Whee! The plot bunnies are back!
Usual disclaimers regarding the characters…Riella, The Claw, and Saavik are mine, Tai and Psyche belong to Tatyana Witwicky, and the rest belong to Hasbro! Oh yeah, and the song lyrics referenced are from Tangled or by Skillet!
"Prowl! Where's my datapad?" Riella yanked out another drawer from her desk. "I know I left it right here!"
"Oh, sorry." The tactician unsubspaced the requested item, holding it out for his sparkmate. "I…um…borrowed it and forgot to put it back."
Riella arched an optic ridge. "I don't even want to know, okay? Just tell me it's safe to use."
"Of course it is. I put a fail-proof on it so that even if I missed something, you could still handle it without being locked into whatever room you happen to be in."
The femme shook her head. "And I thought the Twins got their prankster skills from me." Settling into her chair, she opened the correct document and started typing at an inhuman speed.
354. When Ratchet tells you to do something for your safety, don't start singing "Mother Knows Best" from Tangled on your way out of the medbay.
-He didn't appreciate my sense of humor.
-Or my singing voice.
-"Motheeeeeerrrr knows beeeesst!"
355. When working on reports in a quiet room, singing to relieve the boredom is a good idea; however, make sure you know who else might be in the room.
-Also, watch the volume.
-"I must confess that I FEEL LIKE A MONSTER!"
-I didn't notice that Ratchet, General Morshower, and Optimus had just walked in…
356. "Any problem caused by a tank can be solved by a tank."
-NEVER try to prove the truth of the above statement!
-Lennox has banned Tai and Sam from the tank garage.
-There's too much "Family Guy" on base.
357. Just because there are no other humans around, does not mean Ratchet will let you ignore gun safety rules. (Epps.)
-Like "Watch where you point it."
-Or "Make sure the gun isn't loaded before pretending to shoot Ironhide."
-'Hide was fine.
-Epps ran very fast.
-"I don't have to be careful, I've got a gun!" Famous last words….
358. Never play "Are You Smarter than a Fifth-Grader?"
-Me (Riella): Yes
-Prowl: Very yes
-Optimus: Yes
-Jazz: Mostly
-Sides and Sunny: Kind of
-Ratchet: Wouldn't play
-Perceptor: Didn't bother asking
-Tai: Yes
-Sam: Sort of
-First Aid: Yes
-Mirage: Yes
-Red Alert: Chased me down with a gun after the question about conspiracy theories.
359. Catnip is in the mint family. A nice mint-scented pedicure may end with one or more of the cats attacking and licking your feet.
-And if you have ticklish feet, well…
-I will leave the results to your imagination.
-No, I won't.
-Chaos in the rec room!
360. When your significant other walks into the room, do NOT play or sing "Bringing Sexy Back".
-Tai and Jazz.
-I can proudly say I have never been guilty of this one.
-I prefer the song "Kiss the Girl".
361. No matter how funny you think it is, replacing Red Alert's alarm clock with a CD alarm that plays "Awake and Alive" at full volume at 5 AM is not a good idea.
-"I'M AWAKE! I'M ALIVE!" *Boom*
362. Never play with handcuffs.
-No matter how bored you are.
-It's really amazing how fast you can lock your hands into a position it is impossible to get them out of without help.
363. Shatter resistant is a label, not a challenge.
-We lose more plates that way…
At the last one, Riella made a mental note to buy more dishes. Leo and Tai could be very destructive when 'experimenting'.
"Okay…email check time." She opened the browser with a barely-concealed yawn. "Let's see…a meeting schedule, spam mail – forward that to Simmons, he'll send them a virus – three URGENT ones from Red wanting to know where I am, reply and tell him to use the slaggin' comlink if he needs to talk to me, and what's this? Prowl, why are you mass-emailing the base?"
"Just read it," Prowl replied absently, focused on his report.
Riella scanned the message, then sighed. "You really don't like animals, do you?"
The Rules for Pets on the NEST Base
Installment 1
Compiled by Prowl
Never leave The Claw alone in a room with Annabelle's pet hamster. (Riella, Prowl, Sam, Optimus)
When entering a dark room to go to sleep, do not rapidly grab the nearest soft object. In the dark, blankets and cats look a lot alike. The difference is that blankets do not have claws. (Everyone)
After cleaning up after Psyche or Mojo, make sure the bag is tied shut and has no holes in the bottom before you ask an Autobot to carry it to the trash for you. (Tai, Sam)
Do not release small animals (cats, Chihuahuas, rodents, etc.) inside any Autobot's alt-mode. Especially not Ironhide's, and especially not if they have just had a lot of water or eaten a moth. (Leo, Miles, Twins, Tai)
Never tell everyone about your phobia of spiders. You will be amazed how many of the humans on base have pet tarantulas, and that they are all willing to donate them to scare the slag out of you. (Epps.)
When sitting down, if you are a human it is best to check the chair for cats. They will be fine, since they know better than to sit on Autobot chairs. You will not. (All humans.)
Please don't refer to them as your 'minions' in front of government agents or Red Alert. (Tai, Riella, Sideswipe)
If you are giving your cat a bath and trimming their claws, trim the claws first. Unless of course you like bleeding. (Riella, Miles, and anyone else stupid enough to try to give Saavik a bath.)
Do not use them as accessories in your pranks. They are not predictable and the results are often highly dangerous. (Twins, Leo, Miles)
If you are human and losing your balance, do not grab the nearest soft object for support. The odds are very good it will be a cat. (Lennox, Epps, Leo, Simmons)
On that subject, never agree to allow anyone to adopt more pets. Especially cats. (Prowl, Optimus, and Jazz.)
Do NOT try to get Psyche to chase any Autobot in vehicle mode. Just don't. (Everyone.)
Most of these were inspired by the website "Learn from my Fail", but anything with cats I have had personal experience with! Specifically the bit about grabbing the nearest soft object and expecting it to be a blanket…my poor innocent fingers!
355 also happened to me…I was doing some stuff on a computer at church and the music pastor, the youth pastor, and the youth pastor's wife walked in!
"I FEEL LIKE A…uh…hi?"
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