This chapter brought to you by: The super bowl, why does it have to be in Tampa? This means that in order to go eat anywhere I have an insane wait time (exaggerating) which means that I will have to cook. The inhumanity of it all.


Admitted Filler

I was cooking Kakuza's French toast; well I was cooking enough for everyone, when I met Tobi.

"Tobi is a good boy, can Tobi have toast?" a weird, ninja I assume, guy asked me as he skipped into the room, ignoring everyone else. Yay alliteration, by the way, Tobi toast...hehehe.

"Tobi go away." Deidara said obviously already annoyed.

"So, Deidara doesn't like you." I pondered thinking of evil things. Well my version of evil, which isn't really evil. More like 'I will annoy you until you give me a cookie' evil.

"No, I don't." Deidara informed me.

"Why, Tobi is a good boy?" Tobi asked whining to Deidara.

"Shut up." Sasori said emotionlessly, which I know isn't a word but if anyone deserved to have a made up word to describe their utter lack of emotion it would be Sasori. If only we knew who he was talking to.

"I suppose you can have some." I announced hoping Sasori wasn't talking to me before. Okay he didn't kill me or even look at me; I am going to take that to mean that he is fine with me talking.

"Where's Itachi?" Hidan asked coming into the room, as usual sans shirt.

"I don't know, he will probably show up when you hit on her though." Kakuza announced thinking Hidan was talking to him.

"Hey, Akira!" Hidan said moving to touch the place where my clan tattoo is again but was stopped by Itachi's hand. I feel like I have a bubble. Beware the wrath of my personal space bubble! Wait the person who gets into my bubble most is Itachi. I don't have a bubble I have a possessive ninja criminal who kidnapped me for no apparent reason; I had forgotten. Oh well at least Hidan won't be able to molest me while Itachi is around. That means that I only have to worry about Itachi molesting me.

"Wow Kakuza you were right." Kisame announced impressed.

"Of course, pay up."

"Why do I even make bets with you?" Kisame asked handing over his money, watching as everyone else at the table did the same. I guess they were betting that Hidan would get to touch me before Itachi noticed or something.

"Is there really nothing else to bet on than me getting molested?" I asked curiously.

"There is, but nothing nearly as interesting." Konan answered.

"Would it be interesting if you were being molested by Itachi?" I asked them all and they actually thought about it.

"Yes it would because I would wonder what he was on." Kisame answered.

"I would be interested in when he started to like men." Sasori answered simply.

"I would wonder if I could make money off of it somehow." Kakuza answered.

"I'd sacrifice him." Hidan answered.

"Pein would fight him." Konan answered.

"You're right that would be interesting." I agreed. Although apparently my agreement did not stop them from continuing to tell me what they would do.

"I would eat him." both sides of Zetsu agreed for once.

"I would wonder how I was molesting myself." Itachi stated joining in for some odd reason.

"Why is everyone in the Akatsuki here, other than Pein?" I inquired looking at them all.

"We're hungry." all the ones that like to talk said at the same time. Yes that means you Deidara and Kisame.

"Sometimes I wonder if I am secretly just a cook and Pein is just trying to confuse me by giving me missions." I stated out loud as I flipped some French toast.


I was searching through the base…okay I was lost but I was in the base that much it true. So I was lost and looking for the exit so I can sneak out to buy some clothes and come back. I don't see why I have to sneak out if I am a member of the Akatsuki and not a prisoner but I feel like I do. I passed Kakuza in the hall but I figured it would be a bad idea to tell anyone my ingenious get myself some clothes plan. Okay it was actually because I was afraid Kakuza would take my-Itachi's money.

So like every other time I got lost I found myself outside of Sasori's door. Is his room located in the middle? Do all hallways lead here? How is it possible that I got the opposite direction and find myself here? I was musing over these very important questions when Sasori opened the door to his room and stared at me. I'd like to think that he is staring at me shocked even thought there is absolutely no evidence of this on his face.

"Why are you outside my room?" he asked finally breaking our staring/musing contest.

"I was looking for the exit."

"The exit is very far from my door."

"I know which is why when I found your door I had to stare at it and contemplate my next move."

"Why do you want to go out?"

"I want my own clothes."

"How were you planning on paying?"

"Itachi's wallet." I answered simply showing him it.

"I am not going to even ask how you got that. Come." He informed me grabbing my arm for dragging purposes.

"Where are we going?" I asked stupidly.

"The exit." He answered with his usual short answers, aw confused curious Sasori is gone.

"Thanks."

"I was going into the town anyway."

"That means I won't get lost on the way back!" I said excitedly. Yeah I was completely prepared to get out go to the town, towns I can find bases no, and then get lost going back. Then Itachi would have to come looking for me and he'd find me, like the good stalker he is, and burn my new clothes. Then he'd find out I stole his wallet, again, and burn a tree. A poor innocent tree, unless it's one of those short trees whose branches attack your head when you walk under them then it deserved it.

"This way I can buy more." Sasori responded grinning evilly.

"Let me guess, Itachi's wallet?" I asked actually catching on for once.

"Yes."


So the good thing about shopping with Sasori is the not-lost. The bad thing is I had to go shopping with Sasori. That means that I had to stand Sasori glaring at me while I picked out my clothes, even while I picked out underwear. That was awkward. Then I had to go shopping with Sasori for the things he needed. This would have been fine if I wasn't curious.

"I'd like this smooth rope." Sasori said buying things from some climbing store.

