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XXVIII.
Tony gave him basically his own little apartment at the facility. He had a living room with a kitchenette,a bathroom and a bedroom with view over the forest that flanked the property. Bucky loved his place and he would be eternally grateful to Tony that he took him in after everything.
A knock on his door woke him around 7 am up. He slept like a baby. The mattress had the right rigor and he didn't sunk into it during the night. He rubbed his eyes and patted through the living room to check the door.
Steve was standing in front of him with a frantic and pained look on his face. He had dark circle under his eyes. "Hey... Can I come in?"
"Sure" He nodded and stepped aside to let his friend in. Were they about to talk about everything? He felt sick in his stomach but he knew that they had to have this conversation. He couldn't lose Steve. He just couldn't.
Steve walked to the couch and sat down with a sigh. Bucky didn't know if it was okay to sat down next to him, so he just leaned awkwardly against a dresser next to the couch.
He took a deep breath. "Steve, I'm so sorry!"
Steve smiled at him sadly. "For not telling me or for falling in love with Natas- Natalia?"
"Both."
"I know you're sorry. I guess you were right by keeping it a secret, judging by my reaction." Steve buried his face in his hands. "I just walked out of the door. She begged me not to leave her and I didn't even turn around. Then I just jump on the next plane to New York. I thought putting an ocean between us would help me clear my head and it did." He almost glared at him. "I don't care about your past. I don't care if you're still in love with her. She's mine. You're not getting her!"
He never heard Steve being possessive over anyone or anything. Steve was kind and always put the needs of others before his own. Bucky would've been shocked if he didn't know how much Steve loved her.
"I'm not in love with Natasha" Bucky said and meant it. If he was in love with her,wouldn't he be happy that her and Steve were having problems so he could comfort her, seduce her and make her his again? But he didn't. He wanted Steve and Natasha to get back together. "I was in love with Natalia when we both didn't even know what love was." Steve winced at that.
"Steve, what we had is over. It's been over for over ten years. We loved each other when no one else would. I'll always cherish that. I just need some time to get over Natalia. I never had the chance" He hoped Steve would understand him.
"She never had a chance to get over you as well." Steve whispered and Bucky could hear the fear in his voice.
"She's been free for a decade. She moved on from me without knowing it. She has a new life and found someone she wants to spend it with. I haven't had the chance to get there yet."
"She doesn't want to spend her life with me. " Steve mumbled.
"I beg to differ, Steve. She's crazy about you. She was so fucking scared that you would leave her after you found out about us"
"She wants me to be with Sharon"
What? Now that didn't make any sense at all. He remembered how relieved Natasha looked in her first night in Sweden when Steve told her that his kiss with Sharon in Berlin meant nothing to him. And didn't she storm out yesterday when she saw them kissing?
"Why the fuck did you kiss Sharon yesterday?" Bucky couldn't help but growl a bit. Didn't Steve know how insecure Natasha was regarding their relationship. That she still thought that Steve deserved better and he would realize that one day?
"I didn't kiss her for fuck's sake." Steve was furious. "Sharon just smashed her fucking mouth on mine. Natasha saw us before I could pull her off. The whole thing lasted maybe five seconds. I am not interest in Sharon! Fuck her!" He was now practically screaming.
"Okay, calm down. Don't wake the whole neighbourhood. When did Natasha even tell you that she thought you should be with Sharon? I thought she left right after she caught you"
Bucky could see how tears were forming in Steve's eyes. "I called her a thousand times and then she finally picked up. She said that everything's okay and Sharon would be good for me." He bit his lip to stop himself from crying. "She said love is for children. She broke up with me."
Oh fuck. This was Madame B's mantra for the girls. "Love is for chilren and you are no children. You were never that innocent. You don't deserve to be loved". That hag could be happy that she was already dead because Bucky wanted to rip her limps off.
Bucky left his place at the dresser and pulled Steve up from the couch. "You're gonna find Natasha. You're gonna beg on your knees to forgive your stupid ass and tell her that loving her is the greatest pleasure of your life."
Steve just stared at him dumbfolded. " She sounded completely indifferent on the phone. She's done with me"
It took everything not to roll his eyes at him. "That was her Black Widow persona, you dumbass. Don't you get it? She thinks she doesn't deserve you and all those things happend because of that."
