A/N: Ah, nice to actually get back to doing this after...erm... a year... Between a broken computer and a generally hectic year, I haven't been able to do much on FF dot com or most websites in general. Hopefully, I will have more spare time during summer, when I'm not working, that is...

I thought I'd mention that this chapter here contains a pairing that was already done. I wasn't originally intending for that, it just... sort of happened. xp However, since they're reading a story about them as highschoolers, I don't want to focus on just two characters romance, so it'll be broken up into two chapters. This is part one. I apologize, this isn't my favorite chapter IMO but I hope part two will be better. It'll focus on more than just romance (although it will be there) and will contain more important characters. Since I haven't completely decided what will happen in that chapter, I'm taking requests. So, if you have a suggestion, let me know. After this, due to a few requests, I'll being having the gang temporarily leave the Zatch Bell section to read a certain, goffik Harry Potter tale. You know what I'm talking about. -evil laughter-

Bear with me as this is, so far, the longest chapter, which is why I'll be breaking it up into two parts. If you're not one for long reads, I'm sorry, I never intended for it to be so long.


Fast Times at Mamodo High

Kiyo raised an eyebrow. "Mamodo... high?"

By Teeniebopper12345

Summary: Zatch and the gang are now in highschool!

"Oh god..."

Join as they battle teen angst, growing up, romance, and all that other great stuff you all had/have to go through.

Brago snickered manically, grinning madly, his eyes gleaming with pure demented pleasure.

"As you may notice," he began, slowly turning his chair around and clasping his hands out in front of himself. "Being much older than Zatch and friends, by the time he hits his teen years, I will be long out of highschool. In other words, there is no way this joke of an author can bastardize my name."

Brago gave a sigh of relief, momentarily leaning back in is chair with his hands behind his back. He contemplated this revenge with a grin on his face. Nothing would be sweeter than making Zatch Bell and his worthless little munchkin friends suffer. Unfortunately Wonrei, who was looking completely unfazed by this, would not be effected. Ah well, can't always get what you want, just take what you've got. Besides, Brago thought while smirking, he was sure he'd be able to find some revolting boy-on-boy action containing him, with Kanchome or something. After seeing some of these peoples' creations, nothing would surprise him now.

"Well then," Brago announced, bolting back up and clapping his hands together eagerly. "Shall we read?"

The younger mamodos looked at each other in horror.

"Good! Let's get going!"

"Great game!" Emily, a grey haired mamado congratulated Tia. They smacked their lacrosse sticks together.

"Lacrosse... you have lacrosse in the Mamado World..." Kiyosaid, saying it as more of a statement than a question.

Poor little Suzy looked so very confused, being the only member of the little group with no knowledge of the Mamado World.

"What... what is this 'Mamodo World' you all keep talking about?"

"I already told you, it's just a fantasy place mentioned in these fanfics a lot, that is all," replied Kiyo calmly as if he was talking to an ignorant child.

"But-"

"Just. A. Fantasy."

"Thanks," replied Tia, brushing her hip-length pink hair out of her eyes. "I better get out of my gym clothes quickly though, Zatch is picking me up in his Mercedes Benz."

"Mercedes Benz... there are Mercedes Benzs in the Mamado World..."

Meanwhile, Zatch was emitting a series of small gagging and choking sounds, scrambling up and sticking his finger down his throat dramatically.

"Eeuuww!" he exclaimed, giggling slightly at his performance "Why are we always boyfriend and girlfriend in these stories? That's gross, right Tia?"

Tia remained silent, turning away and blushing slightly as Zatch hacked on for a good minute.

Emily giggled cutely. "O.M.G., hot! You are so, like, lucky to be dating the King of the Mamodo World, you know that right? O.M.G., so haawwwt!"

"Valley girls... there are Valley girls in the Mam-"

"SHUT UP KIYO!"

Tia giggled back. "Oh my gaaaaawd, I KNOW! I soooooo can't believe he picked me. I thought for sure he was going to go for that bitch Penny. Ugh, you know how persuasive she is."

"And by persuasive you mean dropping her pants to whatever guy walks by," Emily replied, snickering.

Zatch was truly blessed that Penny had not attended this unusual meeting.

The girls laughed.

"Oh, oh!" Tia added, raising her hand. "Did you know that last I heard she was dating Kanchome?"

The girls were near tears of laughter at this point.

"That be-otch is desperate I tell you," Emily squealed, holding her sides. "DES-PAH-RATE!-"

Kanchome appeared offended by that statement. "What? Aren't I good enough?"

Tia eyed him awkwardly. "What? Please tell me you honestly didn't think you were the cream of the crop."

