Chapter twenty-eight – Victory for the wounded

Kanda had never liked hospitals. He didn't like the way they stank so tartly of antiseptic or the way that although they were great looming structures they were always deathly silent, like a sick person on their deathbeds. He didn't like the way that the nurses and doctors bustled by – always so busy – and he didn't like the way the patients sluggishly pulled themselves along the corridors, bony fingers wrapped resolutely along the wooden beams that ran along the wall, faces almost as desperate as they were miserable.

To be fair, Kanda had spent more than the recommended amount of time in hospitals himself, a frequent visitor almost to the point where the doctors in his hometown had known him by name. There was the time he'd fallen out of a tree and broke his arm, the time Daisya – his adoptive brother – nearly shattered his nose after a particularly vicious fistfight, the time he'd nearly severed his own foot while practising swordsmanship… Really, the list went on.

Regardless, his constant visits did nothing to disprove his hatred for hospitals, if anything it only served to further it. Now, sitting on the edge of a rickety hospital chair with bandages wrapped tightly around his ribs, his arm splinted and a liberal amount of smaller bandages plastered all over some of his less serious wounds, Kanda could feel the loathing from his childhood flaring anew.

"There you go," Sarah – the matronly like nurse who had been in charge of his patch-up – said soothingly as she smoothed out the edges of the final adjustment to his black and blue body, "I'd advice that you don't go falling down any more hills. This goes for all of you."

Sarah shot Lavi and Lenalee a patronizing glare before getting to her feet and bustling away from the little curtained off segment of the room that the four friends were sitting in, allowing the ugly green curtain to swing shut behind her as she left, permitting them the briefest glance of a dozen other curtained areas filled with dozens of other non-critical wounded.

Kanda sneered as the drape drifted back into place, less than appreciative of the meddlesome attitude of their attending nurse. Sarah had made it clear from the moment they came staggering in that she didn't believe their cock and bull story about a go-cart accident on a steep hill and she'd been less than pleased when none of them were able to tell her where this hill was located or why they were go-carting at three in the morning.

Thankfully, Allen had been there with his irrefutable charm and although Kanda was fairly certain that Sarah had not been completely fooled by his charismatic smile and smooth words, she'd at least backed off the subject. Apparently she'd considered whatever they'd been doing to be dangerous but not dangerous enough to dig deeply.

Ha.

Their total damage had been nasty but not permanent. Between them they had twenty stitches, one broken wrist bone, liberal amounts of gauze and possibly an entire roll of bandages. A recipe for a multitude of future scars Kanda was certain – and most possibly a very angry Allen Walker.

Unfortunately, Allen hadn't found it nearly as amusing.

The British teen had vanished about half an hour earlier – about the time Lavi's cheek was getting sewn up – and hadn't been sighted by the mangled crew since. Kanda had snidely suggested to his friends that the Moyashi may have finally decided to ditch their sorry asses but his sarcastic comment had been met with ill humour and mild alarm.

Overall, the three of them made up a rather miserable picture; sprawled out on uncomfortable chairs looking like men who had trudged back from the battle field after a particularly gruesome defeat. The look in Allen's eye once he'd been able to view their injuries in proper lighting hadn't helped and Kanda was suddenly much too aware that beneath long sleeves and white gloves, Allen had the scars of a battle all too similar in result to their own.

As if summoned by Kanda's morbid thoughts the draperies once again swung away to reveal Allen standing expressionlessly in front of their little corner, standing out in stark contest to the dark wall behind him.

It was rather apparent that he was still none too pleased and Kanda had to admit that deep down even he felt a twinge of unease at the silent treatment they'd been receiving for the past hour or so. Allen was not often silent and even less so when around Kanda when there was always an argument waiting to be sparked or a disagreement in need of settling.

Rather, his quiet handling of the situation was making Kanda more and more nervous. Allen's face was, however, a perfect mask and the irritable teen was unable to make out anything from his expression aside from the slow burning of something unidentifiable in his silver eyes.