Hope spread across Steve's face. "She still loves me?"
This time he did roll his eyes. "Yes, you idiot. She's just protecting her heart. But you really need to make it up to her!"
Steve nodded. "Yes, yes. I will! I'll do whatever she wants to get her to forgive me. Anything!"
"Do you know where she is?"
"Yeah, I think so"
"Then go to her and make her lose any doubts that she's not good enough for you"
"I can't. She's on a mission for SHIELD. She's bringing in Ross"
A SHIELD mission? Hopefully this one would go smoother than the last one in Yekatarinenburg.
"Then you have enough time to make a plan to get her back" Bucky said.
Steve nodded and looked like he was already in planning mode. Well, they did call him the man with a plan, didn't they.
He walked over to the door and was already opening it when Bucky still had to know one thing. "Steve?"
Steve turned around. "We're okay,pal"
Bucky smiled and nodded. He felt already so much better. He had a new place that would hopefully become his home, new friends and Steve forgave him. Hopefully he and Natasha would be okay next.
Breakfast with the group was lovely. It somehow reminded him of the Howling Commandos. Sam and Tony were entertaining them with stories about their college days with Rhodey correcting Tony everytime his story made Stark look better than the truth. And Sam playfully covered Wanda's ears everytime Tony's stories got too graphic. Bucky kept glancing at Steve who was sitting at the head of the table, Tony made abundantly clear that Steve was still the leader of the Avengers. Steve tried to participate in the conversation but Bucky could tell that he was thinking about Natasha.
After breakfast Bucky had to go to the infirmary to get checked. Before he could go with the others on missions, he needed to be physically and mentally at the top of his game. He passed the physically test with flying colors. He was almost as fast and strong as Steve, his version of the serum matched Steve's by 76%. They asked him to see the psychologist at the base three times a week to work through his PTSD and his memories. Bucky was more than okay with that. He knew he needed professional help and Dr. Meyers seemed like a nice lady. She wasn't condescending and listened to him without any judgement. He tested her by giving her a rather colorful description about a diplomat he killed for Hydra. She didn't flinch, she just listened. Bucky decided that they would get along and that he would tell her one day about his past with Natalia. Maybe Dr. Meyers could help him to move on.
Steve excused himself after breakfast to go to his office. The files were piling on his desk and he needed to come up with a plan to win Natasha back. Of course she thought that what happend in the last days was because she didn't deserve him. What nonsense. If anything he didn't deserve her after the stunts he pulled. He loved her so much, he needed her so much. He prayed to any deity listening, Thor are you there?, that she would forgive him and let him love her again.
Natasha would probably stay in Manhattan after they got Ross to keep questioning him at SHIELD. Should he book a suite and throw rose petals on the floor and bed and get her under false pretences to meet him there? Should he show up at SHIELD and beg her on his knees to take him back? Should he wait outside SHIELD with a boombox since Natasha loved 80s teen movies. SHIELD had probably soundproof windows though. Should he wait until she would return to the base? It could take weeks until SHIELD was happy with the intel Natasha got out of Ross. He couldn't wait that long. He was already losing his mind.
He sighed and opened the file of Peter Parker. He had to distract himself and Parker would arrive at the weekend for training. He was halfway through his file when someone knocked on his door. Parker's abilites were amazing. He was still young but having him on missions would make things a lot easier.
"Come in" He didn't look up from the file.
"Steve, can we talk?" Sharon. For fuck's sake, she was the last person he wanted to see. She didn't wait for his answer and closed the door and sat down in front of his desk.
Steve groaned. "What do you want?"
"What I want? We need to talk about yesterday!" Her voice got louder at the end.
"There is nothing to talk about." He barked. "Oh wait there is: never kiss me again!"
Sharon looked like she got slapped. "I don't understand why you are like this! You like me, I like you. Why aren't we together?"
"Because I am not interested in you! I never was!" He could feel how he was losing his patience. If she hadn't kiss him, Natasha and he would be back together and Nat would be now sitting in front of him, going through the files with him and she would tease him until he couldn't take it anymore and he would ravish her on his desk. But no Sharon fucking Carter had to kiss him and cause him and Natasha heartbreak.
