THE CHASE CHAPTER: 28 SUMMARY: Two Weeks Before Christmas. Luke and Noah help Kris. Taylor and Kris Drama Occurs. (It may seen overboard. Heck, it probably is, but it's Just a story) RATED/WARNING: R for Sensitive Content, Language and Implied Sexual Occurrence DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and storyline/plot are the property of september(25). No copyright infringement is intended. *A Special shout out to My Beta, OnceInALifetime, Who Puts Up With My Grammatical Errors Et Al Mistakes. A Huge THANK YOU For Your Time, Energy and For Accepting the Task at Hand. When I began this story, I told her 14 chps. Oops! She's been great and very understanding. Thanks Kat!
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Taylor frustratedly closed the laptop that he received as an early Christmas present from Luke, Noah and Kris. They all had chipped in and presented it to him a few days ago. He chewed on the inside of his cheek and made a phone call.
He was alone at the townhouse. Luke and Noah, had taken Kris to a Christmas movie that he'd no interest in seeing. Some comedy with Santa and Elves.
The phone picked up on the other end. Taylor spoke urgently without addressing the person he called. He just asked, "Did it work?"
He was silent for a moment, then he swore, "Shit!"
The person on the other end spoke again, trying to calm him down without success.
Taylor replied, "No, no. It's not very promising. The success rates are very low. I was just on the internet. I don't know what to do."
He listened briefly, but interrupted with disappointment. "No, It's too expensive. I'll have to give up. Thanks anyway. What?" Taylor said and listened carefully.
"Ha Ha. Yeah right." Taylor laughed, thinking this was a joke.
"Really? No, I couldn't." he said, shaking his head.
"Yes! Of course I really want this." Taylor said in a strong, serious voice as he opened his mouth, realizing what he was agreeing to. He'd become so engaged in the conversation that he didn't hear the guys come through the front door.
"So we ARE going to do this?" Taylor asked, his breath stuck thickly in his chest.
"Jesus, holy fuck!" he grinned, but asked, "You're sure this is ok?"
"Alright!" Taylor shouted in the phone. "When?"
"Yea, I can come. Er..." Taylor laughed along with the other person on the phone at his choice of words.
"I'll talk to him, but I'm sure it's fine. We both want this. God Cassandra, thank you!" Taylor said and hung up.
"Cassandra?" Kris asked. "Oh yea, her girlfriend is Amber, right? How is she?"
Taylor stood up and spun Kris around. "Kris! I have something to tell you."
"We'll leave you two alone." Luke said, grabbing Noah's hand.
"No, stay! This involves you two as well, indirectly." Taylor grinned at Noah and Luke. His eyes shone like never before. Luke and Noah took a seat on the couch. Taylor told Kris to sit next to Noah while he stood before the three eager and interested men.
"Cassandra and I have been going to a clinic in San Marino. We've gone three times to get her artificially inseminated, but none of the procedures have worked."
"You...."
"Yes Kris." Taylor turned to him. "I want a child now, while I'm young. I thought you did too, at least you've said you did. You were so great with Austin."
"I do, but--" 'Why didn't he tell me he was doing this already? It's like he did it behind my back!'
"It was going to be a Christmas gift. I wanted to surprise you, to tell you that Cassandra was pregnant on Christmas Eve."
Noah replied, "That would have been a hell of a surprise. Luke, don't get any ideas now."
Luke elbowed him, "We're not even engaged, what makes you think I'd want a kid with you?" he teased. "I'm not a slut."
"I can easily make you one tonight." Noah spoke softly out of the corner of his mouth. Luke snickered.
"Guys." Taylor said, looking at Luke and Noah with impatience. "I'm not done."
"So Cassandra isn't pregnant?" Kris asked, wondering why Taylor was so excited.
"No Kris, she's not. There was only a ten to twenty percent chance for each attempt and it was getting too expensive to keep trying."
"So, you're not trying anymore?" Kris asked.
"Why don't you do that invitro-fertilization thing?" Luke asked.
"Are you kidding me?" Taylor looked at Luke with wide eyes. "Shit Luke, I looked that up and it's around 10,000 dollars! I can't afford that!"
"Ouch! That's a high price for a kid." Noah agreed. "You can adopt."
"No, I really want a child with my DNA and I want to be a better dad than Grant was to me. That's not why I want a child, so get those looks off your faces. I AM doing this for other reasons."
Luke eyed Noah and laid his head on Noah's shoulder. "mmmm...." he sighed, reaching for Noah's hand to hold. He laced their fingers together just as Noah kissed his blond head.
"Um, maybe you two should--" Taylor hinted to Noah and Luke because he had something else he wanted to discuss in private with Kris.
Noah nodded. "Lets take a walk." he said to Luke as he pulled him up. Luke hugged Noah and gave him a huge, wet, sloppy kiss in front of his roommates.
