In the silence she could wander easily. It was like walking through a tunnel whose walls angled over her like a tight hug, the small breeze whipping against her face from up in front as she pushed through, and the darkness as a calm hand against the base of her back so she wouldn't carelessly and recklessly hurt herself. When she had been a small girl, born premature which effected her stature for a long time growing up, her height had never impeded her from going wandering. In fact, it seemed to egg her all the more to move about as everything else was more grand than her. Her stature did however allow her to crawl through a hollowed out tree trunk, which promptly became something of her hide out. Her eyes had adjusted quickly to the dark shelter of the bark, a welcome notion with being more attracted to bright lights and sunshine, and her hands squished at the moss that grew in spontaneous bursts throughout the trunk. She had yelped the first time she had encountered a bug that wandering over her hand, and the nest of fire ants that prickled her skin. She grew quickly used to it as she wandered down that long tunnel towards the radiant, sunlight that was on the other side.
This felt much like those cautious steps of a toddler through the tree trunk; investigating, but at the same feeling that burning at the back of their neck as they confronted their greatest fear of the darkness. With the shades on her eyes she could walk along that path like an old hand as she now knew each and every bump and when the little, bugs would come crawling out. The feeling that solitude had given her was that she could wander into the darkness and make her way out of it.
Her dreary, deadpan look stayed permanently fastened to her face at all times as she took everything in. Her hands and her knees scrapped against the ground as they continued to wander in front of and underneath her as guides. In that same darkness which was the waiting time until the war, she could adjust to the dark which was all the familiar reiatsus and knowledge. Her heart could settle down to the feelings, acknowledging them and moving forward once she had enough of an understanding of them, and she was awake to the light which was the end of the war on the other side.
She sincerely doubted that anyone could have seen any difference in her or about her. She maintained the same rhythm to her life, between her whining comments and her steadfast attitude to her training. She joked at the Renji, teamed up with Jinta, mellowed out with Ururu, and snickered with Yoruichi. She did her patrols and ran around at her own pace which was nothing more like a slug's walk. Just at the hush of her step, though, she wondered - in those brief moments when she was alone now - if she was more awake or more asleep. And if she was asleep, when would she wake up? What would make her wake up? What would she wake up to?
"Che…. Ren ya killin' me 'ere'. Stop makin' me do stuff." Natsu whined out, fingertips brushing against the floor, as the red-head dragged her out the door way. She slumped heavily against the pull of her robes and let her feet casually tumble after her as Renji hefted most of her weight. "I ain't even got a gigai or whateva."
"That guy just wants us out of the house, Natsu…. And stop calling me by that ridiculous nickname."
"Che." Natsu stuck a finger into her ear as the red head succeeded in his scramble through the door. Now knowing what would set him off, she watched as his face burned with a furious temper as he rigidly continued walking forward - her being literally a doll in his grip - with grumbles heavily tumbling from his lips at her for her statement of: "No need ta shout."
Chad followed them out behind them and was watching the dynamic with an embarrassed, reservedness that made her smirk glint. When the young human caught sight of her look, beneath the serene twist of his lips to maintain his silent-strong look, she could see the disheveled mask of faux nonchalance. The tall man, though similar in stature to Tessai, was nothing alike in personality and was much easier to embarrass. She let herself be dragged down the street for just a bit longer by the scruff of her neck, as if she was a sled to be toted behind. It was garnering some odd looks for the redhead who was too busy grumbling to notice and Chad was growing increasingly embarrassed by the second at all the eyes watching them.
"Renji." Chad finally breathed out and the redhead looking over his shoulder. "You're getting a lot of attention."
The redhead looked around, taking in the eyes of the pedestrians that were catching quick glimpses as they walked by, before unhooking his fingers from the fabric of her robes. Natsu let out a small yelp as she was dropped right onto the concrete, with her bum and then her head clanking against the cement. The two boys did their best to play off the moment as they continued to 'talk' while she stayed watching them from the ground; watching their lips move and twist around. Knowing that they weren't going to help her up, she grumbled as she lifted herself onto her feet and then rose to her full height once the blood stopped rushing in her head and the world was still.
"Ya didn't 'ave ta drop me like tha'." Natsu rubbed at the bump at the back of her head. "Ya go treatin' a lady like tha'…. Whatta 'ave done if tha' was Ru, huh?"
"R- Ru… Don't bring up nonsense," Renji spluttered for a moment before pointing at her accusingly. "Don't give her a nickname either."
Natsu raised an eyebrow again before a large, Chesire grin spread along her face that the two boys backed up slightly. "Now's 'ere's somethin' interestin'… Did I stumble on somethin' ya been tryin' ta 'ide Ren? Secret desires?"
