I'm not sure why, but in the same way that 3rd year was very Scorpius focused, this year is quite Alice focused. It just happens like that!
Thank you for reviewing: talapadme, Euclidian, Doni, Arlath's Daughter, Kitty Bridgeta, silverbirch, susiipie, Twisted Identity, Joelle8, Likewow5556 and Marciabarcia.
Oh wow! Thank you all so much! All your reviews *sniff* it's making me emotional and deeply grateful! And I've hit the 200-review mark, thanks to all of you lovely people! Thank you very much! You all inspired me to write faster, so this chapter is a day early.
Chapter 28: I Just Want To Cry In Front Of You
May 15th - A Death In The Family
It had been quite a normal Saturday, at least as far as Hogwarts days went. The weather was beautiful, befitting July rather than mid-May. The fourth-years, thankful that they weren't fifth-years and drowning in OWL revision, had relaxed by the lake, half-heartedly revising for the end of year exams.
Aisha and Lia sat with Rose, Lorcan, Albus and Scorpius. On a nearby table of six, Alice held court, joking and chatting with Lysander, Gavin Maxwell and Eric Ogden, two of the latest hopefuls for her affections. Two other girls from their year sat with her, laughing along and trying to copy her body positions and affectations.
A silver owl winged through the windows of the Great Hall, not that many took any notice. After all, although teatime was an odd time for post, it wasn't unknown.
Of the few who had turned to glance at it, most turned away when they saw it aim towards the staff table. So there weren't a lot of witnesses to see Professor Longbottom's easygoing smile fall from his face, or watch him thrust the letter at a colleague as he stood up abruptly, searching the Great Hall.
The colleague, Professor Samson, also stood and put his hand on Neville's shoulder. By now, other members of staff were turning to look at them. A hasty and murmured discussion between Samson and Longbottom followed, with Professor Bell, who was also nearby, joining in with the occasional phrase and ending with both men striding off the dais.
A sense that something was wrong had pervaded the room now, and a silence was slowly falling, the tables at the back of the room being last to notice. When Neville stopped by a table which consisted of two Hufflepuff second-years,a Slytherin girl and three Gryffindors, several pairs of eyes watched as Frank Longbottom stood to speak to his father, before the pair of them swiftly continued towards the exit of the Great Hall.
Alice's table, however, seemed entirely oblivious. They did know, in the back of their minds, that a hush had settled, but they prided themselves on being the ones of who everyone else wanted to listen to, so carried on their conversation regardless.
Gavin Maxwell, the Ravenclaw boy who was sat opposite Alice and facing the front of the room, was first to realise that something was far more wrong than a quiet meal. It took a few more seconds before he equated Professor Longbottom with Alice – the two had done a remarkable job of seeming like they were hardly related at all, helped by the complete contrast between the personalities.
When he did though, he spoke Alice's name, in a tone so urgent that she broke off laughing and turned to look at him. Seeing where his gaze was, she twisted to look at Professor Samson, rapidly approaching.
Also noticing the fact that most of the school's eyes were upon her and ever-conscious of her body, Alice took advantage of the fact and elegantly twisted to stand behind her chair, facing the Defence Against the Dark Arts professor.
"You wanted to speak to me, Professor?" she asked innocently, blinking long, blackened, eyelashes over baby-blue eyes.
"I'm afraid it's not good news," he told her, escorting out the Hall. "I don't know how to tell you this, Alice…"
As it turned out, he didn't have to. They left the Hall just as Frank blurted "she's dying?" in response to his father's news.
Alice froze, letting the door slam behind her. She didn't ask any questions. She didn't say anything at all.
Neville saw her stood there and sighed, hurrying over to her. "Alice, love. I wouldn't have told you like that, but now you know. We have to get to St. Mungo's as quickly as possible."
