Hi all! I am back with another installment of the soundtrack! This literally came to me over night as it is goes to a brand new song. Ed Sheerhan has inspired me once again. This goes along with the song "Happier" from his new album "Divide". It is an absolutely heartbreaking song about seeing someone you love with someone new. As soon as I heard it I thought of Luke and Lorelai in Season 7. This weaves throughout the season, it's a quick piece but I enjoyed writing it. Hints of Christopher's emotions in here as well. Hope you enjoy. If you haven't heard this song yet...go listen. It will make you cry in a good way lol. The format of this one is a little different too because I put the lyrics throughout, it seemed fight for this particular one. Thanks!
Walking down 29th and park
I saw you in another's arms
Only a month we've been apart
You look happier
Saw you walk inside a bar
He said something to make you laugh
I saw that both your smiles were twice as wide as ours
Yeah you look happier, you do
Luke had cursed himself the moment she walked away from him at the grocery store. The words had come out of him so easily and yet in his chest, his heart was hammering away. His head was screaming at him to say something different. To fight for her.
Instead he told her she should be with someone like Christopher. Was it his imagination, or had she looked devastated by his words? It took him two days to pull himself together, but after two nights of drinking alone, he got in the truck and decided he had to at least try.
Only when he pulled up in front of her house, he saw her standing on the porch. Only she wasn't alone. A physical ache grew in his chest and for a second he thought he might actually be sick. She was with him.
The one man he had always worried about. The one man he had always been jealous of, even before they got together. When she had told him that day about her sleeping with him, Luke had seen red. It was like his world had stopped and it felt so easy and so good to be angry. It felt even better to feel his nose crack under his knuckles.
And yet, after the pure rage had worn off his mind started to wander.
He had thought about the last few months, about what he had really put Lorelai through. Sure it had been her idea to postpone the wedding, but in a way he realized now he had used that as an excuse. And since that moment, he had been pushing her away. Using it as an excuse to get away because deep down he was afraid. He loved her, he knew that but marriage did frighten him and he still wasn't' sure if he was worthy of her.
But now...now none of that mattered. Here she was. He shouldn't be surprised. He shouldn't be angry. He had told her to go to him; he had told her that she belonged with him. So then why did it hurt so fucking badly to see her laugh at something he said? Why did it cause an ache in his chest when she placed a hand on his arm and gave it a squeeze. And why on Earth did it kill him to see her smiling?
With a heavy sigh he knew the answer.
She looked happy.
And he couldn't remember the last time she had looked that happy with him.
Swallowing down his regret and pain, he turned back around and climbed into the truck, deciding she deserved to be happy even if it meant he himself would be miserable.
Ain't nobody hurt you like I hurt you
But ain't nobody love you like I do
Promise that I will not take it personal baby
If you're moving on with someone new
Cause baby you look happier, you do
My friends told me one day I'll feel it too
And until then I'll smile to hide the truth
But I know I was happier with you
It had all happened so fast. Luke had told her she belonged with Christopher. And as crazy as it sounded, she let it happen because she just didn't want to be alone. When she was alone, she had to think about Luke. She had to think about what she had missed. She had to feel the aching pain that was threatening to swallow her whole.
Now months later she was married. She was married to Christopher.
It didn't seem possible.
It was hard to imagine really. After all these years she was married to Christopher. Her parents were over the moon of course. She had finally married Rory's father. They wanted to do the big ceremony, show her off to all her friends. Her Mother even mentioned her wearing the dress…
The very dress that Lorelai had picked out for her other wedding. The one she had so desperately wanted. The one Luke said she looked perfect in. That night she had gone back home, Christopher was working late as she dared to sneak into the back of her closet. Tucked away, her dress was wrapped up where she had left it.
She wouldn't admit it, but she had stolen glances at it a few times. Even tried it on once soon after and cried herself to sleep afterwards knowing it was all a pipe dream. It was never meant to be. Luke had made that perfectly clear.
That very night in a moment of weakness, needing and wanting to see him, just see him, she had gotten in the jeep. Driving over to the Diner, for a moment she thought about going in. But it didn't seem like he was even there. So she sat and looked up at the apartment, wondering if he was asleep.
After a while, a green truck caught her attention. Her heart leapt in her throat and she knew she was about to see him. Only it wasn't just him...he was with a woman. Her heart plummeted to her stomach when she saw the way he opened the door for the woman, just like he had done for her so long ago.
