Author's Note: Just a head's up - there is talk about tampons in this chapter. It's humorous, not graphic, but I thought I'd warn you before hand in case it grosses you out :) Other than that, I tried to make this a relatively light chapter. We've had some dark times, so I thought we could all use a break. Welcome ScreamEvans, SuperAwesomeWaffleQueen, DandelionDani and siriusfanno1! Also, check out siriusfanno1's profile. It's the best I've ever seen and one hell of a fic list to boot! Look forward to hearing from you all! Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter and sent in ideas for the Jeannie/Charlie/Tonks one-shot! I'm still working on that, so keep the prompts coming!
Thanks, Worthfull1
P.S. I own nothing, anything recognizable belongs to the lovely Ms. Rowling.
Chapter 28: Belated Christmas
Since Jeannie and Arthur had been injured and incapacitated for Christmas Day, the occupants of Grimmauld took a vote and decided that the opening of presents could wait until everyone could be there. Fortunately, they didn't have to wait too long. Arthur was healing nicely and was ready to be brought home on the 28th of December, and once Jeannie had rested and eaten innumerable bowls of chicken soup a la Molly (and conned Sirius into giving her a back-rub twice a day under the guise of applying the healing salve to her skin), she was feeling much better as well. So, on the morning of December 29th, everyone gathered in Grimmauld's sitting room and the twins took over handing out gifts.
Predictably, everyone had gotten Remus chocolate, and Hermione's pile looked to be all books. A book-shaped object landed in Ginny's pile as well, and she naturally moved it to Hermione's, but Hermione moved it back, showing Ginny that her name was on it. Ginny took it back and recognized Sirius' handwriting. She looked at him and he smiled at her. Ginny opened the package, confused, but that soon turned into joy when she saw the title of the book. The Harrowing History of the Holyhead Harpies was spelled out in gold lettering above a picture of the all-women team's current players. Ginny grinned broadly at Sirius who winked back at her.
Everyone had gotten a new Weasley sweater as well, including Sirius, Remus and Max. The only sore spot that morning was when Percy sent back his sweater. Molly had, of course, burst into tears the minute she'd opened the package, but everyone was quick to comfort her - the twins going so far as to propose changing the 'P' on the sweater to a 'D', shrinking it slightly and sending it to Dobby. He had saved Jeannie's life, after all. It was such an unexpectedly good and kind idea that Molly had agreed to it as soon as she'd stopped crying over it, and that's what they did.
Jeannie had bought Arthur a Zippo cigarrette lighter, and everyone had a great time watching Arthur play with his new Muggle toy. He'd flick it open, jump in shock at the flame, drop it on the blanket covering his lap, let out a yelp, then pick it up and do it again with the enthusiasm of a child playing with a box of matches. Finally, Molly had to take it away from him in order to stop him from burning down the house.
"We got you a present too, Sirius," said one of the twins, sharing a look with his brother.
"You got me a present?" Sirius repeated, raising an eyebrow.
"Yes," they said together.
"And we hope you like it - "
"Because it took forever to think of something you might like."
"Is that so?" Sirius asked, his eyes darting from one twin to the other as if watching a tennis match.
"Yes, Fred and I were thinking - " George began.
"What do you get the man who has everything?" finished Fred.
"Everything?" said Sirius.
"Well, you've got lots of money - " said Fred.
"And your own house - " said George.
"And mum to cook for you - "
"And a beautiful girlfriend - " they flashed Jeannie a smile and a wink.
Sirius smirked at the boys.
"And then it hit us - "
"Bongos!" they said together, producing a small set of bongo drums and offering them to Sirius.
The room went silent as Sirius took the bongos from Fred and George and set them on his lap, admiring the instrument. Finally, after a close perusal, he looked up at Remus, a wicked grin on his face as the rest of the household looked on with horror.
"Oh, no," Remus said, memories of Sirius' teenage love of all things that made annoying noises coming back to him as he recognized the gleam of mischief in the raven-haired man's eye.