Chad grabbed onto the red head who was about to thrust at her with whips for hands and spikes for fingers. She blinked and gave him her superior smile as she watched the redhead, just before her lazy eyes, struggle in vain against hulking arms. If there was anything super useful about Chad it was that his iron like grip was superior to most. Natsu doubted even Ikkaku would be able to break free from it. The lieutenant was flung as far forward as he could go, with the giant locking his elbows into the red-head's armpits, thus leaving his face protruded out to try and bite at her. It was far enough away that she stuck out her tongue, pulled down her eyelid - causing a greater uproar of thrashing -, and she was still out of reach for a spit shot.
"Stop Renji. She's trying to rile you up." Chad's voice was strong and not at all breathless as he spoke against the floundering, red fish in his arms. "Natsu-san please stop instigating."
She shut her tongue into her mouth and then let out a chuckle. "Ain't doin' nothin', Chad… He's gettin' angry fo' no reason."
Somehow the group found a strange peace as they began their walk. Having trained together or at least been in the same space for more than three weeks they knew how to not get into each other's way, as much as they knew how to piss each other off as fast as possible. That may seem like an incredibly short amount of time to some. Regularly spending three weeks was only enough to know if you could relatively get along with someone. However, there was an intensity that was lacking in other day to day activities. An intensity in the connection between the three that could only be found when they were shoving each other around, and spraying blood along the dirt floor. When two people clash they learn about their opponent. When two people train together, they are invited into another world with them in some sense; some place just that much more vulnerable.
Natsu's ears pricked up slightly and she angled her head over towards the sound that was drifting along by her side. The rhythm vibrated around her and then sunk into her very skin as her breath picked up just slightly; rising and tingling as she recognized it instantly. Her feet wafted along the air as she let herself be glided over towards the sounds. Her mind wrapped itself into a tight cocoon as she honed in on the sounds; a symbiotic moment with the music that was surrounding her. Her brain filled in what was covered up by the honks of cars and people talking, and the music she blanketed herself in filled up part of her memory that she hadn't re-seen in a long time. Almost as if the memory that she could now re-watch, overfilled her with the senses that she had felt in that very time and space.
She squatted down with her elbows on her knees and her fingers twitching in the air as she observed the strange object before her that was projecting the melody of her memory. It was a large black square but it had a few nozzles on a silver panel that she noticed were for volume. Then there was a large round circle with a yellow rim around it straight in the middle that sunk in to the back of the black box. The center of that circle was vibrating with the noises like an actual image of how the music was coming out and how each note hit the air.
"Natsu?"
Her eyes slowly flickered up and turned to see that Renji and Chad had come by her side and were looking down at the music radiator. Her fingers slowly planted down on the vibrating material as she inundated herself with the music and vibrated with it. Then her eyes traced back over how the mesh was moving beneath her fingers and memorized the music coming to life.
"Hey don't just ignore me." Renji hit her shoulder as he squatted down next to her. "Do you know this or something?"
"Yeah… Used ta 'ear this all tha time."
"This is jazz music," Chad supplied, most likely to Renji who knew nothing of human music. "I don't know much about the genre."
She hummed as the trumpets started blaring and her head slowly dropped up and down as she nodded along to the beat. There was a new voice in the mix and she heard Renji and Chad conversing with the new person. She, however, remained squatted down, both cemented and fluid by the music that thrummed over her body. Down the very caverns of her cell's organs she could feel the way that music in her swayed and breathed.
"I'm surprised you know something like this Natsu." Renji spoke out over the music and she tilted her eyes over to the redhead. "Apparently its pretty old stuff."
"Tha' ya way o' sayin' I'mma ol'?"
"Don't get offended... I'm just saying."
The music changed over to something more upbeat and Natsu pulled back instantly. She'd stick to only having one song spiraling around her head over and over. This one was too old and too much a part of her to cut away from her, anyway. She had too many vivid memories of humming this song out loud or trying to recall it to not what to hang on to the meaning of it. She wondered if the spiny fingers she once had going through her hair, would be tapping to the beat somewhere else in town in the way she remembered.
Her eyes wandered around at the variety of stalls that were piled along the street. Chad quietly mentioned that it was a street fair that they had stumbled upon because of her dancing feet. There were booths for street food - Chad was nice enough to buy her a small portion of takoyaki - and other more sizzling treats. It added to the heat - a sticky, lively environment of gathered peoples - of the area as it sent tumbles of smoke and blew off steam and smells in all direction of the streets. It also had a variety of local artisans set up to show off their works. It was mainly filled with art from everything like graffiti and charactature work to realistic portraits. There were tons of ceramics and pottery, and jewelry made from glass. There were numerous booths for leather works, as well.
The people walked in and out of booths which were nothing more than tables covered with their products with small tarps over their heads. Everyone acted like schools of fish as they wandered about, moving in groups from table to table or even mindlessly down the aisles that were resurrected. The same could be said for their little trio, which went about talking pleasantly with Chad having to explain a few things as they went about. There was tons of modern influences and that just brought about more than enough questions for them to always be asking the usually very quiet giant.
