I don't want to die like this. This whole thing was a big accident. When I was drawing on my leg I just had the razor at the wrong angle. I just didn't realize how much I was cutting. I was in so much distress to realize it… I was just in hysterics after seeing Lil in class and she got hassled. It bothered me and I was waiting for them to mention her falling down the stairs, but they didn't. They were holding it against me. I could tell by the way they were looking at me; they didn't forget about it and they wanted me to know. This isn't right. They aren't human.

We are the ones they should be sympathetic to.

And now they're gonna feel guilty about it; especially if I die.

Kira's Wednesday had been a busy one. She had drove Kimi to school in the morning before she went around running errands until it was time for her to go to work. There was so much that needed to be done and by the time Kira got home she was exhausted and depressed. When she was married it seems like things were so much simpler. She still had the same job, but she always made it home in time for dinner. Her relationship with her children was close-knit, and although things were rocky with her and Chas they never argued when Kimi and Chuckie were home. Now, when she needed her daughter, her work schedule was inconveniently changed. Food was hardly finished when she got home because Kimi would never make anything for the both of them. It hardly looked like Kimi ate at home at all.

Nobody's home yet. I've been lying here bleeding and nobody's knocked on the door to rescue me. Just yesterday Tommy had come over around this time, but the day I need somebody I wind up alone. It always happens like this. People come around when I don't want them. It only happens a little bit, which means that usually I'm alone driving myself crazy with my unspeakable thoughts. That's what got me into this mess in the first place.

All of it.

If only they had tried a little harder, if my parents had worked to keep their marriage together, then I wouldn't have been home alone. I wouldn't have gotten away with eating and not eating the way that I was. The first time I placed a blade next to my flesh Chuckie would have walked in on me and got me the help that I needed. Everyone would have noticed because someone would've always been there.

Before she went home Kira drove to McDonalds to get something to eat. The line was pretty long, but she was in no hurry to return back to the solitude in her house. It was quiet and dreary there with Kimi coming and going, sneaking around doing whatever she was doing. Kira felt like she was being secretive, but at her age Kira wanted privacy and didn't want to invade Kimi's. She didn't know what was going on with her daughter. She was almost positive that Kimi was bringing boys into the house and having sex, but after giving her "the talk" she assured herself that Kimi was safe. Not speaking to Kimi about it was not a wise parenting decision; however Kira didn't know how to bring it up. She felt like this would be something Kimi should talk to with her father.

Back in Japan Kira never spoke with her dad on these sensitive subjects either. Her household was very traditional, and she felt like her older brother was treated with more respect then she was. She could not blame her family because they were raised to believe women were inferior to men, but when the opportunity arose she was able to run away for a while. She went to a new city where she met Kimi's dad and they cohabitated for a while until they were wed. Kira only called her parents once in a while to keep them posted. Kira and Kimi's father didn't work out though, and before she knew it Kira was back home and four months pregnant. She was surprised when her parents let her stay back home, and after Kimi was born she met and fell in love with Chas.

Life had been so good back then. At the beginning of their relationship things were going really well. They had started their own business and Kimi and Chuckie got along to be brother and sister quickly. Even when they sold the Java Lava and Chuckie began his transformation in high school with his grades dipping they were able to hold it together. Suddenly one day it seemed like overnight things had begun to change. Kira was tired of Chas disinfecting the bathroom every time she got out of the shower and so to make him mad she would fix things he hated for dinner. They were being petty, but it was enough to end their relationship.

Everything just began happening to fast. I don't even remember when my life started getting so complicated. At the beginning of the year my senior year was amazing, so I could overlook what was going on at home. Then I found out about some of the shady things Lil was doing…and things between us became a competition. It was only too late when I began to back down, but now I was going around everybody's back. I was seeing Phil, fooling with Tommy, despising Lil, missing my dad, longing for my mom, and begging for things to be back like they used to be in the ninth grade.

The lights in the house were off except for in Kimi's room when Kira pulled into her driveway. She sat there for a minute before deciding she would eat her food in the car. She was convinced that she needed to see a therapist—have Kimi and Chas join her so they could all work something out. Kimi needed her father and she deserved stability. She was almost an adult and her last year as a child was being destroyed by this senseless separation. Were she and Chas going to go ahead and get a divorce? They've been separated for too long, and she truly still loved that man. She would let him move back in a heartbeat if he asked.

Should she tell him that?

He deserved to know. She'd call him tomorrow to sort everything out.

When she finished her meal she left the car, but the left the bag in there because she was feeling lazy. As she unlocked the door she yawned and shivered; January was the worst winter month. Kira closed the door behind her, but something about the silence in the house made her feel uneasy. Usually she could hear a little movement from Kimi, whether footsteps or her tossing around in her bed. It was eerie.

Or was she overreacting? Kira walked into the kitchen in case she had to put Kimi's dinner away, but there was no food out. She washed her hands in the kitchen sink and everything looked where it needed to be. Kira was tempted to turn on the tv and lie on the couch, but when she yawned again suddenly her whole body felt like collapsing. She dragged herself up the stairs to go into her room, but before she got there she saw Kimi's door open.

"Kimi Honey?" she called out, standing outside the doorway. She couldn't see inside her bedroom, but she still heard no sound. "Kimi, are you sleeping?" When her daughter didn't reply her Kira pushed open the door and gasped. A sob escaped her lips as she saw her daughter lying motionlessly on the ground with my razor nearby.

She wanted to kill herself.

Momma's here. Momma's gonna save me. Now I'm gonna get help and I'm gonna get better. I just…I'm feeling weird now. What does this mean? Am I dead yet?