Title: The Shell Collector.

Pairing(s): Quinn Fabray/Rachel Berry, Santana Lopez/Ms. J

Rating: No holds barred. M/NC-17 ratings.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, Ryan Murphy's characters, Disney (other than a few DVDs- full disclosure), The Academy Awards, the British monarchy, the Tony Awards, the Imaginary Muccino's Italian Cuccino (but I will be Trademarking), or New York, Julie Andrews, Patty LuPone, The New York Times or its holdings, and I really really don't own the actual person who plays Rachel Berry, you know, Lea M_ch_! that one. All for non profit, and just good clean fun.

Summary: Hitting a brutal reality check while walking the red carpet on Oscar night, Rachel wonders how she found herself here, and how to find herself again. This is the story of how she does just that.

A/N: I admit, I added this after the fact. A reviewer suggested something that I just kept thinking about. Thanks for the suggestion, and begone, 4th Wall!

CHAPTERNEXT: The Celluloid Shell

Artie sipped his latte, slowly. Over the billowing mounds of foam, he peered out towards his coffee date, the petite and beautiful brunette, with soulful brown eyes.

Soulful brown eyes that were pleading with him, at the moment.

It was so deja vu, all over again.

"Do you know how much you remind me of Rachel Berry, in this very moment?"

She laughed, an easy laugh. "I get that a lot. However, since you actually know us both, enlighten me."

He laughed back. "Well, Rach has a very set routiene when she's trying to get me to do something. First, she comes at me with boundless enthusasiam, with the 'do I have a deal for YOU!' scthick. If I don't immediately concur, she goes into debate mode, and tries to argue me into it. Then, if I'm still unconvinced, she - depending on the circumstance - will go into AngryCrazyRachel mode, or PitifulRachel mode."

"And that is like me, how?"

"Well, you did step one, almost to the T. However, you bypassed debate mode, and thankfully crazy/angry mode, and now just went nuclear, and went straight for the big browns..."

"Is it working?"

He sighed. "I wish it was, Lea. But honest to God, it's...not going to happen."

"Why?"

"Have you seen the movie 'Rent'? No, you haven't. Neither did anyone else. Look, its true what they say...the camera adds 10 pounds. What they don't tell you is it adds 15 years..."

"What are you saying, Artie?"

"Don't you dare box me in, munchkin. I love all of you, I do. But I don't think anyone past thirty, which you are now, should be prancing around as a high school ingineue. It's like the sonic sound barrier."

She had an odd smile.

"I agree, Artie. However, audiences would buy me as a college student and the early Broadway years...they do every Thursday night at 9pm eastern standard time, after all."

"When you're not on hiatus, anyway..."He grumbled. "Hate that. Wait a minute...Act II? Are you planning on assissinating Rachel Berry?"

She laughed. "I think she's invunerable to death, actually." She leaned forward. "No, Rachel's herself...in Act III."

"What happens to Act I?"

"Nothing."

"Well, if you're Rachel Act II, and Rachel's Rachel Act III, who's Rachel Act I?"

"I haven't figured that out, but I know who Baby Q is."

"Enlighten Me."

"Emma Roberts, with contacts."

He paused. "Hmm. Could be. But you don't know if she's even interested."

"She's interested."

"You know this, how?"

"I asked her, when she guested last week." Lea said, matter of factly.

"I see. Who else have you cast?"

"Are you ready? Act II is...the comback of Beth Corcoran."

"Okay. Right after the Monkeys fly out of my ass. Next. Who is Quinn old?"

"Betty White."

"Interesting..."

She smacked him. "No, douf. Not Betty White, even if she would kick ass. No, this is where I'm genus: Old Quinn is played by the REAL old Quinn!"

"What?"

"Artie, I saw the tapes of your national victory - the memory lane one? Yes, Rachel is the star, no doubt. But my God, Quinn...she's magnetic. Think - just months prior to that performance, she was not even ambulatory! And then... wow! You can't take your eyes off of her!"

Artie's pride was still a bit sore from that whole era. "Yeah," He acknowledged, tightly.

"C'mon. She's the camera's darling. She is!"