"Boke," Natsu muttered as Renji was sifting through a few pair of sunglasses. "Don't get those… They look bad."
They were way too bright and multicolored for his red hair. Chad nodded along silently at her statement and Renji let out a long sigh, before holding up a different pair that were too round. She knocked those down as well and then picked up a random pair and thrust them at his chest. Surprisingly her pick went over very well and look reminiscent of the goggles that he had once adorned apparently.
"Oh… Rang'?"
"Natsu?" The busty woman cried as she swooped around towards there group. "What are you guys doing here?"
"We stumbled on the fair… Urahara wanted us out of the house for a bit." Renji grumbled as he crossed his arms before directing his eyes onto the bags that she had. "Did you buy enough?"
Natsu also peered at the multiple bags on the woman's arms which amounted to twelve. The question sent them in the search for a quieter area so that the blonde woman could show off everything that she had bought. It ended up being a endless supply of clothing that she would probably never use and Natsu let out a small huff at the mismanagement, though she'd admit that the clothes were very well suited for Rangiku.
"I bought something that you might like Natsu." Natsu blinked several times. "I was going to wear it but it's much more your style."
For a moment all that was heard was the ripping of bags and the whining about having to find the apparently small object in the hordes of bags that she accumulated. When the rustling finally died down, slowly the lieutenant drew out a set of blue ribbons and held them out for her. "I remembered you had that blue sash… Now you can wear something that might not get damaged in your fights."
"Thanks." Natsu supplied as she collected the ribbons into her grip with her thumb running over the soft material. "Maybe if I grow ma 'air out more."
The color was very close to the sash that she had worn for the few weeks leading up to the fight with Aizen on the hill. She had done it somewhat on purpose with wanting to keep the garment close to her with an odd chill always following her around at the time. Then it turned out to be very useful in giving her support during the actual fight at its own cost. Before that she had remembered wearing that sash on and off over the years when she got her shihakusho again sometimes going through a period of months before taking it back off again.
As Kido corps was a closed and secretive group, it didn't allow for any personalization of the uniform which was supposed to keep any identification from happening or was meant to keep it to such a low probability. That was why even their faces were covered up by the white garments. In some ways, it was a bit like the onmitsukido. The only thing she could actively remember ever changing was her hair throughout her time in the corps. Hair was never a problem as it was always covered up during missions and ceremonies anyway, so eccentric hair-styles was often how people differentiated their looks. When she knew that she could do it with her clothes it took her a long time to get used to the idea.
"Is blue your favorite color or something?" Renji asked as she stuffed the present into her sleeves until she got back to the shop.
Natsu hummed slightly and then shrugged. "Don't really got a fav'rite color… Tha sash was a present from a long time 'go."
"That's right." Rangiku popped in immediately and the three of them turned over. "The sou-taicho is calling tomorrow for an update. He wants you to be there Natsu."
"Che - Wha's tha ol' guy wanna talk 'bout wit' me?" Natsu groaned out as she tried to wave off the pressure that was already on her shoulders. Rangiku only shrugged as she was folding the last of her clothes back into her bag. "I'll show up, guess."
"Well it would be horrible if you didn't show up Natsu…. Captain would throw an absolute fit and then he'd take it out on me."
Natsu groaned at the mini guilt trip Rangiku was trying to dish out and then waved it off as well. "I said I'mma gonna sho' up so don't give me ya puppy eyes."
"Great!" Rangiku gave a wonderfully giant swirl with her bags and skirt fluttering with the wind. Not moments later she sashayed away with her ever present glam and the three of them were left blinking at the whirlwind that had swept through their group.
Natsu sunk down into her body just a bit more and grumbled at the thought of having to deal with the old man the next day, and most likely earlier in the morning since that's just how old men were. They may go to bed early but they also wake up at the crack of dawn. Not that the old man could be considered a normal old man. They also had no consideration for the youth and ran on their own schedules expecting all others to keep up with them just because they had lived longer and knew more... In theory, she often justified. They only knew more in theory.
Chad left shortly after that calling it a day and wanting to get an early night for the first time in a while. The remaining two made a slow walk back up through the stalls where some were closing down. Natsu peered up at the already limp sun that wasn't blazing as brightly as it had been just a bit earlier. In the distractions that the day had presented, the heat had run its course and the night would be setting upon them soon enough.
"If I ask you a question would you actually answer it?"
Natsu peered over at Renji who had his head looking over at the stalls, that she might have guessed he hadn't started a conversation at all. But his head and then eyes wandered over to match her own in a relaxed fashion that she found herself adjusting as the air around them shifted. Nothing about him screamed anger or frustration, and he appeared calm for his quick tempered nature. With his hands in his pockets and his casual stroll, she say he had even enjoyed the passing walk with her. But it was in the air, and the slow hum of energy that was going between them.
