I woke up the next morning when Peeta patted me on my shoulder.

"Katniss? You okay?" he asked in a groggy voice.

I jerked away and looked at him. It was still early enough that the sun hadn't completely risen. Peeta pulled up the chair next to me and began rubbing my back as I massaged the pain in my neck.

"Why did you sleep down here?" he continued, his voice a little stronger.

"I didn't mean to," I trailed off.

He noticed the journal and pulled it out from under my elbow. The book was still open where I had left off. I hadn't written a huge list, but it filled the better part of a page. He quickly glanced at it and gave a faint smile before turning to me.

"How's your ankle? Do you feel up to doing your exercises yet or do you want to wait?" he asked.

I shook my head and pushed away from the table, trying to test my ankle to see how it felt with weight on it. I quickly realized it was a poor choice and winced from the pain. Peeta helped me stand up and led me to the couch where he helped me prop up my feet and grabbed a blanket to cover me. He inspected my ankle which was a little swollen and prepared a few ice packs to rest on it.

"Just leave these here and rest while I go get ready. I'll be back down shortly." He said.

I dozed off quickly and was awoken a few minutes later by Peeta as he quietly tried to remove the pack and cover my foot again without waking me. I moaned a little and he turned to me, giving me a smile.

"You rest and I'll come by for lunch so we can do your exercises, okay? Then, if you're up to it, you can come back with me to the bakery?" he suggested.

I nodded and he left after giving me a soft kiss on my forehead. Within moments I was asleep again. I was quickly overcome by a nightmare. But it was not as violent as others had been. Instead of burning or mutts I was greeted by the weeping dead. They accused me of using them and wasting their lives. Although they didn't physically hurt me, their words cut deeply into me. I awoke, sobbing and clutching a pillow that I had been resting against. I looked at the clock on the wall and noticed Peeta would not be home for a few more hours. But I couldn't sleep. So instead I hobbled to the table, grabbed my journal and pen, and propped myself up on the couch again.

I clutched the book closely to my chest and tried to erase the latest nightmare. I decided I would add to my list. I continued my list. Many of the people I had listed, but I had only done so in general terms. I slowly began giving details for why I was grateful for each of them and soon noticed tear drops falling on the page. I quickly wiped them away and stared at my book. A warm feeling crept up the back of my neck and I soon felt very comfortable. Not just in regards to my ankle and being in a blanket, but I began to feel a little bit of release of the pain I had been carrying. It was still there, but I felt like some of it had been lifted. The emotions drained me a bit and soon after I closed my book and set it on the ground. I laid my head back down against the pillow and fell asleep.

I awoke when Peeta brushed the hair out of my face and stared at me with a smile on his face.

"How do you feel?" He asked.

I returned his smile and simply said, "Better."

He helped me stand up and my ankle felt a bit better than it had this morning. I sat back down and we began to go through the exercises the doctor had asked me to go through yesterday. They were painful, but I gritted my teeth together.

"If I do it, I'll be outside sooner," I kept telling myself.

Afterwards Peeta looked at me cautiously and asked, "Are you up to heading with me to the bakery?"

I bit my lower lip as we finished the last exercise and nodded. I wanted to get out of the house. He helped me upstairs to the bedroom and left me there so I could change. Peeta informed me that it was especially warm that day so I decided against pants and wore a skirt Zenobia had me buy last year. I felt like an animal in a tuxedo, but I was already warm following those exercises and didn't want the added heat from the pants making me warmer. I opened the door and Peeta pursed his lips together in a smile as though he was trying not to say something and nodded. I shot him a dirty look and he held his arm out for me.

We walked through the town and I couldn't help but notice people looking at us. I simply looked down at the ground while Peeta continued towards the bakery, smiling and waving at people. After what felt like a very long time we entered the bakery. Peeta helped me get situated at a table and winked as he turned to leave. I smiled back in his direction and quickly noticed a group on women looking at me disdainfully as Peeta approached them at the counter. I quickly looked down and reached into my pack for the journal and pen I had brought; hoping they would look away.

I sat there silently wondering what I would write about. I opened my book and began reading over what I had listed. I laughed at a few as the sloppy handwriting illustrated that I had obviously begun to fall asleep. I sat there for a few more moments wanting to write something but struggled when I looked up to see the same women looking at me as they ate a few tables away. I gave them a quick scowl and they looked back to each other and began to chatter like a pack of little animals. As I turned to look away I saw Peeta approaching me with a plate and glass of milk. My mind was easily diverted as he sat down and handed me my treat.

"For being a good patient this morning," he winked.

I laughed and couldn't help but respond, "well if this is what I get I'll make sure to injure myself and be a good patient more often!"

We laughed and I began to eat the muffin he had brought over.

"Who are those women?" I asked, nodding towards the group.

"Oh, some women who moved here from Ten. They're pretty nice." He said.

I shot him a skeptical look at his last statement and he shrugged, "well, to me at least."

I tried to think back. Ten produced livestock. I've never even met these women. What would they have against me? I tried to think and laughed to myself. Would they not like me because of the business I ran with Vick? The idea made me chuckle and I brushed it off when Peeta questioned my laughter. He stood up and gave me a quick peck on the lips before heading back to work.

