Chapter 27: Let You Breathe

EPOV

I held her close; as close as I could.

I didn't even know why she held onto me as well. She should have run away. She should have taken everything that belonged to her in my house and left. I was only speaking logically of course. Logically, she shouldn't want to be with me. Logically, I should have scared her away by now. And logically, someone like her shouldn't be with someone like me.

Logic made no sense to us, apparently.

I didn't know what I did the night before.

I did remember them coming by though. I couldn't forget that.

The look on their face when they saw me and my mother putting her fucking hands on Alice. I pushed that to the back of my mind. I had a clear mind at that point, and I couldn't cloud it with thoughts about them or my situation. My life literally felt like a ticking time bomb no matter how cliché it sounded. It rang with truth. Every move I made was being watched and at any second my whole world could come tumbling down around me leaving me buried and worthless beneath the rubble.

It scared the ever living shit out of me but fear would get me nowhere.

Bella's knees began to give out with the pain and anguish taking over her in the forms of gut wrenching and heart breaking sobs. The pain within me didn't matter. I wanted it. I wanted something to hurt me so I could suffer the way she did and Alice did and Bev did. I didn't even remember if I even got hurt. I hope I did. I hope when I was in that state of mind I hurt so fucking bad. I may not remember it, but just knowing it was there made me feel just a little bit better.

I didn't know what I said to Bella the night before, but I knew it was terrible for her to be crying so hard. All I could do was hold her and tell her over and over what I felt in that moment.

I'm sorry.

Sadly that was all I could say. Everything else would be deemed insignificant. Maybe me saying sorry was insignificant as well, but I had to work with what I had; which wasn't much. I was far too selfish and in love with her to push her away like I normally would. I did it the first time, but that was before I realized how much she meant to me. Deep down, actually logically, I knew she should have left me, and if she did, I wouldn't stop her, but I never wanted that to happen. I loved her to the point of I couldn't imagine living without her. I never thought that would happen to me. I didn't think I would ever need someone as much as I undoubtedly needed her.

"Bella, please calm down." I begged her.

Yes, I loved the pain radiating through me because of her crying because I deserved it, but she didn't. I didn't want her to cry or feel hurt because of me. She deserved everything good in life, not bad.

"I'm sorry." She said and held on tighter to me. "I'm just so glad you're okay." She squeaked out.

"You're crying because you're glad I'm okay?" I asked incredulously.

She nodded against my chest. "I was worried about you." She said.

"Bella," I couldn't even think of words. "You don't have to worry about me."

She pulled away and unwrapped her arms from around my middle. Her hands went instantly to my face and she brought my lips down to hers. Her lips were wet with her tears, but that didn't hinder the intensity of it or the calm I felt while kissing her.

"I will always worry about you, baby." She said. I dropped my head down so my forehead rested on hers.

"What did I say to you?" I asked.

She pulled away from me and shook her head. "It doesn't matter."

I groaned. "It does matter. Just tell me."

"Why?"

"Because…just tell me." I need to hurt.

She hesitated, but I gave her a look that I wouldn't take no for an answer. She sighed in defeat. "Basically you accused me of taking Alice from you and helping your parents get her." My whole body tensed and the pain overtook me. Good. Keep it coming. "You swore at me and told me you were disgusted with me." Her voice broke at the word disgusted.

How could I ever say something like that? The pain radiated throughout me. I needed that.

I shook my head. "I'm sorry."

I felt pretty fucking stupid. All I could say was sorry. Fucking pussy.

"I know you are, and it did hurt, but I know that wasn't really you." She put her hands back on my face and rubbed her thumbs over my cheeks. "You're here now. That's all that matters."

"I'll make it up to you…I don't know how, but I will."

She looked like she would fight me on it for a second, but she knew me. She knew there was no fighting with me on something when I really wanted to do something. So she nodded and said. "Okay."

