Chapter 28: Adrenaline
Logan and I don't have much to say after Eleanor leaves. We silently finish the crackers and gather our things. The forest seems too quiet today. The animals have escaped to their dens to avoid the arrival of the representatives. I don't hear any birds or the rustle of a squirrel. It's rather depressing. The lively forest noises help me to remember that life is continuing on despite these Games.
I move slowly beside Logan. We continue in the same direction, but the urgency has passed. We know we're close enough that we won't miss the food drop. All we have to do is find the exact location of the Cornucopia and make a plan. I don't want to discuss anything that might happen tomorrow. After the encounter with Eleanor, it's apparent that any moment might be our last. We aren't likely to find a safe place in the area since most of the representatives are here. I try not to think about losing Logan, but I walk closer to him than usual. He doesn't seem to notice. I can tell by the knot in his eyebrows that he's pondering something important.
We walk for only a half hour before I spot the cornucopia through the trees. As soon as I point it out, we turn and head away. The closer we are, the more danger there will be. The sun is getting low in the sky, and we need to find a place to rest. Logan suggests that I sleep in a tree while he hides in the undergrowth. It's clear that we can't risk the tent tonight. I insist that I will sleep on the ground, too. It'll be easier for us to protect each other. Surprisingly, Logan doesn't argue. Before the sun goes down, the gun has fired six times. It's a depressingly large number of dead people, but I know tomorrow there will be more.
Logan finds a good place for us to rest, and we prepare ourselves for the long night. Thaddeus announces the names for the day, one of them being the girl from North Carolina. I gasp when I hear her name. Immediately I recall the pretty girl's features in the blood covered woman that died beside us today. I didn't recognize her without all the makeup and carefully placed hair. She remembered me, though. Maybe I haven't changed as much on the outside as I have on the inside. I hope that's true.
Logan puts careful marks beside the dead representatives on his list. He hands me the marker and I silently mark the names. Once we're done, I know there's nothing left but to discuss what tomorrow might bring.
"Listen, Corenn," Logan begins. "I know you don't want to hear this, but we might not make it out of this thing tomorrow."
I sigh, but I don't argue. He's right. This will be the most dangerous encounter since the bloodbath on the first day. It's a miracle that we both made it out of that. Tomorrow, we will face Miller. The thought alone terrifies me. I don't know how we can possibly get out of this unscathed. It's only a matter of time anyway. We can't survive forever.
"I think we should hide our supplies in the morning," Logan says. "We should take one empty backpack with us and our weapons. If we die, then no one will get much from us. I'm not going to help Miller win if there's anything I can do about it."
I nod. That's a good plan. I'll do anything I can to keep Miller from winning. Logan relaxes beside me. I guess he's done planning. I'm certainly not. There's plenty more to think about than what will happen to our tent when we're dead.
"What are we going to do when the food drops?" I ask.
Logan looks at me with raised eyebrows. "We're going to run out there and get it," he says simply.
"That's it?" I say. "That's the plan?"
Logan shrugs. "What do you suggest, then?"
I take a long breath. "I think we should try to eliminate as many other people as we can," I say.
Logan's eyes lock with mine. He knows I'm serious. I watch as his expression changes from shock to nervousness.
"I don't think I can do that," he says.
I rest my head in my hands. "I don't think we have a choice."
Logan looks away. I wonder if he sees me in a different light now. It doesn't really matter. I won't take it back.
I pick dirt out from under my fingernails, trying to keep my mind from reeling while Logan thinks on what I've said. I open my mouth a few times, trying to form the words that will prove killing people is the right thing to do...except there aren't any words. Everyone we've killed so far has been trying to kill us. What I've proposed is premeditated murder. There will be kind, defenseless, starving people at the cornucopia. There may be people like Eleanor, who are trying to help others. I hate myself, but I know what I will do if one of them crosses my path.
I grip the mace, and I can feel its weight even while it rests on the ground. I feel like a monster, but I know that any deaths I cause will be sparing the victim a few more days of torment. Most of them will die anyway.
