A/N Hello, everyone, sorry about the delay.
Thanks to all Reviewers!
Dedication: to livin and breathin, I hope your car was successfully repaired.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. :D
You saw Andromeda today.
Unfortunately.
It's not that you don't adore her, and usually you would have been thrilled to see her, but after being greeted by a newspaper spread about your family and a swarm of paparazzi the last thing you really wanted was to see your cousin.
You hate when she stares at you with those gray eyes of hers and you know, just know that she can tell exactly what you're thinking.
You really hate that.
It's even worse when she doesn't say anything, just keeps shooting you measured glances when she thinks you're not looking, because then you have to wait, and wait, and wait for her to decide to say something.
She's even worse than James' mum, because unlike Dorea Potter, Andromeda was a Black of your generation which means that she had been there all the times your parents had scolded you, hexed you, told you to act more like Regulus.
You really hate that.
You're Sirius, not Regulus.
You wish they could see that. That's another part of being a Black the constant, constant competition; sibling against sibling, cousin against cousin; in a non-stop battle to see who will come out on top.
You can't believe you actually thought that was normal at one point, until you got to Hogwarts and met all these other people; none of whom seemed to have internal power struggles in their families excepting the occasional argument over who would take out the trash.
Andromeda knows what that's like, knows about being a Black. She sees through your mask, sees past your slacker image, she knows that you care about your grades, that you care that your family doesn't like you. You really wish she didn't.
Of course you know her too, you know how it secretly hurt her when her parents not only refused to go to her wedding, but also disowned her.
You know how it hurt even more when her sisters didn't come either, because more so even than parents, people have an expectation of their siblings as allies.
You went to her wedding though, to stand in for the rest of the family. Of course when your mother found out about that she locked you in your room for a week. It was worth it, you think, to see Andy smile.
You know how it hurts her when her birthday comes and not a single card arrives from her family (excluding you of course).
You know all of these things. Just like she knows all about your own anxieties and feelings. You know that she probably wishes that you didn't know how she feels. You feel the same way.
Another Black family trait you both share: you hate, hate, hate it when people know your thoughts, when they can pin down your insecurities.
You can't escape being a Black.
But that doesn't mean that you have to be a Black.
You can share their personality traits, and their precious, precious pure blood but that doesn't mean you have to share their beliefs.
Which is better than nothing you suppose.
You're currently holed up in your room with the shade drawn tightly across the windows, and the door shut, you didn't bother to lock it because you knew that it wouldn't stop James or Remus from barging in once they eventually decide they've left you alone with your thoughts for too long.
Which should be occurring soon.
In about five…four…three…two…
"They're here!" Remus declares bursting into the room right on cue.
"Er, what?" You ask, staring at him. He is holding three thick envelopes in his right hand and waving them around.
"Must you sit in the dark all the time, Pads?" James demands lighting up the room as he speaks.
"Well, you did mention something about becoming vampires; I simply wanted to accommodate you." You reply blithely.
James shoots you a dark look. He does not have the chance to venture a comment though because Remus decides to answer your question.
"Our O.W.L. results!" Remus exclaims, shoving an envelope into your hands, and thrusting another towards James.
You glance down at the results that you had hoped would get your parents to consider you worth something; they seem so meaningless now.
You slit open the thick envelope, and to add insult to injury it gives you a paper cut.
Ordinary Wizard Level Results
Pass Grades
Outstanding (O)
Exceeds Expectations (E)
Acceptable (A)
Fail Grades
Poor (P)
Dreadful (D)
Troll (T)
Sirius Orion Black has achieved:
Arithmancy: O
Ancient Runes: O
Astronomy: O
Care of Magical Creatures: O
Charms: O
Defense Against the Dark Arts: O
Herbology: O
History of Magic: O
Muggle Studies: O
Potions: O
Transfiguration: O
You crumple your hands tightly around the letter; you managed straight Outstandings not that it really matters, not that your parents will really care. You worked hard for those results, though you tried to act like a slacker, you studied at least three hours a day from March onward.
No one knows that though, because you wake up far earlier than your friends and did most of your studying before they were awake.
You glance at Remus and James now distantly interested in how they were done. You're sure they both managed to achieve all their OWL's most likely with a majority of Outstandings.
"How did you guys do?" Remus asks. "I got all O's except an E in Potions."
"I did alright." You reply evasively.
"I got OWL's in every class, all O's except an E in Astronomy, and an E in History of Magic, but I loathe that class anyway." James answers with a shrug.
"It's not like OWL's matter anyway." You point out. "What do they really do for us in the end?"
"What's wrong, Padfoot?" James asks.
You don't answer, mostly because there is not enough time in the world to answer that question, and because you aren't really sure how to reply.
"Never mind, what classes are you guys planning to take next year?" You ask skillfully navigating your friends on to a new topic.
"I was planning to drop History of Magic for sure I can't stand that subject." James exclaimed. "Besides with the way Binns teaches it, is there even a History of Magic class beyond fifth year?"
"I do believe there is actually, Binns only requires an Acceptable to continue on, and since it doesn't take much more than making up random Goblin names to achieve that, it is generally the class that those students who did not succeed on many other subjects end up taking." Remus replied.
"I'm still getting rid of it, how about you, Padfoot?"
"Oh, er, yeah definitely." You say having blanked out on the majority of their exchange.
James gives you a strange look but continues talking anyway. "I'll keep Transfiguration for sure, Minnie would be absolutely devastated without me there to brighten her day."
"I'm sure." Remus replies sarcastically rolling his eyes at James.
You find yourself slipping into the easy flow of their banter, momentarily forgetting your problems and more melancholy reflections.
"Please, James, we both know it's me that Minnie would be bereft without." You reply with a scoff.
James and Remus exchange a somewhat surprised and clearly pleased look when you join in the conversation. It makes you feel bad for worrying them so much.
You resolve to make more of an effort at conversation or at least exiting your room more if they're rendered shocked when you speak more than a sentence.
"Minnie is rather fond of you," James admits.
"Like all women." You reply flippantly.
Remus rolls his eyes at you and you find yourself vaguely comforted by the gesture, it feels so familiar and it's the first time in a while that your friends have acted somewhat normal towards you.
"We actually had another reason for coming up here, believe it or not." James informs you.
"What?" You ask warily.
"We were thinking it might be fun to go into Diagon Alley, we could get our books, look at the New Brooms, get some ice cream…" He sends you a side-wards glance as he says this.
Your face freezes abruptly. "Uh," You look at them both and gesture vaguely in the direction of the window.
They seem to catch your meaning immediately, because James hastens to reassure you: "I was thinking you could use my invisibility cloak, or else we could always disguise you."
You ponder this for a few moments in silence, you aren't really interested in leaving James' house, paranoid as you are about running into reporters, or even worse a member of your family, but as you look at your friends' worried expressions you can't help but reluctantly acquiesce.
You only hope that you won't regret this.
A/N Review!
Update next Sunday.
I apologize for the delay, this is a really busy week for my family, my sister had move-in day at her college today, my other sister had volleyball try-outs, and my grandpa is having surgery today so needless to say my family and I have been quite busy trying to get a lot of stuff done. This update for example is being written in the hospital waiting room. On the positive side for those who read multiple stories of mine there should be much updating today as I have nothing to do except wait until around six-thirty pm.