I went to bend down to kiss her, but I heard a key in the lock of the front door and my attention shifted from Bella to my other reason for living. I didn't know how she was feeling, and I knew she saw our parents. She might have a lot of questions and she was probably scared out of her little mind. At least Bev was back. She left a note for me on the front door, that I saw when I woke up and after I put Bella into my bed, the note said she had taken Alice out for a late breakfast and would be back as soon as possible. I went out to get Bella her muffin and coffee and called her along the way.

The door opened and there she was. She ran full speed at me and I let go of Bella and bent down to catch her. She wrapped her arms around my neck tightly and I held onto her small body. I took a deep calming breath now that she was near. I find the most comfort from Alice and I didn't think that will ever change. To me, she was the one who had saved my life and changed it irrevocably in a good way. When I looked at her, I saw my savior and my reason for breathing quite literally. How couldn't that comfort me?

"You okay, Ecy?" She asked with a sniffle.

"I'm fine. How about you?"

"Okay." She answered.

I got up from my squatting position and her grip on me didn't lessen one bit. I didn't mind. Her fingernails may have been digging into the back of my head, but I didn't mind one bit. She needed to hold me for her own comfort. As long as it brought her comfort.

I looked up at Bev and she had her eyes on the both of us with a soft smile on her face. It was so good to see her. I couldn't help but smile back.

With Bev, Bev gave me a feeling of security, like nothing could happen to me or Alice if Bev was around. She took care of and protected the both of us for over five years. She did more for me in those five years than my parents, nannies, or the authorities did for me in my first seventeen years of life combined. I would repay Bev one day. It may not be one day soon, but it would happen.

I took one hand off of Alice's back and held it out to my side. Bev didn't have to say anything and neither did I. She walked over to me with a tear in her eye and hugged me on my right side.

There was only one person missing from the hug of course. My love. That's what she provided me with essentially. Bella loved me even when she shouldn't. I reached my hand back to her. I didn't have to worry about Alice falling because she held onto me so tight and Bev had her arm wrapped around her. I felt her hand grab onto mine and soon she was tucked into my left side.

I had everything I needed right there. Alice cried her little eyes out and it killed me. I turned my head and kissed the side of her head trying to comfort her as much as I could. Bella and Bev rubbed her back for me.

"I don't ever want to go away." Alice said, effectively breaking my heart with each word.

"You aren't going anywhere." I said.

I hoped I didn't just lie to her.

I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did.


I just got finished reading the book for her and I placed it on her bedside table. I sat beside her with my back leaning on her headboard. She was curled into my side and I rubbed my hand up and down her arm. She remained silent after I read the book and we sat in silently. I mentally prepared myself for something that I needed to do. I knew I needed too, and Bella told me it would be a good idea if I did, if I felt up to it.

I cleared my throat. "Uh…Alice?" I asked.

Her head turned to look at me. "Yeah?"

"Do you have any…uh…questions about what happened yesterday?" I asked.

She looked away from me and sighed. She picked at my shirt as she thought it over. The anticipation for what she would ask killed me. I already found myself nervous, and then waiting made it worse.

"I guess I do." She said finally.

I let out the breath I held within. "Okay. Well what is it?"

"Why did our mommy call you EJ?"

I didn't think that would be a question she had on her mind. I didn't even think she would have really noticed it. I mean, that was kind of insignificant in the scheme of things, but it obviously meant something to Alice if she wanted to know that before anything else.

"I'm named after our father. His name is Edward, too." Funny how I was named after the man I hated the most. Funny how said man tried to kill me. It really wasn't that funny. It was sick. "So she called me EJ as a nickname." I finished telling her.

"But why a J?"

"Junior. When someone is named after someone, they get titles at the end of their names. So for example, our father's name is Edward Cullen Sr. and I am Edward Cullen Jr. It's just titles. Then if I have a kid and I want to name him Edward," Never going to happen. "He would be called Edward the third."

She put her hand over her head. "That's too confusing."

I chuckled. "It's really not that bad, but you don't have to worry about that. You won't have kids until you are like…oh I don't know…forty or something."

"Forty? That's old!"

"It's not that old. I'll be around sixty and senile though, so that's fine. As long as I don't know what is going on."