Lavi was first to break the awkward atmosphere between them, offering up a fairly shaken grin as he gestured for Allen to take a seat. An invitation that was promptly ignored as Allen stood with his back facing the curtains and his expressionless face staring at his friends.

There was another awkward pause as Lavi searched for some way to play off the cold-shoulder he was receiving but was unable to dredge one up and Lenalee stared fixatedly at her feet like they held all the answers to their less than savoury situation. Kanda kept his eyes firmly fixed on Allen, nonplussed by the silence.

Finally, after the long seconds had stretched into a minute uncomfortably rife with heavy breathing and guilty looks, Allen spoke.

"What were you thinking?"

"Allen, it's not – ." Lavi hastily started to say,

"Or were you not thinking at all?"

"We were just – ." Lenalee cut in, voice trembling.

"After everything I've told you, what part of your plan seemed to you to be a good idea?" Allen's brow furrowed deeply as his steady and quiet voice brushed aside any attempts at explanation, eyes dark with a combination of worry and something unidentifiable. "Why? Why would you do something so stupid?"

"Allen," Lavi tried to butt in once more, scooting slightly forward on the sheer plastic surface of his chair so as to close the looming gap between himself and his younger friend, "We're sorry. We're really sorry – I said it before, I know we screwed up. But if you'd just hear us out for a minute –."

"– To what end?" Allen glared. "You're all sitting here in rags and bandages; I think the moment for being heard has passed."

Lavi looked physically pained by the harsh words but didn't attempt to explain himself again; Lenalee hadn't opened her mouth since her first weak attempt at speech and was now gnawing at her bottom lip, messy hair which had long since come loose of its customary piggytails hiding her expression from view.

Kanda merely continued his silent observation, scowling when Allen glanced over in his direction, their gazes meeting for an electrifying moment.

The tension filled exchanged buzzed with feelings of mutual accusation as Allen's cool silver eyes remained locked with Kanda's own fiery grey. It felt like all the world that the staring match was a means of reaffirming the impasse that they'd reached long ago, neither once willing to concede defeat and back down.

It was almost funny, really, how the pair of them could turn anything into a competition.

Allen finally tore his gaze away, sending an unidentifiable ripple through Kanda's stomach as a result. He gave his friends one last searching gaze before he turned sharply on his heel and strode quickly from the room, not quite storming out but not quite leaving in a manner that might exhibit forgiveness. As the curtain fluttered in his wake the trio heard the sound of his footsteps fading down the hall.

They sat still for what seemed like an eternity, nobody speaking, the atmosphere seemingly so thick with emotion that it felt like any attempt at speech would be greedily swallowed up by the air surrounding him.

This is ridiculous, Kanda thought as he gritted his teeth, staring at the scuffed tiles beneath his feet, It's the Moyashi's fault. I don't have to apologise for anything.

Except that for some completely incomprehensible reason, it felt like he did. It felt like he was the one in the wrong here – and fuck, imagine that?

The memory of Allen's expression back in the dark forest upon seeing their ragged, injured bodies flickered unbidden in his mind and suddenly, Kanda was deeply aware that for Allen, seeing his precious friends injured was probably as bad as being hurt himself. How often had the boy admitted that he'd had few if any experiences with friendship before he met them?

Doesn't matter. It's his own stupid fault.

Which, in all fairness it was, but they didn't real excuse Kanda's own behaviour.

The hot headed teen glanced up and did a quick scan of his companions.

Lavi was still staring at the closed curtains with a rather blank look on his face, as if he was deeply involved in thoughts so consuming he couldn't even muster the energy to look as though he was existing on the same plane of reality as everybody else. Lenalee had reverted into the same withdrawn state she devolved into whenever a situation became too confusing or intense to handle, clearly too far detached to make adequate judgement of the scenario.

The ball was definitely in Kanda's court so far as this decision went.

Letting out an irate sigh and cursing up a storm, Kanda got to his feet and followed the insufferable Moyashi out.

oOo_oOo_oOo

The hallway in which Allen had taken refuge was dimly lit, one of the florescent overhead lights flickering ominously every now and again, the thin rod of light encased behind the cheap plastic nearing the end of its life. Its partner was only in marginally better condition, meekly spilling out a brightness that was more of a dull orange than a sunlight yellow.

