Aunque Mi Vida Me Cuesta
Chapter Twenty-Seven: Revelations
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: As you may guess, Ryan reveals his feelings.
Notes: After I post this, I can take a two week break from writing this story. No, you'll still get the next two chapters on schedule. I already have them written! I'll be taking these two weeks to…work on school work, take midterm exams, and work on chapter 30.
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April 21, 2027
3:30 P.M.
South Park, CO
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Ryan's POV
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I don't know whether or not to be shocked that we had a freak snowstorm at the end of April that forced them to cancel school for two days. I don't know whether or not to be shocked that that snowstorm was followed by a heat wave that had us in jeans this morning only because there's still some snow out there. The storm put down two feet. It's down to almost nothing, and only after about 16 hours of exposure. Then again, sixteen hours of eighty degree heat would melt damn near anything, wouldn't it?
I stopped worrying about the strange things that happened around this town when Dad and Pops told us about some of the shit that went down here when THEY were kids. The thing that amazes and worries me most is that David hasn't been able to talk to Katie since I told him that she's been cheating on him. I don't know how they've managed to conduct a relationship without seeing each other at ALL during school, but they don't have a single class together, they don't have lunch together, and she never even shows up until pretty much RIGHT before the tardy bell in the mornings. We haven't seen her all day. David's got a lot of pent up rage towards this girl. He pounded one of the pillows in the guest room flat over the weekend. He pounded another one flat over the two days we had off. That girl is going to get it. But we have yet to see her for enough time today.
That's all about to change though. I just saw the skank turn the corner, and David, who's walking next me, did too. He tenses up, because she's walking in a method to try to blend in, to not be seen. Fat chance of that, though dressed up like a whore and with a ratty, stringy curled hairstyle that looks like it belongs on Britney Spears for her latest "comeback attempt."
"Katie!" he calls out, and she freezes in her tracks as David runs up to her and I run behind. I know I shouldn't get involved in this. This isn't my problem, it's a private matter. But still, someone's gonna have to stop him from beating the shit out of her cheating ass.
"Hi, David!" she says, putting on a cheery smile, but her eyes give her away. At least to me, who could double as a certified body-language expert after three years of searching my brother's appearance for hints of attractions towards men, and me specifically. She knows she's caught, that he knows. She doesn't know HOW he knows, because SHE didn't tell, and she highly doubts Jason did. She doesn't know I saw her. Neither does Jason. I have ninja skills.
"Don't give me that, bitch," he growls. "I know you're fucking Jason."
"I am not!" she protests, and attempts to put on a hurt and scandalized look.
"Someone saw you doing him in the showers Friday," my brother hisses.
"And who is this person that you trust more than your own girlfriend?" she asks.
"I'm right here," I say, stepping forward. "You skank…run around MY brother's back, will ya? How long have you been fucking him?" He doesn't deserve that. It doesn't strike me as I saw this that I would have not minded in the slightest had my dreams of the past few years been real and David had been running around HER back with ME.
"Six months," she mutters. David's looking REALLY angry…maybe one slap wouldn't hurt. No, no, one slap gets him detention, stop him. I have to tell him, and I'll be damned if I'm going to wait for him to get out of detention. If I have that much time to think about this, I'll chicken out. I know I will.
"You BITCH!" David shouts, attracting the attention of the hall full of students. "We're DONE!" And then I dart in to grab his hands and drag him away. He doesn't look like he would have just stopped at one slap. David looks like he could fucking KILL Katie. And again…I don't think I would really mind. I've never really liked the girl, she's always been intruding on my David-time. Maybe that's the real core of my attraction to him…he's never really been around, and I've had to pine for him, to fight for time with my own brother. I shouldn't have had to share him, and I had him first, Goddamnit!
"Six months!" he exclaims once we're out of sight. "SIX fucking MONTHS! How could she do that to me?"
"She's a skank, dude," I say, not releasing my grip on him until we're outside. "It's what they do." We walk about a block in silence.
"But…why Jason?" he asks. "Why him? She knows we hate him, why would she fuck HIM? Unless she was trying to get me to do something…but then, wouldn't she have let me known, so that I could maybe figure out what she wanted? What could she possibly want?"