I quickly wrote in my book:

60) Silly women- so that I can feel better about myself.

I began listing other things that some might not see a reason to be grateful for and laughed at a few of the ideas. I smiled to myself when I had written down close to eighty ideas. I took a bite of my muffin and noticed the women were gone. I smiled to myself and stared out the window for a while thinking about what Haymitch had said. I did feel better when I tried to be thankful for what I had. I made a promise to try and show it more often.

That evening as we walked home later following Peeta's baking class we strolled in through the front door laughing as we tried to relive the moment when I proved I was most definitely not a baker. It involved confusing salt for sugar and the fact that one of my fellow students nearly choked after eating a sugar cookie I had made. As we closed the front door Peeta pulled me in closely and squeezed me tightly.

"How was today?" he asked

"Better," was all I could say as I smiled up at him.

We broke apart as I walked to try and prepare something for dinner. I began sarcastically explaining how I was a better cook than baker when I heard something fall to the ground. I turned and noticed Peeta had knocked over a picture frame. I went towards his kneeling body trying to think of a joke but stopped short as I noticed he was gripping the sides of the bookshelf it had been resting on. His eyes were closed and the knuckles in his hands were white as he gripped onto the piece. I cautiously approached him and reached out to touch him. He quickly grabbed my wrist in a tight grip.

With a clenched jaw he let out the words, "Go away you mutt."

I tried to break free from his grip but his grew tighter and tighter. I tried to get him to open his eyes but he wouldn't.

"On second thought," he continued, "stay right here. I owe you." He said as he reached for my other wrist.

I kicked him in the back of his knee and he fell to the ground, releasing my wrist as he broke his fall. I quickly stepped back, feeling the pain in my ankle in the process, and pressed my back against the counter as he continued yelling at me. I thought this was over. How foolish could I have been? Of course Peeta would still have flashbacks. As he stood to come towards me I grabbed the nearest object I could find and held it out as if it was a weapon.

"Great," I thought to myself as I held out the pen I had used earlier that day, "A lot of good this will do me."

He laughed and slowly began walking towards me.

"Peeta, whatever you're seeing isn't real. It's not. I am real. I would never hurt you. Ever," I began, my voice shaking.

He reached out for me and grabbed me by both arms, pushing me against the counter. He pushed me again, very hard, and my head snapped back quickly, hitting one of the cabinet doors. As I let out a yelp of pain I looked back, trying to make eye contact with him.

"Peeta, this isn't you. I lo-" I began, but he covered my mouth with his hands.

"Shut up! I know you did it. You told them to bomb 12. You never cared about anyone but yourself. You wanted to break all of us. Just like Snow. You always thought you were better than everyone else," He yelled.

I bit his hand and he stepped back quickly. As he quickly examined his hand I grabbed a pan that had been on the stove and hit him over the head with it. He let out a moan as he fell to the floor. I dropped the pan and fell to my knees next to him.

"Peeta? Peeta, are you okay?" I asked as he lay lifeless for a moment.

His eyes open shortly thereafter and the darkness that had filled them moments before was gone. I began crying as I looked at him.

"What? Oh… I'm so sorry Katniss," he said as he began to realize what had just happened.

I continued crying and he pushed himself up so that he was sitting next to me.

"I'm sorry I… What did I do?" He asked. He didn't touch me or try to make eye contact with me although at that point what I wanted was for him to wrap his arms around me. I knew it wasn't him. But the words he spoke were true. I didn't want to hurt anyone, but I was like Snow. I acted as if I was above everyone else. But I knew I wasn't. I continued crying until Peeta read my mind and wrapped his arms around me. We sat there for a while, hugging as I cried.

Eventually we stood and Peeta helped me get up the stairs. As I changed in the bathroom I heard him change in the bedroom. When we met again we quietly got under the covers.

"Look, I'm really sorry I hurt you. I'm not good to you, Katniss." He said.

"It wasn't what you did," I said, "it's what you said. But it was true."

"How could anything I say when I'm like that be true?" he shot back.

"I am selfish. I do think I'm better than everyone else. Peeta, I want to be the ideal person you might think I am. But I'm not. You know it." I said, trying not to make eye contact.

He pulled me so that I was facing him and took my chin in his hand as he spoke.

"Katniss, I never thought you were perfect. Don't flatter yourself," he began with a faint chuckle in his tone. I couldn't help but look down. "But I'm not perfect either. Shoot, with what I just did, I think we've both established the fact that we are both pretty messed up. But Katniss, you're not selfish. Would you have volunteered for your sister if you were selfish? Would you have sacrificed and risked so much to keep your family, or even me in the games, alive if you were selfish?" He gave me a kiss on my forehead and pulled me in again. "Messed up? Yes," he said as he let out a small laugh, "but selfish? No."

I scooted closer into him and laid my head upon his chest. While he quickly fell asleep I stayed up thinking of what he said. There was some truth to it, but I knew I still had a long way to go before I could see myself as not selfish. I eventually fell asleep, lulled away by the sound of Peeta's shallow breathing.