"You're a weirdo." She said with a shake of her head.

I laughed. "I just don't like the idea of you growing up. I want you to be little tiny Alice forever."

"I need to get married one day."

I looked down at her with a quirked eyebrow. "What makes you think that?"

"I don't know, everyone does it. Bev got married, my teacher got married, and you and Bella are going to get married."

My mouth gaped open. "Whoa, where did you hear that me and Bella will get married?"

She smiled and shrugged her shoulders. "Nobody, but you will."

"Uh…not so sure about that." I said.

It wasn't that I was against marrying Bella or the idea of being with her forever, I just didn't see us as a getting married type. I never really wanted to get married. I couldn't imagine calling Bella my wife. Again, not completely against it, but it definitely wasn't something I was ready for. I didn't even know what Bella thought about it.

"Oh Ecy but you have to! You need to buy her a pretty ring and bring her to a restaurant and get on one knee and tell her how much you love her! Then you ask her and she will say yes!" She said in a dreamy fashion.

Yeah, if I ever proposed to Bella it wouldn't be that way. And why the fuck would I have to get on my knee? 'Oh hey, girlfriend, let me get my pants dirty and be pissed for the rest of the day because of it so I could put a ring on it.' Yeah, not my style.

I was shit at being romantic too. Yeah, Bella probably wouldn't want to marry me and I was okay with that; as long as she didn't want to marry anyone else either. That I would not like one bit. She's mine…no that sounded wrong. She's not mine; I didn't own her like a dog or anything. She just belonged with me. No one else should have the honor of calling her their girlfriend or wife for that matter. Oh fuck, does that mean I have to put a ring on it now? Relationships were complicated. Too much for my fucking brain to think about to be honest.

"I don't know Alice, we'll see. But that's not the point, don't ever thing that you have to do something. You will always have a choice. Always."

She nodded, thinking about what I said. "So if our mommy and daddy want to take me, I can just say no?"

Good one, Edward.

I really shouldn't be doing this. This whole parenting and raising a child thing wasn't in my cards. How the fuck could I have told her that? Of course it was true in any other situation, but in that one, she would have no choice in the matter. How the fuck do I fix this?

I sighed. "No." She looked up at me sadly at the word. "But you won't have to worry about that."

"But what if I do one day? What if…"

"Alice, stop." I said through gritted teeth as a warning. "There is only one thing you need to know. No matter what happens, if you were ever separated from me for any reason, I would find my way back to you. Always. You can count on that."

She nodded her head. "Okay, good."

"Okay, so is there anything else?"

She shook her head. "I don't think so."

"Alright, well if you think of something, just ask me."

"Kay."

"Do you want me to stay until you fall asleep?"

She shook her head slowly. "No, it's okay. I'll be sleeping soon."

"Alright." I got up from the bed and stood up beside it. I stretched my arms up above me and then bent down to kiss her head. "Goodnight, kid."

"Goodnight, Ecy." She said and turned over on her side.

I kind of didn't want to leave the room because I didn't know where my head would have gone. Bev, Alice, and Bella gave me a temporary leave from my thoughts, but again, it was only temporary. Bev was in her apartment sleeping most likely since she had jet-lag and she came on such an early flight. Alice also slept, and Bella had to go home and finish the homework she never got to finish because of me.

All four of us had spent the day together. We didn't do much, we stayed at my place and mostly just caught up with Bev. We had dinner, and then everyone went their own separate ways. It was simple, but it worked for me.

The conversation we had going took my mind off of the fact that my parents not only knew where I lived, but they also showed up to where I lived. They saw me freak out. I was fucked basically.

I needed something to get my mind off of things and messing with Bella seemed like a good way to do it. I grabbed my phone from the kitchen table and went to my room. I took my shirt and pants off and went into my bed with just my boxers on. I turned the TV on for just background noise or a distraction if Bella didn't answer me right away. I rested my back on my headboard and typed out a very nice message to Bella.