Alice's mind, too quick for its own good, was running through all of the 'she's' which would necessitate this. There were only four, actually. Her little sister, her mother, her grandmother and her great-grandmother. It must be her father's relative, he was that upset….but that didn't help. It couldn't be her mother's. Her maternal grandmother had died in the Second Wizarding War, and her mother had no siblings.
She didn't dare ask. Knowing would make it too real. But every second that she didn't know, her brain was ticking over, trying to work out which would be best. She wished it would stop, it seemed wrong and sick and cold, but it was happening.
Two of the possibilities were quickly eliminated though. "Are Toby and Sarah there with Mum already?" Frank asked.
Alice breathed a quick sigh of relief. "It's Great-Nan or Grandma Alice then," she thought. "My namesake…or the woman who brought up my Dad."
They were being whisked to Neville's office, where a fire was already blazing and where a House-Elf waited, pot of Floo powder in hand.
Following after her father and brother, stuttering 'St Mungo's' and staggering into the lobby of the hospital without caring that her robes and face were now streaked in soot, Alice could feel herself start to tremble. But it's not even cold! Her mind protested.
Alice caught up with Neville in time to hear him say "Augusta Longbottom" to the Welcome Witch.
She reeled. Her great-grandmother was dying? How was that possible? Surely nothing could bring down that formidable lady, who had not only brought up Neville but had helped with all four of his children when Hannah was needed in the pub.
She hadn't exactly been Alice's kindred spirit, but she did understand one thing about her – her love of books. Her parents had accepted and encouraged it, but their bewilderment how anyone could find a book more interesting than a person took away some of the pleasure. Augusta hadn't been surprised, and had used reading as a reward – if Alice helped with her siblings for an hour, or ate all of her vegetables, she could go do some reading out in the garden.
She realised that she'd been standing in the foyer like an idiot. Neville was only just visible at the top of the stairs. She hurried up, not wanting to lose sight of her family.
When they rushed into Augusta's room, two floors up, Hannah was already waiting there. She didn't say a thing, just stepped forward to hug them all. A family hug….something that hadn't happened in years. It was hard to squash two adults, two teenagers, a seven year old and a four year old together, but they managed.
Neville bent down and swooped little Sarah into his arms. Hannah guided the rest of them forward. Augusta had a private room – the woman had always wanted one, since she wasn't all that fond of emotions being displayed publicly.
Like a Slytherin that way, Alice thought absent-mindedly, as she stepped into the room. Augusta looked so different to how she always had. She'd always seemed formidable – now, unconscious and in a hospital gown, she looked smaller than she used to.
A Healer entered the room behind them. "Mr Longbottom?" she asked.
"That's me," Neville said, his eyes barely flickering from his grandmother.
"You're Mrs Longbottom's grandson, correct?"
Neville nodded. The Healer glanced around at all the children. "Would you like to talk privately?" she asked.
"Yes," Neville said instantly. Just because he had become aware of grief and death at an early age did not mean that his children had to. He and Hannah shared a glance.
"I'll watch them," she told him.
Neville nodded jerkily and followed the Healer out of the room.
"Mum," Toby began. "Why isn't Dad happy? He's not smiling at all."
"I'm afraid that Great-Nan is very sick," Hannah told her children gently. Alice rolled her eyes. We can see that, she raged at her mother. What's wrong with her though!
She backed casually to the door and, easing her wand from a pocket, thought Audio!
It was like someone had switched the wireless on next to her ear. She could hear the Healer's voice speaking to her father "…..a heart attack….already weakened by the Dragon Pox.....probably won't wake….restarted her heart….no brain activity."
Neville's silence was the scariest thing.
Finally she heard him say. "So you would let her heart stop. Cast Finite Incantatum and just let her die."
"Sir, I'm very sorry. But in nearly all respects, she's already gone."
Alice ended the spell. She didn't want to hear any more. The door pulled open and the Healer came in, murmuring something to Alice's mother, who swiftly left.
Minutes passed in an awkward silence. Sarah toddled over to Augusta's bed and clambered onto the chair beside it. "Hi nanna!" she chirped brightly. "Mummy says you are sick, but don't worry. I was sick too. And now I'm all better."
