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I own lots of things in life, but sadly, Twilight isn't one of them! Thanks to Katelyn for beating! A special thanks to Kim, Rhonda, and Kristen for pre-reading! Their suggestions are worth more than gold!
Meeting Myself: Chapter 28
"Edward, this is for the best," Angela urged as she held up a pink bundle into the air. Coos from a baby could be heard, but I couldn't see her face. I could only tell we were in a hospital room. Angela's face was tear stained, but two mysterious hands came down, snatched the pink bundle and disappeared.
I tried to scream and run after them, but my feet couldn't move. When I looked down, I realized I was drowning into the cement like quicksand. As hard as I fought, I kept sinking further and further into the ground.
"Goodbye, Edward," Angela slurred as she took a needle from a tray and stabbed it into her arm, over and over again.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Angela, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I screamed.
I gasped as my eyes flew open. My breath was staggered, and my head felt sweaty. I blinked a few times before turning my head towards my clock. It was only a little before five, which meant Savannah would still be asleep for another hour, and Bella wasn't due to be awake, either. I suppressed a groan as I realized I wouldn't be able to fall back asleep.
As I pulled my arm out from under Bella's body, she moaned a bit, but she didn't wake up. Instead, she pulled a pillow closer to her and lulled back to sleep, none the wiser that I was awake.
Before I made my way downstairs, I needed to take a shower. I had been so wrapped up in getting home and talking to Bella that I had failed to take a shower, and after traveling all day, I still felt icky. I made a mental note to change my sheets later on too because those had to be gross as well.
The hot water rushed over my body helped to clear my senses. When I looked in the mirror, I realized how shitty I looked. My eyes had bags, my hair was ridiculous, and even my skin looked pale. I knew I had to get a grip on myself-I was back to being Savannah's Dad, and that meant keeping myself together while she was around.
Knowing Bella was at my side made the thought of talking to Savannah a little more bearable. She was such a strong rock that it was hard to imagine what life would be like without her. Logically, I knew things were moving at a very fast pace, and I also knew talking to Bella more about it later would be needed.
She had to know where I saw us in the future, and I needed to make sure my expectations mimicked hers. In reality, we'd spent so much time talking the few weeks leading up to us actually going on a date, that I knew a lot of the major facts. I could tell you her full name, birthday, her views on books, politics, and love. What I didn't know was her views on marriage, children, or any future plans she had. I assumed she had no intention of moving or any other huge life-changing plans, but I could never be too sure. Savannah obviously knew how serious this had become rather quickly, and I had to remember that. I may have been the one in the relationship, but Savannah still counted too.
My appearance only marginally approved after my shower, and I figured I could just blame the traveling on my tired looking eyes.
Bella was still sound asleep when I left my bedroom. I walked past Savannah's door and saw it was still closed. Resisting the temptation of checking on her again, I took the stairs down to the kitchen.
It had been years since I had ever tried to cook. My mom cooked, Savannah made cooking look like cake...hell, even Jane cooked, but me? Not so much.
However, I talked myself into something simple. I pulled out a bag of hash-browns, a thing of bacon, and the carton of eggs. If I could perform surgery in an operating room, I was not going to be beaten by breakfast food.
Of course, I gave myself way too much credit.
I started with the hash-browns, but I didn't realize I should have melted the butter in the pan first. By the time I smelled the burning, the bacon was already popping grease out at me, and I didn't even turn the burner on for the eggs.
Then, I got the hash-browns under control, the bacon flipped, and the eggs were glued to the pan-I hadn't realized I needed butter there, too. All I wanted to do was make a decent breakfast for Bella and Savannah...the fact that I had a PhD and couldn't make breakfast was depressing.
By the time I pulled off the blackened bacon, burnt hash-browns, and overdone eggs, I had given up. The smell in the kitchen from all the burnt food was enough to make me puke, so instead I left. I drove ten minutes to the nearest general store and spent $7.99 on a box of doughnuts and orange juice.
As I pulled into the driveway, I realized a few extra lights were on in the house, which meant someone was awake. I was a little surprised to see Bella looking absolutely devastated in the living room.
"Bella?" I called out as I maneuvered the items in my hands.
Her face snapped up to me, but her emotions were unreadable to me. She didn't even blink before staring back at the coffee pot. I raised an eyebrow before placing the newly purchased breakfast food on the kitchen island and walking up to her.
"Babe, what's wrong?" I pushed, but she huffed.
"God, I'm an idiot," I heard her mutter under her breath.
"Why are you an idiot? You're not an idiot, you're very smart, actually," I snapped, surprised she would say something so derogatory towards herself.
"I'm also insane. Yup, I've gone certifiable. He can't even be gone forty-eight hours before I start hallucinating," Bella continued to mutter, but I didn't get it.
I reached my hand up to touch her shoulder, but she moved to grab a coffee cup.
"Bella, I'm standing right here," I stated like it was the most obvious observation in the world.
"Yeah, yeah," she answered. "Just like you were last night."
"I was here last night, Bella," I replied and took a step to were she was now standing in the kitchen. She had moved to get a mug, but she never moved back to the pot that was still actively brewing her coffee.