"You kissed me in Berlin. You! Not me!" She was upset. "From what Aunt Peg told me about you, you're not the type to just fool around with women! Guess she was wrong!"
Fool around?! He may have been completely inexperienced before Natasha but he knew that fooling around was more than a kiss under a bridge with his two best friends watching. God, the kiss lasted ten seconds and there were no tongues involved.
"It was a mistake. I shouldn't have kissed you back then. Sorry" He said and hoped she would leave.
"In Berlin everything was great! You kissed me and your friends gave you smug looks! And then I kiss you here and Romanoff shows up and you push me away. I have a bruise by the way on my lower back!" She snapped and he did feel guilty for hurting her. He sometimes forgot how strong he was.
He could basically see the wheels in Sharon's head turning like she was putting two and two together. "Is it because of Romanoff?"
He didn't say anything and Sharon began to laugh. "Oh my god. Do you think the Black Widow cares about you? She uses men and throws them away. Everyone knows that! She practically fucked her way through SHIELD!"
He saw red, anger was running hot through his veins. "Get out before I lose my temper!"
Sharon looked shocked but got up. "You're an idiot if you think that she could love you. She's incapable of it. She would only use you for sex"
"Get the fuck out!" He growled and he could see that he scared her. She left his office and slammed the door behind her.
Did Sharon even know Natasha? Uses men and throws them away? Fucked her way through SHIELD? During their parternship at SHIELD Natasha had zero dates. When they got together Natasha told him that she hadn't had been with a man in years and he knew that was the truth. He wanted to put Sharon through a wall for believing those nasty rumours about Nat. He should probably contact the CIA for a new liaison officer. He had no use for one who didn't respect his second-in-command.
I'm sorry, Peggy.
The CIA was surprised that he asked for another liaison officer since Agent Carter assured that he would be more than happy with her but they promised him that they would send a new one in the next weeks.
Sam left the next day to meet his family in DC and would be gone for two weeks and Rhodey was in Boston for his physical therapy. Vision returned from the Pentagon and Wanda ignored him. Steve almost felt bad for Vision but he could understand Wanda's anger. He knew that there was a little something between the two of them before Leipzig and Steve couldn't understand how Vision could just watch how Wanda got arrested and didn't come for her when she was in the Raft. He would burn the world down to save Natasha.
Wanda, Bucky and Steve met Peter on the weekend after they returned and they all liked him. He was a good kid and a little bit smitten by Wanda. It was kind of adorable and hilarious how Peter smacked against the wall of the training room when he flew around with his webs and Wanda flipped her hair and he got distracted by it. Wanda giggled and Peter got as red as a tomato. Bucky laughed so hard that he had tears in his eyes and Steve tried his best to hide his laughter.
Rebecca Barnes' daughter contacted Bucky and asked him to meet her. Steve could tell that he was torn between wanting to meet her and his fear that she'll hate her uncle because of his past. In the end Bucky decided that he wanted her to get to know him.
"What's her name by the way?" Steve asked him when he told him that he would be in Brooklyn for the next days.
"Jamie. Her name's Jamie" Bucky answered with a fond smile on his face. Steve was moved that Becca named her kid after her big brother. Knowing that Becca always loved him would help Bucky with his recovery, he was sure of that.
They were one week back at the facility when Tony burst into his office while he was doing his evaluation of Parker.
"Spangles!" Tony was out of breath.
"Yeah?"
"They're back! Nat and Coulson just landed in New York with Ross!"
Natasha was back in the States? He would finally be able to see her again? To tell her that he loved her, that her love was everything he ever dreamed about and that she was the only thing he needed.
Tony was suddenly standing in front of his desk and snapping his fingers at him. "Dude, are you listening to me?! I said Quinjet leaves in ten minutes. We're going to Manhattan. So I can annoy Coulson for not telling me he's alive and you can get your girl back. Come on!"
"Right" Steve jumped up and ran to his room to pack a bag.
He would see Natasha in a few hours. Maybe tonight he didn't have to sleep alone anymore. He missed holding her in his arms, her breathing and her scent. The cute noises she made in her sleep. He slept terrible in the last week.
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