"I don't want to walk. Let's go for a swim in the pool." Luke suggested. "Then I can see you practically naked in public." he gave Noah a lusty look before running to the stairs and up to the loft to change. Noah followed him laughing.
Taylor sat next to Kris and took both of his hands. "Want to wait until they're gone?"
Anxiously, Kris replied, "No. what do you want to tell me?"
Taylor shifted his position so that his whole body was turned to Kris. "Cassandra and I have figured out a way to have the baby, basically for free- aside from all medical care for her and birthing costs. I'd pay for that." Taylor grinned and let go of Kris's hands to cradle his face. He couldn't help staring at Kris's luscious lips before he kissed them. He watched Kris's eyes slowly close, then closed his own.
"Whoo, look at the love birds Noah!" Luke giggled, walking past the living room in his swim trunks and a towel flung over a shoulder.
"Nice guys." Noah spoke up as he swatted Luke on the ass with his twisted towel.
"YOW!" Luke yelled and whirled around, rubbing his ass. "You're going to pay for that later."
"I was planning on it." Noah smirked. "look, they're still kissing." he motioned with his head to Taylor and Kris.
"I'm happy for them." Luke said with a smile.
"I'm more happy for us." Noah dragged his finger down Luke's hairy chest to the waistband of his trunks. He dipped that finger inside and pulled the elastic toward himself. He looked inside and grinned. "It's bobbing like a buoy. Think it'll keep you afloat?"
"Shut up. Can't help that it arises to occasion when I see you naked." Luke laughed as Noah snapped the waistband back into place. "Let's go, my perfect, perverted playmate." Luke looked back once at Kris and Taylor and hooked his elbow. Noah reached through it before they walked out the door arm in arm.
Taylor broke the kiss. Kris opened his heavy, blurred eyes and grinned goofily. "Ahh." he sighed weakly. "Can we go to the bedroom?"
"You want to talk in the bedroom?" Taylor asked.
"No." Kris said shyly. "You know."
"Oh!" Taylor grinned widely, his eyes crinkled around the outsides. "No, I can't right now. Let me finish telling you what's going on."
Kris stared expectantly at Taylor's face. His lips were moving, but Kris wasn't listening. He was imagining those very lips caressing and kissing his body. Taylor's animated hand movements caught his eye. He thought about Taylor touching him, stroking him, prodding his opening with his fingers. A sudden and unexpected moan forced it's way between Kris's lips.
Taylor stopped talking and tilted his head, wondering what Kris was thinking. "Did you hear a word I said, or were you too caught up in thinking about the bedroom?"
"No, I was listening." Kris stuck his chin out.
"Really? What did I say?" Taylor frowned, knowing Kris hadn't been paying attention.
"Um...."
"Dammit Kris! This is important to me." Taylor said. "It should be important to you as well."
"Why? You're talking about your baby."
"Because I was under the impression we were going to get married someday." Taylor said sarcastically. "That makes the child ours."
"But not until we're married. You'll be it's dad. I'll be a glorified uncle or something."
"No you won't. Lots of people that aren't married have kids. They're still considered the parents."
"Maybe with straight couples because there's the egg donor and the sperm donor. Mother and father. What am I? I'm not contributing anything."
"You will once he or she is born! Jesus Kris! You're planning on raising it with me, aren't you?"
"I will, but you kinda sprung this on me. Do we have to do this now- have a baby?"
Taylor hung his head before he began shaking it. "This isn't going to work."
"What isn't?" Kris asked.
"Nothing." Taylor replied depressingly. He looked at Kris and gave him a grim look. He rose, sighing heavily. His dream was suddenly snatched away from him and he couldn't fault Kris for that. He should have known better than to do this behind his back as a surprise. It was a big deal to him, but he still should have consulted Kris first. But damn, he really thought Kris would be receptive to having a baby with him, especially after seeing him with Austin. Taylor walked away, not hearing Kris calling him, begging him to come back, asking where he was going.
He'd decided he wanted this, more than anything and if Kris didn't like it, it was too bad. This was his life too and life was too short. Sacrificing his relationship wasn't an intelligent action, but he had to do it. If Kris broke up with him, then it wasn't meant to be.
Kris grabbed Taylor from behind and held him. "Where are you going? Are you leaving me? I don't understand!"
Taylor turned around. "I want a baby. I feel it in here." he said as he clutched the part of his shirt that covered his heart. "It's a need, a desire, an urge Kris, and I don't want to ignore it. I heard your position on the matter and I care what you think. I really do, but I have to do this for myself-- with or without you."
The words hit Kris hard. Stunned, he just looked at Taylor with a blank face.
"Well? Aren't you going to say anything?" Taylor asked, resting his hand on Kris's shoulder.
Kris opened his mouth, and all that popped out was, "Where are you going?"
Taylor stiffened and answered, "To make a baby with Cassandra."
Kris wheezed. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't move. He watched Taylor open the front door and leave. 'Make a baby? Make one? How? Oh No, No, No, NO!!'
