A/N: There should be no more delays after this. I was promised no more computer problems, or I could end my computer tec's personal life.
G0D: THE BLOODY HELL I WILL LET THE VALENTINE'S DAY CHAPTER SCRAPED OFF! -chases PoaA around with a net-
Passe: AAAAACK!
G0D: -runs back- BTW, I got a new story under my name. It's called Insanity under the category of Anime: Trinity Blood and chapter 7 is uploaded! Please read and reviews to tell me what you people like or dislike about it.
Passe: STORY PLUGS? FOR CEREAL. I really like that story, and that's saying alot. I have no idea what Trinity Blood is beyond the story...

Written By: Guardian 0 Devil, PoaA

Disclaimer: I do not own anything Final Fantasy VII, Vexen, or Square Enix, or anything else that is copyrighted. PLZ DUN SUE ME. Sophia, Emmie, and Roommate © Passè on an Angle.

WARNING: OOCness is a given.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ongaku Niji

Day Six :: Snap Crackle Pop

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fire everywhere. Screams and the smell of burning flesh. I can make out a figure in the distance.

"...Chocobo head?"

This place is familiar and yet... not. I remember seeing it in less detail once before.

'You are so clueless it isn't even funny.'

The scene shifts and I feel sick to my stomach. Roasting flesh is replaced with the smell of dust and... mako? A blood-soaked Masamune is clutched in my left hand, while someone's neck is in my right. No, that isn't right. It's a head and then... not a head. Somebody familiar, lifeless in my own hands. No more cafeteria food before bed.

"Cloud!" Zack looks distressed, Cloud's probably going to die. Wait... He has to live or else Final Fantasy VII will never be produced! My sword slides through his side easily, but he manages to hit me too. Silly. I cannot die as easily as a mere human.

Colors spin around as myself and the head fall into an endless sea of green. Mako again. It smells almost how it sounds, strangely sweet and bitter. I don't see what Hojo was getting his panties wet over. This stuff isn't any better than regular performance enhancing drugs.

'LIVE CLOUDY BOY, LIIIIIVE FOR THE MOOOGLES!'

You're nuts. Completely nuts.

'They're too salty. I prefer dried fruits.'

Huh?

'I will never be a memory.'

My eyes snap open and are greeted with the site of my ceiling. It's a disturbingly clean white, much like the rest of the medical rooms. Unnerving, but not unwelcome. The only friends I've had for the last few hours would be Chocobo-head and RAWR!IRTV(snicker). Something peaceful looking would be good to calm my nerves. I sit up, only to knock poor Cloud off the bed.

He remains asleep.

Chibi vampire bling is chewing on his bonds even in his sleep. Mental note: liberate more bandages. Better yet, steal duct-tape. Everything in the universe works better with duct-tape.

The clock reads 0730. Why? I have no idea. They can never just have normal time, can they? Reeve does seem to have a taste for the theatrics. Shalua AKA Grim Reaper-chan wants me to meet her at around 0800. This means I have little to no time for breakfast. Must take shower, blood in between legs gets crunchy otherwise.

'You did not just say that.'

You're right, I thought it...

Just as I enter my shower(after thoroughly checking for cameras), my mind wanders towards the last few hours of the previous day. Yesterday concluded rather oddly. After I single-handily sent Mr. Man in White Coat to the emergency center, I-

'Flashback!'

"Goddamed son of a bitch!" I slip on the soap and bang my head against the tub.

I'm just going to stop starting sentences with 'yesterday'.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At this point my brain is completely fried. There's no reason for anythings existence anymore. Just chibis doing chibi things in a non-chibi world. Reeve sits behind his desk in a classic Gendo-pose; hands laced together and whatnot. I swear his mouth twitches somewhat when he sees my look. The look of a broken man that's decided to keep going for the ride.

"Miss... er Emmie..."

"Chibi chibi chibi chibi." I recite

His left eyebrow twitches. Not so Gendo-like after all. "From what I've managed to gather, you seem to be the source of quite a few mishaps around the base." Well, duh.

"I have no chibi idea what you're chibi talking about... chibi." I reply innocently. One hundred more brain cells commit suicide. Reeve tosses an unlabeled video tape on the table. It's most likely security footage of me being a special potato. What a freaking drama llama.

"It wasn't me, I swear! Chibi!" I begin, stroking my Chibi bling's hair. It's so soft and shiny and- A picture of me entering the laundry room appears on the monitor behind him. "...Chibi damn chibi."

