Chapter 27: Sometimes the Truth Hurts
APOV
I stare at the textured white business card with black embossed numbers. I run my fingers over them in contemplation. Do I want to know? I'm going to marry him. I feel like I need to know. I don't want anymore secrets.
I look up, checking to make sure my office door is closed. Then I pick up the receiver and dial the numbers. I get to the first six and then hang up. My hands are shaking but I need to do this. I take a deep breath and quickly dial the number, this time all ten digits.
The phone rings… no time to change your mind, Steele.
"Ana, I was hoping you'd call." Maybe I made a mistake.
"Who are you?" Maybe if I know who it is then that's all I need.
"I'm one of the fifteen before you. I'm one of the ones he got bored with so he got another version." This is really creeping me out and the way her voice sounds I feel like I am in horror movie.
"I don't know what you're talking about." My voice waivers. I don't even believe myself.
"You didn't know we all look the same? All with long brown hair and thin builds? Why do you think that is? Why do you think he likes to whip and fuck pretty brunettes? He has a type and you fit it perfectly. Except somehow, you're worthy enough to be seen in public with him."
"I'm not his submissive."
"So sweet. You are so young and naive. We all got along with him great in the beginning. And then he got complacent and our contract was finished. He had no regard for our feelings and he won't have any regard for yours. You're just an object to him like us. You're his possession - his play thing. Sweetheart, sometimes the truth hurts. Better to know early, right?"
I feel like I am on the verge of tears. This woman doesn't know me. She doesn't know our relationship. She's just jealous.
"I figured you would want to know what you really are before you get your heart broken. And unlike us it will be for everyone to see."
I don't respond. I just hang up. The tears start to flow. I need to get away. I need to get out of here. I call Roach and ask him if I can work remotely for the next couple of days. Then I grab my belongings and head out to Sawyer.
I can tell I've startled him since it's only 2 in the afternoon. "Miss Steele, is everything OK?" He says as he's gathering up his belongings.
"No. I just need to go home right away."
"I'll just go around and get the car." He stands up and goes to walk out.
"No, don't worry about that. I'll walk with you. It'll be faster." I know I am probably freaking him out right now but I don't care. I am so close to losing my shit right now and I would prefer to do it in the privacy of my own bathroom. The only place where I truly have privacy. I'm like a prisoner.
CPOV
"Sir, I have Ms. Williams with me." Welch and Taylor are quick. It only took them a couple of hours.
"Bring her up to my office. I want to speak with her."
Taylor brings her in and she's fucking smiling. This is a game to her. I don't believe it. I was a good dominant. What is her deal? This pisses me off.
"Leila. Why did you approach Ana?" She gives me a vindictive giggle.
"Well, I thought the new girl should know what she really is. And, you know, you don't have to waste your time training someone. I can be everything you need. Don't you miss it? Don't you miss taking all of your anger and frustrations out on me?" I feel sick to my stomach. There's a part of me that thinks this isn't happening and the other part tells me this is what I deserve because of the kind of person I am.
"No. I don't miss it. I don't miss you. I love Anastasia; understand that. And if you ever try to contact her again I will make sure you regret it. Don't forget you are still living comfortably because of me. That can all change and your ass will be out on the street."
She smiles at me again. I knew she was a little bit twisted. I mean, she had no hard limits and pretty much enjoyed the worst I had to give her. She's a complete masochist. "Sir, when you are done playing house, you know where to find me."
"Taylor. Get her out now!" Taylor takes Leila and leads her out of the office. He escorts her out of the building from the back entrance. I don't want anyone to see her.
"Welch. I need you and Taylor to get some eyes on Ms. Leila Williams right away. Double the eyes on Elena. And find where all of my previous submissives are." I have a feeling that Elena is behind this. She's a spiteful bitch like that.
My cell rings. I don't want to answer it but I see it's Sawyer. Something must be wrong. "Sawyer, is Ana OK?"
"That's why I am calling you, Sir. She asked me to take her home from work early and was visibly upset. She wouldn't tell me what's wrong and when we got in she went right to the bathroom." I can hear the anxiety in his voice. I know that even though it's his job he also cares about Ana and her well being.
"Is she ill?"