"Sure you were," she mused with an eyeroll.
"Bella, you really don't think I'm standing right in front of you?" I asked.
"Nope," she popped.
"I love you," I stated half for the truth and half for the shock value.
"You said that last night, too, but obviously any figment of my imagination would say that. They're my figment, they have to love me." Bella rolled her eyes and moved back to the coffee pot.
Completely and totally confused by what was going on, I decided Bella needed a reality check. I was home, last night was real, and I did love her-why in the hell didn't she think I was real? The burnt food smell was still present, as were the dirty dishes, and now mysterious doughnuts that suddenly appeared on the table.
"Bella," I called out a little louder than before. She turned, and I crashed my lips onto hers. My mouth muffled her scream, but once she felt my flesh and bones, she deepened the kiss. Her hands grabbed onto my hair as my hands trailed down to her hips. Bella was pushed against the kitchen counter, which couldn't be comfortable, so I reached around and lifted her onto the counter instead.
It wasn't until I heard a door shut that I pulled back. We were both completely out of breath and panting, but Bella's face was completely flushed.
"You're real?" she panted out.
"I've been real. I came in last night; you have to remember that," I urged.
"I thought so, but then I woke up alone, and I couldn't find you. The car was gone, so I figured I'd dreamed you up or something," she explained.
"The dishes weren't a clue?" I asked as I pointed.
"I hadn't even noticed," she admitted with a slight blush.
"You scared me for a second. I'm glad I don't have to commit you...I can't kiss you like that in the psych ward," I teased seconds before Savannah descended down the stairs. Bella laughed, too, but never let go of my hand. I wanted to talk some more, but instead Savannah saw me and rushed down the last few stairs.
"Dad, you're home?" she said, though it sounded like a question.
"I am." I laughed, and Bella's chuckled, but Savannah missed the joke. I stepped forward to give her a hug. I was so incredibly thankful to not only be home, but to have Savannah here with me, too. The Weber's wouldn't have any idea on exactly how much they had missed. As we pulled away from each other, I tried to mask my face so that it would appear normal of course, Savannah saw right through it.
"Did you get your answers?" she asked as she grabbed a doughnut. She glanced at the sink and laughed at me.
"Yeah, I did," I answered, and she nodded. I waited for more questions to come, but they didn't.
Instead, we all kinda stood around eating and drinking the food I had just bought. Bella seemed to still be embarrassed about earlier, and Savannah just seemed quiet. Part of me wondered exactly what was going on in her head, but the other half was terrified by that thought. The last place I needed to be was within her thoughts-the thoughts about boys would be enough to send me to an early grave.
At that thought, I cringed. It felt weird joking about death knowing where Angela was, but, at the same time, I couldn't let myself keep thinking about her, either.
"Did you see her?" Savannah asked out of nowhere, and I semi-froze.
Bella, who had been standing off to the side, moved so that she could grab another doughnut while simultaneously placing her hand on my back. It was only for a few seconds, but it was the jolt of calm I needed.
"In a way," I tried to answer, but Savannah cut me off.
"She's dead, right?" Savannah was so blunt I thought I had misheard her.
"How would you know that?" I was so takenaback I wasn't sure what to say to that.
"Just a hunch." She brushed off. "I just had a feeling she was. How long ago?"
"About twelve years. You were four," I stated honestly. I was trying to follow Bella's suggested approach...honesty without the gore.
"So, you saw her parents?" she asked next, and I nodded.
A quick glance at the clock showed we needed to leave. Bella stayed home while I drove Savannah, and nothing else was said until I was safely pulling out of the driveway.
"Were they nice to you? I mean, her parents, they weren't mean, right?" Savannah asked, and I was a little thrown off by her question.
"Um, well, it was a shock seeing me. I only saw her mom, but she was cordial," I lied. It wasn't easy, but I did it.
"I always envisioned them being kinda mean," Savannah mused, and I snorted. The Weber's I knew weren't like that at all, but apparently those people didn't exist anymore.
"Sorry," I apologized for my reaction, but Savannah shrugged.
"Thank you for not making me go," Savannah said next. "And for letting Bella stay with me instead. It was really nice having her around." That statement made me smile. I knew Savannah needed a woman to talk to, and I was happy that Bella could fit into that role for her. She would be a good role model for my daughter, and I liked that.
"I'd never make you confront them," I informed her, and I wanted to make sure I didn't leave her with any doubts. "Though, I'm slightly curious as to why you didn't want to even have the chance. Not that I'm judging, but you never explained it to me."
"They didn't want me," Savannah answered simply. "By the time they did, well, it was too late."
"What do you mean 'by the time they did'?" I asked, even though I believed she knew they had tried to adopt her. Savannah knew I wanted her pretty quickly, but she was much older, so I wondered if that would have changed anything. From what Shelly had said, they came forward shortly after the accident, so Savannah was about eight or nine. In the state's eyes, she still wouldn't have had much decision making power.
"They wanted to adopt me," she explained with a confused look. "Didn't Shelly tell you any of this?"
We were only a few minutes from the high school, but I didn't want this conversation to end, so I decided to push forward quickly.
