My Pet Peeve
Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine.
"Do you want to come with us then?"
"Well I don't mind, but…" Shikamaru glanced towards the top of the stairs where he could hear Hidan in the shower.
"Your girlfriend might not like it?" Ino finished what he was thinking.
"Pretty much yeah."
"We're not leaving for another hour so tell me later."
"Yeah, yeah." He doubted that Hidan would be best pleased about this. A gathering of people was his idea of a nightmare scenario.
"Shikaa!" Hidan had waited until Shikamaru was just passing before making his move. "I made you wet."
"What the hell? Are you naked?"
"Well I was just in the shower, dipshit."
"Let go!" He could feel the water soaking through his clothes.
"How else am I gonna get dry?"
"Use a towel? And stop walking around naked!" At least he was wet so it was easy to escape his grip.
"Hey! You killjoy!" Ino could be heard shrieking when she caught sight of him. He sighed and started picking up clothes. It was doubtful that Hidan had bothered to grab anything. He also knew well enough to throw a towel at the door a few seconds later. "What the hell?"
"I know what you're like." Hidan glared but did at least use the towel even if he did have everything showing still. He should've been used to it and shouldn't have been bothered as they were dating but he was still a major prude after all.
"So… I need to ask you something."
"What?" Hidan was suspicious from the start.
"You remember Sasukes brother Itachi?" This was met with a blank stare.
"No?"
"You don't? You have met him."
"I don't remember this."
"I suppose you were really drunk. I'm surprised you remember anything."
"Ohh! Well is he as much of an asshole as his brother?"
"Kind of. You thought he was a girl and went to feel his tits."
"Oh… Shit, I don't remember." This was a pretty frustrating. "It sounds hilarious."
"It was. He does hold grudges though."
"Meh. Who cares? Why you mentioning him?"
"He's visiting Sasuke. So everyone's going round tonight and-."
"No." There wasn't even a glance in his direction.
"I haven't even finished talking." It was obvious that would be his only reply but he liked to at least finish.
"It's gonna involve going to some kind of bullshit party, right?"
"Kind of."
"You know I hate that shit." Hidan pulled on his trousers and walked over to the bed so he could sit on Shikamaru. "Let's just do something here."
"We haven't seen Sasuke or Naruto in a while though."
"Tch. What will I get out of this crap though?"
"Food?" This usually worked with someone that simple minded.
"Make it a bit more than food and I'll think about it."
"Oh god, what do you want?" His legs were going numb from Hidans weight on them.
"A blow job would do me?" He even had the gall to look innocent whilst he said this.
"…I'll go on my own." He shoved the older boy off and stretched out his legs.
"It was a joke!" Hidan pouted at him. "I'll accept minor fondling."
"I'll consider it so get your damn clothes on."
-Page Break-
"It's not too late to go home right?" Hidan had heard the sound of people talking inside and had stopped at the end of the pathway.
"They have a cupboard?"
"Great." Hidan rolled his eyes at him.
"I'll be fine. You think I want to deal with all of them alone?"
"…I guess I can kill anyone who pisses me off."
"I'm gonna hope you're joking there."
"You can hope what you want."
There weren't as many people as expected inside the house but even then it was bloody loud. Most of the noise was added to by Kiba and Naruto who kept shouting at each other randomly. It was like watching a pair of gorillas. Hidan quickly disappeared and Shikamaru ended up grabbing a beer and heading to the nearest corner. Itachi was at the other side of the room with Sasuke and a girl with long blonde hair.
Probably another one of his many conquests. The only reason Shikamaru went to parties like these was to enjoy everyone else making an ass of themselves. He was cruel in that way. Actually doing any of these things was too troublesome.
"Wow, you're actually here." Naruto had apparently finished with Kiba and had decided to come and join him. "Where's your mad boyfriend?"
"Somewhere?"
"You think he's ok?"
"Either he's gone up to a room to avoid people or he's using a method taught to him by dad to get through social events."
"Which is?"
"Consume anything alcoholic in your path."
"If it's anything like last time it'll be funny. Especially if he meets Deidara. He thought Itachi was a girl so this should be great."
"Who's Deidara?"
"Itachis friend. The one that looks like a girl."
"The blonde one?"
"Yep. He hates guys flirting with him but he puts it on a bit so he has an excuse to start a fight basically."
"Wow."
"Yup. You can see why he and Itachi get on. They're both sadistic bastards. Plus Sasuke reckons they've screwed before."
"Also likely."
"Speaking of screwed, I think you're about to be."
"What?" Naruto made a hasty retreat and Shikamaru had little time to prepare.
"Shika! Touch my breasts!" Hidan had not only managed to get tipsy, he had also lost his shirt.
