AN - it was really hot last night and I could not sleep so at 4am I went downstairs and sat at the PC and decided to write this and I must have dosed off before posting as I woke up at the computer with this waiting... so here it is, P.s Its a long one :) (most of them will be from now one as ive just got so much to write in my head)
"Right so what have we got here?" questioned Charlie after giving me the we-need-to-talk look.
"This is Logan and Brooke both where trap Logan by his legs so if we could get an xray on them and sort out all the other cuts and Brooke I believe when she fell she broke her arm so if we can get that xrayed and the same for her cuts. Both given 10mg of morphine at the scene and stats are all normal, if possible they would like to see their friends who where also involved" I say jumping out the back and helping Logan down, about to walk on with them when Dixie stops me.
"Dixie, I know you only mean well and all but I'm going to get the biggest lecture ever off of about 3 different people and that's only if I lucky it could end up more but I hoping that it's less now if you don't mind I would like to go and have a shower and clean my self up" I smile at Dixie and she just looks back at me not sure what to say so I excuse my self and go off to get cleaned up.
(Dixie's POV)
Why do all of the doctors around here thing it is okay the risk their life's to save another and then never listen when we try to explain to them the risk they are putting themselves in. New doctors are worse theu have no idea how dangerous places can be I can see that Sam is going to be a hard one to get that through too.
"Dix, you ready to go we have another shout, Mrs Davison has fallen again and requesting someone to go and see her" Jeff said walking towards me.
"Yer sure, just thinking about how reckless the new doctors seem to be" I say taking one of the drinks from Jeff and heading towards the ambulance it back to the bay and to get into another one a clean one just incase Mrs Davison needs to come in but it's not likely.
(End of POV)
After 25 minutes I'm sat in the staff room all cleaned up and in just a normal jumper and skinny jeans wondering what to do next... So I head out into the ED even though I know thats the worst thing to do right now.
"Sam, so nice of you to rejoin us. Your patients have been asking for you but first I thing I should take a look at that cut" Charlie says pointing towards my forehead. I just go with him knowing that it will cause less hassle.
"what where you thinking, your father was all over the place before worried sick about you. You phoned him up crying then you just ignored that fact and when you got here you warned him that if you didn't go you would just breakdown. Well guess what Sam that is exactly what he did he broke down infront of everyone and I haven't seen him as upset as that since the day you left the first time for Afghanistan. Sam you father cares about you so much infact we all do but we can't help you unless you open up to us and let us in, we all want to help we just want to see that happy, free, not-a-care-in-the-world Sam but we can't find her she disappeared with her brother. It's hard for your father too you know he needs all the help he can get he had to move on for your sake but it wasn't what he wanted , he wants to be able to remember Jack just as much as you and he needs you help too, Just remember Sam this isn't Afghanistan it's Holby and you have a little more time to thing through things and nit just act on impulse, if you father stops you going out with the paramedics I wouldn't be surprised" Charlie tells me in a voice I don't want to argue with.
"You have stitched my head so can I go now?" I say jumping off the bed.
"Not until you roll up your sleeves and show me that you haven't done it since, we are worried Sam and just need reassuring" Charlie says.
"You think that after all this time, I would go back to doing that, Charlie its ruined my life I can't go around wearing just a t-shirt" I say slowly lifting my sleeves up and revealing the millions of neat little white lines that scar my arms and then the bigger ones which had to be stitched.
Just then Tom comes flying through the certain and just stops in shock when he notices my arms the scars cover my arm from wrist to elbow some more faded then others. As soon as the shock had worn off for me I covered my arms back up trying to act as if nothing was seen but I know Tom what give up that easily.
I give Tom a smile and walk up to hug him but he just turns away.
"I'll leave you two to it then and Sam remember what I said" Charlie tells me walking out and shutting the curtain.
"Why would you show Charlie and not me?" Tom asked taking a seat on the bed.
"Tom its complicated and Charlie already knew I made a promise to him that I would never do it again when I was around 17 and I stuck to it but he just wanted to see the prof" I try to reason with Tom but I know he wont stop until he knows why.
"And how does Charlie know?" Tom asked.
"It all started when the letter came down telling us that Jack was missing when I was 14 but I had stopped when I was 15 after meeting some very nice people who supported me when my mother just blamed me for what happened I stopped eating and started to self harm but then on the 3rd anniversary of Jack being missing a Camp had been raided and all the soldiers freed but non where English I had got my hopes up so much that he would have been one of them but when it turned out that it wasn't possible I took the sharpest knife I could find and I attacked my arm, my dad was at work so I was home alone and I just sliced my arm until I could not feel anything and blacked out, I then woke up in this very ED with Charlie at my side he had Stitched up my arm and was explaining something to my dad and after my dad had left them room he ask me why I had hurt my self, I could not tell him all I ask him to do was ask my dad if he knew which he should if he thought about it and it turned out he did know the reason but Charlie ask me to promise him that I would never self harm again and in those 10 years there has been times I've come very close to doing so but then I stop and think about what Jack would say and I would stop" I explain with tears forming in my eyes.
"Sam come here" He said opening his arms "You know you can tell me anything, there is nothing that will make me leave you, When Zoe called me up saying you looked down and had got hurt, I was straight here" He said hugging me and kissing my hair.
"Thanks Tom, its so hard to tell people as they normally judge me..." Just then Nick throws open the curtain and walks in.
"Sam" Nick says.
"Nick" I say with a tiny bit or sarcasm and turning around so im sat on Tom.
"Charlie told me you got injured while with the paramedics, so I came to see if you where alright" Nick says looking at me with the same old Talk-to-me-Sam look he used to use on me all the time.
"I am fine now if you two would excuse me. I'm going to meet a Friend" I say, I turn and kiss Tom goodbye and as I walk past Nick I bump into him on purpose