"You will be punished accordingly." Okay, I have a few problems with that. One, I don't work for him. Hell, I here in his favor. Two, he can go fucking himself sideways. I'm not a little kid, I don't need to be punished for sticking up for women's rights(hah). Three, if they're going to treat me like this I am so gone.

'Just be happy he's ignoring the cafeteria incident.'

Oh yes, I'm so thrilled Papa's turning a blind eye to my other mistakes. This is pushing me to the pole.

"What chibi punishment, chibi?"

Reeve smirks and hands me a document, telling me where I need to be and at what time. Shalua's going to run double the tests on me now. Just what I need, another reason to destroy this disgusting little planet and all its inhabitants. These insects are doing nothing but ruining it.

'...Yay! I'll help! There's this great-'

"Oh, and Emmie."

"Chibi, yes, chibi?"

"Get that checked out."

"Go to hell, chibi."

I AM A MOOGLE.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wake up with a worried Chocobo-head sitting on my neck. My head feels heavy and lukewarm water continues to poor onto my poor body. Screw it, no more shower for me. I sit up, knocking the chibi into my... lap. With a creak and groan the water goes off. Chocobo-head's face is bright red as he scampers towards the towel rack. Poor guy's probably never seen a woman naked.

'You've never seen one naked either.'

Do I count?

'...Well... One must suppose...'

Drying my hair takes too much time and effort, so I leave it wet. When I'm done a grey-black tunic and pants are waiting for me; my kimono is in the laundry room. I have to say these are slightly more comfortable, but not nearly as cool. After all, that thing seems to be damn near indestructible.

The mirror reflects my image murkily. This never happened back home. I doubt Roommate and I even own a mirror anymore. Chibis do chibi things to mirrors because they're like vampires.

Being a woman means I should probably doll myself up. At least, that's what my mother claimed. Then again, she was very much a tomboy around the house... I'm not trying to impress a single person, and yet... I wipe away some of the mist... and scream. Loudly.

'That's some lousy hair-dye, buddy.'

My hair is shimmering and pretty and everything it shouldn't be. It's grown another three feet in the last six hours. The only thing that could be more disturbing would have to be the fact that there is no evidence that I ever cut it to begin with. The ends are different lengths and my bangs are fashioned much like Sephiroth's, only quite a bit lower and not nearly as menacing.

I hate my life... chibi.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At 0800 I report to Shalua. She claims I'm late, I claim she hasn't gotten laid in the last seven years. She glares and blushes slightly. I'm obviously right.

The treadmill refuses to work.

"I HAVE NO SOUL!" Whenever an electronic device doesn't work for me, the obvious reason is because I have no soul. Never mind the fact that it could just be broken. No. Soul. From behind a concrete wall, Shalua says something about going to a different machines. What's the point? I have no soul.

Today is different from the other days of training. For some reason my mind keeps wandering off to random thoughts. Christmas, Sephy-kins, the cat-lady down the street, mass genocide of the planet. When one puts one's mind out of focus, everything one does seems easier and less painful. The cramps subsided hours ago. According to Shalua, regular exercise and lots of water helps keep them at bay.

Treadmill still doesn't work.

Shalua thinks we should go to lunch together. I politely refuse, but her look informs me that I have no choice in the matter. I am so not immune to the Grim Reaper's death glare. I may be female(for a little while only... hopefully), but their charms still seem to be in affect. This irritates me.

'It hurts me a little more, but you don't care.'

Nobody cares.

'Emoemoemoemoemo.'

The walk towards the cafeteria is mildly fun. Chatting about girl stuff disinterests me, but it disinterests Shalua as well. This could, perhaps, be the beginning of a friendship. When I take over the world she will be the last to feel my wrath.

There's some sort of... energy in the air. Pink, red, and white decorations have been scattered around the base. I'd rather not ask. Maybe it's some sort of- Crap. Valentine's Day. ...Hahahah. At least five young soldiers have given me gifts and run away blushing.

I feel empowered, even though they look like they've seen a ghost...

'You're like some sexy ghost that can make men blush like boys during puberty.'

...Go to hell.

Shalua seems well-prepared as she hands me a dufflebag to carry this crap(aka GIFTS!). Should I burst into a song or just cry? The gifts aren't anything special, just a penknife, wooden carving of a rose(very pretty), a bottle of perfume, a lucky charm, and even a make-up kit. Wow. Where do they find this crap? I'm grateful, but is there some sort of WRO gift shop around here?

I really miss my mint cookies. I'm starting to crave sweets more and more every day...

