Chapter 28

When Carlos woke up the next day, he found James sitting next to Carlos, staring intently at the Latino boy. He didn't seem to notice that Carlos had woken up already.

Carlos coughed softly, and that seemed to jerk James out of his daze. "Oh, hey buddy! You're awake! Um, wanna go eat some breakfast?" Carlos shook his head, slowly sitting up on his bed.

"No? Why not?" Carlos still shook his head, pointing at his ears. James almost smacked himself. Of course. Carlos couldn't hear him. He needed his hearing aids. James quickly grabbed them and attached them to Carlos's ears.

James repeated his question, and this time, Carlos nodded. The two walked (well, Carlos wheeled himself) into the kitchen after Carlos changed, and found Kendall and Logan already seated, eating toast and drinking orange juice. Carlos missed the days he would eat dinosaur chicken nuggets and play with them at breakfast. Now, everyone and everything just seemed dull and boring. And it was because of him.

"Good morning, Carlos. How are you today?" Kendall asked. Carlos shrugged. He didn't know how he was feeling. He felt sad, regretful, scared… everything that he didn't want to be feeling. But, of course, he didn't tell that to Kendall.

"Toast?" Logan asked. Carlos nodded as he sat down next to James. The taller boy poured Carlos a glass of orange juice, placed some toast on a plate, and pushed it in front of Carlos.

"So, buddy… we were thinking that we should do something today. Like, ya know, talk about… stuff." James started awkwardly.

Carlos stared at them with a confused expression. They were being super blunt today, and Carlos thought he knew why.

"So, um, yeah… I guess we could drive on down to that park a few blocks down and just have a friendly little conversation." Logan continued.

"Just to get to know what's going on in our lives these days… ya know, before you were in the hospital." Kendall finished. All three boys watched for Carlos's reaction. The small boy just looked down, refusing to look at any of them.

Did they want to talk about what happened? Carlos didn't think he was ready to tell them yet. He was scared of what they would think of him after they knew the whole story. Would they hate him again? Would they think he was crazy and stupid for doing something so… stupid?

"So what do ya think, Carlos?" Carlos looked back up, taking a gulp of his juice. What did he think? He thought they should just lock him inside a white room with food and water and just leave him there for a month. He wasn't ready to come back into the world. People just… scared him too much right now. He just wanted to be alone. Right here, in this little apartment. Alone. He didn't even want his friends here with him.

But since Carlos didn't want them to feel like there was something wrong (though that was probably the only thing they knew for sure about him), he just nodded. It was better than going back to school… he didn't know what he'd do if they made him go back into that… that nightmare.

So Carlos slowly and reluctantly nodded. Kendall smiled at him, James looked relieved, and Logan just looked thoughtful. They were probably already thinking about what had happened to their friend. Carlos didn't want to break their hearts and tell them that what he did was partly because of them.

When they got to the park, there was no one there. Carlos was glad; he didn't want anyone listening on their conversation. Kendall led them to a bench in the middle of the park. The wind blew in Carlos's face… just like it had that day when he jumped off…

Carlos shook the thought out of his head. He had to stop thinking about that. But… if that's what they were gonna talk about, how could he stop thinking about it? Carlos was confused and worried and scared for himself and his friends. What would his friends think? Would they start feeling guilty? Or would they not care?

"So, Carlos… ever since you ended up in the hospital, everyone's been asking us lots of question. We could pretty much answer them, like your age and ethnic origin and your medical conditions and stuff like that, but there was one question we could not answer." Kendall started. By the way he was talking, it seemed like they had prepared for this little "speech" of theirs. Carlos would've laughed if the situation weren't so serious.

"What happened to you? That's the one question we could not answer. So, we asked the doctors. But even the doctors didn't know what the answer was. They said only you know." James continued, his hazel eyes staring at Carlos intently.

"Carlos, we don't want to pressure you, but it would really help if you told us what happened. We won't judge you for it, promise." Logan told him sincerely.

Carlos looked at all of his friends. Did he trust them enough to tell them what happened? Well… there really was no one left to trust other than them and Mrs. Knight and Katie… and he'd been friends with Kendall, James, and Logan since kindergarten. They'd understand, wouldn't they? They wouldn't hurt him for what he'd done.

But that's what Carlos thought before. That they wouldn't hurt him. But look what happened throughout the past few months. His friends had punched him, called him names… Carlos had thought that'd never happen…

"Carlos, buddy, please tell us. We won't hurt you ever again." James said, as though he'd read Carlos's mind.

"Carlos, we- I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I did to you." Kendall said, his green eyes wide. Kendall sounded sincere; he really did. But Kendall had been the one to punch him, right?

"And I'm sorry, too. I don't know what got into me, but I'm so sorry. I'll even switch schools just so we can start over again." Logan shocked everyone by his words, but soon, James and Kendall agreed.