Kris didn't know how long he had been standing there. He broke out of his thoughts and forced himself to run as fast as he could to Taylor's car, but Taylor was already driving away.
"Run faster! Have to catch him!" Kris yelled to himself, gritting his teeth. He caught up and banged on the trunk of Taylor's car with his fists.
Taylor looked in the rearview mirror and slowed to a stop before he got to the gate.
Kris's chest was heaving, his breath coming out in gasps and rasps. He leaned into Taylor's open window and said, "How? How are you making a baby?" His sweat dripped down his forehead, into his eyes. He rubbed them and looked at Taylor worriedly.
"The usual way. Man and woman join and-"
"No, you can't. I won't let you!" Kris grabbed Taylor's arm. "Let's go back inside."
"Kris. I want this. I feel very strongly about this, got it?"
"No I don't 'get it'. You're going to cheat on me!" he yelled defensively.
"I am not!" Taylor became angry.
"You're leaving me to go fuck your friend so she gets pregnant with your child. Tell me that's not cheating!"
"It's not. Kris, I'm gay."
"Then you wouldn't be leaving me to fuck a girl!"
"It's not fucking. I'm basically injecting sperm into her. That's all. It's going to be mechanical and not at all romantic. Besides Kris, she's gay too- there is no attraction, no need to be worried! I'm coming back to YOU!"
"Is Amber ok with this?" Kris sneered, hoping that Amber would have objected.
"Yes. She said she'd even sit in the room with Cassandra and hold her hand afterwards. Look, I have to go. She's ovulating and there's just a small window until next month. I don't want to wait. I'll be waiting for nine months as it is. Do YOU want to come? Help me get hard?" he asked seriously.
"You're disgusting! How can you even ask me that? How can you think about doing 'it' with her? I don't get you Taylor. I just don't." Kris shook his head slowly. He said sarcastically, "Go on and cheat on me!" Kris backed away from the car and watched Taylor leave. He had hoped Taylor would have changed his mind and driven back to him, but he didn't. 'He left me to have sex with her. He's going to have SEX with her.'
Kris hung his head and saw the white gold band on his finger. He began walking back to the townhouse. Surprisingly, he wasn't crying. He thought he'd be more upset, maybe the reality of the situation hadn't set in yet. He passed the gate surrounding the pool. He tried the entrance door that was usually locked. Thankfully it opened and he entered the pool area.
Without a sound, he sat on a chaise lounge and watched Luke dunk Noah in the pool, then heard Luke's devilish laugh.
"Hi Kris!" Luke smiled and swam over to his roommate. "How did the talk go?"
"Yea." Noah added, swimming to the side of the pool. "Have you and Taylor decided how you're going to become parents of a bouncing baby boy or girl?"
Kris snapped out of the daze he was in. He looked at Noah, then Luke as if he didn't know them and began to shake as if it were freezing in California.
Luke frowned at Noah, after seeing that something was wrong with their roommate. He turned back to Kris in time to see him pull his ring off and launch it into the deep end of the pool. Noah quickly dove under to retrieve it as Luke pulled himself up and sat on the edge of the pool.
"Kris? What happened? What's wrong?" Luke asked. "Where's Taylor?"
"G-Gone" Kris whispered. "We f-fought."
Noah perched himself on the pool's edge as well. He put the discarded ring in the small pocket of his suit and shut it with the velcro enclosure. "Kris?" Noah asked, concerned when he saw his roommate trembling all over. He wasn't crying or sobbing, just shaking uncontrollably that was growing in volume with every second that passed.
Noah and Luke both got up and pulled Kris up from the lounge chair. "Kris, lets go inside." Luke said hurriedly.
"Come on, walk." Noah said encouragingly, but Kris wouldn't. Noah ended up carrying Kris inside and set him on the couch next to Luke. They were dripping chlorinated water all over, but it didn't matter. What mattered was that Kris seemed to be in shock or something.
"Tell me what's wrong." Luke said, placing a hand on Kris's arm- his body was shuddering violently now, his face was ashen and his eyes were vacant.
"Noah, we have to do something. Call Taylor." Luke said, looking up at his boyfriend.
Noah pointed to Taylor's cell phone on the coffee table next to his laptop.
Luke's face fell. "Oh damn!" he swore. Settling on his knees in front of Kris, he asked, "Where did he go? Noah can leave, find him, and bring him back."
Kris stared at Luke with empty, non-seeing eyes. Luke looked up helplessly at Noah.
"I'm going to die." a small voice whispered.
Luke looked at Kris and asked, "What?"
Kris blinked and said in a monotone voice. "I'm going to kill myself."
Noah's head jerked back. "No, you're not. When Taylor comes back, we'll get this all fixed. You'll see. Everything will be fine."