I will die anyway.
But maybe Logan won't.
I look at him. His chin rests on his knees, and he has one hand pressed firmly to each ear. His eyes are tightly closed. It's clear that he's experiencing a deep internal conflict. I wish I could say the same. I can bear this guilt, and I will.
I put a cautious hand on Logan's elbow, and he slowly softens his expression. He opens his eyes and looks at me for a long moment.
"You're right," he says.
"I'm sorry," I reply.
I'm not sorry for being right, but I am sorry for the pain it caused him. I think he knows that.
I pull out my blanket and nestle against a tree trunk. I close my eyes, though I don't know why I bother. I won't sleep a wink tonight.
The gun fires and my eyes open wide. Apparently I was wrong. I must have fallen asleep as soon as I closed my eyes. Logan appears to have slept too. His eyes are squinting, looking around for danger.
When we are certain there's no immediate threat, we relax again. This time, before my eyes close, Logan takes my hand. He says nothing, and neither do I.
Logan wakes me with a slight squeeze of my shoulder. I pull my blanket back and stretch, noticing some soreness in my limbs. I have slept for a long time.
We fold our blankets and stuff them in my backpack. I remove the empty pack I folded up on the first day. I will use it to carry any food we collect. Logan hides our backpacks in a clump of bushes beside a tree. It's not the greatest hiding spot, but if we do manage to live through this, we'll need to find our supplies again. We make our way silently to the cornucopia. I hear nothing moving in the forest. When we reach the edge of the clearing, Logan motions for me to climb a tree. I firmly shake my head. There's no way I'm leaving him down here alone. He rolls his eyes and motions to himself and the tree, showing me that he plans to climb as well.
I force my sore muscles to ascend quickly and soundlessly. Logan rustles the tree too often for my liking, but he successfully positions himself on a branch below me without any significant catastrophes. We hold a silent vigil for what seems like hours. Eventually, the forest comes to life. I hear representatives approaching, but no one comes close enough for me to see. There are no screams or gun shots, so I assume Miller hasn't arrived yet. The sky begins to lighten, and Logan looks up at me. He gives me what I'm sure he intends to be a comforting smile, but his face is so thin and haggard that I want to cry. I manage to return a shaky smile, and we start our descent.
Thaddeus's voice squawks from the intercom.
"Good morning again, representatives! It's nearly time for your supply drop. I'll begin a countdown that will last for sixty seconds. I do ask that everyone refrain from violence until the countdown is complete. Good luck."
He proceeds to count backwards from sixty while Logan and I hustle down the tree. Other representatives appear in the clearing. They look nervous and scared, as if someone at any moment will break the "no violence during the countdown" rule. I'm pretty unsure myself. I don't see Miller anywhere, but I doubt a few words from Thaddeus are going to keep him from trying to kill us all. I notice many of the representatives have come alone. Their state partners are probably dead, and they weren't lucky enough to be rescued by a handsome stranger like I was. I refuse to look at them too much. I don't want to recognize anyone. I don't want to feel pity.
I know what's about to happen.
Logan and I stand side-by-side at the bottom of the tree, both reluctant to walk into the clearing. Logan shifts his weight from foot to foot. His adrenaline is already pumping. All I feel is a strong sense of calm and clarity. I stand perfectly still, my breath making puffs of steam in the cold air. The mace is warm in my hand. Logan takes the other and grips it tightly. The countdown nears its close.
We step into the clearing together.
There are at least 20 representatives here to fight for supplies. A few of them widen their eyes when they see Logan and I presenting a united front. Some of them look at us with fear, and some with aggression. I look back at them, expressionless. Everyone is armed, of course, or they wouldn't have lived this long. I spot a few swords and a few large axes. I even see one girl holding a mace. We all keep our weapons at the ready, as if they are the only thing left for us to rely on in this God forsaken place. The situation is so different from that first day of weapons training, where we all hesitantly held the weapons with fear. Now everyone looks comfortable with their chosen equipment.
I know it isn't the weapons that changed.
