A/N: This chapter didn't go exactly where I planned. It just started writing itself at about the half way point and... well, yeah, you might find it OOC or whatever, but I can't help it. This is what Rory & Jess wanted! :P Would love your opinions, either way, so please do keep those reviews coming!
(For disclaimer, etc. - see Prologue)
Chapter 27
The day really hadn't gone at all how it was planned to. So much for a happy family occasion, Thanksgiving really was a bust. Jess had spoken no more than three words together since he got back from his walk. The fight with Liz must have been a doozy, they all realised that. Rory tried to get him to talk about it, but he shrugged her off both times, insisting he was fine and that he just wanted to forget about it. Lorelai had a feeling he might be more willing to share when he and Rory were alone, and yet he allowed himself to be involved in all the activities that had been planned. The foursome ate dinner together, had their movie marathon, and then hit the leftovers. Nobody really enjoyed it, because throughout it all flowed the undercurrent of tension.
Luke slipped out once to see what was happening at the apartment. He came back with a note that he showed Lorelai when the kids weren't paying attention. Liz and T.J. were gone, as the note explained, not willing to stay where they weren't wanted. Lorelai had hugged Luke, saying she was sorry he had to be caught in the middle of everything. Of course, Rory was just as stuck in her own way, between loving Jess and wanting to help him, and being mad at him for not wanting to share, not wanting to include her in whatever was bothering him.
When everybody was starting to fall asleep in front of the TV, Lorelai said she was heading up to bed. Without ceremony, she grabbed Luke's hand and encouraged him to follow her. There wasn't actually any rules about the two couples not sleeping in the same house together, it just didn't usually happen. Honestly, Lorelai wasn't thinking of seducing her boyfriend tonight, she just didn't want to think of him alone, especially after all the upheaval of the day. He went with her without a word.
Left alone in the living room, Rory looked up at Jess and realised that though his eyes seemed to be glued to the TV still, he wasn't really focused. That was his concentrating face that she knew oh so well. It was fine when it was aimed at a book or even at her, but off into space like that meant way too much head stuff, problems and pain. She really wished Jess would let her in, let her help, but pushing never helped.
"You wanna go to bed?" she asked, snapping him out of his daze at last.
"Sure, if you're tired," he nodded, a hint of a vague smile almost managing to cross his lips as he pulled her closer and kissed her. "I'm sorry today was..."
"It's not all your fault," she assured him. "I mean, yeah, I'm not denying a phone call would've been nice when you went on an impromptu trip around the block, but I get it. You and your mom are... it's tricky."
Jess almost laughed at the terminology. Tricky didn't even begin to cover it, but Rory didn't know exactly what had been said in that fight today, or in so many other fights that came before. He never told her, because it was easier not to talk about it, not to think about it, until days like today when he was actively forced to.
"Y'know, if you ever want to let out what's going on in that head of yours," she said softly, fingers going to his temple and messing with his hair. "I'm always here. I'll listen, and I won't even comment if you don't want my opinion, but I can do the listening."
That actually raised a genuine smile from Jess, even if it didn't last long. She was so much more than he could ever deserve, and every day he wondered at it, never more so than today. He wasn't as blind as some of the people in this town who would put Rory Gilmore on a pedestal in the town square if they could, revering her as an abolsute angel. Truth was she had flaws, and he knew them better than anyone. She made mistakes, she was fallible, just like everybody else, but in her heart she was a good person, she always meant well. When things went wrong, she felt the full weight of her mistakes, apologetic through and through. She was a pure soul even after all she had done that should mar her reputation. Jess couldn't ever love anyone like he loved Rory, and that was maybe the scariest thing he had ever known.
"C'mon," he said, moving to get up and pulling her to her feet with him.
They headed for their bedroom hand-in-hand and silent. He didn't want to talk, and she didn't want to make anything any worse than it already was. Nobody was mad anymore, it had just been a long rough day that needed to be slept off if it possibly could.
Rory curled up against Jess beneath the covers and he happily kept her close, kissing the top of her head.
"I love you, Rory," he whispered in the dark, something he rarely said even though she knew it was how he felt about her.
The fact he used the words today almost broke her heart in a way she couldn't entirely explain. Swallowing hard so she wouldn't cry, she replied in kind, planting a kiss on his chest and settling down to sleep. Jess closed his eyes a moment but soon opened them again, already knowing there was no way he was going to sleep tonight.
Rory woke up to find herself alone. It was still dark outside and the digits on the clock flashed 02:31. Pulling herself up, she looked around the room and spotted a figure sat at her desk.