"Look, Moony - bongos!" Sirius crowed gleefully, pointing to them unnecessarily.
Remus calmly placed his cup of tea on the coffee table and fixed Sirius with a stare. "Sirius, if you wake me up at two o'clock in the morning by coming into my room and playing bongos, there will be consequences," he said, matter-of-factly.
Sirius answered by playing a short solo on the drums, bobbing his head up and down and grinning stupidly at his friend, making the room laugh.
"Sirius," Jeannie said, getting his attention. He turned to her and played his bongos at her to show her he was listening. "If you wake me up at two o'clock in the morning by playing bongos, there will be no nookie."
Sirius turned back to Remus who gave a long-suffering sigh. She'd just played the trump card. Any threat Remus came up with would never beat witholding sex, so it looked like he was going to be getting very little sleep until Sirius got tired of the bongos. Perhaps he'd set a shocking charm on his door handle to zap Sirius if he tried getting in...
It didn't take long for the sweaters Molly had made everyone to vanish for the rest of the day. After the debacle over Percy's, Harry had run across Molly while grabbing a snack from the kitchen and, having been wearing his sweater at the time, was immediately set upon by the still-emotional matriarch. She'd pulled him into a bone-crushing hug and proceeded to cry all over him while attempting to straighten his hair, and he'd only gotten away when Remus walked in and gently but firmly pried the poor boy loose from her boa-constrictor-like grip. Harry had stripped off the sweater as soon as he was back in the sitting room and Remus had advised the rest of the house to do the same.
"Yeah, the last thing Harry needs is another emotional female," said Ron, grinning at his friend and getting a glare in return.
This piqued Sirius' interest. "Another emotional female? Have you somehow become besieged by them at school, son?" he asked, chuckling at the dark look on his godson's face. "Are they wanting to comfort you after facing the big, bad Dark wizard last year?"
"There are a few of those, but Ron's talking about Cho," Ginny answered, earning herself a glare.
"Cho?" Sirius repeated, now very interested. "Who's Cho?"
"Cho Chang," Hermione provided with a smirk.
"Oohh, oriental girl," Sirius purred. "Let me guess, beautiful slanted eyes, long shiny black hair - "
"And a Scottish accent," said one of the twins, making Harry hang his head, clearing wishing to disappear.
"Scottish accent?" Sirius laughed. "Huh, I've never had an oriental girl with a Scottish accent. Bet it's sexy."
"She's also a year older," said the other twin. "And she plays Quidditch."
"Alright, that's enough," said Harry testily. "Yes, I'm dating Cho Chang, yes she's oriental with a Scottish accent, and yes she plays Quidditch, but if I'm honest things would be a lot better if she wasn't crying all the time."
"Crying? What the hell have you been doing to her, mate?" Sirius asked.
"It's not me!" Harry said, indignant.
"Harry's right," Hermione interjected, "Cho dated Cedric Diggory last year. They were still together when he died. She obviously hasn't gotten over it."
"Diggory? Amos Diggory's son, the one who got killed?" Sirius clarified, and Hermione nodded.
"Lunchtime!" Molly announced from the doorway, and everyone got up and followed her back to the kitchen. Everyone, that is, except Harry and Sirius. Sirius could tell the boy was more worried about the 'Cho' situation than he was letting on, so he let the others go ahead and stayed behind for a little man-to-man chat. Harry looked up when everyone else was gone and gave Sirius a half-smile. Sirius left his chair and joined Harry on the floor.
"I know she's still hung up on Cedric, it's just - ," Harry began, chewing his bottom lip. "I've liked her for ages!"
Sirius nodded in understanding. "And now she seems to be liking you back. I understand. But here's the problem - if she's still that attached to the other guy, even though he's gone and out of the picture, she'll never be able to give you the attention you deserve. And, you'll never be able to be the boyfriend she wants, because she'll always be comparing you to him."
"Cho's really nice, Sirius. I don't think she'd do that," Harry said, frowning.