"Dude, shut up about her," I say, grimacing. "Why do you care so much? You broke up with her, remember? You swore off love." And that's really the part that hurts me the most, the fact that you've made it almost impossible for me to think that I have a chance with you, romantically. I want to have that chance so badly, have wanted it for years.
"I just wanna understand!" he exclaims. "Wouldn't you, if someone YOU loved started fucking someone you hated?"
"I did understand," I say. "Someone I love was fucking someone I hated for the better part of two years." By the look on his face, I think he knows of at least the relationship that I refer to. No doubt he's going to get it completely wrong. He just doesn't understand things that aren't straight. It's why he doesn't hang much with Danny anymore unless I drag him along.
"But…I've been having sex with Katie for about that long. Oh, Dude! No way! I thought I had it all figured out! I thought you distanced yourself from me because you hated my relationship with her. Don't throw my world upside down now!"
"I'm probably going to anyway, but not for why you think," I say with a frown. "You were right. I DID hate your relationship with her. But not for the reason you think."
"Then why? If it wasn't because you wanted her for yourself, why?" he asks.
"I'll give you a hint. The reason she's fucking Jason is because he's got a pretty nice cock." Eight and a half inches, uncut, and medium thick. Jesus, no wonder Katie's fucking the boy. Contrast this with David, who's close-to-but-not-quite eight, cut, and on the thinner side of average, and me, who's seven and a half, uncut, and skinny.
He gapes at me.
"Did you just say what I think you just said?" he asks, incredulously.
"I said that Jason has a pretty nice cock," I repeat. He flinches, like he didn't want to hear it again.
"Yes. That."
"What about it?" I ask, innocently.
"You're GAY!?" he shrieks. It makes me glad we're on a block full of old people.
"Gee, shout it, why don't you?" Let the whole damn square block know.
"But…dude…Oh, God, no way…no, no, no, no, no, no. This is NOT happening." He laughs, the kind of laugh you normally only hear from crazy people.
"David, the reason I was upset to hear you say that you've sworn off love is because I love you. It's completely wrong, totally unnatural, but I am. I have been for the past four years. I love everything about you. Your hair, your eyes, your nose, your cheekbones, your muscular body, your perfect anatomy, I love it all. I'd never go for anyone else, brother."
"Dude…" The laugh again. "No fucking way."
"I've dreamt about you for three years. I'd stopped for a while, during football season, when I got my daily quota of picturing you naked in the locker rooms, and then for a while during basketball, but they've come back lately. Every night, you'd be in my dreams, making love to me. You were gentle, you were kind, you were slow, you were careful, and you were the best lover you could possibly be," I say.
"Ryan…God, please tell me you're kidding. Please…please, please, PLEASE don't be serious about this." He looks scandalized. He's as rigid as a propped up two-by-four.
"David, I am completely, totally serious."
"I'm going home," he says, after a pause. I'm not letting him run away from me.
"David," I say, reaching out with my right arm and grabbing on to his left, "I love you." I pull him in, with a strength that I'm sure surprises him, close my eyes, and release four years of desire in a kiss that makes me wish I HADN'T pulled him.
When I pull back, I look him over. His eyes are about to bulge out of their sockets. His right eyebrow is cocked, as is his upper lip, into a sort of sneer.
I…I blew it. I blew it. He hates me. "I'm sorry," I whisper, releasing him and running away. There's a copse of trees across the street, and I run for it. I run until I can't see David anymore. I run, without looking back, until I reach Stark's Pond.
When I finally do, I collapse into a heap at the water's edge. A tired, sweaty, broken, rejected heap. I manage to draw myself into a sort of a ball, with my arms around my knees, and I begin to cry.
I cry, and I cry, and I just wish the fucking world would just collapse on top of me, and swallow me whole. Pull me atom by atom into a black hole. Molecularly disintegrate me. Strike me dead where I sit. I don't want to live anymore.
I've totally fucked things up between my brother and me. One kiss. One. Stupid. Fucking. Goddamn. Kiss. Blew everything I've built this year into pieces. No, worse, detonated a nuclear bomb. Annihilated everything I've built this year. There's going to be no fixing this one…
Why did I listen to Pops?
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Notes: Oooh…what's going to happen next? I bet it's not what you think!
Phoenix II