Alice couldn't speak, couldn't move her legs to take her sister down from the chair. Sarah began to frown. "Nanna! Don't ignore me! Nanna!" she wailed, a full-blown tantrum beginning.
Frank's shoulders began to shake as he gave into tears. He had his arm around Toby, who was hiding his face in his brother's side.
Hannah rushed back in, and picked Sarah up. She held her, trying to sooth her, but Sarah wouldn't be silenced. Neville followed. He made eye contact with the Healer and, blinking tears from his own eyes, nodded.
The Healer withdrew.
"Children," Neville said quietly, but instantly had their full attention. "I'm afraid that Great-Nan is going away, forever. You won't see her again, but she'll always be with you."
"Why?" Sarah asked stubbornly. "Why would she do that, why can't she stay here?"
"She's very old, Sarah. She's lived a long, happy life and it's time for her to rest." Hannah said gently. "Say goodbye to her now."
"Will she be upset if I cry?" Sarah sniffled. "She doesn't like it when I cry."
"You can cry if you want, sweetie," Hannah replied.
"Bye-bye," Sarah said. She frowned, evidently thinking hard. "I hope you sleep well, and don't have any nightmares. And I promise I'll be good if you're watching."
Hannah hugged her tighter. Toby went forward, still wrapped in his older brother. "Bye, Great-Nan." He whispered. "You're always so busy, I can't believe this. But you deserve to rest if anyone does."
Frank nodded. "Thanks for looking after us," he added. "And for fighting in the War for us. Our Professors say you were a hero."
Alice didn't move forward. She couldn't think of anything to say. Nothing she had ever said suited for this moment. All of her words were flighty, light-hearted. "Bye," she finally muttered.
There was a pause, as Neville waited to see if that was all his oldest child would say. When it became clear that it was, he spoke. "Goodbye, Gran. I hope I made you proud in the end. Godric knows, I was so proud of you. Thank you so much, for everything."
The Healer had slipped back in behind Alice. Neville met her eyes, then shook his head. "You'll have to do it," he said. "I don't think that I can."
"That's fine," the Healer murmured in response. "It's very hard."
Moving to the old woman's bedside, she withdrew her wand, and placed it at Augusta's neck. "Finite" she muttered.
It was three days before Alice returned to Hogwarts. Her father tried to suggest she took longer, but when she pointed out that he and Frank weren't, Neville gave in.
A hushed whispering followed her as she entered the Ravenclaw Common Room. Frank had gone straight to the Hufflepuff dorms. She sat down with some other students from her year, who fell silent as she did so. Then the condolences started.
Alice shrugged, a light smile on her lips. Her eyes were not reddened, her nose wasn't sore. "She had a good run. Death happens. So you have to live life to the full, right?" She looked the boys up and down, dismissing Gavin immediately and alighting finally on a gangly blond.
"Right," the blond agreed.
"Still, it's a bit noisy in here. Want to come for a walk?" she asked, searching for his name.
"Sure," he agreed again. He would have agreed to anything. For an average boy to be asked somewhere by the Alice Longbottom. Girls and guys were always talking about her, and the guys would assure the girls that they preferred real girls, ones with some depth to them, and that they wouldn't really be that interested in her. But not one of them would have turned down an offer from her in a million years.
"Let's go then, Jeremy," she smiled, and turning, sashayed back out of the room, head held high.
It was three more days before Alice properly stood still. She flitted from group to group. "Same old Alice," people said. "I guess death is too important for her to really care about. I guess she didn't actually like her great-nan, not like Frank." Frank was still moving around the school looking worse-for-wear. Neville was taking classes again, though he hadn't smiled once from the reports and was Flooing home nearly every night to talk to Hannah or his friends, all of whom knew what loss was and had done for many years.