Will you marry me? –E

I chuckled when I sent the text just imagining her face when she read it. I shook my head and looked at the TV. There was some infomercial about some useless thing that will be fun and interesting for a day, and then just be pointless the next. I give the announcer credit for his enthusiasm and the actors in the scenes credit for trying to act. My phone buzzed.

Dude, what the fuck? –B

I laughed at it. Okay, so I guessed she was mad or irritated by that text. I had her right where I wanted her.

So is that a no? –E

I sent the message and not even thirty seconds later, my phone started ringing. I laughed and answered it.

"Hello, you've reached heart-broken and scarred for life, how may I help you?" I answered in a sullen voice.

"Fuck you, Edward." She deadpanned.

I lost my composure; my acting was as bad as the people on the infomercial and there was no hiding it. I started laughing at her. "That's not a very nice thing to say, wifey."

"Seriously, Edward? Where did all this wedding talk come from?"

"It's all Alice's fault. She told me that you and I were going to get married one day." I reached over for the remote and turned off the TV. It was pitch dark in the room and I pushed further down in the bed all of a sudden feeling really tired.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yup. I told her we'll just have to wait and see, I guess."

"Would you really want to marry me one day?" She asked sounding touched at the notion.

I shrugged even though she couldn't see me. "It's not something I've always wanted to do, but if it meant a lot to you I would marry you. Why not? It might be interesting."

She chuckled. "Oh that is so romantic, baby."

"Would you rather me lie and tell you that I have dreamed of a wedding my whole life with a beautiful girl, and I saw you in my dreams since I was five?"

She laughed. "No not really, that would be kind of awkward if you dreamt of me for that long. Plus, I was a year old when you were five."

"Oh shit, you were. You're kind of really young. Practically jail bait."

"Age ain't nothing but a number, babe."

"I know. You are probably more mature than me anyway."

Now that was the truth. Bella dealt with so much shit from me varying from dealing with my 'quirks' and dealing with my IDE. She had a job, went to school, and still found time to spend with me and even babysit Alice for me. She was practically Superwoman at the age of nineteen.

"Hmm…not so sure about that. But at least I don't ask my partner to marry me over text message."

I chuckled. "I'm sorry, hermosa."

"It's okay, I forgive you because I love your ass."

"You only love me for my ass?"

She laughed and I wanted her to come over. It was nice hearing her voice, but it didn't equate to her sitting beside me or lying down with me.

"No, but I do love your rear-end, don't get me wrong."

"Your ass is pretty cool too." I said with a yawn.

"Well thanks, dude."

"You're welcome, chick."

We were both silent for a second before we both started laughing at the same time. We always ended up talking about the most random things. It worked for me though, especially when I was trying not to think of certain things.

"So what are you doing, beautiful?" I asked.

"Homework."

"Still? You left like two hours ago!"

She chuckled. "I know, baby, but I told you I had a lot. I'll probably be at it for another two hours or so, then I will take a shower and be in bed by ten-thirty. It's not that bad."

I sighed and rubbed my hand over my face in frustration. "You would have already had it done if it wasn't…"

"Edward, stop it." She warned me.

I groaned. I promised her I wouldn't blame myself for anything. I didn't want to let her down. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Now you sound tired."

"I'm fine." I said.

"Good try, I know you, Edward. You're tired. I can hear it in your voice, and you have been yawning. Oh yeah, and you got about four hours of sleep last night. Alice is asleep isn't she?" I told her yes. "Well then go to sleep, babe. I'll see you in the morning."

I moved my face away from the phone so I could yawn undetected. "Don't want to."

"Why?" She asked.

I sighed. She was so pushy sometimes, but only at times when I need to be pushed. She amazed me, but I sometimes wished she didn't know me as much as she did. I wouldn't be able to stay on the phone with her now. How can someone know you're tired from just your voice?

She always stayed honest with me though, and I didn't want to lie, so I told her the truth even though it killed me to. I didn't want to be pitied by her.

"If I get off the phone with you, I'll have too much time to think." I said quietly, almost ashamed to even say it.

