A/N: I write every day, just not all of it can be used in the story. Thank you for coming back and reading it still.
We are at the point in the story when I touch an important, yet very sensitive topic. I am doing my absolutely best to be aware of it and show it respectfully.
My beta Saluki168, thank you for holding my hand. Pre-readers Rodeomom_95 and philadelphic your support is priceless. MichelleMMarie, thank you for previewing; and Twitchling, you know what you mean to me. Love you.
Disclaimer: SM owns everything Twilight, I only borrow. It's my characters who steal. The question is still why.
Chapter 26
Reveling
BPOV
Every now and then Charlie talked to me about the law and its different shades. For the most part he made it simple: break the rules and you were in trouble, follow the law, and you were the winner. He preached the letter of the law, and you'd think that as a cop the color spectrum of his outlook at life would be limited to just that: right and wrong, black and white, no shades allowed. And yet, my father liked to surprise me on occasion, showing his respect for the many shades of grey in between. Because, as he liked to put it, the spirit of the law deserved some color too.
"I wouldn't send someone to jail for jaywalking, Bells," he joked. "However, I would haul your ass to chill there for a while if I busted you for underage drinking."
My father was subtle with his clues, as ever.
"I'll make a note of that." I laughed.
"You do that, kid," he suggested, unsuccessfully hiding a smile.
"You know, Dad, if you sent every drunken teenager to jail, there'd be no space left for real criminals."
"You're right, and I'd have no adult friends left in Clallam County, either." He smiled, openly this time; his bushy brows turned up to show his soft brown eyes, their color matching mine. "Everyone is so damn sensitive about their precious kids nowadays, even though most of them deserve a good spanking and removal of all privileges until they show signs of growing up. But I do like to make a case once in a while. And remember, Swans get no second chances. We live by example."
So, no gray shades of the law for Swans. Duly noted.
xxx
The darn box just wouldn't fit in on the shelf. I pushed, shoved, and even punched it a few times because damn it, out of the two of us, who was supposed to be stronger?
Charlie liked to say, "If it doesn't fit, be smart and try another way to make it work because some things are not meant to be fit no matter how much you force it. All it would do is break."
Be smart, huh? I shoved the box again, feeling the burn running down the strained muscle on my back. It was going to hurt tomorrow for sure. I scoffed at myself, "Tomorrow".
It hurts now, okay? My heart–my pride.
No, I wasn't smart and I couldn't even make simple things work the right way.
Why wouldn't it fit, dammit?
With my arms still holding up the stubborn box full of expensive wooden hangers (because Alice wouldn't settle for any other kind), I pressed my forehead against the shelf. My arms were getting tired and with the pulled muscle I couldn't bring the heavy box down without dropping it and making a lot of noise. I didn't want to make any noise; I wanted to disappear instead. Quietly.
The cautious, slow steps stopped right behind me. I shuffled on my feet, making another attempt to push the box onto the shelf and groaned in defeat. His chest pressed against my back, and a moment later the box was fitted in its place easily, effortlessly. Of course.
I started curling and uncurling my fingers and bending my arms, trying to bring some blood-flow back to my limbs to get rid of the numbness.
"Bella." His breath warmed the back of my head.
I huffed, unwilling to turn and face him yet. I should have been used to the hot and cold with Edward, but apparently I was a glutton for punishment since I kept coming back for more. Even after seeing and hearing him openly denying having any sort of relationship with me in front of his sister and her boyfriend, I was still here. Why? I sighed.
Slowly, as if he was expecting me to lash out at him, Edward wrapped his arm around my chest from behind, bringing me closer to him.
"I'm sorry for what you heard, for every word said out there." He sighed. "You shouldn't have been subjected to that."
I couldn't face him and I couldn't push him away either. Instead, I slouched against him, accepting his warmth, his embrace, and his intensity.
"Say something, Bella. It's killing me," he begged when I didn't respond for a while.
Affected by the anxiety in his voice, I brought my hand up and hugged his arm. He kissed the top of my head, once, twice. I stood motionless, still confused by what I witnessed earlier and how crestfallen Edward seemed now. He released me from his hold and gently nudged my shoulder to turn around. When I did, I found him standing awkwardly with his arms by his sides and slumped shoulders. His hair was ruffled into a mess. "Whatever you heard didn't mean anything. I was only trying to protect you," he said gruffly.
Even if he was, I didn't feel protected at that time. Vulnerable–yes, rejected–yes, but not protected.
I saw his hand twitch; he wanted to touch me again but stopped himself, probably because of the defiant expression on my face. "I hate that bastard," he exhaled loudly. "He ruins everything."
In all fairness, the little hints I had gotten from Edward should've been enough for me to know that he wasn't exactly fond of Alice's boyfriend. He never made it a secret. I just chose to ignore the clues because it was easier to live in the make-believe reality Edward and I had existed in for the past few weeks. But Jasper was definitely real, and he knew something Edward didn't want me to find out. Something that made me feel plain, average, and small. Something I forgot for a short while. Of course, it was always right below the surface and took only a few words from a self-assured man to remind me how little chance I had to be Edward's one and only.
"Do you know the story about the Sword of Damocles?" he asked suddenly.