"Yes, she is. She's Quinn Fabray, after all."

Noticing the change in his body language, she changed the subject.

"How do you propose, Lea, to get Beth to sign on to this little project? Its 180 degrees apart from what she's doing now, she has no interest in acting, anymore. You remember that little thing called the hippocratic oath?"

"She would, if you pledge 10% of the profits to Stacy's House Organizational Fund."

"Well, you've thought this through." He shook his head. "Why her? Why does it have to be her?"

"Did you read her op-ed in the New England Journal of Medicine? No? Of course not. Well, it was so well written, so mature, and she made me believe in reform of the health care system - so that all pepople would be looked at fairly. People wouldn't be judged, on where they've been...or what their mental abilities are..."

"Or if they're recovering addicts."

Her jaw tensed up. "Or that, yes."

"Look, Lea, I get it. The two of you really bonded during the play, and then she was gone, and it wasn't the same for you. And now, you've both suffered loss- profound loss- that's driving you forward in the today. But Lea, wouldn't it be simpler to just call her up and have lunch with her? Renew your friendship?"

Lea gave him a stony look.

"Well, I'm just sayin'...is it really necessary to create an entire production around a movie that's going to flop, all so you can renew your BFF status with Beth?"

"It won't flop, Artie."

"NO ONE wants to see a bunch of yapping...women yapping...lesbian women yapping...angry lesbian women yapping!"

"That's where you're wrong. Everyone wants to see that! Especially if it's sexy angry lesbian women yapping."

"At its core, its kind of boring. Its dull for movies. But I give you this, L,I does tweak a bit of interest, especialy if it's sexy angry lesbian women yapping...sexily."

"Sexily? Is that even a word?"

"Does it convey what I'm feelin', dawg?"

Lea visibly shuddered. "Do not ever utter that phrase again, in your natural lifetime, Artie."

"Hey, I'm the director. I get to be eccentric and nerdy."

"Mmm. It's just that its such a slippery slope down from "eccentric" into the "creepy" and "Norman Bates" purvue, however, Dawg. Besides, why you hatin' on these women? I thought you loved the Shell Collector gals!"

"I do love them. I loved them when it was actually happening the first time, and I loved the Q Recap. I even love Faberry 3.0. Clearly I am not the lost demographic as I I loves me some Angry women who yap. Remember, I am the minority of the viewing public."

"Well, Artie, you're a genius. Figure out how to make it the majority. Let's make a movie!"

XOXOXOX

Artie would call it the "Rachel Berry Phenonominia" later in life...anyone that came close to touching the orb of fire that was Rachel, if you circled her universe, some of her magic would even rub off on you. You might even be able to pull off the occasional Rachel Berry miracle.

He watched Lea plot, scheme, cajole, and outright bribe those necessary to get the movie made and cast. Quinn even signed on as long as she didn't have to do frontal nudity. Beth however, was the expected challenge, but oddly Lea never approached her head on.

She had Sue do it.

It wasn't difficult - the back end promise to Stacy's House was a no brainer. Artie imagined the abrupt conversation between the former coach and her former non-HBIC looked something like this:

Sue: Beth. It's Silvester.

Beth: I know. I have caller ID. Also, you're on my speed dial. I talk to you, like, every day.

Sue: (disregarding Beth's rant) So, that amped up ferret who bugs me in a manner very analagous to the actual Rachel Berry ferret called me for the fifteenth time.

Beth: (laughing). Lea? Is this about that movie thing?

Sue: They made an offer we can't refuse.

Beth: Sue, I'm a little busy these days.

Sue: People will still be sick and still dying when you get back. You'll manage their putrid lives and give them an extra 15 miserable days of life when you get back...they'll still be dying for god's sakes! You, however, could use a sabbatical. Your Chief Resident told me you're going to get the residency program put on probation becuase you insist on working more than 80 hours a week on a regular basis.

Beth: I don't clock it.

Sue: You need a life. Come to Hollyweird and read for this movie.

Beth: When?

Sue: They have a plane for you tomorrow.

Beth: Tommorow?

Sue: Did I stutter?