This earned some muffled chuckling from some of the group. Folgore, who Kanchome ran over to, bawling, was however prepared to fill the boy's head with nothing but complements.

"Oh no Kanchome, no no," he soothed, rubbing the blubbering little boy's back. "She'a lie, she'a lie! You'a gonna be a very sexy young man. Yes, yes, very, very sexy! Oh yes, all the lovely ladies with'a the big'a chests will be pressing themselves against you once they'a catch a glimse of your rippling muscles, just'a you'a wait!"

Tia made a retching noise, but otherwise remained silence.

"But I heard she won't even kiss him," Emily added.

"O.M.G., can you blame her?" Tia said. "And we're talking about the girl who had a good five-minute make-out session with Ponygon. L.O.L.!"

Ponygon wasn't sure whether to feel proud or slightly creeped-out by that statement. He settled on both.

"O.M.G, L.O.L!" said Emily, giggling cutely.

"Some really stimulating conversation going on here, huh?" muttered Kiyo, rubbing his temple with his knuckles.

"Aren't they always?" Megumi replied, eyeing him tiredly.

"Eh, true enough."

Tia stared at the wall in disgust at her portrayal, but still said nothing nor did anything. As I'm sure you have noted by this point, dramatic fits of hysteria did not make the story go away, so Tia decided that brutally murdering the group wouldn't have much of an effect either.

The girls giggled for a good two minutes.

"Okay, well I've got to go," said Tia, turning towards the locker rooms. "I've got to get ready quickly for my hot date."

"Okay, see ya!" Emily waved her off and turned away, swishing her hair back as she did so.

Tia sighed as she entered the locker room, happy to be able to take off her sweaty clothes. She sighed again as she slipped off her shirt, it felt soooooo good. She had grown into quite the beautiful young woman, with long, flowing pink hair and curves in all the right places. She had even been offered a modelling contract, but she turned it down due to school. She didn't mind though, sports were her true love and she refused to turn into some bimbo sex symbol. She hummed as she took off her pants, reveling her smooth, toned legs.

Folgore fidgeted, shifting his eyes and crossing his legs.

"Um... is'a it'a bad if'a one was'a to find'a this'a somewhat... erotic?"

Megumi turned to him slowly, her motherly instincts flashing evilly in her eyes.

"You are thinking about a child who is six at the moment. What do YOU think?"

Folgore fidgeted some more, blushing.

"Yeah... uh... that's'a... that's'a what I though. Excuse'a me a moment..."

He slowly got up, peering sheepishly around at the eyes that bared down on him. Suddenly and without warning, he made a mad rush for the door, stumbling over himself in the process, and all the while trying to discreetly cover the front of his pants.

Something wasn't right though, something was... off. Tia squirmed anxiously, feeling more uncomfortable every second. Her eyes darted about the room, searching. Despite the fact that the locker room was quiet and empty, she couldn't shake the feeling that she was being watched. She looked around some more, her anxiety stronger than ever before.

...Suddenly, she looked towards a small piece of wood leaning innocently against the wall. She was sure that board wasn't there before. Who could of put it there, and what was it for anyway?...

Useless object suddenly appearing in female locker rooms...

"Crap, it can't be..." she hissed, examining the board. Most boards don't have a duck bill...

"You are such a pervert!" suddenly shrieked Tia, kicking over the the board and proceeding to beat the crap out of it.

Kanchome cried out, returning to his normal form and crumpling himself up against the wall.

Kiyo let out a long, deep breath. Folding his hands together and resting them against his mouth, he turned to Kanchome

"You know, Kanchome," he said. "Usually this is the point where we all turn and give you a suspicious look, but by this point, I think it's been pretty much confirmed that we're all sick perverts and are headed for hell."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," the boy cried out, trying to dodge Tia's killer blows with little success.

"Why. Are. You. Here." Tia gasped between blows. Kanchome was sobbing uncontrollably. Despite being nearly seventeen, Kanchome had matured very little, both emotionally and physically.

"I... don't even care anymore," sighed Kanchome, slumping against a chair and pulling a lollipop out of his pocket. Through all the pain and butchering his character suffered , Kanchome finally found strength. "As long as I have my candy, I'm good. I'm good."

"Stop, stop please!" he begged, the tips of his duck bill brimming with blood. Tia continued though, each punch harder than the first. Her fist was dripping with his blood.

"Daaayyyuum! This bitch is mothafuckin' CRRRAAAZEEEH!"

An outburst that came from Zatch of all people. Kiyo turned his head slowly towards the boy, his mouth a gape.