I shook my head, not surprised; it wasn't as if Edward hadn't tried to derail our conversations at mid-point before.
He smiled sadly. "Finally something I can impress you with. According to the Greek legend, Damocles was a jealous courtier who envied his king Dionysius' fortune and lavish life. As a result, Dionysius offered Damocles to try it out, but with that offer he also ordered his servants to hang a sharp sword above the throne. The sword was suspended from the ceiling by a horse hair and hovered directly over Damocles head, constantly threatening his life. Naturally, he couldn't enjoy the power and the wealth granted to him while in perpetual fear for his life, and soon he begged his king to allow him to step down."
I looked at Edward, frowning. "Are you telling me you're Damocles?"
He rubbed the back of his neck. "I... Yeah. Pretty much."
I sighed and reached for his arm. "Edward, if it's me you're constantly worried about, please don't. I'll be fine. And Jasper can say whatever he wants."
I wanted to sound convincing, but by the way Edward winced at my words and flinched away from my touch, I knew there was no point in trying.
"Whatever he wants?" He bristled. "He is a manipulative asshole. He can twist the truth to the point you don't know where it ends and the lie begins. He's mastered the art to a fucking perfection."
"I could tell. I saw it," I replied, remembering Jasper's smirk while he was leaning against the table in an exaggerated relaxing pose and joking at Edward's expense.
"What did you see?" Edward scowled at me, just like he did when he saw me walking into him talking to Jasper and Alice.
"He was hurting you and enjoying it."
"Well, that's what he does."
"I hate him for that," I said with conviction.
"If he hurts you I'll kill him," he spat, making me flinch.
"Edward," I admonished him, shaking my head. He took a deep breath, trying to calm down.
"Look, you have to promise me something," he said, making a step towards me and placing his hand against the shelf behind me.
I tensed. "What is it?"
"Promise first."
"No. First tell me what it is you want my word on."
"Always so stubborn," he murmured, leaning closer. "Doesn't know what's good for her. Never gives in.
"This is not a joke, Bella," he argued, yet his mouth twitched into my favorite lopsided smile. He softly pushed a strand of hair behind my ear. "But yes, my lollipop girl, I like it." His hand covered my cheek.
"Why do you call me that?" I asked, covering his hand with mine as he pressed it to the side of my face.
"You smell and taste like candy. Strawberry."
"My favorite." I grinned.
"Yes, I know. Please, Bella, listen to me this one time." His other hand moved to cradle my cheek, demanding my full attention. As if he ever didn't have it. "I need you to promise me that you'll stay away from Jasper. You can't trust him. Now that he's seen you, now that he's seen the way I act when I'm around you, he'll be looking for ways to get to you, too."
He kept his hands on my face, holding me firmly, making sure I didn't look away. "He will try to manipulate you. That's what he does best: he finds weakness and pushes until you break. Stay away from him."
"Okay." I couldn't help but wonder what Edward's weakness was.
"I have more than one," he said, somehow knowing exactly what I was thinking. " That's why it's so easy for him to get to me."
He paused for a moment and then leaned to kiss me, first on my lips, softly, and then just above my eyebrow. "You are one of them," he murmured against my skin. "Surely, you know that. And I swear to God, I will not let him damage you like he did with us."
This was one of those times when I knew that I couldn't use the 'I'm a big girl, I can handle it' argument with Edward. He obviously knew Jasper well and should have been accustomed to the dynamic of their relationship, yet the ease with which Jasper manipulated him earlier into a raging, shaking mess spoke volumes about his manipulative abilities. It was painful to watch. Thinking back, it was strange that Alice, being in the middle of their exchange, didn't have a stronger reaction. She hardly interfered.
"What about Alice?" I asked. "They've been together for a while now, right?"
"What has she told you about Jasper?'
I thought about it. Surprisingly, so far she hadn't shared much. I knew she had a boyfriend, and on occasion she'd mentioned little things about him. I heard her talking with him on the phone a few times, but she'd always left the room when I was too close.
"I knew Alice had a boyfriend, but I didn't know it was him. Jasper, I mean. It seems like she's been a little frustrated with him lately. Something about him being absent-minded and secretive, but by the way she talks about him I always assumed that she loved him very much."
Edward let me go, slanting a look at me. "He doesn't deserve her."
"She must see something in him. There's got to be some good in a guy for Alice to give him her heart, don't you think?"
"Not at all. It's happened to her before, Bella. And it was... She was in agony." He rubbed his neck, grimacing at his own words. "And I was a shitty brother who didn't pay attention."
He looked like he was in pain, and I had no idea how to help him. All I could do was listen.
He sighed, but it seemed that was all he was willing to tell me about Alice's past.
"I just wish she could see him clearly. I don't know how to convince her."
"Do you think he cares about her at all?"
"Are you asking me if he is capable of caring about anything or anyone? The jury is still out."
"Alice is smart, give her a little credit, Edward."
The picture he was painting of her wasn't exactly fair to my friend. The Alice I had gotten to know over the past month was sharp, witty, and a great business woman. Could he blame me for being skeptical?
"That's all I've been doing. But it's getting more and more difficult for me to deal with him." He leaned on the shelf, supporting himself by one bent arm, his fingers formed a fist.