"I'm sure she is, Harry. And I'm not saying that she would do that on purpose; it would be subconscious. She wouldn't mean to, it would just happen," Sirius said, trying to explain. "Something like 'Oh, you like this candy, Cedric did, too', and things like that. Little things that she probably wouldn't realize and would argue with you about it if you brought it up, but it would still happen."
"So what do I do?" Harry asked, truly lost.
Sirius chuckled. "These are treacherous waters, Harry," he said, "but my advice would be to remember what I said and pay close attention when you get back to school. Trust your instincts, and you'll know what to do. If it's right, then it'll be right no matter what, but if it's wrong, you won't be able to force it, and if you try, it may blow up in your face."
Harry nodded, then looked as though he wanted to say something but wasn't sure if he should. Sirius raised an eyebrow at him.
"Is Jeannie right for you?" Harry asked, turning red again. Sirius laughed.
"Jeannie and I are right... right now," Sirius said, not really sure how to explain his relationship with her to a teenage boy with no experience. "I suppose that's part of my point. Jeannie and I are together despite the fact that I did nothing to encourage her and she did nothing to encourage me. We just... are."
"I don't understand," Harry said, cocking his head to the side.
"No, I don't suppose you do. It's not something I can explain, though. That's something that only comes with experience," Sirius said with a sigh. "Come on, let's eat." He helped Harry up and put an arm around his shoulders, leading him out of the sitting room to join the others in the kitchen.
"Do try to at least get one good snog out of it before it goes to shit," Sirius advised a now furiously blushing Harry. The boy ducked his head in embarrassment as Sirius laughed.
"That's already been taken care of," Harry said sheepishly.
"Excellent!" Sirius crowed proudly.
"Not excellent," Harry countered. "She was crying then, too."
At this Sirius burst out laughing, clapping Harry on the shoulder in commiseration and didn't stop laughing until they'd reached the kitchen and Harry begged him to shut up. Molly looked at the pair suspiciously, but Sirius explained that they were having 'man-talk', and that they weren't going to tell her what it was about because it was - well - 'man-talk'. The mother of six boys just rolled her eyes and ordered them to sit down, putting a full plate in front of each of them and telling them to do something productive with their mouths and eat.
"Hermione, you got a quill in here?" asked Ron, grabbing Hermione's bag and rooting through it. After lunch, they had all gone back to the sitting room to play games and finish the homework they were supposed to have already done.
"Ron!" hissed Sirius. "Get out of her bag!"
"What? Why? I need a quill."
"You don't go through girls' bags, mate," Sirius explained quietly, trying to get the idiot boy out of Hermione's things before she noticed he was in there.
"Why not?" Ron asked, truly not understanding.
"Because you're likely to find something you wish you hadn't," said Remus.
"I'm just looking for a quill - hey, what's this?" he said, pulling out a tampon and frowning when Sirius and Remus groaned.
"Ronald!" Hermione shouted, finally turning around. "What are you doing in my bag!?"
"I was looking for a quill! What is this thing, anyway?" he asked, turning the tampon in his fingers as though trying to unlock it's secrets.
Hermione stomped over to him, red-faced, and snatched it out of his hands. "It's nothing you need to know about! It was in my bag and you had no business going through it!"
"I wasn't going through your bag, I was just looking for a quill!" Ron shouted back.
"Well, find your own!"
"My bag's upstairs, yours is right here!"
"Okay! Enough!" Jeannie interrupted, seeing that Hermione was on the verge of tears due to embarrassment. "Hermione, come sit beside me," she said, patting the spot next to her on the sofa.
Hermione sat down but continued to glare at Ron.
"Now, give me this," Jeannie said, holding out her hand. Hermione handed her the tampon without looking at her. "Thank you. Now, Ron -" she began, waiting for the boy to look at her, " - you want to know what this is?" she asked, smirking as the men groaned again and winking at Hermione, who looked a little confused.