She sighed sadly. "Oh, baby. It will be okay."

"I know it will, but fuck…I just start thinking about it and I try to force myself to remember but I can't." I ran my hand through my hair roughly. "It just sucks."

"I wish I could say I understand, but I don't. Do you want me to go over there? I can bring my homework I guess…"

"No! No, absolutely not."

"Okay fine. Well then why don't you just stay on the phone with me? Would that be okay?"

My first instinct was to say no. I felt like a fucking child. I couldn't even go to sleep by myself? What a fucking pansy. But those were just insecurities I had about myself, and I knew Bella would never use those against me or make fun of me for it.

"Yeah, I think so."

"Alright, well then just put your phone on speaker phone, and I will too. And if you need me at any time, just say something. Once I hear you snoring, I will hang up, but you know I am just a phone call away if you wake up and need me okay?"

"I don't snore."

She snorted and laughed. "Sorry to break it to you, baby, but you do."

"Well whatever."

She laughed. "Alright love, I really have to get this done, so you go to sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

"Okay, I love you."

"I love you too, baby. Goodnight."

I took the phone away from my ear and tried to find the button for speaker phone. I saw it right there, but since it was touch screen, I accidently touched the contacts button.

"Aw fuck." I grumbled. The phone didn't have to be on speaker for me to hear Bella laughing at me. "Shut up and do your homework, chick."

"Really? You can't even put it on speaker?"

I groaned and finally put it on speaker. Fucking phone from hell. "Leave me alone. I'm going to bed."

She laughed again.

A great sound to fall asleep to.


I took a sip of my coffee and almost fucking moaned at the feeling of it. It was nice and hot and I could feel the caffeine go through my bloodstream.

Yes I went to bed around eight-thirty, but I also had to get up at three in the morning for hell. It wasn't what I would call fun, and that long drive to different houses gave me a lot of time to think. Too much time.

Speaking of Bella, she really did stay on the phone with me as long as she could. Like I said, I went to bed around eight-thirty, but I did wake up around ten from a nightmare that included my father over Alice's bed. I pushed that out of my mind before my coffee made a reappearance in front of me mixed with bile. Anyway, Bella was still on the phone, she heard me and yelled to wake me up. Her words and voice calmed me. She freaked out and told me she would come by, but I was to calm her and tell her no.

Speak of the devil, Bella walked into the coffee shop with her eyes trained on her phone in front of her typing away. She was dressed in a pair of black pants and a fancy looking blue shirt. It had some weird fucking designs on it. It wasn't weird, it looked good, but oh fuck…who the hell cares. It looked nice on her. And that's all I had to say about that.

She sat down in front of me while still typing on her phone. She typed for at least a minute before she hit send and looked up at me with her beautiful smile, although there was something different in her eyes.

"Hey, dude." She said.

"Hey, chick. Nice to get your attention."

She slid her phone in her purse. "I'm sorry, baby. My mom's sick. My dad brought her to the hospital this morning." She said with a sad sigh.

I didn't fucking care where we were or who was looking at us; I reached over and took her hand in mine. "I'm sorry, Bella. Will she be okay?"

She squeezed my hand and nodded instantly. "Yeah, she will be perfectly fine. She has the flu, and she became dehydrated. My dad told me that they are just going to put her on an IV. She'll be home later on today, but my dad kind of freaked out." She took a deep breath. "I had to text him because he is in the hospital and he isn't even supposed to have his phone on so…yeah."

She put her free hand on her head and sighed.

"You okay?" I asked.

Her face scrunched up. "I don't think so." She said with a cracked voice and her tears started falling.

I let go of her hand and got up from the other side of the booth and slid in beside her. I turned my body so I could shield her from being seen crying by the rest of the diner. She didn't need people staring at her. She dropped her head on my chest and I kissed the top of her head.

"What's the matter, beautiful?" I asked her.