Kris stood up, pushing Luke out of the way, and walked robot-like to the kitchen. Noah and Luke looked at each other before they rushed to follow him. They saw him rummaging through a drawer before his hand appeared, grasping a sharp, ten inch carving knife. With his arms stretched out, he pointed the sharp tip at himself, aiming for his stomach, intending to bring it forward forcefully.
"NO!" Luke and Noah yelled, lurching forward.
Noah grabbed Kris's wrists while Luke dodged to the side and grabbed Kris around the waist. They fell onto the floor with Luke straddling him. Luke gasped for breath, looked up at Noah, and said, "Call 911 now." he looked back to Kris, who seemed to be faraway in his own world- unable to function without help.
"Kris? Listen to me. Can you hear me?" Luke sighed, getting no reaction, not even a glint of recognition. "Come on Kris!" he gently slapped the catatonic, blond's cheek with the back of his hand. "Please, say something."
"I want to die. I want to die. I want to die." he murmured over and over and over until the ambulance came.
After the paramedics took Kris, Luke and Noah quickly changed out of their suits and went to the psychiatric ward at the hospital, leaving as soon as Luke finished scribbling a note to Taylor to let him know where they were.
"Well that certainly was different." Cassandra was laying on her and Amber's bed with her legs propped up for the flow of semen to reach its destination. She was to stay put for at least fifteen minutes. Amber caressed her cheek and smiled at her.
Taylor chuckled and said, "Different? That was absolutely weird. No offense, but my cock got disoriented in there!" Laughing, he pulled up his underwear and jeans.
"Taylor!" Cassandra laughed.
Amber laughed, "I would think so. You kind of seemed like you didn't know what you were doing at first."
"I didn't! Good thing I closed my eyes." Taylor snickered as he put his belt on.
"Oh! My body turned you off?" Cassandra giggled.
"I'm used to seeing Kris's face beneath me. In fact, I should get back. I'm a little worried about how I left him."
"Do you want to shower before you go?" Amber asked. "He might be jealous if he smells my woman on you."
"It's not like we kissed and touched each other Amber. Besides, I can shower at home, I just need to get there." Taylor sat on the bed and put his socks and shoes on. He stood up and smiled at the women. "Thanks Cassandra." he said, then planted a kiss on her cheek. "I appreciate you doing this for me and Kris. I really do. And thank you Amber. You're a trooper." he kissed her too and left.
"So, how was it pussycat?" Amber asked Cassandra with a smirk.
"Not how I thought." Cassandra smiled as she brought Amber's head down for a kiss. "I'll stick with you and your strap on."
Taylor was well on his way home, thinking about how to rationalize what he'd HAD to do. Kris didn't understand so he had to think of a way to put it into words that Kris would understand. He knew once the baby was born, that Kris would be an excellent father. Once he convinced Kris that being with Cassandra wasn't an intimate thing, not even remotely, he was sure Kris would come around.
Taylor traced his lips thoughtfully. 'Kris has had plenty of time to think. He should be ok by now. He KNOWS I'm not turned on by females, nor is Cassandra turned on by males. I may have to do some damage control, talk about what happened, and afterwards, a nice long session of making love should convince him that doing this was my last hope. That should do it.'
At home, Taylor absently picked up the note lying next to his cell phone. "Taylor" it said in Luke's handwriting. He looked around and saw water marks all over the floor and furniture. 'What in the hell were Luke and Noah thinking? There's water all over the place.'
"Kris!" Taylor called out as he walked to the bedroom. He saw water puddled on the kitchen floor and scowled. "Christ almighty, what the hell? Kris?" Taylor opened his bedroom door, finding the room empty. He looked in Kris's room, but no one was there either. Discouraged because he wanted to settle this with Kris, he walked back to the living room, sat on the dry recliner and unfolded the note. It was written poorly because Luke had been in a hurry, but he could read it. He read it again to make sure he'd read it right the first time and stood up, crumpling the note in the process.
Taylor sped through town to reach the hospital. He entered the psychiatric clinic entrance and saw Luke and Noah sitting in the waiting room. He rushed to them and asked, "What happened? Jesus! Tell me! What happened?" When Taylor saw the looks on his roommates faces, he began to quake from fright.
Luke shook his head, not able to talk, so Taylor sat next to Noah and begged, "What happened Noah? I need to know!"
"He-- He....." Noah looked down. "Sorry."
"What the fuck happened!" Taylor yelled and abruptly stood up. He stared angrily at Noah and asked, "I want to see Kris! Where is he? Is he hurt- dead? Just fucking tell me!"
"Sir." The female receptionist said, "Please quiet down or go outside. You need to respect the others around you."
Taylor looked around and saw faces staring at him. He turned away and said, "I don't care. Noah, tell me now or so help me." he balled up a fist.
"Ok, but outside." Noah answered as he stood up, then faced Luke. He asked. "Will you be alright in here alone Luke?"
Luke looked up with tears in his eyes and nodded.
Noah kissed the top of his blond head and said, "Come outside and get us if the doctor comes ok."