"We'll switch. I'll leave all my friends behind, and James and Logan will too." Kendall said. "We promise we'll start over again and be four hockey player best friends from Minnesota. We could even start Big Time Rush again!"

Carlos couldn't believe his friends would do that for him. He just… it seemed too good to be true. His friends would give up their friends, and for Logan, his girlfriend, just to be Carlos's best friend again?

"Do you forgive us, Carlos?" Kendall repeated.

Carlos wiped a tear from his eye and nodded. I do, Kendall. I forgive you and James and Logan. I forgive you. That's what he wanted to say. But he didn't say it.

"Carlos, if we are best friends again, then… best friends tell each other everything. The same goes with us." Logan pointed out.

Carlos felt his hands sweating. He didn't know what to do. Should he tell them, or write it out for them, or... should he not tell them at all?

"Carlos, was this an accident?" Logan asked accusingly. Carlos had a feeling Logan knew more than he was letting on.

"What are you talking about, Logan? Why wouldn't it be an accident?" Kendall asked, his stubborn attitude kicking in.

"Kendall, you don't get it. Carlos… he's been through a lot. Especially with u-us being so m-mean to-" Logan was cut off.

"But that doesn't mean it wasn't an accident! We weren't treating him that bad… w-were we?" Kendal suddenly didn't think Logan's statement was crazy anymore. Had they been treating Carlos so bad that he decided to… no, it couldn't be. Carlos was way too innocent.

'I cannot believe you, Kendall. You're the one who's been treating him the worse, and now you're not even gonna admit that you treated him bad?" James said, anger building up inside of him.

"Oh yeah? Well I know that you hurt Carlos too! Did you try to stop it? No, you didn't! You're just as bad as Kendall!" Logan yelled.

"Well, you were with us too! If you were such a goody two shoes, why didn't you tell us to stop? I know, cuz you were too busy doing what we were doing! You're no better than any of us, either!" James retorted.

"I didn't say I was better. All I'm saying is that Carlos's accident wasn't an accident! It was all because of us!" Logan's eyes filled with frustrated tears.

"How do you know that? You've never asked him!"

"Well, that's cuz he's not gonna answer me no matter what I ask him! And you know what? After people have accidents, they usually talk about it. But if it wasn't accident, they won't talk about it!"

"Well, what if someone mugged him and then beat him up?" James shouted. All three of them had stood up, and Carlos watched them with wide eyes. He had to stop this fight before it got out of hand.

"No one can do that much damage!"

"Then maybe he went swimming and a shark bit him!" Kendall retaliated.

"He was found in front of the school, you idiot!"

"You're the idiot!"

"I'm just saying… whatever happened wasn't an accident. I just can't be."

"But the doctors say they're pretty sure it was an accident! As far as I know, Logan, you're not a doctor! You just wish you were!" Kendall screamed. Logan looked hurt for a moment, but then recovered.

"As far as I know, I'm smarter than both of you!"

Carlos wanted to tell them to stop. They were scaring him and he just wanted them to stop fighting and be friends again… But he didn't know what to do. Nothing he could do could catch their attention long enough.

But then he realized something. There was something he could do. Tell them what actually happened. But he couldn't do that… he wasn't ready yet. Or was he? Carlos was so confused he felt like he would start crying any second.

"You never know what could happen! Maybe someone did something to him and then dropped him in front of the school so people wouldn't be suspicious!"

"Why can't you just face the fact that maybe we did this to Carlos?"

Carlos just tried to block out all the screaming. When he failed, he turned his hearing aid down until he couldn't hear anything else. It reminded him too much of his parents yelling at each other… and people yelling at him

Carlos seriously had no idea what to do. Kendall and James were wrong, that was for sure. But Logan was also kinda wrong. It wasn't only because of them. It was because of all the bullies and his parents and Bethany… But if Carlos told them everything, he'd have to explain everything… and then all his secrets would be out.

His friends had said they wouldn't laugh at him. Maybe they wouldn't. They were fighting over him, and Carlos didn't like it one bit. Maybe if he just told them what happened… they could help him get over all the emotional pain he still felt at times.

Maybe. Maybe.

When Carlos glanced at his three fighting friends again, James pulled his fist back and was about to punch Logan in the face. That's when Carlos made his decision. He opened his mouth, flicked on his hearing aids, took a deep breath, and before James could punch Logan, he said it. He yelled it, actually. Yelled it as loud as he could.

"I jumped!"

A/N- Obviously, the boys are gonna be confused about what Carlos said… so he's gonna have to do some explaining. Do you think Carlos should've told them? Tell me in a review!

And I'm sorry for the long wait. I really have no excuse… sigh. But this chapter was kinda longer, so… yeah. Maybe that'll make up for it?

Peace, Love, and GIRAFFES,

Anonymous Skrtle