"Jess?" she called softly in the dark, rubbing her eyes. "What are you doing?"
He didn't answer for a long moment, not until she called his name again. When he turned around, lit only by the lamp she flipped on to better see, Rory got a shock when she saw tear tracks on his face. In all the time she had known him, Rory had never seen Jess cry. She couldn't even remember him being upset exactly. Beyond angry and frustrated, seriously hurt, but never actively crying. It was more than a little worrying.
"Jess, please, talk to me," she begged him, reaching out with everything she had.
He swallowed hard and nodded his head, getting up and coming back over to the bed. Rory was desperate to hold him and make it better, like he had for her so many times before. Jess let her hug him, clinging to her equally as much. She started a little when he suddenly spoke, and he didn't wonder at it. All she had been trying to get him to do all day was talk and he wouldn't. Now suddenly, after all his thinking, he had a lot he needed to say.
"It's not fair, Rory," he told her as they pulled apart and faced each other. "I was thinking, about that day in your car when you told me about your dreams, you remember?" he prompted and she nodded her head. "You wanted to go to Harvard and be a journalist. You said you wanted to be the next Christianne Amanpour and I was the one who told you that you could do that," he said sadly, his hand at her cheek. "I promised you, Rory. I promised you everything you wanted could be yours," he said, hand falling away from her face as he turned away.
"And I have everything I want," she assured him, getting his attention right back. "Sure, yeah, I had big career dreams but I had others too, I still do," she insisted, mirroring his action as she put her hand to his face and made him keep looking at her. "Jess, even back then, a part of me knew I wanted you, and I wanted a happy life, with my mom, and Lane, and Luke. I still have that. I have you and we're going to have a son that will be ours," she reminded him.
It seemed like he was feeling bad for taking her life away from her, something she was pretty sure Liz had implied in the fight today. Rory never wanted Jess to feel guilty. None of this was his fault, if there was even really blame to be apportion to anyone. What they did, they did together, and it was all working out okay so far.
"I know," Jess agreed with her facts that were unarguable. "And I love that you're making the best out of all this, let's face it, we don't have much of a choice," he said with wry smile, leaning into her touch. "But you deserve more, Rory. This was all supposed to be later, after college and a career..."
"Well, fate had other plans," she cut in before he could focus any more on what they lost, seemingly forgetting what it was they actually had. "Jess, listen to me, my life isn't over," she reminded him forcefully. "One day I'm going to finish college, and one day I could even be a journalist or a novelist or whatever else I decide I want to be. Okay, so maybe I won't be the second Christiane Amanpour, but I can still be me. I'm still Rory, and I'll be happy because I'll be with you, and... and I'll be a mom," she smiled brightly.
Sometimes, when that smile was genuine, as it was now, Jess felt like he was looking into the sun. It didn't matter if he got blinded, he wouldn't look away for a second and miss that smile. She was beautiful and incredible. Every time she reminded him in some way or other, it blew his mind all over again that she was so determined to be with him.
"It's a lot to handle," he sighed. "I mean, I'm here, Rory, I swear, every step," he promised, meeting her eyes. "I'm not running this time, I promise you that, but it's not gonna be easy."
"I know," she nodded in agreement, as they shifted to sit more comfortably together, their backs against the headboard and arms around each other. "But my Mom had me at sixteen, no man by her side, no family support, and now look at her," she shrugged easily. "She has her business degree, she has her own inn, she's so happy with Luke, and hey, I think I turned out okay," she smiled up at her boyfriend who looked back at her so very seriously.
"You turned out so much more than okay," he told her, dropping kiss on her lips. "But look at my parents. Look how I turned out..."
"Hey, you turned out to be the most amazing person," she insisted, locking her determined blue eyes to his own. "You're the man I fell in love with, Jess. The only man I can imagine spending my life with, and that was true before the baby, before anything that's happened these past few months. I am happy, Jess, I promise you. Please, don't ever feel like you're tying me down or stopping me from realising some big dream of mine" she begged him. "I have a new dream now, and I love it just as much."
Jess couldn't speak for a full minute after she was done. He had sat up for hours going over everything in his head, having serious thoughts about telling Rory he was no good for her, that maybe she would be better off without him. The voice of his conscience and that of his heart did battle through the night until she had woken and begged him to talk to her. This conversation wasn't going anything like he planned, and yet he felt better somehow. Safer than he ever had, in a way he couldn't ever describe.