She was cute.
The complete opposite of herself. Maybe that's why it never worked for them.
The tears burned in her eyes when she saw him lead her to the Diner door. She wondered if their date would end as their first one had. With him offering her coffee, and her offering him something else instead.
She wondered if he'd hold her close; whisper that he was so happy. That he was all in. That he couldn't believe that this was happening.
She saw the smile play on his lips and she thought...he looked happy.
Happier than she could remember him looking towards the end of their own relationship.
Taking a deep breath and deciding it truly was over, she turned the key in the ignition and went back home. That night as Christopher climbed into bed with her, she feigned feeling sick when his fingers pushed up under her shirt. And it wasn't a total lie…
She did feel sick. It made her sick to wonder what he was doing right this very minute with that woman that wasn't her.
And what was it that she did to make him happy that she couldn't do?
Sat in the corner of the room
Everything's reminding me of you
Nursing an empty bottle and telling myself you're happier
Aren't you?
Ain't nobody hurt you like I hurt you
But ain't nobody need you like I do
I know that there's others that deserve you
But my darling I am still in love with you
Christopher put the letter down on the bedside table. He wasn't surprised by the words...but it didn't make it hurt any less. He knew deep down...he had always known. She was still in love with Luke. She would ALWAYS be in love with Luke.
That night when she came to him, he had never seen her so broken. He had never seen her so vulnerable. In all honesty it had scared him. He wasn't used to seeing her like that. Lorelai Gilmore was always a force to be reckoned with. Nothing was too much for her to handle.
Yet it seemed that this time around, love had really done a number on her. She had truly believed that she had found the one and somehow he had crushed her heart. He had used this new version of Lorelai to his advantage.
He knew it was wrong. He knew it was a terrible thing to do, but he had missed Lorelai more than he realized. He wanted to try...and if this was the only way to get her where he wanted her he was going to jump.
Only he had miscalculated.
He assumed that he'd be able to sweep her off her feet and make her forget all about the plaid wearing, Diner man. Yet even after all this time, it seemed she missed him more and more. And despite the fact that she wore a ring on her finger symbolizing her marriage to him, it was clear that now more than ever, Lorelai still wanted Luke.
She was working late at the Inn again.
She did that a lot lately and he was starting to realize it was mostly to avoid him.
So without thinking, he got into his car and drove into town. It was late, Stars Hollow was mostly dead. He didn't understand the appeal of this town but he knew that it had a strong hold on Lorelai and all it's residence.
Parking out front of the Diner, he watched the man behind the glass and wondered, what the hell did he have that Chris didn't?
Getting out of the car, he walked up to the Diner door and pushed it open. The little jingle of the bell caught the owner's attention. When he saw who it was, Luke looked shocked. But somehow he kept his cool.
Cautiously, Chris walked across the floor and sat down at the counter.
"Coffee?" He asked as he stared down at the counter.
It only took Luke a moment to compose himself, but when he did a cup of steaming hot coffee was placed in front of him. "Grills off."
Chris lifted the mug to his lips and took a swig, "That's fine. I'm not hungry...and I don't think this will take long."
Luke snorted, "What do you want?"
Chris took a deep breath and finally allowed himself to look up at the man whom his wife loved, "Did it help?"
Luke narrowed his eyes at him and leaned against the back counter, "Did what help? What the hell are you talking about? If you mean punching you...yeah it was incredibly satisfying."
Chris smiled, "Yeah I gotta say I enjoyed it too."
Luke sighed, "What do you want? Come here to gloat? Rub it in my face that you won?"
Chris smiled sadly, "You think I won?"
"You got her in the end didn't you? After all these years, after all the crap you put her and Rory through...you still won." He said with a shrug, "Congratulations."
Chris pushed the mug towards the center of the counter, "I was actually referring to Lorelai's letter. Did it help with your case? Your daughter?"
Luke frowned, "You know about that?"
"She didn't tell me." Chris said with a shake of his head, "Probably because she knew I wouldn't be happy about it. But I found the letter...did you read it?"
Luke swallowed hard, "No. But they read it out loud at the hearing…"
"Then you know." Chris whispered as he stood up again.
Luke frowned still not following, "Know what?"
"Know that she's still in love with you." He said pulling some money from his pocket.