She sniffled. "I don't know, a lot of things I guess." She wiped the tears from her eyes and let it all out. "I didn't get my homework done until one in the morning and then couldn't fall asleep. I think I got two hours of sleep last night, if that. Then I had to take a cold shower because my fucking landlord didn't pay the water bill on time. Then my dad calls me and tells me mother is sick. I have work until four today, I have a two hour class at four-thirty and I probably won't even get to see you or Alice today."

I ran my hand along her arm. "Shh…it's okay. You just need to take a deep breath and stop stressing yourself out."

"But all of that can't go undone!" She pointed out in frustration.

"I know, but you shouldn't put that much pressure on yourself, Bella. Your mom is going to be fine, alright?" She nodded her head against my chest. "And if you want me to, I can go over to your landlord and beat his ass for not paying that fucking bill."

She chuckled and wiped her tears. "No, you don't have to do that."

"Well the offer will always stand." I told her and she nodded her head. "And I can't do much about work and school, but if you give me a key to your house, I can bring Alice and maybe even Bev over and I will have dinner ready for you on the table and we will stay until my little party pooper well…poops out on me."

She chuckled. "You don't have to do…"

"Shut up, chick." I said in interruption and she smiled. "Now look at me, give me a kiss, and get a fucking smile on that face because you are too pretty to cry."

She laughed and I was glad I was able to clam her in any way. Bella had a lot on her shoulders. I know what she didn't mention in her little rant was that she had to deal with me and my fucking problems on top of school, work, parents, and keeping up a household. Plus, she was only nineteen. At that age, yeah I was raising a two year old and holding a job and household, but Bella also had a lot to deal with at a different degree. She did so well though. She was amazing.

She looked up at me with her beautiful eyes and grabbed my chin between her fingers and gave me a sweet kiss on my lips.

"Thank you, baby." She said.

"Anytime, hermosa."

What I just did for her there was nothing compared to all that she did for me. She took care of Alice when I had no one, she dealt with my mood swings, and my episodes. I pissed her off every once in a while and made her life difficult, but she still loved me anyway. Calming her down when she anticipated an overwhelming day was minuscule compared to all she did for me, so I was happy I could have helped her with that. I wiped the final tears from her face with the hand that wasn't wrapped around her.

"Now I am going to go across from you so our necks don't break looking at each other like this, unless you want to talk to each other while staring at the wall." I said.

She laughed. "Okay go over there. I don't need your neck broken." She pushed me away but I was able snag a kiss before I got up and went to the other side. She took the paper off of her muffin and took a piece off and put it in her mouth. She chewed slowly. "I must say, this muffin definitely makes me feel better." She said.

I rolled my eyes and took a sip of my coffee. "That definitely makes me feel special." I said sarcastically.

She chuckled and took another bite. "You know I love you more."

"Well I sure hope so."

She smiled and took a sip of her coffee. "How was your night? I turned the phone off at one."

"I slept fine after that one nightmare." I ran my finger along the rim of my cup, avoiding her gaze.

She sighed sadly. "You sure you don't want to talk about it?"

"One-hundred percent sure."

"Okay, okay. I won't push it. I just want to make sure you are okay."

I shrugged. "I'm fine."

She nodded her head slowly and didn't push it because that was how Bella was. She knew when I needed to be pushed and she knew when pushing would do nothing at all.

"So what do you want for dinner tonight?" I asked.

She smiled a genuine smile devoid of any sadness or strength. She was so fucking beautiful. "Surprise me."

"Okay, frog legs and brussel sprouts it is."

Her face fell and scrunched up in adorable disgust. I laughed at her and she threw a piece of muffin at me for it. "Not that, please."

"Oh fine. I'll make you something delicioso."

"Oh! I know that one, that means delicious."

"Well fuck, pin a rose on your nose, chick. You are a genius at the Spanish language." Sarcasm filled my voice and I knew I would get a reaction. She knew me well, but I also knew her well.

She flipped me off. Saw that coming. "Don't piss on my parade."

What the fuck does that mean? I didn't want to give her a reason to make fun of me though so I didn't ask any questions. "You are looking beautiful today. Did I tell you that?"