"You don't have breasts." This came as a huge shock to Hidan who had to touch them a little just to make sure.
"You're right!" His brain function had slowed so much you could practically see him processing his thoughts. "Can I touch yours then?"
"I don't have any either." Troublesome…
"Oh." He looked disappointed for a few seconds before moving his attention to the gathering of beer on the table.
"It's not really healthy to need alcohol to deal with social events."
"It's ok! Beer is made from plants and shit."
"Not sure that makes it healthy… Just make sure you can walk home at the end of the night. I can't really carry you home."
"Yessss." The speed with which he moved onto the next bottle was not encouraging but then he was a grown man. He could deal with his own mistakes. Plus he could just leave him here if he had to.
Itachi had now noticed they were there. Clearly he remembered Hidan from before and you could see him plotting as he looked from Hidan to the blonde figure next to him.
Uh oh. It was pretty clear what he was planning on doing. If he was a nicer guy he'd move the unsuspecting one to safety but he was also a lazy guy and so he chose to let Hidan deal with it. He could probably win a fight anyway.
Itachi had started leading Deidara towards them with an evil grin on his face. He was worse than Sasuke. The Deidara guy really did have a feminine looking face although hopefully the more ambiguous looking clothes would make his gender a little more obvious.
"Hi guys, long time no see." It was weird to see him trying to do an innocent smile. Any smile at all was weird from someone who looked so much like Sasuke.
"Hey Itachi."
"You look happy to see me."
"Smiling involves too much effort."
"I should've known… I see your boyfriend is enjoying himself."
"Oh he is." Hidan had progressed to another drink whilst they'd been talking.
"And this is Deidara. A friend of a friend." The lack of any mention of gender was pretty obvious. Hidan transferred his gaze to the blonde and stared. Please don't say it… Please restrain yourself for once in your life… Wishful thinking.
"Woah! You look loads like a girl! Why'd you wear your hair like that?" …Well I didn't expect that.
"I do not look like a fucking girl! I just have long hair!"
"You realised he was a guy? He looks way more feminine than me!" He had managed to piss off both of them at once. This was a pretty good achievement.
"Your hips are curvier though." Hidan continued digging the hole he had put himself in. Itachi looked like he wanted to bludgeon him to death although Deidara seemed to feel pleased that Itachi was being insulted.
"Ha! I told you. You look a lot more feminine than I do."
"Shut up!" He then stalked off in typical Uchiha fashion whilst Deidara was still laughing.
"Who are you guys anyway? Friends of Chibitachis?"
"If you mean Sasuke then yes."
"Why is your hair so long? It's really annoying." Hidan was now completely focused on this.
"I am not cutting my hair." Deidara was giving him a look, obviously wanting him to deal with his boyfriend.
"But it's too damn long! Don't you get food and shit stuck in it?"
"That's what's bothering you?" This guy was very foolish indeed.
"This guy's a moron, isn't he?"
"You think?"
"Hey! I'm not stupid!" Shikamaru was glad to see that Deidara was just as sceptical as he was. It was nice to be around people who knew how to use common sense every now and then.
"Are you paid to deal with him then?"
"Sadly no." The best part of this conversation was that Hidan was quickly forgetting about the drinking due to his increasing rage.
"What's that supposed to mean? We're dating you asshole!"
"Oh! That explains it." Deidara was smirking now. "You guys are hilarious together."
"So now we're a comedy duo…" That seemed to sum up the recent events of his life quite nicely.
"They're not as funny as you and Obito though." Sasuke had noticed him being surrounded by people and had come to join in. The main reason for this was that he just wanted to piss off his brothers' friend.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Deidara was clearly angered by this reference.
"Well you two act a lot like that." The smug grin was a lot like the one Itachi had been showing earlier.
"No we don't! Your asshole cousin is stalking me!" Shikamaru had heard of Obito. Apparently he was a little on the eccentric side and liked to run around wearing weird masks and generally pissing people off as was the Uchiha tradition.
"Is that the one who did the thing with the goat?" This was the main thing Shikamaru knew him for.
"Yup."
"Ugh, don't remind me of that." Deidara started hitting himself on the forehead to try and rid himself of the image.
"Goat?" Hidan was staring at him. "What did he do?"
"You don't want to know…" He wished he hadn't been told do he didn't want to relive it. Sasuke had managed to draw Deidara away and so he now had to only deal with Hidan. The boy was an idiot but he was his idiot and so he could put up with him.
"Here." Hidan was holding out a can of beer. "You never drink that much."
"I don't need that many. I'm not aiming to get pissed."
"You should at least have a few." When pushing the can into the side of his head didn't work Hidan pouted. "Come on! I don't wanna be drinking by myself."
"…I'll have one more." This was easier than arguing.
"Yay!"