"Look. He might not show up here again for a long time," I suggested quickly. "Today was the first time I've seen him since... since that time at the bookstore. So, I don't think you have anything to worry about."
I was itching to ask him why I had to worry about him at all. He was a jerk, that was obvious, but besides that, what was so dangerous about Jasper that I had to be afraid of him?
"Trust me," Edward responded firmly, "he'll be around. And he'll be fucking with us. Just like he did today."
That was not a prospect I was looking forward to, but I nodded, showing that I took the warning seriously.
"You can ask me, Bella," Edward said after a pause, his eyes flashing to mine.
With unease instantly settling in my stomach, I looked away, somehow knowing what it was that Edward wanted to address. I, on another hand, wasn't sure I was that interested. I suddenly wished I could find a place to hide and just... not deal with it.
I shook my head. "No. It doesn't matter."
"It matters. Ask me."
I shook my head again. I didn't want to hear it.
"Remember, I warned you before?"
"I remember."
"You thought you could handle it, handle what I am. Well, here it is."
"I don't want to know." I ducked my head, avoiding his eyes. My heart pounded in my chest.
"I did see a girl yesterday."
I swayed on my feet. So, Jasper didn't lie.
That hurt so much I spaced out.
"Bella, did you hear me?"
I did, and it hurt too damn much.
"I... Yes. I heard you." I heard him, although I wish I hadn't because I didn't think I would handle it well. I made my feet move to the furthest corner of the room, to another shelf laden with boxes and started stabbing one, trying to open it. I had no idea what the hell I was looking for.
Of course, Edward followed me. "And? Goddammit, Bella! Look at me!"
He was getting frustrated with me. Did he have any idea how frustrating it was for me? I turned to face him, narrowing my eyes. "Okay. I heard. I looked. You warned me. And you've been honest. Are we done?" I lifted the beat up box from the shelf and then dropped it down with a loud sound. Better that he hear the contents of the box breaking than me.
"See, right there," he said quietly as I started to walk away again. "He already got to you."
I spun around. "Oh no, this isn't about Jasper. He won't be the one getting between us, only you have that power."
Edward grabbed my hand, not letting me take another step away. "Power? You don't know what you're talking about. I was just trying to tell you how little of my life I can control."
"Right, as if some Greek legend can justify your fear of... What are you afraid of exactly? If you want to date other people, you can just damn well tell me that much and move on." I jerked my arm, trying to break free, but he didn't let me. "You don't need to use some allegorical crap to tell me the truth."
"There are no other people," he said firmly, wrapping his fingers around my wrist tighter.
"You just said there is another girl."
"If you would let me finish, please. There is a girl I have to see on occasion." He paused with a deep sigh and then pulled my hand to come closer. I unwillingly made a step towards him. "My interactions with her mean nothing, never will. She's just a business connection I have to work with and nothing more."
"If it's just a business connection, why are you telling me? You always steer me clear from your business." I finally snatched my hand away.
"Because I'd rather you hear it from me than from that jerk who will twist everything around. I'll be the first to admit that he gets under my skin too often, and I don't always handle it well. I'm afraid he'll do the same to you. How can I not be? You barely spoke with him today and look, you're already flipping out."
I snorted. "Me? You should've seen yourself over there. I thought you were going to rip his head off."
"Not going to lie, the thought did cross my mind," he said darkly. I searched his face for signs that he wasn't serious.
He sighed, and the severe look in his eyes softened. "Look, from where I see it, Jasper will be around and will keep instigating and manipulating. But I'm going to be finished with that business of ours soon." He chewed on the inside of his cheek, nodding at some inner thought, and then smiled at me; it was unexpectedly bright. "It will be over soon."
"Do you like her?" I asked because it still bugged me, the existence of some other girl.
"Who?"
"Your business connection?" I made air quotes. "Do you like her?"
His face darkened again. "Not in the slightest. It's not about her."
"Oh, I know, it's about me," I responded bitterly.
"God," he groaned, "what would it take for you to believe me?"
I shrugged without answering. It wasn't about trusting him. I wasn't eager to voice my insecurities because neither of us needed a reminder that Edward was older, and safe to assume, a lot more experienced. Whether I wanted it or not, there was some competition out there, and, let's face it, I wasn't holding up that well against it.
"Have I ever given you a reason to think I'm interested in someone else?" Edward asked, exasperated.
"I don't know, Edward." I tried to keep my tone nonchalant. "You're you, you do what you want. Come and go. Call one evening, disappear next. Besides, you refuse to..." I swallowed loudly. "You don't touch me...that way."
It had been weeks since we started... I guess it could be called dating. What else would you call a relationship in which you spend several days a week in each other's company? A relationship that included such intense make out sessions that I was dizzy for hours later, left burning and aching.