Luke's mouth hung open for a minute, "I-"
"I'm going back to pack up some of my stuff. I'll be out of the way tonight. Lorelai and I will settle the rest of it later…" He smiled sadly, "I should have known."
Luke's mind was reeling; he was really trying to wrap his head around this whole conversation. Just having this man sitting in front of him in his Diner was hard enough to comprehend. He never expected this. And more importantly he never expected Christopher to be telling him he was leaving...or that Lorelai was still in love with him.
Chris sighed, "Her heart was never in it with me. She was lonely...and heart broken. More so than I've ever seen her. And I…" He pulled at his coat, "I used that to my advantage. Because after all, she is Lorelai Gilmore. Who wouldn't?"
Luke swallowed hard and pushed himself off the counter, "I don't understand why you are telling me this."
"Because she was happier with you." He said in a choked voice, "And despite everything...I want her to be happy Luke." He stepped back, "Just don't wait too long to tell her."
Luke stood in shock as he watched Christopher walk out just as quickly as he had walked in. After a minute, he strode over to the door and locked it, not in any mood for any other visitors tonight. He stood awkwardly, trying to understand what had just happened.
He had let himself believe that Lorelai was happy with Christopher. It was easier that way.
But was it true?
Suddenly he was transferred to a moment long ago, way back in the beginning of their relationship. When everything had seemed so perfect, so right. And suddenly he knew that Christopher was right...
Luke's knees ached as he sat there bent over trying to fix her damn oven. The damn oven she never used to cook actual food in, but rather used to dry her socks. Because using a dryer like normal people was out of the question in her world. He groaned thinking about all the ridiculous ways she could get herself killed, being distracted he whacked his head on the top of the oven again.
LUKE: - Ow! Geez! What the – Doh!
Lorelai (laughing): He did it! He did the bit! Luke, do it again. Do it louder for Rory.
RORY: Hey, Mom?
LORELAI: Yeah?
RORY: You sound happy.
LORELAI: I am, kid. (She smiles at Luke.)
LUKE: What?
She had that goofy grin on her face. The new one...the one he'd only seen as of recently. When she hung up the phone she continued to stare at him with that faraway look in his eyes. Leaning back he wiped his hands on a rag and started up at her, elbows resting on his knees, "What?" He asked again.
She blushed softly and looked away, "Nothing. Are you almost done?"
"Lorelai?" He asked again from his spot on the kitchen floor, "What is it?"
He watched her take a nervous breath before looking back at him, "Rory said I sound happy…"
He was quiet for a moment before he rubbed his hands together, "Oh yeah?" She nodded, he looked down and cleared his throat, "And you said?"
"I am." She whispered softly, he looked back up at her and saw a scared expression on her face, "I'm really happy."
Luke moved so he was on his knees in front of her, he placed his hands on her knees, "And this is a bad thing?"
She sighed and shook her head, resting her hands over his, "No. Just...just new."
"New?" He asked curiously, "What do you mean?"
She lifted her head slowly and whispered, "I've never been this happy Luke...I've never felt this…" She swallowed the nervous lump in her throat, "Comfortable with someone."
He nodded slowly, "Me either…"
"Remember on our first date when you asked if I was scared?" She asked nervously.
Luke nodded, "Maisey conveniently interrupted before you could answer."
She smiled and rubbed the tops of his hands, "Truth is I'm terrified Luke." She lifted her eyes to his, "I'm afraid to get my heartbroken...I don't know if I could take it. Not from you…"
Luke frowned, "I have no intention of breaking your heart." He lifted his hand to cup her soft cheek, "I told you I was all in...I think that implies I'm not taking this lightly. Doesn't it?"
"It does." She whispered, "But...but what if we get further into this and you realize I'm not the person you thought I was? What if I put all my trust in you, only to get rejected again? I'd lose more than just my boyfriend…"
"You'd lose your coffee supplier too." He said with a smirk.
"Luke…" She said more sternly, "I'm being serious here."
He cleared his throat, "Sorry. Yeah...I know. I know what you mean...we'd lose our friendship too."
She nodded, "Exactly. And I…" Her voice cracked and she leaned into his touch, "I'm not sure I could handle that. I don't want this feeling to go away…"
Luke sighed and leaned forward to press a kiss to her lips, "Lorelai."