A tinge of pink made its way on her face and I smiled. How could she even get the least bit embarrassed when I compliment her? Maybe I didn't do it enough. Great fucking job, asshat.

"No you didn't, but thank you."

"No hay problema." I said and she looked at me from behind her eyes. "Come on Miss. Smarty Pants. What does that one mean?"

"I hate you, did you know that?"

"On opposite day."

"And you are like a child."

"Yeah, but I'm a big kid now."

She rolled her eyes but couldn't help but laugh. "Change of topic. What are your plans for today?"

I sighed and ran my hand through my hair. "I have to meet with Bowman. The fucker called me at five in the morning telling me we have a lot to discuss."

"Well just listen to him, alright? And don't flip out on him."

"I'm not going to flip out on him." How could she even say that?

"Edward, you do have a tendency to take out your anger at your parents at him. Ever heard the expression 'don't shoot the messenger?'"

"You make it seem like I am a dick to the guy." I was mad. What can I say? I tried not to be, but I was.

"Don't snap at me, Edward." She said in a just as aggravated tone. This where our relationship had faults. We were both very stubborn. "And yes, you are a dick to him at times. I know you may not like what he has to say, but he only has your best interest in mind."

"Oh so you expect me to smile and wave when he tells me my parents want to take Alice right out of her fucking home and away from me? Does that sound plausible to you?" I asked in a condescending tone.

She did not like that, but really, what did she expect me to do? I didn't have anything against Bowman, I actually owed him a lot, but I never liked what he had to say, and sometimes his plans are just plain bogus to me.

She glared at me and shook her head before putting her purse on her arm. "Whatever Edward, I can't deal with your stubbornness right now." She put the rest of her muffin in a napkin and started to get up.

"Wow, so you're really just leaving right now?"

She turned back to me. She looked ready to explode in a rant but she looked around at the people around and just settled with a yes. She turned away from me and I cursed under my breath. I got up from the seat and disposed of the rest of my coffee. This was not how I expected this little meeting to end. I followed her out of the coffee shop and to her car. People probably stared but fuck them.

I jogged up to her and she was trying to open her car door. She started to open it, and I got there in time to shut it again.

"Don't leave." I said.

She looked up at me with anger in her eyes. "Why would I want to stay if you are going to be an asshole?"

"Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to just snap at you, but I got a lot on my plate right now and…"

She laughed a humorless laugh. "You have a lot on your plate." She repeated. "You don't think I know that? You don't think I am kept up every night worrying about you and all the shit on your plate? I love you, and I am trying to help you. I'm sorry if what I said about Bowman hurt your feelings or whatever, but you could have just told me that instead of flipping out on me. I was only trying to make things easier on you. I know what Bowman tells you fucking sucks, but it's just the way things are. There comes a point when you have to just accept the shit around you and just try your best to fix it."

"But Bella this is Alice…"

She let her purse drop to the floor and she put her hands on both sides of my face. "I know, baby. But you need to find a way to control your temper."

I sighed. "Can we go in your car? I have to talk to you about something." I guessed we could have talked about it outside the car, but I wanted privacy.

"Okay." She said.

She took her hands off my face and I opened the door for her. She mumbled a thank you and I went over to the other side. Once inside, I ran my hands over my face.

"So what do you want to talk about?"

I looked over to her. "I've been thinking and you are right. Right now, I am pretty much fucked unless I do something, you know?"

"You aren't doing anything wrong, baby."

"That's right and it's wrong at the same time. The only thing in my way right now is my fucking psychotic disorder. I mean, I can raise Alice, I can love her, but that means nothing if the court thinks I am a danger to her." I ran my hand through my hair. I was getting worked up again. "I keep on telling myself that it will never happen, that I will never put my hands on her or hurt her in anyway, but I need to stop lying to myself." Bella reached for my hand at the crack of my voice, her concerned eyes boring into mine. "I can hurt her, and I know for a fact I would never, ever forgive myself for it."

She ran her thumb over the back of my hand. "Okay, so what are you going to do about it?"