"Why do you need smooth rope?" I asked curiously, this my friends is my biggest mistake.

"So that if my new puppets happen to be still alive it won't ruing their skin where I tie them up." He answered looking at me more interested than usual. I guess he was happy I was taking an interest in his hobby. If only he knew the truth.

"Oh, that makes sense. Where are we going now?"

"To the herb store." He answered. Oh good how bad can getting herbs be.

"Okay." I informed him skipping to the store, ignoring the villagers strange looks. Come to think of it if I wasn't happily skipping around, a happy me being dragged by a stoic Sasori might look like I had been kidnapped by him. Little do the villagers know I was not kidnapped by Sasori but by Itachi. Take that random villagers.

"I need these herbs." Sasori gave a list to the herb guy. Wow he is prepared.

"What are they for?" I asked curiously. You'd think I would have learned from the first time not to ask.

"They are for the poisons I use in my puppets and for the embalming I use to keep the skin on my puppets fresh."

"Oh." I said wishing I had kept quiet. Too bad I never keep quiet. I should probably learn that skill.

"You seem interested, I can show you how I make my poison and puppets." He offered kindly for Sasori.

"Maybe the poison, I don't have chakra so puppets wouldn't make sense." I told him thinking of an excuse really quickly. Wow that was a good excuse I am impressed with myself.

"I will find you when I make it then."

"Great." I said sarcastically but he didn't notice.


When we got back to the lair, base got annoying so it's now officially an evil lair, we were met with an irate Itachi. (yay alliteration)

"Where were you?" Itachi asked me growling while glaring at Sasori.

"We were shopping in the town." Sasori answered since I was hiding behind him. Yeah I'm a wimp but irate Itachi is scary.

"Why did you take Akira?" Itachi asked.

"She needed clothes." Sasori informed him.

"No she didn't." Itachi countered, "She could have continued to wear mine."

"Do you own women's undergarments?" Sasori asked raising an eyebrow and smirking. Oh no Sasori is smirking now too.

"Fine but next time inform us before you leave." Itachi chastised.

"Yes mommy." I answered even though it was probably the stupidest thing I could have said to him. Self preservation skills are apparently on the fritz. I realized that my life was on the line I hid even more behind Sasori, aka I used the you can't see me I can't see you rule. Yup I hid my face in Sasori's back.

"Akira." Itachi growled. He apparently likes growling now.

"Yes?" I asked weakly my answer muffled by Sasori's shirt.

"I will forget what you just said if you never say it again and come over here." Itachi informed me. Apparently he didn't like me hiding behind Sasori. Maybe it had something to do with the fact I was practically hugging Sasori from behind.

"Okay." I agreed letting go of Sasori's shirt and walking over to Itachi.

"Next time I will go to town with you to buy anything you need." Itachi told me. I didn't completely believe him but I knew better than to say anything. Instead I just followed him to wherever the crap we were going.

After we reached the room Itachi watched me put all my stuff way. "How did you get the money?" he asked after a few minutes.

"Remember how before you offered to buy me stuff, well think of it as you having already done it." I said keeping myself on the other side of the bed.

"How did you find my wallet?" Itachi asked more shocked than angry. That man must have way too much money to not worry about me spending too much.

"It wasn't hard to find. I just had to go into the closet find the hidden crawlspace go through it. Answer the riddle of the guardians, search through all the cool things you had in there and find the wallet stuffed in a hole in the wall."

"What part of that was the easy part?"

"The spending your money part I suppose."


A few days after the Sasori incident, as Itachi likes to call it, I was lounging around in my female clothes and Sasori found me. He started to teach me about poisons. The cool thing was he first taught me to detect them. It wasn't only cool but helpful since a few days later I actually detected some poison in the meat that someone gave Hidan. So I fed it only to Hidan, he was fine. Waste of good poison if you ask me. A few days after that I walked into the kitchen to an interesting dilemma.

"This is my muffin." Hidan announced as I walked through the door.

"No that is the extra muffin that belongs to whoever takes it first which was me, un." Deidara countered.

"But you stole it from me." Kisame whined.

"I could just make more." I offered.

"No, that would waste too much money." Kakuza countered, chewing on his own muffin. I see it's a waste of money since he already has a muffin. I wonder what his response would be if he did not already have a muffin.

"Then who gets this muffin?" Kisame asked.

"Well technically it's my muffin since I made it, but I don't like blueberry muffins." I answered.

"So you get to chose, un." Deidara announced suddenly handing me the muffin.

"I'm on your team." Kisame offered.

"You like my abs." Hidan countered.

"I just gave you the muffin, un." Deidara said.

"Well I could give it to someone based off of personal biases." I started but then had a better more fun for me idea, "Instead I will hold a competition for the muffin."

"What type?" Pein asked coming through the door after obviously listening outside of it.

"Three parts, chosen by me. Winner of each section will also be chosen by me. If I can't decide the impartial judge, um Itachi, will decide who wins." I said hoping Itachi will agree to this.

"I'm in." Kisame said grinning.

"Will there be a cash prize?" Kakuza asked after finishing his muffin.

"No, just the muffin." I informed him.

"I'll win, un." Deidara announced.

"Sounds like fun." Hidan announced.


Next chapter: The Games

"Pein, why are you here?" I asked when he showed up in the room where we were having the games.

"I want a muffin." He answered simply.

"Okay, good luck then." I said snickering since I knew that Pein would probably not do well at the games since they all require me to be amused in some way.