Beth: But...its my call night, and its yellow jello day in the cafeteria! I waited all week for this!

Sue: I have nothing to say to that. Be on the plane, Corcoran. After that yellow jello comment, I'm thinking, its imperative.

Beth: But...

Sue: I am having people come pick you up tomorrow 6am sharp. Do not hide. I will find you. That's how Sue...

Beth: "C"'s it. Bah! (disgruntled) Fine! Damn it.

XOXOXOX

Artie was such a magnificant director because he had been such an astute observer of life. He caught the little things no one else did. He watched, he reflected, he observed, and he wasn't afraid to impletment or improve or put those observations into practice.

So, while Lea gave lip service and did the press junket about how she was looking forward to working with Beth again, because of their commanilities about their loss of loved ones, and all the perfunctory conversations regarding the past, and yet, that's not what Artie observed.

That wasn't the urgency, or the need to work with her again.

Dozens of interviews to the contrary, this wasn't about that. Lea didn't want to work with Beth because of their past similarities mired in tragedy; no... as the days of the read throughs and blocking work on, he observed the shy glances Lea would cast at Beth; the blush that would come over her face when Beth would tease her; and the inexorable manner in which the two would seem to find each other on every break or bit of down time, or end up next to each other in every group photograph.

Artie observed a woman who very much did not want to remain trapped in the past...she was a woman who wanted to move forward. Badly.

"What, so you think she's just using Beth?" Quinn exploded, after hearing Artie's theories about Beth and Lea.

"Shhh! Keep your voice down. Can you go back to when you were the edgy, worldy-wise sounding board, producing-partner I used to have, please?"

"Do you think she's using Beth, Artie?" Quinn's eyes were burning hot. "Because I refuse to let Beth be hurt -

"Calm down, Tiger Mama! Jesus! Forget it, you can't be objective on this."

Quinn pinched the bridge of her nose, and sighed. "Yes, I can, Artie. I'm sorry. Go ahead."

"Besides, even if she wanted to tap dance on Beth's anal pucker for cheap therapy, what are you going to do, Fabray, go in all renegade? Let me order your Chaps...'This here's Sheriff Fabray, and youre not gonna be molestin' my fine as frog hair daughter!' That's not going to work, Quinn."

"I know. I realize how ridicioulous I sounded."

"Besides, I actually don't think Lea has one iota of self-awareness that this is what she's doing."

"Really? Then, why are you so convinced?"

"I mean, well. It's like this...the mind is an amazing organ, Quinn. It will do anything to protect its owner. While I think that Lea's ready to move on. But she lost a significant other, so tragically and unexpectedly, that wow! Shock. But now, time has passed, and she's ready to go forward with her life. But...that would make her feel so guilty, she couldn't live with herself."

"So...she's sublimating."

"Something like that. She pushes this movie to get made, but she gives herself and Beth Act II. Act II, Quinn, the most intimate part of the story. Don't you see? She wants permission to feel all these things for someone, all of this love, and passion, and desire, but she doesn't want to feel guilty. But she wants those things, badly."

"With Beth, or anyone."

"With Beth, most definitely."

"She doesn't set off my gaydar, not even a little bitty bit, A squared."

He chuckled. "It certainly wouldn't be the first time a brunette "went gay" for a Fabray, Quinn."

"Well, what does the great and powerful Oz have to say about Beth, then? Is it a two way street?"

"Good Question. I don't know, hard to read. Beth is so closed off nowadays, its hard to find her currency. But she reminds me of you, back in the you-and-Rachel-and-Finn-High School Musical Days."

Quinn gave him a quizzacal look.

"I mean, like its deja vu again...Beth acts like she's annoyed by all of Lea's ramblings, but she's always justrightthere, next to Lea. I catch her looking at Lea, but it's very controlled. Like she's daring herself to look...or something. Like Lea is her kryptonite."

"Hmm. She sounds just like a Fabray."

"No she's just - hurt. She'll get better."

"Do not deny the Fabray in her!" Quinn said, melodramatically. "It could take weeks."

"Not if," He leaned forward in his most Hitchcockian conspiratorial impression, "you push the envelope, my dear Quinn."