There was a lot of touching. Edward had the most amazing hands and the softest lips and skin, but he'd always stop right when I felt I was ready for more. His restraint amazed me. On some evenings we'd gone as far as me unbuttoning his shirt and kissing every inch of exposed skin. He allowed that while shaking, whispering sweet words to me, sinking his fingers into my hair, but never beyond, never taking his shirt completely off. And he never touched my buttons. Oh, I so tried to be clever. Dresses with spaghetti straps when it wasn't raining, thin cardigans with easy to undo buttons when it was, and skirts. I started to appreciate the short, flirty skirts regardless of how uncomfortable I was in them at the beginning. I was showing off a lot of skin. The look on Edward's face when I straddled his bike for the first time while wearing one was priceless. I don't think he removed his hand from my knee all night, and I loved it.
Yes, we touched, but having his hands on my knees and my shoulders or over my clothes wasn't enough. My fantasies were far beyond that, and I wanted Edward to show me that he wanted me the same way. Today. It was important to me that he showed he wanted me today.
"Which way is that, Bella?" he asked, stepping right before me and trapping me against the wall. His voice was deep, and soft, seeping through every pore of my skin. Which way? As if he didn't know. I ached for him to finally lay his hands on me in such way that would make me come undone.
"The way I want you," I whispered. Oh god, what was I doing? The rejection was going to sting so much.
I felt not only my cheeks flush, but also my neck and my chest. The wall behind me was cold, but I wasn't getting any relief from that. It was the exact spot where Edward kissed me the first time. His eyes brightened, a slow smile spread across his face. He remembered that too.
Moving closer, he hovered over me; I tensed in anticipation.
"Tell me, Bella," he demanded, bringing has hand up to my neck, tangling his fingers in my hair.
I licked my lips, happy he was into it as much as I was. "Do we have to talk?"
He paused, watching my mouth as I sucked on a corner of it. "No," he rasped.
He nudged my knees apart and I responded immediately, letting his leg slide in between. I felt his fingers drag over the hem of my dress, pushing it up a little. He raised his eyebrow at me in question.
He had touched me this way many times before, so he really didn't have to ask, but this time I could feel that it was going to be different. There was going to be more. I wanted everything.
His fingers grazed over the skin of my thigh, inducing a goose bump trail as they kept moving up to my hip. They halted at the string of my bikini. A tiny string bikini that I had thoughtfully paired up with the short, spaghetti-strap summer dress I had on. Go me!
Edward gasped, fingering the string. "What's this?" he demanded.
"A string bikini," I informed him in a somewhat shaky voice. "Is something wrong?" If my naiveté could ever be used to my advantage, I felt now was an excellent time to play it up. He groaned, digging his fingers into my hip.
"I know it's a string bikini, Bella." He ignored my question. "I want to know why you're wearing it. You're practically naked here."
"Hardly. It's not like I'm wearing a thong."
That was the first time ever I actually said a word "thong" out loud, but Edward didn't need to know that.
"Are you trying to kill me?" he moaned. His hand on my hip pulled me closer to him. I wasn't going to resist.
"You don't look like you're dying," I mumbled, feeling his fingers slide under the string, his thumb pressing over my hip bone. At this rate I could be the one leaving this Earth prematurely. I needed to remember to breathe. At least once in a while.
Raising myself on my toes I pulled him to me and kissed the side of his neck while inhaling his scent– musky and sweet–intoxicating.
"Bella." He groaned, craning to give me better access. Encouraged, I began placing an open-mouth kisses on his throat.
He squeezed the back of my neck, pressing my face to him. My hands roamed over his back, and without thinking I pushed them under his shirt, hungry for more of his bare skin.
He gasped loudly when my fingers ran over his shoulder blades, scratching him lightly. He leaned back to look at me. "I want to touch you," he whispered, his eyes flickering between mine, wild. I nodded, anxious, and so wound up.
"Yeah?" His hand released the tight grip on my hip and traveled lower, brushing slowly over the panties between my legs.
"Oh." I jerked at the unexpected blinding sensation of his touch.
"This is too good," he grunted, "too much." And before I could disagree, his fingers were gone, leaving me incredibly disappointed.
I couldn't have that; pulling one hand from under his shirt, I grabbed his, brought it to my mouth, and kissed his palm, tasting the salt of his sweat and the bitter remnant of cigarettes on the inner side of his fingers. There was nothing more inviting or sexier to me.
"Jesus," he breathed. "What are you doing to me?"
I smiled, enjoying the expression of pure lust on his face. With unexpected vehemence, he pressed me flat against the wall. I could feel him; I could feel all of him. His mouth crushed against mine, demanding, feverish, unstoppable. I took his tongue in, sucking and biting. I couldn't stop either. Dragging my nails over his shoulder blades, I snaked my hand under his arm and hugged him, pulling him even closer to me, pressing myself into him. It wasn't enough. I felt as if the only way for me to be close enough was if I were under his skin.
"Say no, Bella," Edward panted, grinding against my stomach. "God, please, say stop."
"Why?" I sucked on his Adam apple, feeling the sounds of his low voice reverberate in his throat. I loved it.
"Because I can't."
"I don't want you to stop."
"Tell me what you want," he panted when I pressed myself to him harder, rubbing against him.
"Everything."
"It's yours already." He reached for my knee and pulled my leg up to his hip.
"You don't mean it." I wanted him closer, harder against me, lost in me. I felt gone and lost already.
"I never lie to you. The way I want you, it drives me absolutely insane." He pushed me almost painfully against the wall. "How can you not feel it?"