"Yea." Luke replied, lacing his hands together before he set them in his lap.
Outside, Noah recounted what he had witnessed, claiming that Kris didn't give him or Luke a reason as to why he wanted to die, but Taylor already knew why. He covered his eyes as tears blinded him. Noah reached into his pocket and pulled out Kris's engagement ring. He sighed, then tapped Taylor on the shoulder.
Taylor removed his hand from his eyes and looked at Noah's face. Noah's eyes lowered to his hand, to the ring he was holding.
Taylor followed Noah's eyes downward and choked on a sob. He took the ring and brought it to his mouth. After he kissed it, he put it on his other ring finger. "Ohhhhhh No, Noah...." he quietly cried, until they heard a screech from a car behind them.
Crystal and Ron exited the car. Ron ran inside, but Crystal spotted Taylor. "Oh Taylor!" she yelled, sobbing. "Is it true? The doctor called and told us Kris tried to.... to...." She reached him and hugged him tightly. "Why did this happen? What is going on?"
"I don't know Crystal. I just arrived too." Taylor spoke with a tremendous amount of guilt on his shoulders. "God... I can't be.... here. I have... to go..." he sputtered.
"You can't go now! Kris is your fiancé. He's going to want to see you and you need to be here for him. He loves you so much Taylor. He'd do anything for you, please be here for him." Crystal begged through warm, wet tears.
Noah put an arm around Taylor and said in his ear, "It's the right thing to do Taylor. I don't know what your fight was about, but you and he have to make up or at the very least, talk."
Taylor glanced at Noah and mumbled, "He's not going to want to see me. He's never going to want to see me ever again."
"Stop it. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and think about how Kris feels. Whatever the argument, you'll both figure this out together."
Taylor said nothing to Noah. He walked inside with Crystal and Noah on either side of him. Ron turned away from the Doctor standing in front him, seeing his wife come in with the two men.
"Crystal." he said in a tense state. "This is Doctor Simon. He says Kris won't go into detail about what happened. He's just sitting in the room staring at the floor."
Crystal dabbed her eyes and asked the doctor, "You don't know why he threatened to take his own life? He won't tell you what's wrong? Maybe I can talk to him. I'm his mother." She stared at Dr. Simon through her stinging, red eyes.
"He's told me some details and due to patient/doctor confidentiality, I cannot in my right mind tell you what he's said to me without his permission. I can take you to him and you can talk to him yourself. Alright?" Dr. Simon said before leading Kris's mother to a room consisting of a bed, chair and bathroom. Kris was sitting in the chair, his arms crossed, resting on his chest, his legs crossed at the ankle and his eyes fixed on his shoes.
Dr. Simon and Crystal entered the room. Crystal immediately burst into tears and ran to Kris. She hugged him tightly despite his disinterested attitude.
"Could we have a moment alone Dr. Simon?" Crystal sobbed.
"Yes, of course." he replied, backing out of the room.
Ron faced Taylor. "What went on between you two?" he asked, furious at Taylor for not taking care of Kris as he'd promised.
"I--" Taylor sighed and ducked his head. 'This is all my fault. If I hadn't been so selfish, none of this would have happened. I shouldn't have put my needs before his. I can't believe I just drove off thinking I could come back and we could 'talk' about what happened without repercussions. Fuck! He almost lost his life because of me! How in the hell am I supposed to raise a kid if I can't even keep my fiancé happy! Shit, Shit, Shit. I need to talk to him.'
"Well?" Ron snapped at Taylor.
Luke stood up and defended his friend. "None of us knows why Kris did what he did." He then glanced at Taylor because he knew he and Kris had fought, but he didn't know why.
Crystal stumbled out of Kris's room. Dr. Simon helped her back to the waiting room and lowered her to a seat. "Thank you." she voiced hoarsely. "When can we take him home?"
Taylor jerked his head up and looked at Crystal with a frown, then gave Dr. Simon a stern look. "No, he comes with me." Taylor stated, challenging anyone to defy him.
Dr. Simon stated, "I'm afraid he's not going anywhere. He's agreed to stay."
Ron exclaimed, "What? He committed himself? My son is NOT staying in some loony bin! We'll take him home and take care of him!"
Dr. Simon looked around the waiting room at the visitors waiting to see their loved ones and said, "Let's talk in my office. Luke and Noah, please wait here." He looked at Kris's parents and Taylor and said in a solemn way, "This way please."
Once Taylor and Kris's parents were seated, Dr. Simon said soberly, yet with sensitivity, "Kris had a brief psychotic episode."
Ron stood up. His face was red, his blood pressure rising and his temper exploding. "My son is NOT psychotic! All he needs is some rest!"
Crystal looked fearfully at Dr. Simon. "Is this serious? What does it mean?"
Taylor shook his head with disgust at himself for putting Kris in that position of frailty. Guilt was riding him, wearing him down.
Dr. Simon addressed Ron, "If you would please take your seat, I will continue."
