RING

"Who could that possibly be." I said to myself

"Hopefully not Griffin." Gustavo said

"Oh hey James what do you need?"

"Kelly I need to come to L.A."

"Im sorry you have to talk to Gustavo and Griffin about that, is it really that nesseccary."

"Kelly, my wrist."

"Oh no James, you havent."

"I have."

"Well I will let you talk to Gustavo

I handed the phone to Gustavo. I didnt see this coming once so ever like never. If it was anyone I thought It would be Logan. I bet it was that Camille girl. I bet he did it because of her. This wasnt good for BTR. If BTR left during a tour it could be critical for financial benefits.

Gustavo P.O.V.

"Speak."

"I need to come back to L.A."

CLIFF HANGER