"I-wha-I-um... I-I... have no words for that Zatch. That... that was likely the most random and out of place comment that has been made these past couple of hours. I-I don't even know where that came from... No more Chris Tucker films..."

333

Another cutaway with Cutelilteen, because I'm sure you weren't getting tired of those at all...

Cutelilteen sits at her desk clacking away at the keyboard. Suddenly, she pauses, as if any previous ideas she had just disappeared into thin air. Writers block.

"Oh no..." she hisses. She begins to sweat, swearing she can hear the screams of fangirls and fanboys just outside her heavily-armed office. Her breathing is rapid, she's left them waiting for almost a year for this chapter, she can't stop now, her life may depend on it. Her life DOES depend on it. She clings Muttsy's paw, she must continue, the story... must... go... on...

"I've got it!" she exclaims suddenly, throwing her hands up into the air and letting poor Muttsy plummet to the ground. As if an angel from Heaven came down before her, she found her answer, clear as day. The clacking of the keyboard resumes.

"And so," she says aloud in a slow and monotone voice. "Zatch says in response to the teenaged Tia's madness, 'Damn, this bitch is motherfucking crazy' in a way that only Chris Tucker would speak. Yes, brilliant!"

She giggles gleefully, clapping her hands together and bouncing up and down in her chair. An employee, however, doesn't seem quite as impressed or amused.

"Umm... M-Ms Cutelilteen, my humblest apologies, but... that makes absolutely no sense. Why, I'm thinking that might even be a filler so you can get this over with quic-"

"SHUT UP! This is MAH story!"

"Yes, yes, of course, I'm aware of that m'am... I just think that maybe you should-"

"I'm a potato."

"...W-what?"

"I couldn't think of anyway to respond to that, so I just added some of that 'filler' you spoke of earlier to get it over with. Squee, I'm so clever! :3"

"See, this is exactly what I'm talking about! If I may speak freely, that was in no way clever and, quite honestly, more of a show of immaturity. And that smiley face you added at the end was quite unnes-"

"I was once a treehouse, I lived in a cake. But I never saw the way, the orange slayed the rake. I was only three years dead, but it told a tale. And now listen little child to the safety rail. Did you ever see a llama kiss a llama on the llama..."

"...Perhaps it would be best if we just continued on with the fanfiction."

"That's what I like to hear."

333

The beating continued on for another few minutes. Tia's breathing was becoming more rapid, her fist beginning to bruise from the constant force being applied to it. Her arm was becoming tired and limp.

"You... bastard..." she gasped, throwing on final blow before collapsing to the ground, exhausted.

"Oh, I'm sooooo sorry that beating the crap out of me took such a toll on you," muttered Kanchome sarcastically, flashing Tia the stink eye.

By the time Tia was finished with him, Kanchome had two black eyes, a swollen check, a loose tooth and a bloody nose and mouth. Being a mamodo, however, these injuries were nothing a bit of rest couldn't take care of. He too breathed heavily, laying beside Tia. For several moments, neither of the teenagers said anything, too shocked about what just happened between them.

"You know," Dr. Riddles said awkwardly. "Not to sound like a complete pervert or anything, but this could be easily taken out of context. Had I only started reading from that paragraph, I would think I would have just read a love scene between... er... you know."

The poor Doctor had no idea his comment was about to become quite close to the truth in just a few sentences.

Tia was the first to finally speak.

"Why?" she simply asked, turning towards the bleeding boy. "Why would you do that? Why would you do anything so perverted?"

Kanchome turned towards Tia, his swollen eyes brimming with tears.

"Because," he sighed, shaking slightly. "You're so... beautiful."

Tia's eyes widened at this confession.

"What?" she gasped.

"I think you're beautiful," Kanchome said, more confident than before. "I know what I did was wrong, and I'm so, so sorry! I just... I just don't know what to do anymore!" he began to sob. "My relationship with Penny is falling apart, if it was together in the first place, that is. She only uses me as an accessory, so she can say she has a boyfriend. She doesn't care for me, but I'm still so afraid to break up with her because... you know how she is. Now I'm resorting to looking at girls I can't have because... that's all I can do... You probably have no idea how I'm feeling."

Much too his shock, however, he realized that Tia was crying.

"No, I know exactly how you feel," she sobbed. "Zatch doesn't care about me, he too only uses me so he can say he has a girlfriend. He's too busy being king to pay any attention to me. Why, I haven't even spoken to him in two weeks. I've tried to call and visit, but he's always too busy. I even lied to my friend today about him picking me up for a date so I wouldn't sound pathetic," Tia gasped, the tears still flowing. "He used to be so passionate, but now I'm at the very bottom of his priorities. He probably just forgot to break up with me... Kanchome, I'm so sorry I beat you like that, I've just had so much pent up anger that seeing you here, watching me, just caused me to lose it finally."