Ron groaned gravelly with displeasure and sat next to his wife. Crystal took his hand, and took Taylor's as well.
"A brief psychotic episode means that Kris experienced some sort of stress or trauma. There is no forewarning that he was going to breakdown so no one could have prevented it. What Kris has experienced, would be markedly stressful to almost anyone in a similar circumstance."
'I could have prevented this! I caused the stress. I traumatized him.' Taylor sighed, thinking about his actions and came to the conclusion that he was definitely, without a doubt, the only one to blame for Kris's episode. Crystal heard Taylor's disheartened sigh of grief and stress over Kris.
"He'll get better, right?" Crystal asked Dr. Simon as she held Taylor's hand tightly.
Dr. Simon nodded. "Symptoms usually last for one to thirty days. I've started him on a low dose of Thorazine to help him."
"A drug?" Crystal gasped. "He can't get better with just therapy?
"Yes, some patients do." Dr. Simon explained. "However, I'd like to see his mood improve by the end of the month, so he agreed to start on it right away."
"The what? End of the month?" Taylor spoke up. "No. he'll be better after I talk to him. Let me see him." He pounded his fist on the armrest of his chair.
"Taylor. Take it easy!" Ron leaned forward and looked at his son's fiancé. "Let's hear what we can do for Kris because I too am certainly against him staying here a month. That's bullshit! Crystal can baby him at home and I'll bring him back and forth for therapy appointments. There's no need for him to be here, sleep and eat here, away from his family and friends."
"Actually, it is imperative that he stay here and get treatment. He needs to step away from the problem and clear his head. He specifically asked to be 'put away' to distance himself from his life right now. He needs to heal." Dr. Simon met each one of their pairs of eyes, seeing understanding within them.
"Taylor, I'll take you to him now so you can have a word with him. If your presence upsets him, I'll ask you to leave." Dr. Simon stared at the blue eyed brunette.
"Ok." Taylor stood up on unstable legs. He followed the doctor out of the room and down the hall. 'What am I going to say to him? He has to be hating me right now. Hating me and hating himself. God I fucked up so fucking bad! What was wrong with me?! I lost sight of what was really important and almost lost him in death.'
Dr. Simon stopped outside a closed door and turned to Taylor. "Kris told me that you and he had an argument. He didn't go into detail, but he did say you cheated on him, which, in his words, destroyed his trust in you and therefore, he dissolved your and his engagement."
Taylor was about to speak, but closed his mouth tightly. He couldn't dispute what Kris told the doctor because it was Kris's interpretation of the situation.
"Go in then, but remember, leave if he becomes distressed." Dr. Simon said warningly.
"Got it." Taylor nodded. He touched the cold, round door handle and turned it, hoping the atmosphere in the room wouldn't be as cold as the handle. He cautiously stepped into the room, seeing Kris in the chair, wearing his baggy jeans and the same tee shirt he'd been wearing before. He was in the same position he was in when his mother came to talk to him, but Taylor didn't know that.
Taylor took his time entering the room, letting Kris get used to his being there. He closed the door, frantically thinking of a way to handle this. Should he run to Kris, take him in his arms, kiss him and apologize? Or should he sit and let Kris talk? Should he try to reason with Kris? Too many options, he thought, resting his forehead on the door. 'I'll play it by ear.' However, when he turned back around, he met Kris's eyes and began bawling like a baby. He ran across the room and knelt in front of Kris, hugging the blond's knees.
Overcome with emotion, Taylor continued to weep through his words, "Kris.... baby... Oh Kris. I'm sorry."
Kris couldn't shed a tear. He was still just as astonished as he was when Taylor told him that he was going to leave and get Cassandra pregnant. This moment with Taylor was surreal. This couldn't be Taylor here with him. He closed his eyes and laid his head back against the chair.
Taylor continued crying Kris's name, running his hands up and down Kris's legs. Thanking god that Kris was alright. Taylor didn't know what he'd do without him.
"I love you Kris. I love you so much." Taylor cried softly now, his tears leaking onto Kris's jeans and drying on his cheeks. "Can you forgive me? I was so concerned with what I wanted, I convinced myself that you would want it to. I thought in time you'd just accept it. I never thought anything like this would happen. I wouldn't have.... gone. I wouldn't have done it if I knew how strongly you felt about it."
"I told you." Kris's voice was soft and feather light.
Taylor raised his head and gazed at Kris's face. His eyes were still closed and his mouth was slightly parted.
"I know baby. I know you told me, but I thought, I honestly thought you were having one of your..... your uh, tantrums again. I'm sorry I didn't take you seriously. I thought you were being unreasonable, but it was me that was being unreasonable and not giving you the chance to voice your opinion. I made a decision for both of us without a thought for how you'd feel and I want to apologize Kris."
Kris expelled a breath, "ahhh."
With desperation as his last hope, Taylor asked, "Kris, please forgive me?"
