Chapter 27: Feelings

Holly sighed miserably as she walked through the empty streets. Two full days have passed since the accident with auntie Petunia and two days had she been staying with Mrs. Figg. She had hoped that perhaps it wouldn't take this long for her to come back home.

But boy was it taking time. Despite her desire to return home and apologize to auntie Petunia for whatever wrong she had committed, she also refused to go against uncle Vernon's orders. Orders were orders, and if he said that she was not to return until he said so, than that was something Holly had to absolutely follow.

'Why are you thinking about that? There are more important things to think about now.'

Holly raised her head to the gates in front of her as she looked in the garden in front of her. It was filled with the annual morning rush hour; parents rushing around and hugging their children and so on. But this was not what Holly saw- this place held more importance to her then her elementary school.

For this is where Dudley had died.

It was a strange feeling, but whenever she had to go to school she was constantly reminded about Dudley. In fact- almost everything reminded her about Dudley. Wherever she went or looked in the garden of their school. It was a strange uncomfortable feeling which always made her tummy cringe and her face pale. She hated that feeling, but it always came.

Once had she dared to explain her confusing feelings to Uncle Vernon (on accident of course) and she had expected rage and fury from him after mentioning the tragedy from the past. His reaction at the same time surprised her, but also didn't.

He had become angry, but it wasn't the same angry she was used to from Uncle. It was different- quitter and it felt more dangerous. And it wasn't specifically directed at her; although she wasn't still sure. He had stopped walking (for it was a rare time when he picked her up from school and they were walking home) and his expression had become very… emotionless.

"People often feel regret for a person that is lost. They start to blame themselves for the accident or blame others- and they are so caught up in their regret that that person never leaves their mind. They start living in the past, not the present." He had said that so coldly, his neutral gaze directed on the ground as Holly listened with bated breath. "That is something that is happening to your aunt right now. She is sinking deeper and deeper into her imaginary reality… Although, there are many types of regrets- it all depends on the person. Some people can't deal with their regrets so they choose to ignore it and focus on something else entirely." He had said solemnly.

"So, don't they live in an imaginary world too?"

Her question had not only surprised herself but her Uncle too. She was mentally slapping herself and preparing for the outburst but it never came (and it rarely did nowadays).

"What do you mean?" Her Uncle had stated, his tone edgy but also smooth. Holly could hear the unspoken demand in his voice.

"W-well…" It was now her turn to stare at her feet. "Mrs. Figg said that the people who can't deal with their regrets and focus on something else are actually just blaming themselves too, inside. S-so, wouldn't that mean that they also live in an imaginary world because they ignore the part of their life which deals with the lost…person…?" Holly had narrowed her eyes - now she was just confusing herself and speaking gibberish. 'But wouldn't that mean…?'

She had realized her mistake quickly and quickly looked up, her eyes wide. "I-I mean it's not like that…!" The words died on her lips as a hand laid on her head. She stared wide-eyed at her Uncle, who was now crouching in front of her, smiling slightly as his mustache went upwards a bit.

"You're a very smart girl Holly." He had said softly as he ruffled her head and stood up. "I have high expectations from you…"

She shook her head from the thought and started to listen intently to their teacher explaining a specific story on the board. 'That's right… I must not focus on the past, but the present. I must not lose myself for the sake of both auntie and uncle.' She scribbled notes in her small notebook, her gaze determined as she listened to her teacher's explanations. 'I must make uncle proud…' She thought desperately as his words rang in her mind.

"I have high expectations from you…"

Her eyes were so narrowed in determination and focus, some of the glasses in the classroom started shaking a bit. She followed the words on the board intently, her mind recalling that conversation with her uncle. She was not going to lose her mind with constantly regretting the past. She cringed as the guilt caught her stomach again and a picture of Dudley's chubby face arose in her mind- No! She refused to become like auntie! She will forget about the past- focus on the present and ignore the past as much as she can and will.

"…Some people can't deal with their regrets so they choose to ignore it and focus on something else entirely."

"…wouldn't that mean that they also live in an imaginary world because they ignore the part of their life which deals with the lost…person…?"

Her pencil broke as she stared at the furious scribbling on her page, her mind suddenly numb. The shaking in the room seemed to calm down and all of the other students released a sigh of relief, some of them coming back from underneath their tables, the teacher looking around the room, completely dumbstruck as to what just happened.

Holly sighed and closed her eyes. To immerse herself in the past or ignore it? She couldn't do neither, because…

'Auntie lives in the past… but wouldn't that mean Uncle ignores it?'

As she sat there with her lone thoughts she completely missed her teacher's hair suddenly turning blue.

A/N: This is by far my most confusing, mind numbing chapter… -.- I hates it.

I hope at least some of you understood this crap I wrote- I just wasn't to tear it out, but unfortunately it is much needed for this story. Why? You shall understand later. IF YOU CAN, that is since I basically suck at explaining stuff.

And I also noticed that most of my recent chapters are a lot longer than just a page on Word. Which also pisses me off- I said one page but it suddenly turns into two. Oh well…