Chapter 28

- November 2010 -

"Nathalie said it would be a good idea," Sid held open the door to the non-descriptive office with a simple 42 etched into the glass. Sid couldn't help but smirk at the idea of a therapist's office being number 42... after all, 42 is the ultimate answer to life, the universe and everything. 'Good to know this doctor is the ultimate answer,' Sid thought to himself. He wanted to laugh about it with Avery but somehow he doubted that she was in the laughing mood.

"Can you please stop talking to Nathalie about our relationship problems?" Avery stood in the hall and crossed her arms.

"Who do you want me to talk to?" Sid snapped. "Max? Cookie? You know what they would say… "

"It's weird for me, okay?" Avery pleaded.

"Okay, but I have to talk to someone…" Sid shrugged, he let the door close and reached out for Avery instead. "Come here…"

Avery stepped in towards Sid and leaned her forehead on his shoulder

"I guess that's why we are here…" Avery whispered.

"We are here because we have a problem…" Sid pulled back from Avery and pulled the door open again, placing his hand on Avery's back and encouraging her to go inside. Avery hesitantly stepped into the doors of the therapist's office. Nathalie had recommended this doctor, claiming that he had helped her and Mario when they had gone through trouble times. There had been a huge argument just to get Avery here.

"…you just want someone else to tell you it's all my fault…"

"I never thought it was all your fault! For fuck sakes Avery! I know that I have done some shitty things too, okay? We just need to stop trying to out do each other with shitty things…"

"I think you would win that contest anyway…" Avery had muttered.

"Avs, I'm trying, okay?" Sid pleaded. Avery had given in and let Sid make the appointment.

"Sidney, Avery… the doctor will see you now," the receptionist poked her head around the corner and led them into another office. This one was much less sterile looking. The couch looked comfy and inviting, like Avery could sink into the cushions and fall asleep. Maybe she would wake up on the other side of this nightmare and everything would be good again. Avery took note of the obviously placed Kleenex box in the middle of the coffee table.

"You'd think that they could at least pretend that you don't just come into this room to cry…" She pointed out the Kleenex to Sid with a half smile.

"Jesus, Avery. What is your problem with therapy?"

"Sorry for not jumping for joy to be here…" She snapped, then immediately felt bad. "I'm sorry… I didn't mean to bite your head off… it's just… well, after your parents die and you sit in a room like this, for hour after hour, being asked if you are okay, over and over… I just… I hate that we are here."

"It'll be okay…" Sid wrapped his arm across her shoulders. "I'm sorry, I didn't think about that…"

"Whatever," Avery shrugged off his sympathy. That is the last thing she wanted right now.

Sid and Avery sat in silence staring at the box of Kleenex until the Doctor made his entrance and introduced himself.

"So, what seems to have brought you here?" They both shrugged.

"We don't seem to be on the same page…" Sid began. "We were… once upon a time… then something happened…"

"Not just one thing…" Avery interjected.

"No, not just one…" Sid reached over and placed his hand on top of hers in a comforting manner.

"It never is just one thing…" The doctor agreed. "I find that most couples can identify a point in their relationship where things went wrong, maybe something bad happened and perhaps they haven't discussed it, then things just started compounding on that… and it's often helpful to start there…"

Sid and Avery exchanged looks. They both knew exactly the point where things got complicated but neither had the nerve to bring it up.

"Avery, would you like to start?" The doctor prodded her. Avery shook her head adamantly. "Okay, Sidney. That leaves you…"

Sid shook his head and began describing the worst thing he had ever done.

-.-

Avery and Sid walked back to the car slowly. The doctor had given them some homework to work on their communication, or lack there of. It was going to be a challenge for them since Sid was going to be away 6 of the next 9 days but he had made the commitment to try. He was going to call her every night, make it an important part of his routine. He vowed that some way, some how, they were going to get through this.

They sat in silence on the drive home, Avery starring out the window, not looking at Sid once. He was pretty sure that she was still crying, as every now and then he would see her shoulders shake as if she was trying to catch her breath. He didn't blame her. That session had been hell. Sid had seen the look in the doctor's eyes when he had finished replaying the horrible situation that Sid had put her through, even though he tried to cover it up. He was probably thinking 'Just another spoiled athlete thinking he could control everything and treat everyone like shit' and 'that's what happens when young guys get too much money' but that wasn't Sid's intention at all. The plan had seemed better at the beginning. He never thought it would go that far. He was just trying to prove a point. A lot of good that did him.

Sid pulled the car up his long, secluded driveway and parked in his regular spot near the side door.

Avery reached to unlock her seatbelt, letting her hair fall into her face, so Sid still couldn't see her tear stained complexion.

