End of Chapter 27
With that there was a click, and dead air. I pulled the phone from my ear, staring at the cold piece of metal in my hand with wide eyes. Stunned, I set the phone down on the nightstand, and clicked off my light.
"Good night," I whispered softly to no one.
Chapter 28: Just Like Heaven (EPOV)
I stood there staring at my phone that I had just clicked shut. I had just yelled at Bella. I had just hung up on the girl I love. I just mocked her father's cancer. Looking down at the offending tool of communication on which I had just screwed up everything good, I threw it against the wall shattering it.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I yelled out grasping two handfuls of my hair.
My door burst open then, and Carlisle stood in the doorway looking from me to the shattered phone on the floor.
"Edward! What in the name that is holy is going on in here?" He admonished.
I looked from him to the phone, and sunk defeated onto my couch throwing my head back and covering my face with my hands.
"I am such an ass," I muttered through my hands. I felt the couch shift next to me, and Carlisle's hand pat my leg.
"Want to talk about it?" He asked. I scrubbed my hands up and down my face a couple of times before dragging them down to my lap.
"Why did you tell me Charlie was being released tomorrow? Why didn't you tell Bella before today?" I asked.
"For one, I can't tell you details of Charlie's treatment, that is illegal. Two, I didn't know until we got his test results back this morning that he was OK to go home," he said. "What's going on, Edward? Did you have a fight with Bella?"
"I hung up on her, dad," I said hanging my head. "I was upset she had to go on such short notice, I didn't handle it well. Then I just talked to her on the phone. Things were said…"
"What things, son?" He said with a concerned tone. I exhaled roughly and turned my head away from Carlisle.
"I might have accused her as using Charlie's cancer as an excuse," I mumbled. I felt him sit up straighter and groan, which caused me to hunch over in shame.
"Edward," he started, than paused collecting his thoughts. "I am not sure now calling yourself an ass is a strong enough statement. Why would you say something so callow? You say you love Bella, but that word becomes empty when you follow it up with actions like these. I am very ashamed of you, and you will be the luckiest son of a bitch alive if she forgives you for this."
"I'm so sorry, dad," I choked out.
"I'm not the one you need to say that to, boy," he said getting up and walking across the room shutting the door a little forcefully behind him.
I knew I needed to call Bella. Looking over at my shattered cell phone, I sighed putting my hands on my knees, getting up, and heading towards my door to go use the house phone in the kitchen. As I started down the stairs, Alice's door opened in front of me as I reached the landing. She looked into my face, a type of realization lit up her eyes, and she reached out and punched my arm.
"I don't know what you did, but your face tells me you deserved that," she said glaring at me before slamming her door in my face.
I walked down the stairs, and was happy to find the kitchen empty. I picked up the phone and dialed Bella's number while pulling myself up onto the island. My feet dangled while the phone rang, and rang, until kicking into voicemail. Why wasn't she picking up? What if this had been my parents checking in on her? Alice! No doubt sensing something was up, she was probably on the phone with her this moment. Just then, I heard the sound of feet moving upstairs, followed by Alice's voice.
"Thanks, mom and dad," she yelled out from the stairs. "I'll see you guys in the morning!"
She appeared at the foot of the stairs then. I was expecting daggers to be shot in my direction. Hell, I was even prepared to duck out of the way of something being thrown at me, but the look on her face cut much deeper. Her eyes were swimming with unshed tears, and her face reflected nothing but utter hurt and disappointment. As one tear shook lose it's hold and slid down her cheek, she turned without saying a word, and headed out the door. At least Bella would have a friend tonight.
I wanted to call her, but I knew she wouldn't answer. I wanted to send her a text that she couldn't ignore, but my phone lay in ruins. I could email her. Hopefully, she would read it.
I ran up to my room and fired up my computer. As I waited, I anxiously drummed my fingers on the keyboard. What was I going to say? What could I possibly say? Once it was on, I brought up a new email message, and stared that the blank white that was glaring back at me. The sterile shine of the screen mocking me that there was nothing I could say to make this better right now. I had to do something though! So, I just began to write.
Dear Bella,
These last two weeks made me forget the reality of fact that we are still teenagers in high school. I got to wake every morning and see your beautiful face, and every night, I got to kiss your sweet mouth before going to bed. I acted like a petulant child whose security blanket was being taken away, because in a way I was. I have had the pleasure of living the dream having you here. I love you so very much, Bella. Home is no longer home without you in it. There is an emptiness that lingers. The ghost of your presence lingers, but it can never replace the real you. The sound of your voice and laughter filling the walls. The feeling of you sitting next to me as we read together at night. I want you all day, every day, always.
