Okay I'm updating some of my older stories but honestly when people scold me to update more when I start new ones it feels like a chore. Like I'm being told what to do. So please...ease up a bit. I'm really busy here and yes I am sorry I have so many unfinished stories but I am also going through depression right now...and sometimes new stories help me deal with it. And my depression is partly why I haven't been writing as much. I am sorry I haven't updated in a long time but I haven't felt creative at all for months but I will try and update more frequently. But when I start new stories sometimes it's a way to get me to feel creative again.
Reid woke to seeing Morgan, Garcia, and JJ sitting next to him. Shame filled him as he realized they saw him get raped. Saw him that vulernable...he shuddered. How could he ever look at them again? Morgan opened his eyes and smiled when he saw Reid looking at them. He nudged Garcia and JJ who were reading silent.
"Hey kid," he said as he sat up further.
Reid swallowed, his throat was dry and hoarse.
"Hey..."
"Oh Spence," sighed JJ as she grabbed his hand. Tears filled her eyes. "Thank God you're all right." He winced at her touch. It startled her but slowly he squeezed back.
"How are you feeling?" Morgan asked gently. Reid was silent, unsure of how to answer.
"Confused..." he murmured. "Tired..." Morgan nodded.
"Both are to be expected."
"Where's...Hotch?"
"He's resting. Emily's over there in his room as well. Rossi is at the office."
Reid nodded.
"Can we get you anything?" Garcia asked quickly and Reid shook his head.
"N...no."
Flashes of Lucas entered his head. His hands shook.
"Reid?" Morgan reached out to squeeze Reid's shoulder. Reid jerked away. Flashes of Lucas touching him entered his mind.
"Don't touch me." His voice was unstable.
Morgan jerked his hand back, stunned by the tone in Reid's voice.
"Reid, it's just Morgan," said Garcia softly. "He won't hurt you."
"I just...don't want anyone to touch me."
JJ nodded, ignoring the fact he had just squeezed her hand a minute ago.
"I understand," she said softly. Morgan slowly nodded as well, trying to hide the hurt.
"I understand too."
Reid nodded, guilt mapped out on his face.
"I'm sorry," he said suddenly. His voice cracked. "It's just...when you touched me...flashes of Lucas's hand entered my mind."
Morgan closed his eyes.
"You don't have to say anything more Reid," he said quietly. "You're safe now, though. Lucas isn't going to hurt you anymore."
"Yeah the last time I was in a hospital I thought I was safe too." Reid turned his head. It was too painful to look at them. "I...I know what you saw," he said. His voice broke. "Those tapes he sent...I didn't want to do that...that stuff...I swear-"
"Oh my God Reid are you afraid that wer're going to judge you?" Cried Garcia. "Watching that...it was...horrible but we NEVER thought you wanted to do it...NEVER...Reid..."His heart ached for the feelings that the young man must have been experiencing. So many mixed feelings. All so confusing and painful.
Reid had tears roll down as he looked away.
Morgan's heart went out to the young man when he realized how embarrassed he must probably felt like his dignity had been taken away. Morgan knew he'd be ashamed and mortified if the team saw something like that happen to him.
He stood up.
"We should probably let you get some rest," he said quietly. "Are you hungry though? Maybe we could have the nurse get you something to eat."
Reid shook his head.
"No...not hungry." To mortified to be hungry. "But thanks."
Morgan nodded. He sensed Reid needed privacy.
"Let's go see how Hotch is," he told JJ and Garcia. "And let Reid rest." Garcia's instinct was to hug Reid but remembered what Reid said about touching.
She blew him a kiss instead causing a waver of a smile to appear.
"We'll be back later, Spence," JJ said softly. "And remember, you have no reason to feel ashamed. We don't judge you at all."
He swallowed and swallowed again.
"Thank you," he mumbled and they left quietly. He sat there in silence, still trying to deal with the fact he'll have to look into their faces-knowing what they saw. He was an extremly private person and this pained him greatly.
Each time he closed his eyes he saw Lucas stare at him. He could almost feel Lucas touching him. Forcing him to do things. He shuddered as tears streamed down his cheeks and he stared out the window wondering if he would ever be able to close his eyes and not see Lucas's face. If he would ever truly be free of this nightmare or if it would haunt him for the rest of his life.
