"Damn cold weather. Damn boring day. Damn Hidan. Agh!" I threw my hands in the air with an exasperated groan when my thoughts turned to exactly the thing I'd been trying to remove from my mind. I kicked a rock out of my way as I stormed down the forest path in an attempt to outrun the thought of the man; think of the devil and he would appear, I'm sure you've heard of that.
I bet you've also been told that you can't outrun your problems. Well, fuck you and that statement. I could run until I was breathless, if my body had no oxygen then it would faint, and I couldn't think if I was unconscious now could I?
"Ooph!" I lost my breath as I fell flat onto my face suddenly, the cold dirt didn't give any remorse as I hit it either. I glanced back at the violent tree root that had tripped me and pulled my foot free of its clutches. Even nature seemed to be against me lately. I huffed indignantly as I picked myself off of the floor and continued on my ranting way.
"It's okay... Just think about a list of things you like, that's supposed to cheer you up isn't it?" I murmured to myself as I was in need of sound, if I was hearing something I focused on it instead of anything else. Music could steer your mind in several directions, as could conversation. However I was not in the mood to speak to anyone near me, so I would speak to myself. You need to talk to someone who actually makes sense now and again, right?
I liked a few things… I liked reading. Books could take you to any world, you could delve into a different time, you could learn any fact. I liked to write, for the same reasons. You could create your own times and worlds, your own people. Hm… I liked animals, and the sky; the sky was always such a pretty color and it changes constantly. I loved colors, the world had millions. I loved the color red, and I always thought purple was pretty. Purple had so many variations that were gorgeous and mixed with most other colors. Violet, lavender, fuchsia, they were all mesmerizing.
Fuchsia.
Fuchsia eyes.
Rough hands, harsh words.
Before I knew where my thoughts were venturing I was staring straight into malicious fuchsia eyes. I screamed in shock and bolted upright, heaving for the air that shock had deprived my lungs of. I looked around anxiously; icy relief encased my heart as I found that I was still alone. I leaned back against the tree that I honestly didn't recall sitting down against, I must have been more wrapped up in my thoughts than I had thought.
I clutched my head in my hands as I stared in horrified disbelief at the ground. My thoughts always crept back towards him. He controlled so many aspects of my life, he couldn't have control over my thoughts damn it! I wouldn't let him! "Stupid, stupid girl." Why was I thinking like this? I hated the man with more passion than I had ever put into anything. He bought me as if I was just a toy; he used me as if I was just a toy. That's all I was to him.
And that thought stung.
I wrenched myself off the ground angrily in my refusal to believe myself. Why are you hurt over something that you knew from the very beginning? I hated Hidan, I knew I did. So why did my mind try to act as though it knew something that I didn't?
"Crunch!" I punched the tree with all of the anger that I could muster into the blow. It hurt, and the pain slowly released the pent up rage and adrenaline I had been holding. I couldn't allow myself to hunger for feelings that were ignorant and childish of me to even dream of. I was a slave, just as I always would be; whether Hidan grew sick of me or not. A slave does not love, nor does she ever receive any.
I winced as I felt a throbbing sensation in my chest, bringing my hand up to place it across my rapidly beating heart. I hoped to hell I wasn't getting sick again, I had recently finished those pills and they'd better be working or I would sacrifice them to some underworld. I swallowed thickly as I gathered up the energy to head back to the base. Hate and anger was all I felt towards the man that had torn several things away from me.
He did no worse than anyone else.
He took my pride and body.
He also gave you several things no one else ever had.
I grit my teeth to stifle a sound of bitter pain. He gave me hell and it's all I will ever give him.
Who are you trying to convince?
"Hidan, watch where the hell you're going, yeah!" I flipped Deidara off as he hissed his prissy little statement at me. Bitch should learn when to get the hell out of someone's way, unless he couldn't see out of that fucking girly hair of his.
"Where the fuck is Amaya?" I muttered irately. I was already fed up with the fucking dog, I had seen about five minutes of her in the last damn week. What the hell did she do, teleport away from me whenever she saw me? I don't know what her fucking problem was but she'd better get over it, fast. I wasn't going to put up with fucking being ignored.
I glared to the side when I heard Deidara snicker; the little shit knew something. "Why, un? Miss her already?" I narrowed my eyes and turned to knock the smirk off of his face. He backed up a step, out of easy fucking reach.
"I couldn't give a fuck about her, but she has shit she needs to do." I hissed, leaning forward and daring him to argue. Bitch decided to, obviously what they said about blondes being fucking idiots is true. He scoffed as if I was a damn liar.
"Right. That's why you're all guard dog over her, hm? You can't live without her at this point!" I swung my fist at him. It collided with his fucking ugly face and it was Jashin-damn satisfying to see blood drip down his chin. "What the fuck!" He snarled as he wiped his mouth.
"I don't give a shit about that fucking bitch, and I never have! She's just a fucking pet and that's all she's good for. I could sacrifice her this fucking second and get some other whore that's better than her!" I shouted at him as he straightened back up. He glared hatefully at me, looking like he was actually getting ready to fight me. Well bring it the fuck on, I've been needing to kill something.