"I don't think so, Sir."
"I'm coming home but don't tell her. Just try and keep an eye on her." I have a feeling I know why she's upset.
Taylor drives like a maniac through the city from GEH. I get in the apartment and Sawyer nods to let me know she's still in the bathroom.
I open the door and she's sitting on the floor crying. I've startled her. "Christian. What are you doing here?"
"Ana I think the more important question is what are youdoing here." I sit down on the floor next to her unsure if I should try to comfort her or not.
APOV
Well, I guess this is the moment of truth. "Christian, why have all of your submissives been brunettes?"
His eyes widen and he goes to speak but doesn't. I think he's trying to figure out what to say. "Ana, I'm attracted to brunettes."
"But why do you want to beat them? Do you want to beat me?" I think I could probably handle some kink but I could never deal with him hitting me.
"It's hard to explain." He's not going to get away with avoiding the question.
"Try, Christian. I need to know." He runs his hand through his hair in obvious frustration. I can see his jaw is clenched too.
"Ana, I'm a sadist. I like to beat women with brown hair because they remind me of my birth mother. I'm fucked up."
"Do you want to beat me?"
"No."
"Did you?"
"When I first met you I wanted you as a submissive but that changed quickly."
"How? How do you know this is different? How do you know that one day you're not going to want to cane me for something?"
"Because I love you I have never felt this way about anyone before. I think of you in the morning when I wake up and you're the last thing I think of at night."
"Do you know why you are the way you are?"
"Not totally but I have my theory." Now he won't make eye contact with me.
"Are you going to tell me?" This is like pulling teeth. For someone who constantly talks about honesty this is ridiculous.
"No. Ana, you don't need that shit in your head."
"Yes. . I'm going to be your wife, Christian. I should know."
"Fine. Have it your way. My crack whore of a mother allowed her pimp to beat me on a regular basis. Usually she was so out of it I'm not even sure she knew what was going on. It would be one thing if he just hit me or pushed me around. But what I can never forget is that bastard stubbing his fucking cigarettes on me. It hurt so bad and I couldn't get the smell of it out of my nose."
"That's why you won't let people touch you?"
"Yes."
"Do I remind you of her? Of your birth mother?" This is the answer that I can't fix.
"Yes. No. I don't know Ana. I'm out of my league here." He is really getting mad.
I start to cry. The man I love wants to beat me because I remind him of his negligent mother. This is some Norman Bates shit. "And Leila and the others?"
He sighs loudly. "Ana they don't matter. They are in the past."
I start to cry more and shake. I don't know how reconcile this in my head. "Christian, I need to go…"
"You're leaving me?! Ana you can't!" His eyes are wide with panic and he's looking around the room as if he's looking for an exit.
Now I start to sob heavily. "No. I'm not leaving you. I just want some time to think. I'm going to visit with my dad for a few days."
Christian is tentative. "Can I come with you?" He sounds so broken. I just want to hug him and make him better. But I can't.
I shake my head and cry a little harder. "No. Christian, I just had a lot thrown at me. I need some time to sort things out."
"Do you still love me?" And there is the little boy who just wants his mom to love him.
"Yes I do. But before I make a life long commitment to you I need to know if I can handle everything about you. It's so much. I mean we've only been together a few months and now I have paparazzi following me and your exes stalking me. This is moving fast and you tell me you've changed…"
"Are you coming back?" His voice cracks at the last word and tears fill his eyes.
"Of course. I just need a couple of days to… think. Everything is so overwhelming."
"OK." We stand up together. I hug him hard and give him a kiss pouring my love into it. I can taste the saltiness of our tears. He kisses me like he is never going to see me again.
"I'm going to pack a bag. I really don't want anyone following me. I'll be safe with Ray. I will text you when I get there."
His eyes are such a deep gray burning with so many emotions. He can't bring himself to speak so he just nods his head. "Please be careful, Anastasia. I couldn't bear it if something happened to you."
I take my bag and head down in the elevator to the garage. Christian wanted to walk me down but I told him he couldn't. I don't know what I want. I don't know if I can handle this. Why couldn't he be normal? Whatever that is. I get in my car and drive out the garage exit and head out south towards Montesano.