"I'm sorry." She said with whimper, "God listen to me...I'm not this girl. I don't do this. You must think I'm crazy."
"I don't think you're crazy." He whispered, then smirked, "Well no more so than usual."
She laughed a little and nudged him, "Jerk."
"I get what you are afraid of because I'm afraid of it too." He said seriously, "And I don't know what happens next...but I do know that I'm happier than I've ever been before. Okay?"
"Me too." She whispered searching his eyes, "So...we're going to really try to make sure this works?"
Luke smiled, "Absolutely."
She sighed happily and leaned forward to hug him, "Good. I needed to hear that."
Luke hugged her back and kissed the side of her face, "You know it would help a lot if you didn't do things that might kill you...like leave the keys in the door and dry your socks in the damn oven."
She giggled and buried her face in his neck, "Well then I guess I have a big strong boyfriend to fix all the things I broke so that I'm safe."
Luke sighed and leaned back on his heels, "You're insufferable."
Lorelai giggled and started to push him back on the floor, "And yet you are the one who chose to be here Danes...what's that make you?"
Luke smiled up at her as she straddled his waist, "Happy Lorelai. It makes me happy."
She beamed down at him as she began to pull the shirt up over her head, "Good. Me too."
But I guess you look happier, you do
My friends told me one day I'll feel it too
I could try to smile to hide the truth
But I know I was happier with you
Luke snapped out of his memory and suddenly realized he was moving. He was outside the Diner and felt for the keys in his pocket. He should probably think this through, but suddenly he had only one destination in mind. If he didn't go now...he wasn't sure if he ever would.
He wasn't sure how he had let them get so lost. How he had stopped making her happy. But he knew for a fact now that they had been happier together. It wasn't all in his head. There had been a time when they had made each other so damn happy. And despite all the bad things that had happened after that...he was starting to believe that they could find that place again.
And apparently, so did Christopher.
The wheels of the truck kicked up dirt on the Dragonfly driveway as he peeled into the parking area. He flung the door open and ran up the front stairs and through the door, the same door where it had all started.
She looked startled when she saw him, even more so when she took in his appearance and the fact that he was out of breath.
"Luke?" She asked anxiously as she placed her pen down, she stepped around the front desk, "Is something wrong? Is it April? Liz?"
He shook his head and took a big gulp of air, "No. No they're fine...everyone's fine."
She let out a sigh of relief and leaned against the desk, "God. Don't' scare me like that. You look like you've seen a ghost or something."
"That's because I think in a way I have." He said resting his hands on his hips.
She frowned, "I have no idea what you're talking about Luke. I-"
"I made you happy." He whispered, placing a hand over his heart, "Right?"
She stumbled back slightly, "What? I-I don't-What?"
"At one point I made you happy. You told me so. And you…" He sighed and stepped closer to her, "You made me happy too. You made me happier than I thought was even possible."
She shook her head back and forth and tried to step around him, "Luke I'm not sure what's going on. But I think that you should probably go. I-"
"Christopher came to see me." He blurted out; he felt that he had to lay it all out otherwise he'd lose her completely.
She looked startled as his words registered with her, "What?"
"He came to see me. Tonight. Right before I came here." He said urgently, "He found the letter you wrote for me. So I could get custody of April."
Lorelai ran a hand through her hair, her face crumpled slightly as she tried to keep up, "What the hell are you talking about?"
"He said that you're still in love with me." He said ignoring her.
She froze then and turned her body towards his, "What?"
"He told me that you were still in love with me." He paused for a moment, "Is that true?"
She began to tremble in front of him, "Luke you need to go-"
"Because I'm still in love with you." He said not willing to let her push him away again, "I've tried not to be but I am. I never stopped loving you." She opened her mouth to protest and he stepped closer to her, "I know it may have seemed like I did. I screwed it all up...I got scared."
She started to back away again, "Luke stop."
"Everything was so confusing. Not you...but the April stuff and I used that to push you away because it was easy and I'm so sorry." He pleaded with her.
She put her hand up, "We both already apologized to each other. It's fine. Okay? But you need to go, I'm married and-"
Luke grabbed her hand and ran his finger over the ring that Christopher had given her, "You were supposed to marry me."
"You didn't want to marry me." She said as her eyes welled up and she looked up at him, "You chose never."