"Did I ever tell you that you're amazing?" he said then, staring down into her eyes. "And that every time I think I couldn't possibly love you any more than I already do, you make me fall even further."
Rory smiled at his sweet words and reached up to kiss him long and hard on the lips.
"It's two in the morning so I don't have any fancy words to say back, but you know how much I love you, Jess. More than I ever knew I could love anybody and that is the truth."
He believed her. As crazy as it seemed that someone like her could care anything about a guy like him, Rory truly did and Jess knew it now more than ever. The words that escaped his lips then were spontaneous, no doubt, but he smiled when he said them and meant every syllable.
"Hey, do you...? Rory, you wanna marry me?"
Rory's eyes widened with apparent shock as she scrambled to sit up. His arms fell away from her as she moved but that wasn't important right now. She was staring at him, completely baffled, unable to form words. Jess might've laughed at the landed fish impression if he wasn't feeling as overwhelmed by his own question as she was.
"What...? Why...?" Rory gasped out.
"I know, seems kinda crazy, especially coming from me," he admitted. "But I'm serious, Rory. Do you wanna marry me? I believe traditional answers are 'yes', 'no', and 'I'll think about it'," he prompted when she still looked confused.
"You're serious? Of course you're serious, this is not something even you would make a joke about," Rory realised aloud, climbing off the bed none too gracefully and beginning to pace the floor in nothing but her oversized T-shirt and underwear. "You're serious and you're asking me to marry you, which is... I don't even know what it is. Jess, I..."
"Rory," he interrupted her rambling, scrambling to the foot of the bed to reach out and grab her shoulders. "My life has been this circus, this insane chain of circumstances. Half the time I'm not sure about anything but I have always been sure about you," he swore to her. "And I'm not talking about going out tomorrow to hire a band and rent a hall, I'm just... I need you to know how serious I am about you, Rory, about you and this baby we're having," he told her, every word full of sincerity as it should be. "And to clarify, I'm not asking you to marry me just because you're pregnant, or just because it scares me to think Liz might be right and I can't be what you or our kid needs. I'm asking because I love you, because I'm committed to this crazy ass life we're building here," he smiled genuinely. "I'm asking because I know that you and me are for the long haul. I'm never going to feel this way about anybody else, and apparently you're just about cracked enough to believe I'm the one for you, so I'm gonna say this one more time and hope you can actually form some kind of answer. Rory Gilmore, at some point in our crazy future together, will you marry me?"
There were tears rolling down her cheeks and a terrible lump in her throat, but Rory forced herself to speak anyway. Jess deserved her answer and she was happy enough to give it right now.
"Jess, I... Yes, I would love to marry you," she cried, glad enough to be thoroughly kissed in the moments that followed.
It was pretty crazy, getting engaged at two in the morning after a Thanksgiving that had turned into a disaster, when she was already pregnant with his child and had no idea yet how they were going to make the future work. Right now it didn't matter. They were so in love and so stupidly happy. Rory and Jess were engaged, and it felt good. Still, she jumped when something at her middle shifted. The baby was kicking, and Jess felt it too since he'd had her body pulled flush to his own when it happened.
"I think junior approves," Rory giggled through a veil of happy tears.
"You think anybody else will?" asked Jess, even as he put his hand next to Rory's own on her swelling stomach.
"One way to find out," she said with a smirk he would have been proud of.
Two minutes later they were both hammering on Lorelai's bedroom door, frightening her and Luke half to death. They came rushing to see what was wrong, both half naked in a not entirely appropriate display, and yet nobody noticed. Luke and Lorelai faced the grinning facesof Rory and Jess, and asked what the hell was going on.
"Mom," said Rory excitedly. "Jess and I just got engaged."
"You... what?" asked Luke, even as Lorelai's hand shot to her face in shock.
"I know it sounds crazy," said Jess then. "And we're not saying we're going to get married now. We can't afford it for one thing and all the organising... there are other priorities," he explained. "But I wanted Rory to know I'm serious about sticking around, and... well, she's crazy enough to want me to."
Hugs, kisses, and congratulations ensued, a happy family scene on the landing of the Gilmore home at a ridiculous hour of the night, but that was fine by the four involved. It was a very happy kind of craziness they were experiencing, proven by the fact that minutes later they were all in the kitchen, toasting an engagement with cherry cola because it was the only thing they had in that was non-alcoholic and suitable for all. The day may have been much less joyous than they planned, but the morning after sure was starting well.
To Be Continued...
