Disclaimer: Still not mine but I keep hoping.
AN: Many thanks to all those who reviewed. It is greatly appreciated. I'm not 100% happy with this one...teach me to write with a hangover! Hope it's ok. Enjoy :o)
Chapter 28
Emily had suggested that they use the day off to go out and enjoy the sunny weather and forget about recent events. After a short discussion of baby friendly ideas, they had settled on going to the zoo. The day had been a nice break from the usual non-stop stress and horrors that that jobs entailed. Henry had been looking at the animals and making appreciative sounds.
Through the day Emily's mind had begun to wander. She had fantasised about a time coming where she would actually be with the blonde and tell her how she felt. Now she had and there was a big unknown about what the future held. It wasn't a simple case of things having just fallen neatly into place after all. There was a part of Emily that wondered if the blonde really wanted to be with her or if this was just an escape from a life that was turning out bad. Now with Will gone, was the blonde going to stay or would her fears become reality.
They had stopped for a lunch break and were enjoying just watching people passing by. "Em? I've been thinking." Emily felt her throat contract, dreading what the next words to come from the blonde would be. JJ was busy picking at the label on her water bottle as she spoke. "I can move back to my house now and give you your space back." JJ's eyes were focused on the label, a slight frown playing on her face.
Emily sat staring at the blonde for a moment. She tried to speak but no words came out. Swallowing and taking a deep breath she finally managed to formulate words. "Is that what you want?"
JJ drew her lower lip between her teeth and lightly chewed it while she thought. "I know you offered because the only other option was a hotel but it's a huge change for you. I mean it's me and Henry." The blonde stopped in her ramblings when she felt the brunettes hand cover hers.
"Jay, I like having you and Henry around. Is that all that is bothering you?"
There was a moment of quiet between the two women. "What is it that makes somewhere home to you Em?"
The brunette was a bit confused by the seemingly sudden change in conversation. "The people I share it with. The rest of it is just bricks."
"For me it's the place I feel safe. I always used to feel safe at my house but when that was taken from me, you gave me somewhere that was safe."
When JJ stopped talking, Emily prompted her. "But?"
JJ sighed. "I spend all day looking at files about what people do to one another. I make the decisions about which cases to present to the team and which don't get seen. When I'm at home, I need it to be away from all that." She looked up into Emily's eyes at that moment to see if the other woman understood. It wasn't a case of not wanting to stay with Emily but Will had tainted the place that she felt safe. It was now just another reminder of all the pain and suffering that people inflicted on each other.
Emily nodded slightly. She couldn't ignore the sinking feeling at knowing that her home was no longer a refuge for the other woman. "Jayj, do you really want to move back, honestly?" Emily didn't really know why she was asking but part of her needed to know.
"Honestly? No. Having you with me has made me think it is possible to get through this and seeing you with Henry..." The blonde trailed off as a smile played on her lips with the memories of seeing the brunette feeding and changing Henry. Seeing how they interacted gave JJ the hope of having a family one day. "But I can't stay Em." The smile vanished with the statement.
Emily simply nodded her understanding, not trusting her voice to remain steady with any comment she could make. All arguments for why the blonde should stay died in her throat as she couldn't justify the other woman not feeling at peace when at home. After reigning her emotions in again, Emily spoke pleased that her voice didn't reflect the inner turmoil she was experiencing. "Let's enjoy the rest of the day. Hotch was only able to get us one day off."
When the two women had returned home, JJ had set about feeding Henry. Emily had decided to use the time to collect the remainder of Henry's belongings from the temporary nursery. She placed the clothing and the toys onto the bed in JJ's room before heading back to the couch and mindlessly flicking through the channels on TV.
JJ had gone up to pack the few items she had with her. When she walked into the room and saw that Emily had placed all of the belongings from the other room onto her bed saving her from having to face the scene in the nursery she felt tears well up in her eyes. She knew that leaving was causing a lot of hurt to the brunette but she just couldn't stay in the house where so much was nearly taken from her. The last thing she wanted was to hurt the other woman or to leave her but that was what she was doing. That's when she remembered the promise she had asked Emily to make to her only a short time previously. Emily had promised never to leave her and yet here she was leaving the brunette. As that thought registered, she felt the tears fall.
She eventually got her tears to subside enough to form thoughts coherently again. She knew that she had to make sure that Emily knew that it wasn't so much of a choice but more of a necessity that she was leaving. She had to ensure that the brunette knew that it was just the house that she was leaving and not the other woman. Having only just allowed herself to explore the potential of a relationship with Emily, she wasn't ready to give it up.
She finished putting the clothing into the bag she had open on the bed and then made her way back downstairs.
As she entered the sitting room, brown eyes turned to meet her. "All packed?" The tone was meant to sound breezy but it was obviously forced.
"Yeah." JJ made her way across the room to take a seat next to Emily on the couch. "Em…"
Before the blonde could say more, the brunette placed a finger on her lips to silence her. "Jay, I understand." Emily leant forwards and replaced her finger with her lips. Trying to convey her feelings to the blonde through the connection of flesh. She pulled back slightly, staying close enough that as she spoke her breath ghosted across JJ's skin. "I'm not leaving you. I always keep my promises."
After a few more moments of silence, JJ stood. Her hand trailing over Emily's cheek as she did so. Maintaining contact for as long as she could. She watched as brown eyes drifted shut, as if she was memorising the touch. As JJ's hand lost contact with skin, Emily's eyes opened. "Call me to let me know you get back safe?"
The blonde nodded and knew that she had to leave then or she wouldn't be able to later. She picked up the bag and the car seat containing Henry and then made her way out of Emily's house.
The silence in the house was instantly noticeable. Emily had tried playing music and watching TV but neither of these actions had served to fill the emptiness that radiated from the house. She understood why JJ couldn't stay in the house. It was now a place that served as a constant reminder of what could have been.
Emily sighed deeply as she shut the TV off. Her gaze fell upon a photo frame of her and JJ. She stood up and picked up the picture. Her finger lightly tracing across the face of the blonde. It was in that moment that she knew what she needed to do. She knew that her future lay with the blonde. To make that possible she would need to find a way to give the blonde a home again. That place that is a refuge from the images and knowledge of the cruel acts people inflict on each other.
She reached over and grabbed her phone, dialling a number from memory. She waited as the answer phone message played. "Hey Clare, it's Emily Prentiss. I'm looking for a new place. If you can let me know what you have on your books at the moment, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks. Hope to hear from you soon." She clicked her phone shut and then sat back to wait for the blonde's call.