"Then why haven't you yet?" Deidara's lips curled into a smirk that sorely tempted me to smash his face into the wall. I stiffened at his question, trying to figure out what the hell he was trying to get at. I wasn't fucking ready to get rid of her yet, that's why. She was good for a couple of shitty things.
"Because I'm not fucking done with her-" I was going to insult the asshole, but he lunged forward and his fist fucking slammed into the side of my head. I growled in rage at the cocky little runt and shoved him back into the wall where his head cracked against it. "You little fucker!"
Deidara cackled at me, sounding a little fucking crazy even for him. "It's been over a year, Hidan. You always get rid of every girl you've ever had in less than three months, yeah. And yet look at her, you've got her practically living freely. What's so special about her, hm?" That's it.
I wrenched a kunai off of the table and lashed it at Deidara's throat, but he dodged to the right and got his fucking hands on his clay pouch. "Get over here you fucking bastard!" I snarled, lunging forward and slashing his leg. I heard him hiss as blood poured onto the floor, but the little fucker was fast. He threw a shitty looking bird at me and I had to backflip to get out of the way before it exploded.
"No! Why is she so important, Hidan? You've tortured and killed dozens of slaves but then you go and give her the freedom to fight, to leave, even. You can't even-" I knocked him backwards into the wall to shut his fucking ranting up. I didn't give two fucks about that whore, she was here until I was bored of her. She was just fucking better than anyone else, at least she could take a fucking hit.
I raised the kunai to stab him in his fucking heart before he could blow up that fucking bird he was holding; a black thread suddenly wrapped around my wrist and jerked me violently off of the should be dead blonde. "What on earth are you two doing?" Deidara seemed frozen to his place on the floor, Sasori slowly walked over as he asked the bored sounding question, I caught a glimpse of his fucking creepy puppet strings as he slowly let Deidara go.
"What the fuck does it look like?! Let go, damn it Kakuzu!" I snarled, I was going to sacrifice that heathen blonde if it was the last thing I did! And he let me go; flying back into the wall. I swore loudly as my head hit the hard-ass surface. "What the fuck was that for?!" I yelled as I sat back up, Deidara was already being led away by the wrist, Sasori looked pissed to high hell.
Kakuzu didn't look much better. "Why are you tearing apart everything because of a childish tantrum?" He asked me the fucking question yet his dumb ass still walked away without waiting for an answer.
"Because he fucking deserves to be beheaded!" I shouted after him as I stormed off towards my room. I didn't have to fucking explain shit to Deidara. I just fucking liked her. As a fucking piece of shit slave!
I slammed my fist into the wall when I got into my room. Damn bitch, I wasn't going to put up with this.
You know, I didn't leave this place just so they could mess it all up again.
I walked inside that base to find everything in disarray, there were scorch marks on the wall and a stab indention on the ground! What the hell, who died in here? I stared in openmouthed disgust for a few moments, not wanting to believe I had to clean this, before I finally pulled myself together and started putting everything back. Deidara was the one to teach me how to let myself in and out of this place; Hidan never seemed to mind it the times I'd done it, had he suddenly gotten mad at it today? He was unpredictable so I wouldn't put it past him.
It took an hour to put the damn place into a state of looking remotely okay before I deemed it done. I stood up with a groan, stretching up in relief to be off of the floor from where I'd scrubbed the burn marks out. I began to head back to the room since I was too tired to do anything else; if Hidan was there, I would just deal with him as I'd always done. Nothing had changed, so why should I act like it?
I had barely even walked into the room when Hidan's pissed off gaze met mine. I felt my heart stop in my chest and I couldn't seem to get it to restart. "Wh-what?" My voice stuttered traitorously, but at least my tone wasn't weak. He narrowed his eyes, and I found myself unable to look away from them, as if I were in a state of captivation. Even as he stormed towards me, I couldn't convince myself to move. It didn't end well because he shoved me out of his way.
"Move, you fucking stupid bitch." He mumbled. I was used to the words, but his tone…it was different. I couldn't place it, but I knew something was wrong. I leaned heavily against the wall as he slammed the door shut after him. I shook my head, believing he was only pissed off after his fight. I picked up our room and showered to give him time to cool off, as I didn't want to have to deal with his temper through the night.
I strode out of the bathroom in my usual shirt and I could feel my hair was brushing my shoulders now. Stupid, red mess. We'll just have to deal with that soon enough. I was musing in my thoughts and didn't realize Hidan was even back in the room until I ran straight into him. I gasped and practically threw myself backwards to get away from him. His eyes were fiercely burning with a torrent of something I could never begin to describe to you. Animosity and anger were deep within them. There was silence as he stared at me for a long moment; when I began to speak, he whirled around and slammed out of the room. The walls shook with the force as I stood, dumbstruck at the sudden display.
What the hell have I done?
AUTHORESS NOTE:
SASODEI FANS ANYONE PLEASE YES?
Fuck that fight gave me an adrenaline rush.
Homework: What's your favorite color?