"I'm the inexperienced one, remember?" I mumbled, rocking my hips in time with his movements.
"So not a good time to bring this up right now," he objected into my neck. His teeth grazed over my exposed shoulder.
"Accept it." I shuddered when he bit lightly on the skin at the slope of my neck.
It was starting to feel so good; his kisses and the pressure between my legs while I kept grinding against him in circles, feeling the ache inside me building, building.
Edward suddenly bent down, grabbed me by my thighs and lifted me up. "Do you want me like this?" he asked, helping to wrap my legs around his hips.
"Yes, and more." I pushed, feeling him hard right where I needed him, helping my ache.
"Not yet, but yes, I'm dying to have everything with you."
He kissed me hard, his tongue entering my mouth, making me groan. We kissed for what seemed like forever; I held my hands on his shoulders, squeezing, enjoying the contractions of the firm muscles under my palms. Edward's mouth was merciless, hungry, and so were his fingers on my bottom.
"Everything?" I asked when we finally came up for air. "Tell me."
"My girl likes dirty talk?" he chuckled softly. Tracing his tongue up to the end of my jaw line he kissed and sucked on the skin behind my ear. And as if there was a wire running down my body, the desire shot straight through me.
"Edward," I gasped loudly. "More."
"Soon, Bella." He began pushing against me faster, rhythmically rubbing me in just the right way and right where I needed it the most. "I'll ask you to trust me not only with your mind, but also with your body."
"I trust you," I panted, barely coherent, the feeling inside me was growing, building, and I prayed that Edward didn't stop. "Don't stop. Please don't stop," I begged, clinging to him, pushing, moving my hips to meet his.
"I won't, I can't," he breathed next to my ear. "I need you to give this to me. My Bella, my beautiful girl."
We kissed again. Edward's mouth had never been this demanding, and I couldn't get enough of his taste. I could feel the wall behind me with my entire body. My shoulders would probably be bruised tomorrow from being roughly pushed against the hard surface for so long. I didn't care.
"Oh my God," I moaned. I knew it wasn't going to be long. "Edward, yes."
"Like this?" The friction between us was bringing me higher. I was gasping for air, my heart beat so fast, somewhere in my throat, that I thought I would choke on it.
Yes, like this. Please.
I couldn't talk, only moan, and when the bright feeling inside me coiled impossibly tight and then burst into a million pieces, I cried out and bit on Edward's neck, hard.
"Bella!" He let out a long, loud grunt, pushing into me several times more, shaking against me.
It finally felt like we were close enough for me to breathe; we had something we both wanted and it tied us together, made us one. The feeling was so overwhelming I had to press my face against Edward's shoulder and wrap my arms around him so tight, he chuckled.
"I'm right here, baby, right here," he murmured as if he knew how I felt. He pressed his lips to my temple.
"I'm sorry." I bent to kiss the spot on his neck where I just bit him. Edward was always so careful with me, and there I was losing it like that. There would probably be a mark tomorrow.
"Don't ever be sorry for feeling free and enjoying yourself," he told me, carefully lowering me down.
He didn't let me go until he made sure I could stand on my own shaky legs. After that, he cupped my face and kissed me again. "Thank you."
"For what, Edward?" I asked, perplexed.
"For giving me something I've been dreaming about for a long time. For letting me see you and feel you this way. For being mine."
"Are you?" I asked, bringing my hand up to the side of his neck again, brushing over the spot where I marked him. Are you mine?
"I am, Bella, with everything I have I am," he answered, taking my hand in his and kissing it with ardor.
xxx
"He had a birthday three weeks ago and didn't tell me?" I wailed at Alice. She jumped at the sound of my voice being an octave higher than usual, spilling tea on herself.
"Gee, Bella, chill out. It's not the end of the world," she chided me, brushing the liquid from her now wet dress and reaching for a napkin.
"Sorry, sorry!" I exclaimed, handing her a few more.
It was another day of me helping Alice at the store and probably the slowest afternoon I had seen here since starting last month.
"So he didn't announce it. It's not that big of a deal."
"Easy for you to say," I protested. "How old did he turn? Twenty six?"
"Twenty five, actually. Why?"
"When we met two months ago he said he already was twenty five."
"So?" She got up to throw the wet wad of napkins away. "What difference does it make?"
"He did it in purpose," I mumbled. "He wanted to push me away."
"It didn't look like it last time I saw you two together," she laughed. "Damn, girl, my brother has never been so into someone. You make him look like a puddle of goo when he's around you."
"Really?" Momentarily melting, I smiled. "Um, have you ever met his..." I paused, not sure how to call his previous dating partners.
"Not once," she assured me.
I sighed. "That's good, right?" I asked.
"You betcha." Alice grinned. "You shouldn't worry about his age."
"Except that him being older doesn't give us a lot of advantage right now, you know?"
"It depends how you look at it." She winked.
I blushed, looking down at my tea. I still didn't like that I missed his birthday. My mind immediately wondered, trying to come up with ideas for a perfect present. I'd have to think about that some more and possibly ask Alice for advice. But first I'd have to talk to Edward. About the age part he exaggerated, of course, not about the present. The present would have to be a surprise. Ugh, why did everything have to be so confusing?
