A/N: Back to the dual POV conceit for this chapter, so it should be read along with Chapter 27.
Ashley flexed the muscles of her arms and legs, testing that she had full use of her limbs again. She'd been attacked by those odd flying bugs and temporarily paralyzed. She could only watch in mute horror as those creatures loaded up the human colonists in pods, carrying them away to their ship. What the hell were those things?
She heard an unfamiliar voice around the corner. "If it wasn't for Shepard, you'd all be on board that ship."
Shepard? It couldn't be. Could it? She's. . . dead.
There had been rumors a few weeks back that Shepard was alive, but Ashley was sure they were part of a campaign by Cerberus to confuse and demoralize Alliance troops.
"Shepard? Wait, I know that name. Some type of big Alliance hero." Ashley hated that whining idiot. He spent the last several weeks making her job much more difficult than it needed to be.
Is it really Shepard?
Ashley peered around the corner of the prefab, and was shocked to see the face she saw in both her dreams and her nightmares. Impossible. Regardless, she wouldn't let this jackass disparage her lover, dead or alive. "Commander Shepard. Captain of the Normandy. First human Spectre. Savior of the Citadel. You're in the presence of a god, asshole. Apparently back from the dead."
Before she could process what she was seeing any further, the apparition closed the distance between them, moving unnaturally fast. Throwing her arms around Ashley and nuzzling her neck, she said "Ash. . . It's you." Shepard. Can it be? Then lips were on hers, the feel and taste of them so familiar. Her body responded before her mind, as she fell into the kiss with long buried passion.
No! She forced herself to think clearly, pulling away from Shepard. It had to be her. Or at least a very good copy. This isn't fair! "No. . . I can't do this. I thought you were dead! I watched you fucking die."
"I was. . . I did. Oh god, I'm so sorry."
"I heard rumors about someone claiming to be you, but I couldn't believe them. There's no way, I thought. . ." Ashley paused, collecting her thoughts as best she could. "So explain this. How is it that you're standing here? How does that even happen?" It suddenly struck her that Shepard's armor and the uniforms of the people with her all bore Cerberus insignia. Horrified, she backed away, crossing her arms protectively across her chest. Her Shepard would never work for such an organization. What the fuck is going on? "Cerberus? Are you fucking kidding me? You disappear for two years and show up working for some terrorist group? Was it so easy to turn your back on the Alliance, Shepard?"
Shepard's temper flared. "I don't work for them, Ashley. Right now they're working for me. They brought me back, Ash. After I died. They rebuilt me."
"And that's supposed to make me feel better? Are you even really Shepard? Or some Cerberus creation?" Ashley's emotions roiled. Anger dominated, with a healthy dose of confusion.
"Listen, Ash. I don't have much time. Let's find somewhere quiet and let me try to explain."
"I don't know, Shepard. I. . . You're with Cerberus. I can't. . ."
"Fifteen minutes, Ashley. Please." Ashley couldn't remember a time she had seen Shepard look so desperate.
The woman whose voice she'd heard earlier interrupted before Ashley would respond. "We don't have fifteen minutes, Shepard. We need to get back to the Normandy now."
A return of Shepard's anger, this time directed to the Cerberus woman as she took a menacing step in her direction. "You don't fucking own me, Miranda. This is my ship, my mission, my decisions, my orders. If I say I need fifteen minutes, I get fifteen goddamn minutes. Am I clear?"
The woman attempted to be defiant, but failed. Few people could stand up to Shepard. This woman was obviously not one of them.
Shepard took Ashley gently by the elbow, finding the closest open prefab and steering her towards it. Ashley was uneasy at the contact, but permitted it for now. Once inside, Shepard locked the door and took a seat on the couch, inviting Ashley to sit by her. Ashley warily sat next to her, but far enough to avoid contact.
She'd had a few moments to react to the sudden reappearance of her dead lover. And right now, she was just angry. If this was Shepard, how could she let Ashley suffer for so long? She wasn't going to let Shepard control this conversation. "I haven't heard from you in over two fucking years, Shepard. And now you just show up out of the blue, expecting me to fall into your arms. What the fuck? Two years, Shepard. Two years that you couldn't be bothered to let me know you were alive."