"She did, but she could never tell me why it never happened. She only relayed very basic details," I informed Savannah, who I saw nodding out of the corner of her eye.
"I said no," she relayed with a head nod.
"You told the state you didn't want to be adopted?" I gasped in disbelief.
"Yeah, pretty much. They asked, and then they explained who they were, and I said no. I never met them or anything, but I didn't want anything to do with them," she replied so calmly that I sat shell-shocked. It wasn't that the state found the Weber's unfit, but that Savannah did. I imagined strings must have been pulled for her word to be taken, but it was Savannah's choice. That single statement brought forward a million more questions, like, why did she let me?
I continued to drive the last minute in complete silence but noticed we were still a few minutes early. Instead of dropping Savannah off towards the front of the parking spot, I drove into a parking spot and looked over to face her.
"Can I ask you something?" I asked, and she nodded. "Why me?"
"Dad, I don't have a lot of time to explain because I have class, but it's pretty simple. When I went looking for you, I never expected to find someone who wanted to be my dad. I had basic questions I wanted answered, and I had planned to walk away quietly, simply happy that I had been given the opportunity to meet you.
"Then I learned the truth. But I never chose you you chose me. You could have let me walk away, but you didn't. And I could have gone and met them, but what's the point, really? I have a family here that I'm apart of, and, the way I see it, there is nothing they have that I want.
"I'm sorry she's dead, but I don't need her because I have you. Besides, she lied about me and pretended like I didn't exist, why on earth would I want to meet someone like her?" Savannah explained her side from start to finish just like she would any other normal conversation.
However, I sat blinking rapidly to keep myself from tearing up.
"You could have turned the state down when I came forward, you knew that though," I pushed, and she nodded. "Is that why you were hesitant at first?"
"A little bit, yeah, but also because I was ruining your life," Savannah answered seriously.
"You have never ruined my life, Savannah Nicole," I snapped, but it wasn't aggressive. My tone held a disbelief that she would ever think like that.
"Dad, I tore your life apart at first, and it just took me some time to realize that wasn't a bad thing. You were kinda boring before," Savannah teased with a smile, but I shook my head.
"I'll never regret the day you knocked on my door," I explained seriously.
"I know that," Savannah affirmed before getting out of the car.
I felt like I should have said more...anything to respond to that, but I didn't know what to say. My emotions were all over the place, and I needed to rein them in. On one hand, I felt so thankful that Savannah had the courage to find me, but, on the other, I wished Angela had saw a different fate. I had to remember how we were at that age, but it still made her position hard for me to relate. If I had had even the slightest doubt, I would have pushed harder, but I didn't, and now she was dead.
After Savannah got out, she bent down so that I could still see her head as she talked.
"Dad, I'm here because you wanted me," she stated so innocently, like that was the only thing in the world that mattered to her. "That is why I'm here. I'll see you later." She smiled and moved to leave.
"Savannah," I called out, despite the huge lump in my throat. She bent back down so that I could talk. "Have a good day at school. I love you."
"Love you too, Dad." She smiled and walked off towards her friends.
I sat in the parking lot of Forks High School for five full minutes after Savannah left my sight. I just didn't have words for what I was feeling anymore. Savannah's statement, though simple, spoke volumes. All she wanted was to know someone cared, and it amazed me that she saw through the Weber's without even meeting them. I wasn't clear on if she just had a bad feeling or had assumed the worst because she was put up for adoption, but it didn't really matter. Savannah had told them no, but then had turned around and said yes to me. There wouldn't be a single time in history where that word would have more meaning...she said yes to me. My mind didn't know what exactly to make of that.
What my brain did start speeding through the 'what ifs'. Like, had Savannah had been adopted then, I doubted she would have ever tried to meet me. Not after what Angela lied about, but would Savannah have learned the truth about Angela? Would she still be the sweet sixteen-year-old girl she was now, or would she have followed down Angela's path? There was just too many outcomes to consider...what I could be thankful for, however, was that she was mine. I knew it sounded possessive, but at least I knew what I could provide for her. Jeremy's words were still haunting me, though. I knew we hadn't had time to really sit down and talk in a while, so I needed to make plans to fix that soon.
I gulped down my emotions before switching the car's gear to reverse. As I pulled the car out of the parking spot, the only thing I hoped for was that my conversation with Bella went just as well. I knew we still had a lot to talk about, and I wanted it to be comfortable.
So, no Day 9-but I only went a day, so not too bad, right? I hope this puts to rest why the Weber's didn't get custody of Savannah. In the State of Florida, they will take into account the child's choice, though it's not always followed, in this case it was. Um, husband is at Harry Potter, so I'm gonna start in on 29. I'll update soon. I doubt it'll be tomorrow, but soon.
Now, for my author friends who have not heard about Emergency Team Beta's Boot Camp, I highly suggest checking it out! Everyone I know who has used this service has loved it-so, yeah, check it out at: http:/emergencybeta(dot)com/ebs-writing-boot-camp/ I plan on doing it again!
Fandom For The Storm is also accepting donations and I have submitted my first meeting Myself outtake. It is Savannah's POV on visiting her parents grave.
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