"You're overanalyzing it, Bella." Alice touched my elbow. "Women want to be younger, men care about it a lot less."
"Except in our case it's reversed."
"Not for long, Bella," she laughed. "I'm twenty three and I already envy your youth."
"Oh, please." I rolled my eyes. "Don't be ridiculous."
"But it's true."
"What, you miss illegal drinking?" I asked, chuckling.
"I never cared for drinking." She shrugged.
"Not even in college?"
Her face fell slightly; she glanced at me with a strange, wistful expression on her face. "Drinking doesn't agree with me. Even when I'm off my meds."
I stopped laughing immediately. "Meds?"
"We'll talk about it some other time." She started flipping through the old magazine on the table.
"Alice, are you okay?" I waited for her to look at me, but she wouldn't. "Hey," I called out softly.
She closed the magazine and sighed. Her unfocused dark, round eyes seemed larger from sadness shadowing over her features. "Yeah, no worries. I don't like talking about it."
"Do you talk to anyone else?" I asked carefully, knowing that I walked a fine line between being considerate and nosy. But she was my friend, the only close female friend I had, and I felt it was my duty to make sure she was all right.
"Not lately. Are you planning to go to college?"
"I'm starting to think about it, but nothing concrete yet." I answered, the decision time seemed too far away. I wasn't there yet, but I knew I'd have to start looking into the choices soon.
"Picking the right place and getting in is nerve-racking, but fun. You know, I was the odd one out in college," Alice said thoughtfully. "I avoided the booze and parties, but I never felt like I was missing out. I was in lo-o-ove," she accentuated the last word, clearly making fun of herself. I smiled.
"So, I spent my entire time there trying to please my boyfriend," she continued with a tinge of nostalgia mixed with regret in her voice, "while he was busy taking care of himself. James was paranoid about staying healthy and looking good. He did yoga like no one's business, and I don't think he had ever had a cigarette in his life. Unlike Jasper who is a chain smoker."
"Ew."
"Double-standards, Bella, my brother smokes too."
"He's not a chain-smoker, though."
"Don't judge. It sounds strange now, but after James broke up with me I hated him so much for hurting me, I actually liked that Jasper smoked. He was so unlike James when we met."
I sat, astonished from how much she was sharing with me, thankful for every word and itching to ask questions. What if I was in luck today and she'd tell me more about her and Edward's family?
"I'm sorry you were hurt," I said sincerely.
"He was my first." Alice shrugged her shoulder. "They don't usually work out."
She glanced at me and added quickly, "There are exceptions, of course."
Right. Did she mean me and Edward? My heart flipped at the thought. I wanted us to be an exception to every nonsensical rule even if we hadn't spoken the words or defined our status.
I cleared my throat, uncomfortable with the silence stretching for a little too long while Alice openly studied my face.
"What about Jasper?" I asked her for sheer purpose of bringing the focus away from me. I was an open book anyway. It was Edward's family that was still a mystery to me, including Alice.
"Does Jasper treat you right?" I clarified my question, incredulity clear in my tone.
Even if Edward hadn't issued a red-alert in the most rigid way, I'd probably be dubious about Jasper on my own. From my two brief interactions with that guy, I'd gotten nothing but bad vibes and I wanted to understand what Alice saw in him.
"Why wouldn't he?" she asked slowly, cocking her head.
I shrugged, momentarily regretting my invasiveness.
"Bella, please, don't take Edward's side," she huffed, irritated. "No boy is ever going to be good enough for me in his eyes. But Edward is not perfect either, although you might disagree."
I smiled. "He is pretty awesome in my book, but true, not perfect. Although, I kind of like him that way."
"Kinda?" Alice arched her eyebrow at me. There we go again.
"When he doesn't get hung up on silly things," I responded as lightly as I could. "Like our difference in age."
"He'll get over it, you'll see. When are you turning eighteen?"
"In two months. But sometimes I think that even when I do it won't make a difference for Edward. He's always going to be walking on a eggshells around me. It's annoying."
Alice shook her head. "No, Bella, he might have tried to scare you a little at the beginning, but your age has nothing to do with him not telling you about his birthday."
"What is it then?" I pushed, feeling like we were going in circles.
Alice sighed. "Edward hates celebrations. Birthdays, anniversaries, job promotions, and especially those happening in June. He hates the whole month of June, actually."
"Why?"
Alice darted her eyes to me and busied herself with opening a new packet of sugar for her tea. She tugged the corner, tearing the packet right in the middle and spilling the powder all over the table.
"Shit," she muttered. There went another napkin working on dusting it off.
"It's a very unfortunate month for all of us," she said finally, giving up on the cleaning and picking up what was left of her tea.
I nodded into my own cup, slightly exasperated. What was it with all that evasiveness in their family?
She sighed. "There is no secret, Bella. Just bad memories. Our mom passed away in June. It's been fourteen years."
"I'm so sorry, Alice."
Her face was sad when she smiled and whispered, "Thank you. I still miss her very much."
I kind of knew. I missed my mom; thank goodness Renee was alive and well, but she was thousands miles away and I hadn't seen her in over six months.
"Want to see her picture?" Alice asked, perking up.