"Let me get the door for you," He offered, jumping out of his seat and hurrying around to her door. He finally had his first good look at her since leaving the doctor's office, through the glass of her door. Her cheeks were red and her eyes were swollen from crying and Sid felt an overwhelming pang of guilt course through his body. He had reached for her while she cried in the doctor's office and held it together as best he could. Now, seeing her, so emotionally drained, was too much for him and he collapsed against the back passenger car door, sinking to the ground as his emotions took over. He quickly tasted the saltiness of his tears as the ran over his lips.

Avery watched as he disappeared behind her door and saw his reflection in the rear view mirror and climbed out on her own. She lowered herself to her knees and smoothed back his hair. Sid reached up and pulled her towards him, quickly wrapping his arms around her, clinging to her in desperation.

"I'm so sorry," Sid sobbed into her hair. "I'm so sorry. I hate myself for what I did… I hate it! What was I thinking?"

"Shhh…" Avery tried to soothe him. "It'll be alright… I don't know how or when…"

"I'm so sorry… How could I ever expect you to love me ever again?"

Avery sat in silence. She had no words of comfort left in her. She had wondered several times if she could love him again. Many hours and many sleepless nights had been devoted to just that subject. He had hurt her so bad, so many times… but maybe it was her fault. Afterall, she had been the one that kept coming back for more. There was really nobody to blame here.

"We just need to start over. Do what the doctor said and work through the problems… if you are serious about this -."

"I AM serious. I have never been so serious about something in my entire life!"

"Okay… okay, then we'll figure it out…" Avery assured him. After everything, she still didn't see herself being with anyone else. 'I really am a masochist,' She thought to herself, wondering how much more she could take.

"Come on," She stood up and offered her hand to him. "Let's get inside… it's been a rough day. I think we could both use a splash of water to the face."

-.-

"Hey, what are you doing?" Sid asked in shock, stepping into their bedroom. Avery was standing over a suitcase, folding a sweater and placing it gently down. He thought that they had made some progress today and the last thing he wanted was her leaving again.

"I'm just repacking your suitcase," Avery looked over at him. "Relax, I'm not moving things around. I know where things go… socks on the left… I got it… I just thought I would help."

"No, that's not what I was panicking about…" Sid assured her, moving in towards her and kissing her shoulder. "I saw the suitcase and…"

"And thought I was running away?" Avery turned around and wrapped her arms around his neck, smiling.

"I wouldn't blame you…" Sid brushed his cheek along hers.

"Well… while you are in New York, maybe you could buy me something pretty and help convince me to stay…" Avery teased.

"I could probably squeeze that in…" Sid cracked a smile. Avery reached up and ran her fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp with small circles. Sid closed his eyes and released a deep moan, as she seemed to be rubbing away some of the tension. "God, that feels good…"

"Yeah?" Avery whispered.

"Yeah…" Sid opened his eyes and looked up

"Know anything else that feels good?" Avery purred and dragged her hands down over his chest slowly.

Sid closed his eyes and imagined a thousand things. Getting the game winning goal in overtime, winning the Stanley Cup, Avery's mouth around his dick but none of those where what he needed right now. "Hearing you say you love me…"

"That's not really what I was getting at…" Avery continued lowering her hands down over his torso and over the top of his jeans, moving just a bit further south until she found what she was looking for.

"I'm serious…I haven't heard you say it in a really long time. I need to hear you say it," Sid pulled her hands away from his crotch and back up to his chest.

Avery looked into Sid's eyes and saw the pleading desperation. She wanted all of this to be far behind just as much as he did but it wasn't that easy. "I can't right now." Avery mumbled apologetically turning her glance down to her feet.

Sid felt another wave of emotion hit him like a tonne of bricks and grit his teeth to prevent another breakdown. He wasn't going to cry in front of her again. Twice in one day would be embarrassing. "Fine," He muttered. "Then I'll settle for second best." He needed some reminder of what he was fighting for. He pushed his suitcase off the bed and watched her lower herself into its former place. He pulled his shirt up over his head and climbed on top of her, pressing his lips to hers. He felt her spread her lips and give him access although the usual passion wasn't there and she felt more like a limp noodle just going through the processes then the woman he was so desperately in love with, who normally clung to him and dragged her nails down his back. As he stripped her clothes off and pulled her up to him, she kept her eyes averted and as he entered her with his first thrust she snapped her eyes shut, as if she was trying to pretend it wasn't happening. She looked like she was in pain, as if the very process of making love was ripping a hole inside her. There was no way that Sid could continue looking down at her like this, feeling his erection fizzle, so he rolled off and laid back on the bed beside her.

"I'm sorry," Avery offered, sitting up and pulling some piece of clothing up to cover her exposed body. She knew that it was her fault.

"No… it's my fault. I shouldn't have expected…"

"No, I thought I could…" Avery cut him off.

"We'll see the doctor again when I get back from the road," Sid offered, trying not to show his frustration and disappointment. "Maybe then…"

Avery nodded and looked over at him with teary eyes. Sid sat up and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her up to him tightly. He kissed her forehead lightly and smoothed back her hair. How this was going to work out he had no idea… but it had to. It just had to.