"Yeah, that's all I was asking," Ron answered, unwittingly playing right into Jeannie's hands.
"Well, I'll tell you," she said pleasantly. "This is called a tampon. Have you ever heard of a tampon?"
Ron shook his head.
"No? Well, a tampon is something that girls like Hermione and myself and Tonks and even your sister use while we're on our periods," Jeannie said factually, watching Ron's face go from confusion to horror and settle finally on mortification. Jeannie unwrapped the tampon, ignoring Sirius and Remus, who had each grabbed a book and placed them over their faces.
Jeannie held up the now-unwrapped tampon and looked at Ron. "And this is how it works!" she said and, before anyone could stop her, Jeannie pushed the center part of the tampon through the outer shell and gave Ron a small lesson in the facts of life.
The colour drained from Ron's face, but he seemed to be the only one adversely affected. The men in the room had, of course, come across a tampon or two in their time, the twins looked slightly uncomfortable but not emotionally scarred, and even Harry seemed to be enjoying Ron's humiliation more than worrying about his own embarrassment.
"I'm very sorry I went through your bag and I'll never do it again," said an ashen Ron, unable to meet Hermione's eye as he stood on unsteady legs and headed out of the room. They could hear his mother in the hall ask him where he was going and they heard him tell her that he was going up to his and Harry's room to find his quill.
"Hmm," said Hermione, after a moment's silence. "Humiliation works better than yelling. Who'd have thought?" She spoke thoughtfully, but her cheeks were still pink.
Sirius chuckled and pulled the book off his face. "Don't worry about it, kitten. When there are lovely young ladies around, one will occasionally stumble upon a tampon. It happens. And teenage boys have to learn sometime that they can no longer go into their mates' bags if that mate happens to be a teenage girl. We've all done it once," he lamented, Remus nodding in agreement.
"What did you find in a girl's bag, Sirius?" Harry asked.
Sirius grinned. "Werewolf porn," he said, making Remus' head snap up.
"Wha- ? Awww, not this again!" Remus groaned, burying his head in his book again.
"Werewolf porn!?" Tonks exclaimed, matching her cousin's grin. "I'm intrigued!"
"It was in our sixth year," he began, ignoring Remus' pained whine. "I reached into Mary McDonald's book-bag looking for... d'you know, I think I needed a quill... anyway, instead of a quill, I came across one of those trashy romance novels! And what do you think was on the cover?"
"Padfoot, please!" Remus begged.
"Was it a naked Remus?" Jeannie asked, making the room laugh as Remus shouted "No!".
"Unfortunately, no. But there was a heavily scarred, shirtless, muscly man under the title 'My Moon's Desire'!" Sirius said, shooting a dopey grin at Remus who was glaring back murderously.
"That's not the worst part," Remus said when the cackling died down. "The worst part was Sirius stealing the book and reading it to me under his breath during class and me ending up in detention for breaking his nose." He looked at Sirius. "Was that the first or second time I broke your nose that year?" he asked.
Sirius thought about it. "Second," he decided. "The first time was when I deliberately walked in on you and Ellie Moran in that broom closet on the sixth floor."
"That's right," Remus said, nodding. "I clocked you good for that one."
"Yes, you did," Sirius agreed. "Although, I suspect I did you a favor that night."
"How's that?"
"I heard Ellie talking to her friends about it the next day. She seemed to think punching me in the nose was a very manly thing to do," Sirius said.
"Oh, thank you, Padfoot," Remus said, sarcasm heavy in his voice. "But I still couldn't look Mary in the eye for months, and I doubt she ever knew why."
"She was convinced you liked her and was just too shy to do anything about it," Sirius said, with a crooked grin.
"And you, of course, told her that wasn't true," Remus replied, raising an eyebrow.
"And take away her favorite naughty daydream? Never!"
Author's Note: Please please please! Review review review! I love to hear from my regulars and I'd love to hear from my new readers, too. Questions? Comments? Cries of despair? Let me know ;)
Thanks, Worthfull1
