Author's Note: First let me thank everyone who had reviewed, alerted, or put this story on their favorites it means a lot to me. Here is the last chapter for today, so I am getting a little anxious about getting this story out to you all. Especially the closer I get to the end in writing it, it's the reason for the four chapter updates.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say that I don't own them? I'm just playing with someone else's toys and do return them in the same shape I have found them (well that may not always be the case).


Hermione,

I realize now that for a very long time I didn't see past my anger at the marauders and what they did to turn Lily against me, and yes I am sure my view of all Griffendors were tainted by them. But they did make my life from the time I entered Hogwarts a hell that I could not escape. It seemed for a very long time that I left one hell for another.

In them turning the only person that had ever been a true friend to me against me for no other fact than my house and thirst for knowledge in any form of magic. I made them right, why not be what they had been accusing me of for years? Lily's final rejection was my deciding factor in joining the death eaters, no it was not the day that I called her that awful name, it was the day she told me that she never loved me.

Sound familiar? It's the same words you said the day you left. The day I should have done everything to stop you.

Yes I will agree with your assessment that we both shoulder some of the blame for not speaking to one another like adults, though I do think mine is more. I'm the one who made the rules, I'm the one that refused to hear you. But I also believe that you could have tried harder if you had truly wanted to tell me something.

Severus

Hermione tore off the bottom of the parchment before she thought about what she was going to write, she didn't want to rush head long into something that was the reason she asked about writing. Time to think about what to say, unlike when she opened her mouth last week about how he tore her down. She sighed standing, she would write later when his letter didn't bother her so much and make her want to defend her actions.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Severus was just getting settled in on Saturday night when Morgan came flying into the room to land on the arm of his chair, he set his book aside as he took the rolled up parchment from her before giving her a treat and sending her on her way.

Severus,

I don't know if writing is such a great idea either, the only thing it's afforded me was the time to cool off before I wrote back.

I am sorry for Lily's treatment of you but listen well to me, I AM NOT LILY EVENS. I don't bow to pressure from other people, you should know that. You were there when almost everyone I knew turned their back on me for marrying you. I didn't give into what they thought, I stood up for what I believe in.

Hermione

She was right, he knew that and he also knew that comparing them was not the right thing to do either. He had told her the last time that she was stronger than Lily. Lily worried too much about what others thought of her, Hermione didn't care as long as she did what was right.

She might be right though, writing letters was not the best idea. There were always things that were lost on paper, but he also thought that their meetings would devolve into what they had last time if they tried to talk it out.

He would be seeing her on Monday so he decided to only write her about that, it was short and more than likely she would think she upset him with what she wrote.

~~^~~SSHG~~^~~

Severus arrived Monday at five, she had brought home take out for supper this time.

When they walked into the kitchen she had everything ready at one end of the table saying,

"Let's eat, then we can work on that."

When they were almost done eating he finally said,

"Hermione," when she looked up at him he continued, "I told you last time we met that you were stronger, I meant than Lily ever was. She worried about how people saw her, she did everything to that end. I know you are not her, the only comparison I can make between the two of you is that you both said the same words to me for the same reason. Don't think that I don't know what being bonded to me cost you, I know very well why do you think that I never complained about Potter or Longbottom visiting? Because I saw that when it was all done they were the truest of friends and I did not want you to not have that in your life."

Hermione didn't know what to say, she knew she had been a little short in her letter to him and figured she had angered him into his short reply back. She watched as he stood taking his plate to the sink, finally she said,

"I didn't mean to make you angry, well maybe it did. I don't know, there are so many things that were never said that should have been. It's been years, sometimes I would just rather forget it all other times I want to scream for all the wrong that was done to me by you. Yet I know I am not perfect and there were things I could have done differently that might have changed the outcome."

Severus turned leaning against the sink asking,

"What do you want to scream about?"

She turned to look at him before saying,

"All of it."

"As in?"

"You want an example?"

"Yes."

"Okay, but you're not going to like it."

"Don't worry if I like it or not, remember this is your house. The rules are yours."

"Very well, the first night you called me Lily while we were having sex. I wanted to push your ass off of me and yell that I was Hermione." When he opened his mouth she said, "Let me finish, I know that certain things will remind us of our past and that actions will be a reminder of certain people, but knowing that and having it happen to you are two different things. Knowing that information does not make it hurt any less, especially when I was doing everything to be what you wanted in the bedroom."

Severus listened to her, he never remembered calling her Lily. Though he might have if he was angry enough at the time. He said the first thing that came to mind,

"I never had sex with Lily."

Hermione was shocked and stammered.

"But…. But you said… but."

"Now we're back to me saying things to hurt you because I was angry."

"Did you want to?" Hermione asked quietly

"No, I never did which now looking back should have been my first clue that I was not in love with her."

"Had you ever….." Hermione was going to ask if he had ever had sex before her but her censor kicked in, in the middle of the question and she clamped her mouth shut.

"Have I ever what?"

"It's really not a question that I should ask you right now. I will if you really want me to, I do abide by my own rules."

"How about a deal between us when we talk about these things."

"What kind of deal?"

"Once every time we can beg off a question to be asked later."

Hermione thought it over, could she give him that much? Of course it would save her from asking this question right now.

"I'll agree to that as long as the question is answered later."

"Very well, now maybe we should get to work on the complaint."


Author's Note: Comments really do make me smile and brighten my day.

Also I wanted to let you know that I have a couple of Severus/Hermione videos on youtube, the link is in my profile.