I let out a breath I held inside. "I guess I will have to talk to a doctor and see if there is a medication I can take or something. Therapy doesn't work for me, and I don't know, I guess there are a couple of possibilities for medication."

"I think that would be a good idea." She said and kissed my knuckles.

"I will hate every minute of it, but I guess it's a small sacrifice."

Her face turned curious. "Why will you hate it?"

"I hate meds. Plus the main reason I didn't even try them in the first place is because there is a chance they won't even work, or I could have a bad reaction to them, and have all of these side effects." I took a deep breath and let it out quickly. "Just a bunch of shit I don't want to deal with."

"Well you never know, maybe if you take something, you will react just fine."

I shrugged. "Guess I won't know until I try, huh?"

"Exactly."

"Alright, well I talked to Bowman about it this morning. He says it would be good on my record to show that I am at least trying, and he is setting up an appointment for me with an IED specialist."

"That's really good, Edward. Do you want me to go with you when you meet him?"

I looked up at her. "Would you?"

She cupped my cheek with her left hand. "Of course. Just tell me when."

I put my hand over hers on my face and kissed her palm. "Okay good, because I know I am an ass sometimes, but I really need you, Bella." She squeezed my hand and leaned closer to me, kissing me on the forehead. "All I have to do is stay out of trouble. I can't lose Alice."

She kissed my lips softly. "I know, and I will be here for you whenever you need me, baby."

"Promise?"

"I promesa." She said in response and I laughed at her cuteness and effort. "What? Isn't that right?"

"Well you got the word right, but it's in the wrong context."

She looked confused. "Then what should I have said?"

"Te lo prometo." I answered.

She rolled her eyes. "Well I give up then. I think I am destined to speak English and English only for the rest of my life."

"Oh don't be so hard on yourself. I'll teach you more one day." Oh what a great opportunity to mess with her. I mean, joking around with each other was kind of our thing. "Maybe after you are my wifey."

She groaned and pushed me away. "Get out of my car."

"That's kind of a rude thing to say to your dear husband."

"Dear, you are an asshole. Now get out of my car. I have to go to work." She turned her car on and I didn't move. She looked over at me with a smirk. She reached over and started pushing me towards the door. "Go! Shoo!"

"Can I have a kiss first?"

She pulled on the hem of my hoodie and pulled me towards her. She placed a hard but still sweet kiss on my lips. "There. Now get out of here before I am late."

"Alright, alright, I can take a hint." I opened the door and ran over to her side of the car. I knocked on her window and she rolled it down with a roll of her eyes. I leaned over and kissed her again. "I love you."

"I love you, too. I'll text you when I'm at lunch."

I nodded my head and leaned out of her window so she could drive off. She reversed the car back and I just had to throw in one more jab.

"Have a good day at work, wifey."

"Fuck you!"

Yep, that woman will be my wife one day.


I don't know why she's with me.
I only brought her trouble since the day she met me.
If I was her, by now I would have left me.
I would have walked away,
But you've fallen in love in the worst way,
And if you don't go now then you'll stay.
Cause I'll never let you leave, never let you breathe
Cause if you're looking for heaven, baby it sure as hell ain't me.

Walk Away, by The Script


Hey I hope you all liked the chapter! This is kind of a watch-Edward-sort-things-out-in-his-head-chapter. I felt this was needed because we haven't heard from our guy in a while. I would say this chapter is the 'fasten your seatbelts' part of the roller coaster. Hahaha interpret that as you like.

Thanks to Alexa for being the fastest and most accurate pre-reader ever! If you haven't checked out her great story "Comes & Goes" you need to get on that! Haha I pre-read that one and it is amazing!

I will update again as soon as I can. At this point, I see a Friday update coming on. I know, it's a little longer than usual, but I have a busy week, and I will be MIA all weekend so there will be no updates then. So my goal is Friday, but who knows.

Thank you to everyone for making this story close to 1,000 reviews! That blows my mind! Thanks so much for your support everyone!

Review please!