Some soldiers(I lost count after six) have asked me on dates. I reject them, just because... well... I'm a guy.

'And totally not ga-'

SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!

Shalua is pleased and relieved that most of the men keep their eyes on me. ...Dammit, she's using me as a shield, isn't she? Great. Woman's buying me lunch for my troubles. The normal ten minute walk from the lab to the cafeteria is dragged on for thirty extra minutes. My nerves are thinning rapidly.

Chocobo-head suggests we just order in.

I'm inclined to agree.

At long last we reach my haven! Food! Nourishment! COOKIEEEEES!

"Rawr!" Pet Vinnie's head. Good boy.

Evil Scientist Biatch is humane enough to buy me lunch while I look for a place to sit. She 'promises' to bring me food. For some reason that tickles my special place. 'Promised land'. Hee hee.

'You really are losing your mind, aren't you?'

It's long gone. Sent me a postcard from Hawaii.

What's taking her so long? The cafeteria clock reads 1420(what's that in earth lingidy?). My stomach gives a low growl, protesting my lack of cookies. Strange, my appetite has been acting funny these last few days. One moment I'm craving food, the next I can't stand the sight of it. I remember when I could be a hermit and last without food for days in my room.

'Obviously, you're pregnant.'

Don't even joke about that. Wait... women can't get pregnant on their periods.

'Shows how much you know.'

Someone pats my shoulder.

"AIIIIIIIKE!" I jump about seven thousand feet in the air(in my mind) and spin around. Some poor, familiar soldier's fortune has just changed for the worse. My eyes narrow, "What's up?"

Facing me, he's having a hard time forcing the words out of his mouth. That's probably my fault. I should try not to be so scary sometimes. The soldiers around us are giving cat-calls and shouting words of encouragement. There will be no pity for this fool. My glare still in place, "Don't make me repeat myself."

The poor idiot stutters and finally forces the words out in his high soprano voice. I flinch inwardly and can barely make out the words. SHUT UP AND TALK LIKE A MAN!

'He's asking if you still want him to give you a tour.'

Oh... No wonder he looks so familiar. He's the guy I used yesterday... Aren't those other guys still in the Intensive Care Unit? Should send them some flowers...

He continues talking. That's worst mistake he will ever make. I slam both hands onto the table, and lean over. "Okay, you know what? Stop being such a fu-"

Asuka I am not.

'The following rant is bleeped out for protection of the children. Just know that many ears were bleeding by the end. Who knew this kid could be so... evil?'

Silence reigns through the cafeteria. Shalua is beside me, already eating her lunch. The poor guy salutes me and runs off quickly. I blink and sit down to eat. Why does my throat feel so dry?

'Hell hath no fury like a woman on her period.'

Some other soldiers still dare to ask me out. I let my temper out of check, while real 'Emmie' sat back and watched from behind mismatched eyes. It was almost like watching a movie. I let RAWR! deal with the first guy, threw Chocobo-head's sword at the second, stabbed the third with a fork, and punched the fourth with the hilt of my katana.

I rock.

Other women handle this better. I was a guy for the first eighteen years of my life. This is a big change for me and I'm doing the best I can.

Fatigue finally sets in, my head feels heavy. Chocobo-head pushes my food around my plate with a fork. I push saucy meat into Vinnie's mouth. He bites but I really don't care. Sleeeeepy.

"You know..." Chocobo-head begins, "We have other things to do. Saving the world..."

Blink blink. "Saving the world? I never signed up for that." I never signed up for anything.

"I know, I know. But she says you have a destiny..." There's no question as to who 'she' is. "Well, not really you, but her."

"Who?"

"Mother."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ongaku Niji

Twenty Eight :: End

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: Right. G0D is completely prepared to end my existence... I'm sorry. I've had major issues with my computer for the last few months. SPYWARE, YA?
G0D: Don't worry PoaA. I WILL NOT end your existence. You're too important to me and the story. The worst you can expect is a little trip to my personal torture chamber... which was made especially for you... -similing innocently-
Passe: -whimper- Help me. She's crazy.

Thanks to all our reviewers! Superthiefyoko, Bad Luck, Dark lady, Vile, Yargy, Kumiko, Thunderstorm, Skavnema, Sanzo's Guardian Angel, Redwood, Nanashi(HI!), Nightwind, 1wngd, EyeoftheTiger, Shadow, Yami, Devil-Speaker, Vin, and Passe. Real life gun-blade for all!

Next Chapter: Day Seven? Hell yes! Finally!

Review.