It's us.
As Thaddeus nears the end of the countdown, Logan releases my hand. He pulls an arrow from his quiver and readies himself. I ball my empty hand into a fist and spread my feet apart. I wear the empty backpack on my shoulders, so I know there is an unspoken agreement that I will be the one collecting food.
As soon as Thaddeus says "one" I hear the mechanical grating of the launchpads. Slowly, the transparent walls of the launch capsules appear. As they rise further, I can see supplies loaded into each of the twenty capsules around the cornucopia. The clear plastic walls start to lower, and my mouth waters. I see bread. Bread! And quite a few cans of tuna, sardines, and fruit. I take an involuntary step forward. The other representatives look about as composed as I feel. The capsules disappear into the ground and the food spills out onto the dirt. I don't look back at Logan.
I run.
The other representatives snap into action as well. Everyone parades toward the food, disregarding everything else. I notice that some of the launchpads contain weapons. One pad is filled with camping supplies. No one cares about those things. It's clear Thaddeus was telling the truth. There's not enough food for everyone.
I reach the launchpad with the bread and start loading the backpack. I shove things in carelessly, pausing only long enough to make sure the item is edible. All I hear is the shuffling of others doing the same thing. When my pack is nearly full, I hear the first clanging of swords. The fighting has begun. I hastily grab more food. For the moment I seem to be largely ignored, and that suits me fine. I feel Logan's eyes on my back, guarding me while I cram every morsel of food around me in the backpack.
Then the screaming begins.
A girl is stabbed, but not killed. She writhes on the ground in pain. Two guys disarm each other, and they wrestle amidst a pile of supplies. A man about my age is trying to pull a plastic bottle from the hands of a tiny woman.
"Eleanor!" I shout, hoping Logan will intervene on her behalf.
I sling the backpack onto my shoulders. I run toward Eleanor, but my shout has brought some unwanted attention. A large man with an axe steps into my path. He abruptly starts swinging and I start dodging. The axe is so heavy and slow that I have plenty of time to steady myself between attacks. I duck under a swing intended for my head and plant my mace in the man's kneecap. He howls while I wrench it free. He falls to one knee and I swing as hard as I can, crushing the mace into his head. I refuse to think or feel as he crumples onto the dirt. I pull the mace from his body and continue toward Eleanor. But she's gone.
I look around wildly but can't spot her. I see the man who was trying to take her supplies. He lies on the ground, motionless, with an arrow through his head. I turn to find Logan, and see him engaged in close combat. He has been forced to pull his knife, but is holding his ground against a woman with a small sword. I run to him. I take the woman down with one heavy blow, then glance in every direction, ready for the next opponent. Logan and I stand back to back, prepared for whatever comes.
Or so we think.
Miller and his two burly alliance members barrel into the clearing. One of the men pulls off a large backpack and heads for the food. The other two head for the nearest representatives. I watch Miller make short work of a woman despite her competence with a spear. He keeps moving, easily taking down a man who is busy stuffing his backpack. I feel Logan behind me, readying his bow. Before he manages it, Miller's eyes land on us. He changes course, heading purposefully in our direction. I consider throwing my mace at him, but I know I won't be able to retrieve it with all the commotion going on. I can't give up my mace.
"We should run," I tell Logan. I'm surprised that my voice carries no hint of panic.
"I can take him down," Logan says, nocking another arrow.
I turn to Logan, prepared to carry him away if I have to, and I see one of Miller's teammates running straight for us. There's no time to react. I brace myself for the blow. The man plows into us, pushing himself, Logan, and me to the ground. I take the brunt of the impact. My shoulder throbs, my arm is scraped, and I feel a return of the familiar pain in my sides. Logan pushes the man aside. Miller is almost upon us. Logan wrestles with the man while I try to get back on my feet. As soon as I manage to stand up, I kick Logan's opponent in the ribs as hard as I can. To my surprise, the man yelps in pain and Logan is able to pull away. I grab Logan's arm, but he doesn't need me to urge him on.
We run, and we don't look back.