"I just wanted to please you the whole time we were together." Kris whispered.
"You DO please me Kris. You do!" Taylor smiled, but Kris still hadn't opened his eyes.
"I tried to please you."
"You did baby- you do. Please believe me." Taylor exclaimed emotionally. He had to get Kris to see that they needed each other.
Kris spoke gently, "I can't please you. I failed. I'm not what you want, what you need."
"Yes you are!" Taylor said sternly, rising up and hugging Kris around the neck. He hoped Kris would hug him back, but he was listless and withdrawn. "You are what I need Kris." he said into Kris's ear. "You're everything I want."
"No," Kris wet his lips. "you don't.... you... don't want me." He uttered before beginning to shake and tremble all over.
Taylor pulled back to see Kris's face. He looked awful. His face was pale, yet he was sweating. A side effect from the medication? Taylor pressed his body to Kris's again to comfort him. He did everything in his power to calm Kris down. To make him relax, but nothing was working.
"Kris? Can you hear me? Look at me." Taylor cupped Kris's face. Eerily, Kris's empty blue eyes drifted and looked right into Taylor's concerned blue ones. "Come on Kris. Sweet boy. Baby. Talk to me."
Kris worried his forehead and almost barely shook his head.
Taylor closed his eyes and muttered, "Shit." when he opened his eyes again, Kris had closed his. With a sigh, Taylor neared Kris's face and gently kissed him on the lips. He heard a whimper from Kris and did it again- another whimper.
Taylor's heart began racing ferociously. He went in for a third time and heard a moan. 'YES!' He grinned and said, "Kris, baby."
Kris opened his blue eyes and saw Taylor. He wanted to say something, but he didn't know what. His mind felt fuzzy and he felt like he was floating on a cloud.
Taylor took the ring off his finger and grasped Kris's hand. "Kris?" he said fearfully, holding the ring at the tip of Kris's finger. "Will you still marry me? I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I need you in my life."
Kris instinctively pulled his hand away. Part of him wanted to wear the ring, but almost all of him wanted answers first. He was unable to talk right now. He couldn't think a coherent thought. He saw Taylor drop his head and heard a heart wrenching sob. With a tortured scrape of his voice, Taylor said, "I understand. I'm sorry Kris."
Taylor stood up when another sob was let loose from his constricted throat. He put Kris's ring back on his own finger and shuffled his feet out of the room. Outside the door, he leaned against the wall and cried freely for the loss of his destiny, Kris, who was his fate, his soul mate. He was lost.
For the first time today, a lonely tear slowly rolled down Kris's cheek.
While Ron was outside smoking, Crystal had been filling Luke and Noah in about what happened when she had gone into Kris's room. Luke and Noah were both shocked that Kris decided to stay for thirty days, but they were relieved he was getting help. After all, they had been frightened when Kris had trained the knife on himself. They could be at the police station, helping an officer file a suicide report instead of here, at the psychiatric ward.
"Thank you two so much for being there for Kris. Taylor too. I can't imagine what Kris was thinking. My poor baby." Crystal covered her mouth and cried. "You never think as a parent that something like this could happen. Not to my child! Yet here I am with Ron. It's just devastating, just awful." She plucked a kleenex from the box on a table littered with magazines and blew her nose gently.
Luke patted her on the back and reassured her, "He's going to be alright."
"Yes, that's right. He is, isn't he? He'll get better and we'll all get past this." Crystal sounded positive.
Taylor came stumbling into the waiting area and glanced at Luke, Noah, and Crystal. He walked past them without saying a word as he neared the doors to leave.
Noah stood up and said to Luke, "You stay with Crystal. I'll see where he's going."
Luke nodded and watched Noah wrap an arm around Taylor's shoulders. He kept them in view as they walked to Taylor's car, then saw them lean against the trunk. Luke fixed his attention back to Crystal and asked, "Do you think I could talk to Kris?"
Crystal lowered the kleenex and looked at Luke with tears dripping from her eyes. "Oh yes. The more people he sees that care about him the better he will feel, don't you think Noah? Or was it Luke?"
"Luke, and I think you may be right about Kris. We all love him and want him to get better. I'll be back." Luke smiled, patting Crystal's back once more and stood up. He asked the receptionist if she would get Dr. Simon to take him to Kris's room.
Luke opened the door and entered the room. He smiled at Kris as he walked to him, intending to act normally, to sound normal, to treat Kris as normal as possible without making him feel self conscious.
"Hi buddy! You sure gave Noah and I one helluva scare." Luke gulped as he crouched in front of Kris. "How's it going?" He took Kris's hand and held it, caressed it, then laced it with his own.
"Sorry." Kris squeezed his eyes shut. "Tell Noah too."
"Of course I will." Luke smiled lopsidedly. "We all want you to take your time and get better. Dr. Simon assured us you're going to be ok."
"Humm" Kris sounded doubtful.
