Nicole980: Thanks.
LivingOnLaughs: Your welcome.
South Park: Uh, thanks.
Without Reprieve: Yeah, Cartman did get kind of second-lined during that battle, but to be fair, it wasn't really his story. And yeah, I just find it amusing when Cartman gives the moral.
"My name is Craig Tucker.
Last week I stopped an evil ginger army from killing Coon and Friends and taking over South Park. A lot of people got hurt, but we ultimately prevailed. The members of the Ginger Separatist Organization were grounded and Scott Tenorman was taken into custody and sent to Juvie, where he'll be cellmates with Trent Boyett.
After the battle, the kids were all reunited with their parents. They were sooo happy. Meanwhile, the members of Coon and Friends did good on their word and cancelled all their franchise plan. From now on, they would only don their superhero costumes to help those in need.
As for me, I repaired my Super Craig costume and rejoined the group. However, I realized that a costume and awesome superpowers doesn't make a hero. The truth is, anyone can be a hero. All they need is a good heart and a desire to protect others.
And a willingness to punch people in the face."
"That was a nice letter," Tweek said as Craig finished writing in his notebook on the bench.
"Thanks, honey," Craig replied, placing a hand on his boyfriend's shoulder. Just as he was about to put his notebook back in his bag, the two heard a pained scream coming from near the playground.
"Oh no, Craig!" Tweek exclaimed, springing up from the bench. "Someone's in trouble!"
"Well it's a good thing we always come prepared," Craig replied as the two exchanged grins. Opening up their bags, the two quickly pulled out their costumes and suited up. Then, they sprang out towards the playground to help whoever was in peril.
On the field, Annie was surrounded by three older girls. The blonde was screaming in agony as one of them, the girl with the hood, violently hoisted her in the air by her underwear.
"Nice pink pony knickers, loser!" The girl giving her a wedgie taunted. The other two laughed maliciously as the smaller girl thrashed around helplessly in the air.
A distance away, Super Craig and Wonder Tweek arrived on the scene. "Hey!" The former called out. "Why don't you pick on someone your own size?"
The three girls turned around and glared at the duo. "And would that someone be you?" The black-haired girl sneered as the other released Annie, who collapsed onto the ground, dazed.
"Actually, yeah," Super Craig replied coolly as the three older girls approached. "We may not be your size, but we could still kick your ass no problem."
"You wanna bet on that?" The cap-wearing girl asked, moments before attempting to snatch the duo, only for them to dodge out of the way in time. They encircled around the trio, putting themselves between the girls and Annie.
"Real cute, kid," The hooded girl said. "But don't think you stand a chance against us. We're bigger than you, and it's three against two."
Just as the words left her mouth, the girls felt a brush of air against them, accompanied by a bright golden flash zipping between them and disappearing just as quickly as it had appeared.
Super Craig smirked. "Looks like someone needs to redo their math skills," He said.
Suddenly, a string of firecrackers was flung at the feet of the trio, unleashing a blinding explosion that caused the girls to stumble backwards, shielding their eyes. "Prepare to meet your end," The gruff voice of Mysterion growled as the masked superhero revealed himself.
As the girls recovered, the hooded girl was zapped from behind by a laser blast. "Check your watch, crime," The Human Kite said as he and Toolshed appeared on the rooftops. "It's kite time!"
"Coon Claws out!" The Coon roared as he sprang through the air, clawing the black-haired girl across the face, leaving four bloody gashes on her cheek.
The cap-wearing girl was shaking in terror, only to freeze up as she felt hundreds of tiny feet on her skin. Looking down, she saw hundreds of black bugs crawling up her body. With a shriek, she thrashed around, trying to brush the insects off her skin, and ran off screaming. As she did, Mosquito flew out from the sky, sending his bug horde after her.
The two girls watched their friend flee, and the hooded girl was grabbed by the collar and yanked down by Super Craig. "I think it'd be best to follow your friend," He said, smirking, before releasing the girl.
Not sparing a moment, the two girls took heed and fled after their friend.
As the three girls fled, Super Craig and Wonder Tweek turned to Annie, who was busy pushing her underwear back in her pants. "You okay?" Wonder Tweek asked, helping Annie to her feet.
"Yeah," Annie said, blushing a bit. "Thanks, you guys."