Kanchome reached for her hand, pulling it close.

"I know, I'm sorry too. I was really the one in the wrong. But Tia, you should know that there are people who care for you, why there's one right here."

Tia smiled. "I know."

The two teenagers made a mad scramble for each other, their lips crashing together-

"No!" shrieked Tia, grasping her hair and backing into the wall. "No, it's not fair! We already read this type of story! I-It isn't right! I don't want this! I don't need this! I-I have a right! I-I have a right to decide what happens to me! She's me! ME! I have a say in what happens to me, no you, not anybody, and especially not YOU!" she jabbed her quivering finger at Brago. "NOT YOU! NOT ANYBODY!"

She collapsed to the floor, crunching herself up in a fetal position and whimpering. Every part of the young girl's body was quivering. Chunks of torn-out pink hair slipped from her tense fingers. Her breaths were quick and raspy, as if she had nearly drowned and was desperately trying to breathe into lungs full of water.

"Enough!" Megumi exclaimed angrily, running to the shaking girl's aid and gathering her up in her arms. "Please, Brago," she spoke in a gentler tone this time, almost pleading. "She already had to suffer through one of these earlier on."

"But Megumi, you were the one who read it in the first place..."

"Shut up Zatch, don't ruin this moment!. Anyway, don't you think she had enough of this?" Megumi stared into his eyes, her own eyes brimming with emotion. "Please, Brago, give her a break."

For a split moment, but just a split moment, Brago actually seemed to be considering it. He looked upon the young girl and his eyes widened. The traumatized child clung to her reader in pure fear and desperation, a scene that reminded him of himself so many years ago. He, once a scared, unsure child who relied so heavily on his mother, was sure he was now looking into a mirror from the past. Tears willed up in his eyes and some may say that in that brief millisecond, his heart grew two sizes...

However, he quickly remembered where he was and who he was with.

"You know, I was going to, but then I remembered that I hate you all. Screw you."

So Brago continued reading the grotesque Kanchome/Tia action, a scene that, despite being relatively tame compared to previous fics, was more scarring and revolting than all of the romantic fanfictions before it. In fact, it's so disgusting that I'm sparing you the mental scars by not writing it out. Don't say I never did anything for you.

By the time it was over, Kido was safely hidden in the Doctor's hat and Ponygon had his face buried in Sunbeam's lap, bawling uncontrollably. Wonrei and Li-en clung to each other, too horrified for words. Tia had long since passed out due to shock and disgust. Zeno, evil, sadistic Zeno, was even disturbed as his saucer-sized eyes told. Even Suzy, lover of all things romantic, was left speechless, her mouth moving up and down like a fish but with no words coming out. The only one who looked reasonably unfazed was Kanchome himself, who looked about the room in confusion. Unfortunately, Folgore had not returned from his, ehem, "bathroom break", and had not experienced Kanchome's (fictitious but still incredible) accomplishment.

"Oh my God, oh God," Kiyo moaned, holding his stomach and kneeling over. "That..."

Kiyo was unable to finish his sentence, jumping up and desperately looking for something to empty out the contents of his stomach into. He had to settle for Suzy's basket of oranges, much to her dismay.

"God, shut UP!" Kiyo groaned in reply to the girl's shrill squeals, throwing his head back and placing his hands over his eyes. "If I didn't like you before, what makes you think listening to that is going to change anything?"

Even Brago, despite being the reader and have consented to go through with such a... abomination to all things romantic, was shuddering in disgust.

"Well that was..." he paused, swallowing back some stomach acid and putting on a brave face. If he had to suffer a little to make these childish weaklings suffer a lot, then so be it. "Oh look, another paragraph just describing them making out. Let's take a look, shall we?"

I'm leaving that out too. God, am I ever a saint.

...Suddenly there was a knock on the door.

"What's that noise?" yelled a nasally, nerdy voice from outside. "There better not be any hanky-panky going on in there!"

"Oh no!" gasped Tia. "It's the professor! Quick, we can't let him see our love, we must hide!"

It was too late though, the old wooden door was easily broken down. There he stood, Professor Brago, glasses, plaid suit, inhaler and all. Ever since losing the Mamodo battle, Brago really let himself go...

