Disclaimer: Yet again today I'm happy I don't own Grey's Anatomy. According to ET they had a meeting amongst the cast today so the rest of the cast could tell IW how they felt about him. I wouldn't have wanted to be there for that.
So Meredith...she's still flipping out. Because right when everything was messy and complicated, Derek was being all McDreamy on her and she ended up kissing him. Again. So instead of figuring anything out, life just got a little more complicated. So now, she's still in flip out Meredith stage. But not with Derek anymore, because there's other people flip out to. Lol. So this is Meredith's perspective.
Enjoy!
GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA
"You kissed McDreamy again, didn't you?" Cristina asked.
My head snapped up, my eyes tearing away from the glass of wine that sat in front of me, I met her gaze head on. "No. Of course not. I mean...no," I said, finding it hard to find my words.
"Meredith..." Izzie warned me.
"Fine, I kissed McDreamy. Are you happy? Because I'm not. I'm all dark and twisty. I need to stop kissing that man. Kissing that man makes things dark and twisty. I hate him," I said,scowling at my wine glass, as if it had been it's fault that yet again I had managed to kiss Derek. At the worst possible time. Kissing Derek was bad. Good. But bad. Really bad.
"What's the excuse this time?" Cristina said, laughter in her voice.
"McWife is Mccheating on him," I said under my breath.
"What?" Izzie exclaimed rather loudly. "Dr. Montgomery Shepherd is cheating on him?"
"Who's she screwing?" Cristina asked me, pouring wine to top off all of our glasses.
"That...that's not the point. The point is Addison is cheating. And I caught her and I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Because Derek is my best friend,"I said, rambling a bit to my friends, hoping they'd have an answer to the ever complicated problem that was my life.
"McDreamy is not your best friend," Cristina said to me, rolling her eyes.
"What are you..." I started but Cristina cut me off.
"Meredith, seriously? Bambi and Barbie are best friends and you don't see them playing tonsil hockey in elevators," Cristina told me, disgust evident in her voice.
"She has a point, Mer," Izzie said.
She did have a point, that was the problem. Best friends didn't play tonsil hockey, in elevators or in any other areas. Best friends could hang out together for five seconds without having to fight off the urge to rip off clothing regardless of who else might be around. Best friends most definitely didn't have to take time to figure out exactly what they were. But minus all those complications, at the end of the day, Derek was my best friend. "It's complicated," I said finally, sipping back my wine in order to avoid any other questions.
"Are you going to tell him?" Izzie asked me.
"I don't know," I said, resting my head against the kitchen table.
"You have to tell him. He has the right to know," Izzie argued.
"What? She can't tell him," Cristina argued back.
"She has to tell him," Izzie argued to her, as if I had left the room. They were starting to sound like my brain had since the moment I had seen Addison and Alex together.
"No. Meredith and McDreamy are the world's biggest mess. If she tells him this it's going to become a bigger mess. She has to keep her mouth shut. This relationship has nothing to do with Meredith," Cristina argued. I had heard that argument in my head before. Yep, I knew that argument.
"And they also claim to be best friends. As his best friend, she has to tell him. He's going to find out eventually, they always find out eventually. And when he does...if...if he finds out she already knew he's going to be furious. She'll loose him if she doesn't tell him," Izzie argued back. I had heard that argument in my head before too. Yep, I knew that argument.
If I didn't tell Derek, I could loose him.
I thought of my content life before Derek. I'd spend my days and some nights working hard at the hospital and would spend my free time with my family, or whatever it was that we were. Ryan and I never went on dates anymore, just relaxed around the house, usually with everyone else around too. It was relaxing, it was easy, it was uncomplicated. Since Derek had arrived everything had become a mess. I wished him out of my life, so many nights in a row I wished him out of my life. But with him, everything seemed exciting. Trying every single restaurant in Seattle, ferry boat rides, fishing, buying a dog, everything just seemed different. Life wasn't content anymore.
I couldn't loose Derek.
"I'm going to tell him," I stated, breaking into what had become an argument.
"What?" my two friends asked simutaneously, giving me shocked looks.
"Derek is...Derek's...I just can't risk losing him," I said, my words coming out rushed and uneven.
"Meredith..." Crisitna started, I could hear the warning in her voice.
"No. I can't. Telling him is messy and it's going to hurt and it's scary. And...and...just it's complicated. But Izzie is right, if I don't tell him. If I don't tell him I could loose him. And I can't. I can't loose Derek," I said, my voice lowering to a whisper. "I can't survive loosing him."
"You're falling," Izzie said, sympathy and understanding apparent in her boce.
"I think I fell already," I finally admitted, gently banging my head against the table.
Cristina looked at me and then at the bottle of wine that sat in the middle of the table. "I don't think this is strong enough," Cristina said, getting up and walking towards the cupboard and thankfully coming back with a full bottle of tequila. This is why we were friends.
I know it's weak, but god help me I need this.
So Meredith is going to tell him. After hearing the arguments out loud from her friends she knows she needs to tell him. Regardless of how messy it might be, because not telling him means she could loose him when he does find out. And that's just not something she can risk. So she's not telling him for him, she's telling him for her, for them. Which is slightly selfish but sometimes that's how we make decisions. So yeah...she's telling him.
Another update will be up later...maybe this afternoon, maybe tonight. Going out for supper with friends and I have no idea what time I'm leaving at so it's going to depend.
Read. Love. Review.