"That's not fair, Ash. I spent two years unconscious on a table god knows where. I only just rejoined the world a few weeks ago. First chance I got, I went to the Citadel, looking for you. . ." Ashley watched as Shepard removed her gauntlets, and didn't resist when Shepard brought a hand up to her face. If she was honest with herself, she craved the contact, welcomed it. To anchor herself, she took hold of Shepard's wrist but didn't remove the hand.
"Oh god, Ash. I've wanted nothing more than to see you, talk to you, touch you, feel you. Nobody would tell me where you were or how you were doing. I couldn't even get Anderson to give me any information. There is so much I want to say. . ."
"Shepard, we can't - "
"Why not? Why the fuck not?"
"YOU WERE DEAD. After you promised. . . How can I know what Cerberus did to you? How can I know it's still you?" Ashley was back to furious. She knew she was being unfair, but she didn't know what else to do. She nearly regretted her outburst when she saw Shepard visibly flinch. Shepard never flinched.
She could not have expected what Shepard did next. Shepard rose, and began slowly taking off her armor, one piece at a time. Ashley could only watch in stunned silence. Shepard kept her eyes down, assuming an uncharacteristically submissive posture. When the armor had been removed, Shepard took off her compression gear. She finally brought her eyes up to meet Ashley's, dropping her arms to her sides and allowing Ashley to see her. Really see her. Not Shepard the warrior. Shepard the woman. Her Shepard.
Shepard's eyes shone with tears. Tears I put there. In a voice almost too low to hear, she said, ""It's just me. Only me. This is who I am. The same me I was before. The same me who loves you."
Ashley's mouth was dry, her heart thumping in her chest. She couldn't speak, but she couldn't look away. Could it be my Shepard? Or do I just really want it to be?
Ashley found herself standing and taking off her own gloves. She went to Shepard, cupping Shepard's face in her palms, The feel of her lover's skin beneath her hands sent a thrill through her body. Her pulse quickened. "I want it to be you. Oh god, how I want it to be you."
"It's me." Stated as a simple fact.
"I mourned you. For two years. I fucking buried you, and then I mourned you." Ashley's jaw was tightly clenched, with tears threatening to spill from her eyes.
"I'm so sorry. I wish I could fix that. I would never want to hurt you. Ever. I know it's unfair to just show up like this - I never would have planned it this way. Cerberus did put me back together, Ash. But I don't owe them shit - I never asked for them to do anything. I didn't make any deals with them, I swear it. I'm pretty sure they have a different objective than I do, but I don't care. I'm doing what I need to do, using their ship, their intel, their personnel. But they don't fucking own me. I need to use whatever I can to take down the Collectors. I couldn't convince the Alliance or the Council to help. I'm on my own, and this is all I have." Ashley had never heard Shepard put so many words together at once without tripping over her own tongue. She could feel the urgency in Shepard's tone.
Ashley fought an impulse to back away when Shepard drew closer. "Ash, you were my first thought when I woke. You are my first thought every morning, and my last thought every night. Anderson wouldn't even tell me where you were, and it's been killing me. To see you now is more than I could have hoped for, but to see the doubt in your eyes. . ." Ashley was surprised to feel a sense of loss when Shepard released her hands and stepped back. Shepard's voice dropped again. "It's really me. I said I'd always come back to you. I know it took a while, but I did my best." With no immediate reaction from Ashley, Shepard moved to pick up her clothes.
Ashley couldn't tear her eyes away from Shepard. So much was of her was the same, but there were differences. The scars she'd earned as a soldier were gone, her skin smooth and unbroken. Yet her face bore new scars. They were subtle, visible only when the light hit them just right. Her hair was still the same shade of copper she loved so much, but now it was longer.
Before she could stop herself, she blurted. "Your hair is longer." God that sounded stupid.
Shepard stopped what she was doing, directing a curious look back her way. "Yes. It's kind of a pain in the ass. I don't know how you deal with it." Somehow Ashley managed to find the way Shepard tucked her unruly hair behind her ear endearing. Focus.
"I like it." So much for focus. Ashley took a few breaths to try to collect her thoughts. While she did, Shepard resumed the task of collecting her compression gear. Ashley continued to stare at her. Shepard had stood before her, baring both body and soul, keeping nothing from her. Shepard, who had hid any hint of vulnerability from the world, reserving it only for her eyes. Shepard, who was allowing her to see it now. Sloane. It really is Sloane. With no further thought, Ashley began clumsily trying to remove her armor. I need to feel her in my arms, to know that it's her. She allowed Shepard to help remove the first piece of armor, but could restrain herself no longer.