Brago trailed off, paling. He was sure for a moment his heart stopped. He couldn't speak, only strange wheezes came out every time he opened his mouth. So there he sat in silence for a good minute, just staring at the screen. The story, one that he was sure would cause much stress and horror to Zatch and friends, had turned on him.

"Oh, uh..." he finally stuttered, fidgeting anxiously in his chair. "Perhaps this would be a good time to stop. I-I got my laughs, I see no reason to cause you all anymore pain..."

The group smiled to each other. Even Sherry couldn't help but crack a small grin, slightly satisfied with seeing her Mamodo's arrogance suddenly drain.

"Brago," said Sherry calmly, folding her hands together. "You agreed to do this, so now you have to go along with your promise."

"But-but Sherry, you saw what they-"

"Uh uh uh, no buts! You picked this story, so you're going to read it. If it didn't work out the way you thought it would, well, you have no one to blame but yourself."

Brago could hardly believe what was happening. His own reader had forsaken him in his time of need. For a moment his blood ran cold, and he truly felt afraid.

"Sherry..." he whispered in desperation, hoping nobody noticed his suddenly pathetic tone. She simply shook her head, refusing to help him this time. It didn't take Brago very long, however, to resume to his usual self. He glared at his reader, and at the group who now waited eagerly. "Fine!" he angrily exclaimed, swiftly turning back towards the computer. "I shall... read the rest of this story... but don't expect me take any joy in it though..."

"Trust me Brago," chuckled Wonrei. "We're hoping for the exact opposite."

Brago had gained 200 pounds, and the only style of clothes that fit was in plaid. Even that was just barely fitting, as there was already a popped button right in the middle of the suit, leaving an ugly gap. The rest of the buttons held on for dear life, although things were not looking good for them either. Due to becoming so morbidly obese, Brago had trouble breathing and frequently used an inhaler.

"Why do people hate me so much...?"

Also, he lost most of his powers from frequent illegal drug use after the Mamodo battle. He became so weak that he was basically useless to the Mamodo world now. However, he did manage to turn his life around by educating himself, working harder than anyone could have believed. He knew he was no longer a fighter, but he was determined to help his world one way or another. Finally, his studying paid off and he became one of the greatest professors Mamodo High could have. However, that didn't mean he was exactly popular with the students. Brago seemed to have forgotten what it was like to be a teenager and, after several years of isolation with his studies, he had become rather socially awkward.

"I knew it!" he snorted, mucus pouring out of his nose. "I knew there were naughty things going on in here. You... you sick, sick kids. What in the gosh darn heavens is wrong with the lot of you? Naughty, naughty tv and internet and all that is effecting you so negatively. Yucky, yucky things are happening up there in your mind and you think you should just follow those dirty thoughts? Gosh no! Go outside and play some tag... duck duck goose... baseball. You're all so young and beautiful, enjoy your youth... because I never did."

"Wow, this isn't even all that funny," sigh Megumi, resting her face in her hand. "This is just sad... pathetic," she looked towards Brago, who was silently praying for the sweet mercy that was death. "I almost feel sorry for him."

"You're just jealous you haven't had any in awhile!" stated Tia, standing up and glaring up at him.

"Well that was a mood killer..."

Well, never was actually closer to the truth for Brago.

Brago cried out, crashing his head against the keyboard and letting his arms fall loosely to his side.

"Please," Brago begged, cringing in disgust at what he had to resort to. "No more... I was...w-w-wrong," he choked as if he was saying the most foul word in the English language. "Just... no more... don't make me read anymore... please..."

The group smiled at one another once again, then turned towards Sherry who gave an approving nod.

"I think he's learned his lesson, I don't see any reason for him to suffer anymore."

"Besides," added Kiyo, gently moving Brago out of the chair and taking his place. "That was kind of creepy, and not just the Tia/Kanchome stuff. Just thinking about Brago looking and acting like that... ugh," he shuddered, trying to erase the mental image from his mind. "However, a story about Mamodos in highschool... kind of interests me. I actually wouldn't mind reading a little more," the children turned to him suddenly, horrified by his confession. "Granted, the structure isn't all that great and it went off with a bad start, but the story itself could be actually really interesting. The plot, I mean, could turn out to be really fabulous if we just give it a chance. If I run into any creepy romance scenes, I promise I'll skip them."

Tia let out a sigh of relief, nodding.

"I don't understand," commented Megumi, raising her eyebrow in confusion. "You hate being on this site. You even hate reading. Why on earth would you continue with it?"

"Because," sighed Kiyo, closing his eyes and leaning his head back. "I need to be sure there is at least one good fanfiction among these thousands of bad ones. And if it's like looking for a needle in a haystack, then so be it."