Eyes closed and head resting against the smooth plaster wall behind him, Allen had plenty of time to mull over his earlier explosion that had rendered his friends mute without so much as a chance to explain their betrayal. Simultaneously justified and a dick move, Allen could feel his gut churning with guilt.

In truth, he hadn't intended to rip into them so viciously. He'd planned to take an hour or so to calm down in the quiet of the outside night, allowing the pinpricks of light against the black sky to sooth the trembling that coursed through his limbs. Instead, his efforts to unwind merely resulted in initiating a dull throbbing in his head as he felt himself grow quickly fearful of the dark around him, worried, almost, that it was going to consume him completely – much like the dark being that lurked omnipresent in the back of his mind.

His head hurt, it really did. There was an ache behind his eyes that just wouldn't leave and he could feel a light sheen of sweat slowly gathering on his forehead as if the accumulated stress of the night's events was manifesting in physical symptoms.

I should have given them a chance to explain…

Allen grimaced and squeezed his eyes shut even tighter, rubbing at his brow with the inside of his wrist as he tried to stop the quick offshoots of pain that was making it harder and harder not to just curl up into a ball and fall into a deep slumber.

He needed to stay awake. He needed to think. More than that, he needed to decide.

Finally, after months and months of friendship based only on the weakest of trust, the situation had reached its pivotal climax. It was now or never. There was no more hiding and no more denying, Allen had to face the problem he'd created for himself before Lavi, Lenalee and Kanda did something even stupider.

His stomach gave an unpleasant backflip.

Especially Kanda.

The elder teen was unimaginably rash and Allen didn't doubt that if he didn't provide him with answers soon, things would come to a head in the most unsavoury of ways. He was simply to headstrong to sit idly by and Allen had no doubt that Kanda was more than willing to put everything on the line for the simple reason of not being left in the dark.

A fond smile drifted lazily over his pained lips. Kanda was – always and forever – too much.

And Allen didn't know if he could take it if his friends – Kanda, always Kanda – Wound up permanently damaged or dead because of him.

The sharp clap of shoes on the worn tile floor alerted Allen to the rapid approach of another and he opened his tired eyes just in time to catch the briefest glance of long, black hair and pale skin before Kanda sat down heavily beside him, letting out what he no doubt considered a well-disguised hiss of pain as he lifted his sprained ankle into a more comfortable position.

For some infuriatingly elusive reason, Allen felt his face flood with blood and turn a remarkable shade of red as Kanda made himself comfortable beside him and even though the young British boy knew that it was completely unreasonable, Allen couldn't help the thought that Kanda had heard what he'd been thinking about him only a moment earlier.

Irritated, confused and still feeling guilty over his earlier scolding, he jerked his head away from Kanda so he was now looking down the empty corridor as opposed to facing his roommate who Allen could imagine was feeling six different variations of angry right now.

For a minute, the two of them fell into an uncomfortable silence. There had had been a lot of those tonight, Allen realized with a sense of twisted humour.

"Are you still mad at us?"

Allen flicked his gaze back in Kanda's direction, a little unsettled by his impassive expression. Quickly, he averted his gaze again and taking in a deep breath said, "Mad isn't exactly the word I'd use."

Silence. "Furious?"

Allen frowned deeply and judged his face sufficiently drained of blood before he turned back to face Kanda, looking into the perpetually annoyed looking gaze. "No, what I meant was I'm not angry… I wasn't to begin with… I was just…"

Exhibiting a level of perception not normally shown by the stubborn Japanese, Kanda quirked one eye and stated, "Worried."

Allen tried not to feel annoy that he was so easy to read and instead gave the briefest of nods. "What you did – all of you –it was beyond stupid. It was, well, not only was it an invasion of my privacy, it put all of your in danger," he threw a glance at the numerous injuries on Kanda's battered frame, "Although I'm sure you realize that now.