"I didn't know it was forever." He whispered, "I didn't...I wasn't…" He sighed and pulled her hand against his chest, "I didn't know. I didn't see...I'm so sorry Lorelai. I'm so damn sorry. I-"
"It doesn't matter." She pleaded as she turned away from him and pulled her hand back, "We're both sorry. It wasn't meant to be. It's fine…"
"I was happier with you." He whispered, "And I think you were happier with me too. Before...before it all fell apart."
"Luke…" Her eyes closed tight and she shook her head.
"Weren't you?" He whispered suddenly feeling afraid that he had got it all wrong, "You told me once...you said it. You said I made you happier-you said-"
"You did." She said turning back to him, "I was. But I'm not sure we could ever-"
"What if we could?" He asked stepping closer to her again, "Would you try again?"
She gasped as he stared down at her, pleading with her to let him in once more. She would be lying if she said she hadn't wished for this since the moment she left him that night outside the Diner. She wanted him to fight for her. To fight for them. To know that he still wanted her as much as she wanted him.
But was it too late?
She was married to someone else. Not just anyone else...but Christopher. The one man that Luke hated the most.
But she didn't love Christopher. She could never love him the way she loved…
Shaking her head she looked up at him, "I thought you were seeing someone."
Luke frowned and stepped back, "What?" He hadn't expected that.
"I...I saw you." She whispered, "She was a blonde...short hair. You took her back to the Diner…"
Luke didn't mean to but he laughed, "You saw me?"
She sighed as the tears started to fall, "I had had a bad night...and I needed to see you. So I drove to the Diner and I was just sitting there...and...and I saw you. I had no right to be upset but it killed me. And all night I kept thinking is he taking her upstairs like he did with me? Is he-"
"Lorelai." He whispered sadly, "If you had stayed two second longer, you would have seen me throw her out."
Lorelai frowned, "What?"
"She reached across the counter to touch my arm and it felt ice cold. And all I could think was how it had felt when you touched me that night…" He laughed to himself, "Hell every time you touched me it felt like fire. Like nothing I'd ever felt and when she touched me I just...I couldn't do it. I asked her to leave and I never saw her again."
Lorelai started breathing heavy, "Luke…"
"And to be honest?" He rubbed the back of his neck, "The only reason I even asked her out was because I was just trying to get over you." He paused, "Do you remember that night we ran into each other at the grocery store?" She nodded and he continued, "I regretted what I said...and I had been stewing about it for a few days. And finally I just gave in and I had to see you so I went to your house but…"
"But what?" She asked nervously, "What?"
"I saw you with him. You were laughing at something he said…" He frowned, "And I let myself believe that you were happier with him."
"Luke." She whimpered, "No. No Luke I just...I was trying...I was trying to force myself to be happy but I haven't been happy in so long." She closed her eyes tightly, "But God I want to be. I was so happy Luke...I was so happy with…"
He grabbed her hands again and placed them over her heart, "We can be happy again."
She sighed and looked up at him, "But how?"
Pulling her closer, he heard her gasp, "I don't know but I do know that I can't do this anymore. Whatever this is...it's killing me."
"Is this really happening?" She asked breathing him in after so long, "Are you really here right now?"
Luke pressed a kiss to her forehead, to both of her cheeks and her nose, "I'm here."
"Thank God." She whispered before leaning up to let her lips crush against his.
Luke wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close, vowing to make sure he would make her as happy as he had before. This was it. There was no going back. When she melted into his embrace, they were both lost to the world. Neither of them noticed the person watching them from afar.
Christopher had come to the Inn to tell Lorelai he was leaving. But as he stood there watching her fall into Luke's arms he realized he didn't need to tell her. She knew.
Even though it hurt, he also knew it was right. She was where she belonged and it was time for him to finally realize that. Stepping back, Chris finally let her go. Knowing there was only one man that she wanted.
She was happier with him, and that's all he needed to know. He had ruined every chance he had had back in the day. And he always knew that she would finally find it with someone else...so now it was time to let it happen. He would always love her...but Luke loved her more. And there was no denying it any longer…
Baby you look happier, you do
I knew one day you'd fall for someone new
But if he breaks your heart like lovers do
Just know that I'll be waiting here for you
I hope you liked it! I will update again when inspiration strikes. I updated "If You Ever Want To Fall In Love" today as well so check that out if you haven't. :)