I know I didn't handle myself well. OK, I was an asshole. I am so sorry, Bella. I beg you to forgive me, though I know what I said about your dad was unforgivable. I hope you can bring yourself to allow me another chance. A chance to be the man I was at Christmas, instead of this boy who sits at your feet now. Please, love.
Loving you always,
Edward
I hit send, and waited.
An hour later, I was still sitting at my desk chair staring at my inbox, hitting the 'check for mail' button for I don't even know what time. I hadn't expected her to write me back. At this point, I wasn't expecting her to ever talk to me again outside of the necessity of the biology room. I sighed, and looked around the room, noticing my suit hanging from my closet door. New Years. Would she come? Maybe I should stay home, and have Alice tell her to go. She deserved the party, not me.
Eventually, I wandered to bed. There was a steady rain falling outside, and I watched the rivulets run down the large windows. I remembered back to the first time Bella was in my room, staring out the same window. I jumped up and hurriedly rubbed my mouse across the desk waking my sleeping computer. After some quick Googling, I found what I was looking for, and composed another email message.
Bella,
Remembering the first time…
TREE AT MY WINDOW
By Robert Frost
Tree at my window, window tree,
My sash is lowered when night comes on;
But let there never be curtain drawn
Between you and me.
Vague dream-head lifted out of the ground,
And thing next most diffuse to cloud,
Not all your light tongues talking aloud
Could be profound.
But tree, I have seen you taken and tossed,
And if you have seen me when I slept,
You have seen me when I was taken and swept
And all but lost.
That day she put our heads together,
Fate had her imagination about her,
Your head so much concerned with outer,
Mine with inner, weather.
I know you are dealing with so much outside of your control, and I should have been the one caring for your inner weather. Instead I rained upon your happiness. I am so lost without your good-nights, not that I deserve them.
Please, baby. My phone is broken. Please send me an email and let me know you are OK.
I love you, Bella.
-Edward
I left my computer on, and went back to bed and resumed my staring out of the window. An hour later, just as I was drifting off, my computer dinged with the sound of a new email message. I leapt from my bed, and slammed my hand down on the mouse bringing my monitor to life. 'Bella Swan' sat in my inbox. I nervously raised the mouse, and clicked on the message.
Edward,
Bereft
By Robert Frost
Where had I heard this wind before
Change like this to a deeper roar?
What would it take my standing there for,
Holding open a restive door,
Looking down hill to a frothy shore?
Summer was past and day was past.
Somber clouds in the west were massed.
Out in the porch's sagging floor,
leaves got up in a coil and hissed,
Blindly struck at my knee and missed.
Something sinister in the tone
Told me my secret must be known:
Word I was in the house alone
Somehow must have gotten abroad,
Word I was in my life alone,
Word I had no one left but God.
Good-night,
-Bella
She was letting me know that I played upon and trivialized her greatest fear; that she would lose Charlie. That she would lose me. That she would be left alone. But, she said good-night. It was something.
I knew Bella would be consumed with getting Charlie home the next day. I decided, first things first, I would go to Port Angeles and buy myself a new phone. Luckily, the man at the store said that my memory card wasn't damaged, and it was easily placed into my new phone. I sent Bella a text message.
I know you are busy with getting Charlie settled at home. Please call or text if you need anything. I love you. –E
I spent the rest of the day hanging out at home. Word had spread, no doubt thanks to Alice and Carlisle about what I had done. Luckily, Esme was still helping Mrs. Whitlock with party preparations, because just the morning of her looks of hurt and disappointment were enough to level me. I bathed in the feeling of guilt and remorse. I deserved every empty throb in my chest. I also deserved the bruise that was probably forming on my right thigh, where Emmett punched me this morning after making sure Esme and Carlisle were out of ear shot.
"You know why," is all he said before walking away.
Later that day, Jasper came by looking to escape from the craziness that was his house. I was the only one around at the time, so I was the one who answered the door.
"Hey, Edward," he said. "Can I hide here a bit?"
"Sure, man," I said opening the door, so he could come in. "I'm the only one around right now."
"How about a little Madden?" He offered.
"Yeah, let's do that," I answered with a sigh of relief that he, too, wasn't going to punch me.