"Of course, I would love to."
It was a small wallet-size picture of a woman in her mid-thirties and three kids. Unmistakably, the toddler girl on her lap was Alice and a little boy with copper hair falling in his eyes standing at her left hand was Edward. He didn't seem to be in the mood for taking pictures while Alice looked happy, smiling, with her arm around the woman's neck.
"Her name was Elizabeth," Alice whispered, brushing her fingers over the edge of the photograph. This is the only picture left of all of us together. And this is Emmett."
I studied the face of the boy, his hair the same dark shade as Alice's. He looked very serious, but you could tell he didn't mean it; he was just posing and the minute after this shot was taken he probably flicked his younger brother's ear or something like that.
"She was incredible," Alice gushed. "She was a singer and a dancer, performing at the local theater. She was originally from Chicago."
I kept looking at the face of the woman with long auburn curls and green eyes who smiled into the camera with her hands around all three of her children. Still, although this family looked happy, it wasn't complete. Like mine. I decided that asking Alice about their father would be rude; hopefully there would be another opportunity to talk about him. I handed the picture back to Alice. "She was beautiful, Alice. Thank you for sharing this with me."
"You haven't seen all of it." She smiled.
I tilted my head, praying that she would elaborate.
"You know what?" Alice pushed her chair back and jumped on her feet. "What time is it? Six-thirty? I think we can start closing. It's dead here today anyway."
"Are you sure? You're always so..." It wasn't like Alice to just up and leave her business.
"Bella, no one will show up today, I just know it. Let's go."
"Sure." I got up, picking up my cup and the plate with Vera's pie leftovers. "Let me clean this up and I'll be out of your hair."
"Oh, no, that's not what I meant. I'm not closing early for no reason. Do you have any plans for today?"
"Um, Edward was supposed to come here, we planned to hang out. We missed one of the events at the bookstore last week." I blushed, remembering the reason why we missed it. The stockroom here had sure seen some steamy action that night; I bit my lip trying to not smile from the intense memories.
I would have lied if I said I wasn't anxiously looking forward to see Edward today. Ever since that evening, it seemed as if Edward's self-control came loose by another notch. We texted each other furiously all day, every day, and the late call last night was as close to phone sex as I imagined we would come. I couldn't even tell how we ended up talking intimately, but before I knew it, I was hanging up the phone and using my fingers to bring myself to release.
I certainly had a reason to blush from my own thoughts, and I couldn't wait to see Edward this evening, hoping that maybe, maybe I could find a way to tell him how last night ended and see his reaction. I giggled.
"Bella, hello?" Alice waved in front of my face. "Do you realize that you space out the second someone says Edward's name?" She chuckled.
"Uh, sorry?" I slipped into the restroom to clean the plates; her laugh followed me.
"I just called Edward and told him to stay home," she announced when I came back out.
"What? Why?" I froze.
What kind of friend was Alice if she wanted to keep me away from my... my flame. Yeah, I liked that word. Edward was my flame. He was the reason I burned inside out.
"No worries, Bella, you'll see him tonight. You know why? Because I'm inviting you to our house. I think you should meet some other very important people in my life."
"But," I stammered. "Edward told me..."
"Screw Edward, he doesn't own you. You're my friend too, and he needs to stop trying to hide what's not just his."
Before I could come up with a reply, I was twirled around and being pushed out of the store.
"Alice, the register and cleaning up–"
"I just closed it, and I can come in an hour earlier tomorrow and take care of the inventory. Give me your phone; you're not talking to Edward until we get there. Follow me in your truck."
O-okay, Miss bossy pants...
Thirty-five minutes later we parked in front of a two-story house at Maple Grove. It was an impressive property surrounded by trees, with a view of the lake on one side and the mountains looming behind it. Charlie's house at Forks was a mini-mouse compare to this estate.
Alice hooked her arm under mine as soon as I was out of my truck.
"Edward will show you around later, there is a lot to see," she said, not letting me spend any time taking in the surroundings, and pulled me towards the house. We walked by the large car-port with several cars, and I noted that both Edward's Volvo and Harley were parked there as well. My heart did a few somersaults, pumped by anxiety and excitement. He was probably going to be very angry with me, but I missed his face, his voice, and the buzz of intensity I constantly felt in his presence.
We walked up to the house, and as we took the stairs I noticed a ramp built on the opposite side. The door swung open the moment Alice started fumbling with the keys; Edward, looking more disheveled than ever in his dark jeans that sat low on his hips and a plain black T-shirt that was way too short, stood blocking the entry-way. He opened his mouth to speak.
"Quit it, Edward, we're already here, so don't embarrass me and yourself in front our guest," Alice demanded immediately, shoving him to the side and walking in. Edward grumbled something unintelligible, raising his hand to mess up his already crazy hair, and as he did, his shirt rode up , showing a sliver of his pale skin. He shot a pained look at me. Oh, no, I was going to come in, even if just to see the results if his hand raised like that a few more times.
"Hi," I issued a quiet greeting, squeezing myself between him and the door frame.
"Bella–" he started.
"I'm sorry, it wasn't my idea," I mumbled, "I would never–"
"Edward!" Alice's voice was colored by aggravation. She grabbed my wrist and pulled me inside. "We talked about this," she hissed at him.