Super Craig smiled and turned to the rest of the team. "See, that was worth so much more than a billion dollars," He said to them.
"Agreed," Toolshed replied. "I gotta say, ending that franchise plan was the best thing that happened to Coon and Friends. Now we can just be heroes, doing good for goodness' sake."
"It was also lucky that you guys knew there was trouble here," Wonder Tweek said.
Actually, we were coming to tell you that the new movie's premiering now," The Coon explained. "Like, right now. All our classmates are at the theaters."
"Really?" Super Craig asked. "Well shit, what are we waiting for? Let's go!"
In the movie theater, the kids of South Park Elementary took their seats as they awaited for the film to begin playing.
"This has been the longest week of my life," Gary Nelson said as he and the other hallway monitors sat in a row. "Well, besides our stay at juvie."
"Man, this popcorn tastes like crap," Nelly complained from a row down. "I hope those guys didn't forget to add the butter."
At that moment, the members of Coon and Friends, out-of-costume, rushed into the theater. "Are we late?" Stan asked in a hurry as the group took their seats. "Please tell us we're not late!"
"Don't worry, you made it just in time," Wendy reassured him as Stan sat next to her. "The movie should be starting. . . now."
As if on cue, the film screen flashed. "Netflix Studios presents the film debut of the Phone Destroyer franchise," The narrator on the screen said.
"Cowboys vs Indians vs Aliens!"
"Release our princess, cowboys!" Stan of Many Moons commanded to Gunslinger Kyle, who held Pocahontas Randy at gunpoint. A band of Indian warriors stood behind Stan, while a group of gunslingers stood at Kyle's side.
"Tell me," Gunslinger Kyle said, one gun on Pocahontas Randy while the other was aimed at Stan. "Feeling lucky?"
"Save me, Stan of Many Moons!" Pocahontas Randy called out.
"Don't worry, princess!" Stan of Many Moons reassured. "I got this!" With that, he flung one of his axes at Gunslinger Kyle, the ax knocking one of the pistols out of his hand.
"Charge!" Shaman Token commanded, and with that, the Indians surged forward. The cowboys did the same and charged as well.
For the next few minutes, the two sides engaged in a bloody battle, individuals falling on both sides. In the midst of the carnage, Stan of Many Moons and Gunslinger Kyle singled each other out.
"Let this be our final battle," Stan said, brandishing his axes.
"Make my day," Gunslinger Kyle replied, and raised one of his pistols.
At that moment, Storyteller Jimmy sprang upwards. "Well there's no time for that!" He said, pointing one of his wooden crutches into the air. "Because the a-a-aliens are coming!"
"What?!" Stan and Kyle exclaimed as they, along with the other Indians and cowboys, followed Jimmy's crutches and looked up into the air, only to see a spaceship hovering up in the sky.
A beam was blasted towards the ground, revealing none other than Alien Clyde. "This planet is mine!" He declared, flashing his drooling fangs. "Alien Queen Red will be pleased to see I've found her the perfect hosts!"
The Indians and cowboys stared at Alien Clyde, then huddled close together.
"Oh, man," Stan of Many Moons said in fear.
"Yeah, kick those Indians' asses, Clyde!" Cartman called out to the screen as Alien Clyde poisoned one of the Indian warriors. "Fuck 'em up!"
"Man, this movie is awesome!" Stan said, munching on some cowboys. "And to think, in about a month, Return of the King of the Drow Elves will be coming out!"
"Yeah, I can't wait!" Kyle exclaimed. "I bet that movie alone will make us a billion doll-" He froze, however, when he noticed Craig shooting him a death glare from his seat, along with Tweek. Immediately, the other kids shut up as well.
"Uh, I mean, I bet that movie will instill important moral values to its audience," Kyle corrected, grinning nervously.
Craig kept his glare for a few moments, then turned to stare back at the screen. "By the way, could you guys keep it down?" He said to the other moviegoers. "Me and Tweek are trying to watch the movie."
The other kids complied, zipping their mouths and keeping their eyes on the film. Eventually, Butters piped up and said, "When can we start speaking again?"
Craig paused to pop a popcorn in his mouth, crunching it in his mouth before replying.
"Not until the credits are done."
The End.