We sat there playing for an hour, with no other conversation other than typical trash talk. I had just taken Jasper's beloved Cowboys to town, and he was tossing his controller across the coffee table, and he was grumbling and I was laughing. He then coughed.
"So, what are you going to do, man?" Jasper asked.
"I don't know," I said dropping my head into my hands. "I don't want to push her. I am trying to give her some space. Charlie just got home today. I don't know. How do you recover when you fuck up so badly?"
"If she really loves you, man, she has already forgiven you. Now she is just hurting. Having some trust issues." Just then the front door clicked open and Alice walked in. Jasper stood up, and patted my shoulder reassuringly. "She'll come around when she is ready."
I spent the rest of my day up in my room alternating between finishing up my winter break reading to checking my phone to see if it was still on. At five o'clock, Esme called throughout the house to let everyone know it was time to get ready, and that we were to be at the Whitlock's at six. I got into my beige dress shirt, and black suit pants and jacket. I picked up my tie, then decided not to bother with it, and simply unbuttoned my top two buttons instead. This is not what I wanted to be doing.
At a quarter 'til six, I moped my way down the stairs, meeting Esme on the landing.
"Mom, do I have to go?" I asked trying to give her my best puppy dog face.
"Yes, Edward, you most certainly do," she said. I sighed.
"Can I at least drive separately, so I can leave after a while?" I asked.
"I suppose that is alright," she said reaching up to kiss my cheek, and then hastily wiping away the lipstick she must have just left there.
By eight o'clock, the Whitlock home was bursting at the seams with people. Apparently, this was the 'big' event in Forks. I am pretty sure most of the town was here. After fighting off the flocking likes of Lauren Mallory and Jessica Stanley, I found a nice quiet corner of the massive two-story great room to hide in. I stood there with my Dr. Pepper, watching the people dance and blur by me like one of those movies where the main character is standing still, but the rest of the world is a blur around them. By ten o'clock, I was done.
"Mother, may I leave now?" I asked, finally finding Esme in the crowd. She glanced up at the clock.
"Yes, Edward, if you really feel you must," she said in a disappointed tone. "I'll just tell everyone you were not feeling well."
I kissed her on the cheek, and headed for the door. I stepped out onto their front step, and took a deep breath of the moist night air that was always looming in Forks. I took the five front steps quickly, and started walking down the sidewalk towards where my car was parked. When I finally looked up, I froze. There standing in the glow of the street lamp two houses away from me was Bella.
She was a vision. She had on a sleeveless brown dress that had a beaded empire waistline. It flowed out from her all the way to the ground in billows of liquid chocolate. She had her hair down, and it was flowing all about her shoulders in natural waves. She had a cream shaw wrapped around her slender shoulders, and she was as frozen as I was in her tracks.
I walked forward hurriedly worried that this might be an illusion, and wanting to be near her, to feel the heat of her radiating off of her body, to know this wasn't a figment of my imagination.
"Bella?" I said questioningly as I approached. "I thought you weren't coming."
"I wasn't," she said, "but Sue and Charlie said they were done with my moping, and said something about facing things. Sue did my hair."
She pulled on one of the curling waves, and looked up at me through timid eyes.
"You're leaving?" She asked looking a little sad.
"I was," I noted. "There was nothing for me at that party. It was not where I wanted to be."
"Where did you want to be?" She asked locking gazes with me.
"With you, Bella," I said shakily. "Always with you."
I noticed that she was beginning to tremble, and I instinctually put my arms around her, pulling her into my warm embrace. I felt her small arms wrap around me, as we pulled each other close.
"I am so sorry, Bella," I whispered into ear. "I am so fucking sorry. How can I ever make this up to you?"
She stepped back from me then, and brushed the corners of her eyes with the fingertip of her index finger, while coughing to regain her composure.
"Well, you can start by taking me to the biggest New Year's Eve party in town, so I can show off my pretty dress," she said with a smile.
"I would be honored," I said bowing. "You look stunning, Bella."
She blushed.
"Secondly, you can come over for dinner tomorrow for a traditional New Years dinner of pork and sauerkraut with Charlie and I. It's supposed to bring good luck, you know," she said with a smirk.
"The fact that you are standing here talking to me, already makes me the luckiest person I know," I said cupping her cheek. "But I will accept your invitation as well."
I looked into her eyes for permission before I bent down and placed a soft lingering kiss on her lips before holding my arm out to her, and walking back into the party. It was going to take a while before I earned back all of Bella's trust, but as I stood there later that evening, kissing her at midnight, I hoped that next year was a promise of better things to come.
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