They did? Obviously it went well.
"Alice, what's going on?"
We all turned in the direction of another voice. A tall, blond woman was standing in the door of the room across the wide hallway. She was in a long dark-blue robe with one hand on her hip, in another she held a bowl, with steam rolling from it.
The woman narrowed her eyes at me. "Who's this?"
"Rose, meet Bella, she's my very good friend." Alice slightly pushed me before her; I didn't budge, terrified.
"Who do we have here?" another, more familiar voice exclaimed. I looked up to find Jasper coming down the stairs. A huge smile appeared on his face when he recognized me. "Hello, Bella!"
I heard Edward stifle a groan.
Between unconvincingly cheerful Jasper, obviously annoyed Rose and less than welcoming Edward, I could easily say I was in a middle of a hostile situation.
This was not good. Oh, Alice, what did you get me into?
"Close the door and take your shoes off," Rose instructed us curtly. Her slight accent reminded me of one of the Renee's friends who lived on the East coast and came to visit us every few years.
"Alice, this is not safe, and–"
"Nothing wrong with bringing home a friend, Rose," Alice interrupted her defensively. "Having friends is healthy for everyone." It seemed like she was bringing up some old argument and was trying to stand her ground.
Rose visibly struggled with an answer, as if she didn't exactly disagree with what Alice was saying, but couldn't accept it either. By the way everyone held their breath waiting for her reaction, it was obvious that this woman held a lot of power in this family, which also meant that a negative reaction from her could result in only one thing, I'd be asked to leave this house immediately.
Despite the prospect of a great embarrassment, I shamelessly stared at her, unable to look away. She was intimidatingly beautiful. Gorgeous, really–long shiny hair in that fell in waves around her shoulders, smooth skin, deep-blue eyes– and even in a bath robe and slippers she had presence and poise in her. She gave me a long, scrutinizing look; I tried to keep my eyes connected with hers while she studied me. My friends were important to me too. I guess she saw something in me she approved of after all, because she finally nodded her assent.
"Wash your hands," she muttered before disappearing down the hallway. Did I hear her right?
"I didn't know we were having company tonight," Jasper said merrily, walking up to us as if nothing just happened. He reached to Alice and kissed her forehead. "Hi, sweet thing. Good day?" Smiling, Alice mouthed a 'yes'.
"That's because it wasn't your business to know," Edward said severely, finally shutting the entrance door. He gave me a reminding glance. Oh, how could I forget his warning?
"Okay. You, boys can discuss whatever fun stuff you're discussing while I'm showing Bella the house. Ready, Bella?"
Right, as if you wouldn't drag me around against my will if I wasn't.
Apparently, the room Rose came out of earlier was the kitchen. Good size, relatively new, with a lot of counter space and nice-looking appliances. Following Alice's reminder, we took turns washing our hands, which I thought was an odd custom, but decided not to question it. Obviously Rose meant business around here.
Edward trailed behind us in silence; I could sense that he tried not to stand too close; still, it felt like he was hovering. Jasper walked in a few moments later, headed right to the stove, and started eating something straight from the pan.
"You must be kidding me!" Rose was back, changed into jeans and red tank top. Her hair was up in a bun and a few strands of her hair flew behind her as she rushed to Jasper and snatched the spoon out of his hand. Her eyes shot daggers. "Where are your manners? Get a plate. Sit down like a fucking civilized person."
Wow. Rose wasn't wasting time on being nice.
"Bella," Alice whispered, tugging my hand. "Don't worry about them. Let's go."
I followed her quietly, happy to leave, and only glanced at Edward once.
There were several doors down the hall.
"Do you need to use a bathroom? If you do, it's right here." Alice pointed to one of the doors. I shook my head no.
"Okay then." She turned to me with a big smile on her face. "There is someone I want you to meet." Then she opened another door and beckoned me to come inside with her.
The room was unexpectedly big and bright, the walls and curtains both light pink. The focal point of it was a large bed in the middle, and it was occupied. Propped high on the pillows was a little girl, the soft hair framing her face was similar to Rose's in waves and color. She wasn't sleeping, just resting comfortably, looking away.
"Hi, baby," Alice cooed, walking to the bed. The girl's head jerked a little and turned to the voice. "Hi, my little princess. Do you know who I brought here today? This is Bella."
Alice sat on the bed, taking the girls hand; she then twisted to look at me. "Come, Bella, don't be shy. We love company. Right, baby girl?" Alice addressed the girl again.
With a strange feeling of trepidation, I stepped closer to the bed.
"Say hi, Bella," Alice sang to the girl. "Say, nice to meet you, Bella, I'm Bree."
The girl's face twitched into a smile–small and hesitant–and only then I realized that something wasn't right with the little girl's features. There was something so profoundly different about her that I felt my heart clench and I couldn't suppress a gasp.
A/N: The anecdote of Sword of Damocles was used by Roman orator Cicero in his Tusculan Disputations, and later was passed into the European cultural mainstream.
It has been a long journey for me to get to this point. I'm nervous and doing everything I can to make it right.
Thank you for reading and as always, I would appreciate a word from you.