Rose tried to talk to Alice, but she just sighed impatiently. "I'm fine," she assured the redhead. "Honest." Lysander didn't bother, just tried to stay with Alice as much as possible and keep a sidelong eye on her. Lia and Aisha did the same, both lost for what to say.
Augusta Longbottom's funeral took place - it was extremely well attended, for someone of such an advanced age, whose friends all must have died years ago. But all of Neville's DA friends were there, along with most of those who had fought in the War, out of sheer respect for anyone who had fought with such bravery. Not to mention the official delegation from the Ministry, as befitted one who had earned an Order of Merlin, Third Class, for her help in the War.
Two days after the funeral, Alice didn't show up for Divination. Or Potions, afterwards. When they all met at lunch, she wasn't there. Asking around didn't help – nobody had seen her and she had been gone from the dormitory before Rose had woken.
"Where would Alice go?" Lysander wondered.
"She wants to be alone," Rose said. "She needs to grieve for her great-grandma and she hasn't yet."
"She doesn't want to be alone," Lia corrected gently. "She wants to be real. And she shouldn't have to grieve alone."
"She does if she goes and hides away," Aisha sighed.
Lia frowned, and slipped away. Lysander noticed and followed.
"Go find her," Rose instructed to the others, not noticing the absence of two of them.
She did notice, however, when she nearly crashed into them on the Astronomy Tower.
"What are you doing here?" she asked.
"Looking for Alice," Lorcan replied from behind her, making her jump.
"Why here?" Lysander asked. "I followed Lia, but I don't understand. Alice hates heights. She wouldn't be up here."
"Alice is a Ravenclaw," Rose explained. "Lia, Lorcan - I suppose that you two both thought the same thing I did? That if Alice wanted to avoid us, she'd go where we'd least expect her."
"Which is at the top of the highest tower," Lysander realised, nodding.
"If she'd going to all of these lengths to be alone, shouldn't we let her be alone?" Rose asked.
"Why are you here then?" Lysander challenged.
"She's my best friend."
Bored of the debate, Lorcan continued up the stairs, Lia following. With a shrug, Alice and Lysander joined them.
As they came out onto the balcony of the Astronomy Tower, they all had to shield their eyes. It ought to be dark and windy, as such places always were in grief-filled moments, but instead the sun was shining brightly, gleaming off the golden hair of the girl hunched on the floor.
Her shoulders were shaking, her nose and eyes streaming. She was sobbing loudly, gasping for air in between each cry. It wasn't a pretty sight. Some people can cry and look beautiful. But what was beautiful about Alice was how she acted and right now, she had dropped every mannerism that was so alluring.
Not that her friends cared. They didn't see any of this. They saw their dear friend, heartbroken.
"Alice," Rose said softly, putting her arms around her friend. "You didn't have to come up here to cry."
"I did," Alice gasped between sobs. "I couldn't cry in front of everyone. I couldn't be serious, couldn't be upset about Great-Nan. I couldn't miss one of my best role models, one of my closest family members. I'm Alice, shallower than a raindrop. I don't cry, I don't get stressed unless it's because I broke a nail. That's who I am."
"That's who you act to everyone," Lorcan corrected.
"Which is what I want!" Alice snapped. "She knew that. She knew what it was like to keep up appearances. I like being that person, having people look at me and be interested in me."
"Which is fine," Lia said soothingly. "But we are your friends. In front of us, you are your real self. Flaws, tears and all."
"Got that?" Rose asked.
Alice nodded and sniffed, trying to wipe her eyes.
"No," Lia told her. "Cry. Cry if you want to. It might make you feel better and we don't mind."
"Can I…Can I talk about her?" Alice asked.
"Of course," Rose sighed. "We can all talk about her. Did she ever know that she was part of your Dad's Boggart?"
And the five students passed the day there, until it became too cold to stay outside. Finally, tears long since dry and eyes no longer red, Alice led her friends down to dinner.
So?
Title was from Avril Lavigne - Fall To Pieces
If you want a hint about future pairings, the song has an important line soon after the chapter title