"Tip the velvet?"

"Exactly."

XOXOXOX

"These rewrites...um, I don't think my agent has seen these..."Lea said, in a high pitched nervous tone.

Beth walked up to the table read with her ubiquitous cup of coffee. "What rewrites?"

"Fer Christs Sakes," Said Demi, playing Lima Adjacent, "Lea, no one wants to see your trainer-bra boobies. Please. Unless they're dispensing magnifying glasses with the tickets. This shit'd have to be on IMAX or something."

From the sidelines, Quinn whispered, "Uh oh. Should we step in? Artie, shaking his head, put a hand across in front of Quinn to stop her intervention.

"Wait. Let this unfold."

At the holding pen on the soundstage, Lea's blush was unmistakable. "My breasts are just fine, thank you, just because I don't need to go under the knife to surgically enhance MY talents..."

Demi stepped up and looked down on the smaller brunette. "God, I'm so sick of you! Are you implying I had a boob job, or that I'm untalented?"

Lea raised her eyebrows, defiantly. "Well, if the shoe fits..."

"Let's see this shoe fit up your ass, biyatch!" Demi huffed forward, to which Beth cooly stepped between them.

"Don't spill my coffee, please, Lovato." Beth said, calmly.

Demi paused slightly. "I like you, Beth, don't get involved. This is between me and the hobbit, here."

Beth looked around. "I don't see any hobbits."

Both women huffed.

"Listen, gals, I think we're all ...tired. We've been working some long hours, here. Catching the tail end of your..um..discussion...I think you are failing to hear each other. So if I may, as I understand it: Demi, you would like Lea to stop being so loud on set, and sounding like a frenetic hobbit."

"Yes! Exactly."

"Especially when you're a wee hung over."

"Yup."

Beth turned to face Lea. "Lea, you have essentially called Demi an untalented, breast-enhanced individual, yes?"

"I didn't say that, exactly."

Beth shot her a warning look.

"Okay, I might have implied it."

"To which, Demi took umbrage, understandably so. I think we can all agree Demi is very talented, yes?"

Lea grumbled a yes.

"However, Demi, don't protest too much when your shit, stinks, ¿lo entiendes?"

"What are you implying, Beth?"

"Really?" Beth raised her eyebrows, taking a sip of her coffee.

"Really."

Beth sighed. "Well, Demi, I commend your selection of the trans-axillary augmentation. Smart."

"Oh shit," Whispered Quinn to Artie. "She's going to go all doctor on her ass."

The young physician continued. "The incision line is hard to see. However, the potential disadvantage to this approach, and the reason it is opted for only 10-12% of the time, is that proper implant positioning is very difficult, unless performed by a skilled surgeon, using fiberoptics. And to the trained physician's eye, your left implant is placed asymmetric to your right, not following the Facial Plane."

"Goddamnit, Corcoran."

"Wow." Lea said in amazement.

"Hey, Einstein. You're so goddamned smart with that Grey's Anatomy shit. Why aren't you in the hospital, saving lives instead of with us making a stupid movie?" Demi bantered.

Beth took another drink before replying. Deliberately, she offered, "Who says I didn't just save a life, just now?"

Winking at Lea, Beth then put her arm around Demi. "Besides, there aren't any hot, very talented characters like you in the hospital, Demi. Just boring doctors and sick patients."

She gave her an air-kiss on the cheek, and walked off to finish her coffee in peace. Lea stood transfixed, with a strange smile on her face, watching the cheerleader-turned actress-turned football days

"Wow." Quinn exhaled.

"Yeah, wow." Artie agreed.

"When were you going to tell me about those re-writes, Artie?"

"Never."

"Gratuitous sex? Really?"

"Yep. And lots and lots of it in Act II! Q, We got the green light for an R rating yesterday! Hey, look...I'm helping the cause, sister! We grow the beard, as it were...Lea gets to rap her head around touching another human being again, Beth gets to prove she is an actual human being and not the stepford doctor, and ...hey. Have I mentioned gratuitous sex? That's a stand alone justification in my opinion. "

He grinned, and wheeled away.

XOXOXOXO