Grabbing Shepard by the back of her head, Ashley drew her in for a deep kiss. She reluctantly broke only to keep removing her armor. For the moment, Ashley knew nothing but need. Need and desire. Need and desire and longing.
Shepard pulled Ashley's compression tee over her head as she moved them both back to the couch. Ashley nearly sighed at the contact of Shepard's breasts against hers. Shepard gazed deeply into her eyes. "I've missed you, Ash. Without you beside me, I feel like I've lost a part of myself."
Shepard. "It really is you, isn't it?" Ashley had never wanted to believe anything more.
"Yes." Shepard kissed her. "Please don't ever doubt that. Or how I feel about you. I love you, Ash. I've never stopped loving you."
Ashley wrapped her arms around Shepard, feeling the familiar contours of her body beneath her hands, noting again the smoothness of her skin, the absence of any scars. But as she buried her face where Shepard's neck met her shoulder, inhaling the scent of musky leather that was unique to her commander, any remaining doubt that this was, indeed, her Shepard fled in a rush. She knew for certain that this was the woman she had loved. Still loved, despite the years alone.
"I love you, too, Sloane," she breathed, hands caressing every part of Shepard that she could reach. As Shepard cursed to herself about the pants Ashley still wore - something about her sexy moves - before pushing them down Ashley's legs and to the floor, Ashley found herself laughing, even more convinced that this was, indeed, her Shepard.
Before their passion could carry them further, they were briefly interrupted through the locked door by the woman Shepard had dismissed earlier. Shepard angrily dispatched her again. Ashley noted with regret that Shepard's temper seemed to flare more easily than it used to when they were together. She soon set the thought aside as Shepard turned back with her half-grin and suggested a "boot camp quickie."
Their bodies eager and their hands well practiced, they both quickly peaked. Laying together while their thighs stilled and their breath slowed, Shepard asked Ashley to go with her.
And then Ashley had to face facts once more. She really wanted nothing more than to spend more time with Shepard, to see if they could rebuild what they once had. But she had duties that she could not abandon. Shepard seemed to understand, although Ashley could see that the reality of the situation was painful for both of them. "Even if you can't come with me, I need to know if. . . I need to know that I have something to come back to. Someone to come back to. Can we still be. . . us? Can you forgive me for leaving you?"
Ashley wanted to cry. "I don't know what there is to forgive. But I need some time. This. . . this is a lot to process. I can't pretend that I didn't lose you. I never stopped loving you, but you were gone. And with you back from the dead. . . I need time to wrap my head around it. It might only be a few weeks for you, but it's been years for me. I can't just flip a switch and go back."
Shepard wrapped her strong arms around her. "I wish it was easier, Ash. Can we at least try?"
Ashley pressed tightly up against Shepard. "When you're done with the Collectors, come back to me. We can try. I just. . . I just don't want to lose you again, Sloane. The first time almost killed me."
As they cast about for their clothes and armor, Shepard talked about trying to stay in contact without involving Ashley with Cerberus. Ashley silently agreed. When Shepard then asked if Ashley could find her mother, Ashley laughed wryly. She had maintained regular contact with Hannah Shepard over the previous two years, and knew exactly where she was. But as Shepard was reminded of the circumstances under which Ashley and Hannah Shepard met, she almost regretted mentioning it. In the end she agreed to let the captain know that Shepard was alive. She wasn't looking forward to that conversation, but she knew she'd make sure to contact Hannah as soon as possible.
Parting was difficult.
Shepard was tender, kissing her hands. "I love you, Ashley."
Ashley couldn't help but be affected. "I love you, Sloane."
Shepard wiped away the tear that fell down Ashley's cheek with her callused thumb. She kissed Ashley once more, before promising, "I will come back to you."
"You'd better, Skipper. I'll be waiting."
OoOoO
Ashley accompanied Shepard back to her team, watching them depart. Shepard turned around, offering a silent I love you, which Ashley returned.
She stood there until Shepard's shuttle was out of sight, then returned to her quarters. Completely drained, she stripped off her armor and collapsed on the bed, hugging her pillow tightly to her chest. Her elation at seeing Shepard alive and well after all these years was tempered by worry over Shepard's affiliation with Cerberus and the danger of her mission. At that moment, she wanted nothing more than to be afforded another chance with her love. She prayed she would get it.