"Come on Kris. You have your mom, dad, me, Noah and Taylor pulling for you. We all love you. You believe that right?"
"Right Kris?" Luke asked again after waiting several seconds for Kris's answer. He studied Kris's face, grazing his finger down his cheek. "Hey listen, Taylor loves you. I know you know that. Whatever happened is in the past. You two belong together and I believe that with all my heart."
"What's going on Taylor?" Noah asked, watching his roommate kicking pebbles with the toe of his shoe. "I've never seen you so upset before. Why did you break up?"
"I royally fucked up Noah. Big time." Taylor sniffled. "Damn it to hell, I really hurt him. Irrecoverably."
"How? What could you have possibly done? He loves you. Taylor, he worships you and looks up to you. You're everything in his eyes. You can fix this."
"No, I can't." Taylor's lip quivered. He bit his bottom lip to stop the uncontrollable action, but unconsciously bit too hard and drew blood. His tongue emerged, cautiously touching the small puncture wound and raked his fingers through his hair.
"Why can't you?" Noah asked with care, not wanting to annoy or anger Taylor with his prying questions.
Taylor turned his head to the right, away from Noah, and said, "I want a child so bad Noah."
"I know. Kris does too. He's stated as much." Noah smiled. He wished Taylor would look at him, but he didn't want to push his luck. Sometimes in situations like this, people tended to shut down and kept their problems to themselves. He needed to keep Taylor talking. He knew his roommate would feel better getting things off his chest.
"I wanted it more than him." Taylor let out a sarcastic laugh. "I did something really, really foolish. So stupid. So fucking moronic. Unforgivable."
Noah had an inkling what it was and he was mortified, but he needed clarification to confirm this thought. "Wh- What did you do?" he asked, wincing at the thought of Taylor impregnating Cassandra. Kris had a right to be upset, especially if Taylor hadn't taken Kris's feelings into consideration.
"I acted so hastily. I didn't think, I just acted. I went through the motions as if this was my only chance to have a child. I was so desperate, reckless at the time." Taylor pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm such a fool."
Noah waited for Taylor to go on. Several minutes elapsed before Taylor faced Noah with a grim look on his handsome face. "I had sex with Cassandra to get her pregnant. Like I said, the artificial insemination didn't take. She offered to do it this way for me with Amber's permission. She literally offered right before you guys came home and I was so excited for the opportunity to have a child that I wasn't thinking rationally. I wasn't clearheaded. I just reacted and left for her apartment. I told Kris, but he didn't get it. He didn't want to understand how much I wanted this and I just left him in the parking lot at the townhouse. He must have had his 'episode' after that."
"Yea, he did. Luke and I were so fucking scared. I mean, he had that knife poised and ready to end it all because of this." Noah said in such a way that he had no sympathy for Taylor. Of course Taylor picked up on Noah's tone and looked him right in the eye.
"I am really sorry Noah. I didn't know he'd go off the deep end like that." Taylor spoke apologetically. "Thank god you and Luke were there for him."
"I'm not the one you should apologize to. There's a guy suffering in that building you should be sucking up to." Noah said irritably.
"I did." Taylor sulked. He exhaled heavily, feeling worse than ever. He just hoped Kris could forgive him in time. He was willing to beg, plead, pray, and implore Kris to come back to him.
"I take it he wasn't receptive to the idea of making up."
"No. I think he blames himself- for what, I don't know. But Noah, it wasn't cheating! Honestly, it was just in and out. I jacked off in the bathroom until I was almost ready to cum. It's not like I had to work up to it inside her!"
"Are you trying to sell me on your actions? Because I don't know what to think. I mean if Luke..." Noah shook his head. "We'd most definitely have a long talk about it before doing something that rash."
"Shit, don't you think I know that- now. It's way too late for talk. What's done is done. Hopefully this wasn't all for naught. I hope Cassandra gets pregnant and something good will come out of it, meaning a baby boy or girl. Right now, I'm just going to go with the flow and hope Kris can make sense of what I did and why."
"Are we talking about the same 'Kris'" Noah asked sardonically. "The 'Kris' that lost his virginity to you, the 'Kris' that is only twenty-one and naïve when it comes to relationships? Come on Taylor! He's too young to understand this need of yours to be a father. What did you expect? For him to be all gung ho about raising a child? Maybe he wanted one because he knew you wanted one and he wanted to please you. For christ's sake, he's a child himself. He needs time to grow up."
"Noah, people have kids all the time, some even younger than him so don't try to feed me that bullshit about him being naïve and shit. This is about me having sex with Cassandra anyway. He thinks it was cheating." Taylor's blue eyes burned into Noah's blue ones. They stared at each other through slitted eyelids.
Noah shrugged. "Ok, I don't want to argue, it's not my fight anyway. See you at the house."
"Yea, I guess so." Taylor fetched his keys from his pocket before he got into his car. "Bye Noah."
Noah waved, then went back inside to get Luke.