She shrugged then and opted for looking ahead. "'pends on tha question, I guess."
"When you got sick," Renji began and kept his eyes ahead as well to keep the rest of the pressure of from his words,"you mentioned something to me. I don't know if you remember."
"I rememba." Natsu nodded slowly and then shoved the memory into the back. It had been a rather dismal performance on her part, after which Renji had actually decided to be nicer to her.
"My goal has always been to beat Kuchiki-taicho… I want his acknowledgement so that I can freely be around Rukia without," Natsu blinked at the strange turn in conversation from the man next to her. She remained resolute in studying the small, orange sign up ahead of them and then tilted her head back as she passed under it. "Without feeling subpar to him and what he can offer."
"Wha's this got ta do wit' me?"
Renji finally glanced over at her but he turned back down to the ground with a small frown on his features and his fingers pushing down into his jean pockets. "If I'm going to ask you something personal than I should also offer something of myself in return."
"So whacha wanna know?" Natsu picked slightly at her ear and then brought her hand back into her pocket as she tilted her head back to a regular position.
"Did you join Urahara because of something in the past? - Before you joined the Gotei 13."
"Does tha' make me a betta person? O' da ya jus' want ta know 'cause we're spendin' so much time togetha recently an' ya wanna make me a betta person?"
Renji blinked at the question and let out a gruff sigh. He eyed the cracks that they were walking over as they took a turn down onto another street. "I just want to understand why it was you."
"I only asked maself one question when I though' 'bout wha' Kisuke said," Natsu began as she nodded off to look at the sky just diagonally up from her. "It was 'wha' if he's righ'? Wha' 'appens then'?"
"But why you? Why did you even have a stake in it?"
Natsu let out a long sigh. That long night in the shop forty-three years ago was dreary. It had started as a normal expedition team of four sent to check out some hollows that had some sort of kido based abilities that didn't appear to be a cero or anything similar to what they had seen before. It ended with her having her right side cut off and nearly bleeding out before she made out a pair of genta sandals. The rest of the team had unfortunately not made it and she had time to mourn that later on when she had fully recovered and returned back to the Soul Society.
When she had woken up in the Shoten, he had purposely kept her weakened so that she couldn't jump him. He had been absolutely certain she would do it, and he had been correct in his precaution. She had shot daggers out of her eyes for as long as she could even as she was restrained down to the floor. She had squirmed and wiggled around ready to do her best to murder a murderer, and picked a hole straight through her hand from trying to push out kido when she really shouldn't have. He had asked her only one question and offered up one statement and she went still beneath his shadowed eyes though she could feel the pressure of them as they watched her face. 'What if he is still alive?' and 'I did my best to fulfill my promise' were the only things that echoed through her when she left the next morning and for the three years before she decided to trust the man enough to give up her position in the Kido corps.
"Does tha matta?" Natsu retorted as she looked over at the brown eyes still on her. "Wouldn't ya 'ave done tha same wit' jus' tha' much of a prob'ility?"
"I don't know. I don't think it would have been enough to convince me… Not to do what you did." Renji responded back after little thinking.
Natsu blinked at the subtly of the man's wording. He had run the conversation right back to the beginning, obviously seeing that there was a connection to how she answered but also knowing that they had moved away from the initial prompt. She huffed a bit at the odd way he had hit the nail on the head and his stubbornness to seek an answer to the very end. She had supposed it would never appear like enough of a reason for the outside person - especially anyone who knew how selfish she was - but it also true that it hadn't been enough of a reason for her either. That's why Kisuke was able to feed off of her so well. 'What if he is still alive?' 'What if I truly did everything to fulfill my promise?' She could still see that way those gray eyes had pressed at during those briefs seconds.
"Ya righ' then." Natsu nodded along to her words as if they were more to herself. "Ya righ'."
There was a very obvious sound of shifting clothes and Natsu smirked at the idea of the red head being uncomfortable with the suddenness of her confession. Mayhap it was because he wasn't sure what to do with the burden of knowing. It had taken her a long time to get used to that too and to learn how to speak without giving anything away.
"Kisuke was righ' too and tha's 'ow he destroyed ma life."
"D…. Destroyed, huh?" Renji managed out softly. "I would say you have something okay going on now."
Natsu let out a small chuckle and then titled a sardonic grin over to the blinking man. "There ain't any spy tha's eva had a good life, boke."
A/N: Alright, and the chapter update is on time this week! Slowly, slowly getting towards the war, and a bit more is revealed about Natsu.
Do you guys think it's too boring? I'm trying to really flesh out Natsu and build a bit of character into the piece, but if it's too slow let me know.
Comment/question/review/or just say 'hi'. Also available by pm if that makes you more comfortable.