Kanda gave a deep scowl – Ah, thought Allen, there's the Kanda I know – and opened his mouth to tartly retort.

"If you weren't too busy being secretive and contradicting yourself, than we wouldn't have had to go and do something 'stupid' in the first place."

"Excuse me! I told you that as soon as I was ready, you'd be the first to know!"

"And in the mean fucking time, you're off doing equally stupid shit and risking your own ass dying."

"I never – you're just – I don't know what Cross told you, but you shouldn't go around –."

"AND while we're on the topic, don't you think it's fucking sad that I learnt more about you from talking to a complete stranger for five minutes as opposed to living with you for six months?"

Allen opened his mouth to shoot back a nasty response but after a moment of thinking, in which something flickered darkly in his eyes, he jammed it shut again, glaring angrily at Kanda who was all too happy to return the vicious stare. They passed a long moment like this, simply scowling at one another with such intensity that a passer-by may have mistaken it for a challenge of some sort.

Surprisingly, it was Kanda who averted his gaze first and in a much more passive voice resumed their conversation. "And what about Lenalee and Lavi? What have you told them?"

For perhaps the first time Allen became aware that he had, in fact, told the other two practically nothing in comparison to Kanda. He rushed to defend himself. "That's –."

"Do they even know about your arm? Your scars?"

"That's different," Allen blurted out before he was even aware of what he was saying. Kanda shot him a curiously annoyed look that somehow made Allen feel even more flustered. He fixated on a single point on the floor beneath his feet rather than meet the stare.

"I know. How the fuck is it different?"

"Because…" Allen frowned and scrunched his eyes shut, wishing to be anywhere but here, in the dank hospital with his best friends injured in one room and the most bewildering, aggravating, utterly beautiful person in the whole of existence sitting beside him.

"It's different because it's you."

Because it was always different with Kanda, because it always had been, because it always would be. Allen hadn't really thought it needed to be said, that he had to admit to it out loud and be held accountable. He hadn't wanted to.

Kanda had fallen silent beside him and Allen was in loath to look up and see his expression. He supposed that deep down underneath the false bravado and the attempts at normalcy, he was just a scared child, unable to face his fears.

They sat still like that for a moment longer before there was the sound of rustling fabrics and Allen felt the warm press of Kanda's hand resting on his own, the callouses from long hours spent training calming and familiar in the midst of everything else.

Allen took a steadying breath, staring at nothing and feeling the flow of blood in his cheeks as the warmth from the simple touch, the wordless message, radiated upwards from his hand and filled his entire being with a kind of belated acknowledgement which, after a moment, he realized he'd known all along anyway.

He was in love with Yu Kanda, and if he was in the mood for confessing things, he probably had been for a very long time. Longer, even, than pretty much everything else stable in his life.

With an absent-mindfulness that bored on disinterest, Allen wondered why this realization had to come now of all times, when everything in his life was teetering on the verge of destruction, when there was nothing he could really do about.

He was in love with Yu Kanda, and it was strange how nothing else seemed to really matter in comparison.

"Kanda?"

"Mhm?"

"Let's go back," Allen said softly, "Let's go back to Lenalee and Lavi and I'll tell you."

"Tell us what?"

Allen turned and shot him a smile that was perhaps the first truly genuine one Kanda had ever seen, the mask that had long since sheltered him from the harsh realities around him vanquished in light of some inner realization that Kanda himself couldn't even guess at.

"Everything. I'll tell you everything."

oOo_oOo_oOo

A/N: I know that a lot you were hoping to see a confrontation between the NOAH and Allen within the forest, but I'm sorry to admit that it never in my schematics for this chapter and after much consideration, I decided to leave it as I planned rather than change my idea and risk a few inconsistencies later on in the story; my deepest apologies to those of you who had been really looking forward to this.

Secondly, if you're ever worried about the gaps between updates feel free to check my profile for news as to why it's been so long since the last post. If there is a legitimate reason, chances are I will have mentioned it.

Thank you as always for reading, and see you next chapter.