Chapter 27: Bella's experiment

BPOV

I meant everything I had said to Jasper. I would do anything to keep him in my life. These last few weeks had been so miserable I had learned I couldn't live without him. So if that meant I had to sacrifice a little of my blood, I could do that.

It was obvious that Jasper had a hard time controlling himself around me, so I went home shortly after I told him he could have my blood. I guess he thought I was just kidding, but yet again I was determined to make this work. At home I designed a game plan to get my blood to Jasper without getting me killed in the process. I couldn't just let him bite me, not right away anyway. The bloodlust would take over and I would probably end up dead. So I needed him to get used to my blood without losing control, hence I needed to get my blood to him in a vile or something. That meant needles, syringes and containers. After some internet research I decided to go to a blood drive organised by the local hospital and steal everything I needed. I knew that was beyond bad, but I simply couldn't care anymore. Anything for Jess…

In the end, it was easier than I expected. The blood drive wasn't in the hospital itself but in the gymnasium of my high school. If that wasn't some divine intervention, I don't know what is. During lunch hour, I snuck into the utility room where they had stocked all the supplies and found exactly what I needed. I took a couple of syringes and needles, not enough to raise suspicion and most importantly I stole a lot of test tubes filled with anti-coagulants so I could preserve the blood long enough to get it to Jasper. I placed it all in my backpack and nobody ever noticed.

Back at home, the hardest part came, sticking the needle in my arm. I already fainted at the sight or smell of someone else's blood, there's no knowing what I would do when I was trying to draw my own blood. It would be typical Bella style that I should pass out with a needle in my arm to be found by Edward. I just had to suck it up and be strong for Jasper.

Jasper.

Every time I thought about him, my insides turned to goo. I had succesfully banned him out of my mind when Edward was around, but when I was on my own the tears came. I felt so strongly about him I had a hard time just breathing. Sometimes I even doubted whether I had made the right decision in marry'ing Edward. But I couldn't dwell on that thought, because it made me physically sick.

I wiped away the tears that were already gathered in the corners of my eyes and returned my attention to putting a needle in my arm. I used a scarf to tie off my left arm and balled my fists a couple of times. With my right hand I started to feel for a vein in my elbow pit, just like I had researched it online. When I was sure I felt it I took the needle and syringe, pulled the cap off with my teeth and placed it on my arm. I sat on my bed, staring at the needle for at least fifteen minutes before I had gathered the courage to slide it in. It hurt, but not as much as I had anticipated, and surely as a danger magnet I've experienced a lot worse. I had to try five times, but at last I managed to find the vein. I filled a 50cc syringe and injected the blood into the test tubes. For my first time, I thought it was a grand succes, so I patched up my arm and called it a day. And for the first time in weeks I fell asleep without shedding a single tear.

Next morning I fedexed the tubes in a manilla envelope to a post box in town. I mailed the key to the box to Jasper along with a note that said to look for a surprise. Maybe I was a bit paranoid, but I didn't want Edward or any of the other Cullens finding out what I was up to. Who knows what they could smell with their vampire noses…

Going to school after that was hell. I knew it would take at least a day for the postal services to get the envelopes delivered, but I kept checking my cell for a text none the less. Luckily we only had half days of school left, it being the last week before graduation. I had one final left and I had told Edward I could study better on my own, so I had plenty of time for myself. Time in which I could gather more of my blood to send to Jasper.

Very early the next morning I was awoken by the sound of an incoming text message. My heart leapt at the thought that Jasper had found my surprise and I rushed to my phone.

You taste divine. Jess.

Ok, so he got the present. But what to think of that message? Did he want more? Was it helpful in controling his bloodlust or was it counterproductive? I decided to text him back.

Need more? Ellie.

Less than a minute later, he had already answered.

I'll drink every drop you want to give me.

Could he be more vague? Then again, he probably didn't want to spook me with his wishes. I would have to take the initiative, so I sent him another text.

I'll send you more tomorrow. When you're in control to see me in person let me know and I'll come to see you.

This time it took him a lot longer to answer and when I finally opened it, it contained only two words.

Will do.

After that I couldn't go back to sleep and I set up my little blood shop again. I extracted six 50cc syringes before I started to feel a bit lightheaded. That would have to do for now. I wanted to have something left for him to drink from me directly.

The next day I got a text that only said I'm trying and after that he fell silent a few days. I was starting to get anxious again, having trouble sleeping and eating. Edward noticed, but thought I was just nervous for graduation. To be honest, I couldn't care less about it. I was going through the motions for Edward. He told me I would only be graduating once and that I should savour every moment. It stung like a bitch to hear him declare it like that so casually. Ironically that was the only time I truly felt something real in his presence and it was what started the whole mess in the first place.

Edward and my dad were planning some sort of graduation surprise behind my back, but I didn't have the energy left to be annoyed about it. I just kept smiling for their sakes, meanwhile thinking about Jasper's efforts to regain control of himself. Somehow I thought everything would be alright if he and I could hang out again like we used to.

The evening before graduation day I finally got his message. Come see me. I sent Edward off with the excuse that he needed to go hunting so he would look his best on graduation and he believed me at once. At that point, it didn't even bother me anymore that I lied to him without blinking. I would be his for the rest of my life, so one little lie wasn't all that bad.

The door to Jasper's cabin was opened when I pulled up and a fire was already roaring in the fireplace casting a red light over the doorstep. It made me feel welcome right away. I took a deep breath before exiting my car, reigning in my emotions. I would allow him to feel everything I felt for him, but not the intensity of it. That would be my burden to bear.

"Hi," I said, stepping inside, not knowing what else to say. I wasn't scared. I could never be scared of him. I was pretty nervous though and Jasper sent some calm my way. He was sitting on his couch in front of the fireplace, looking at me curiously, not saying a word.

"Why are you looking at me like that? You know I don't like that."

He chuckled darkly and patted the couch next to him.

"I don't understand that you're not scared of me," he said as I sat down by his side and I started to say I would never be scared of him when he interrupted me.

"You should be scared of me, Ellie. I'm hanging by a thread." He sounded so sad, my eyes were starting to tear up.

"I'm sorry," I whispered and looked away. I hated seeing him in this state. In some way it was worse than when he lost Alice, because now it really was my fault he was a mess.

"Don't be sorry, darling. You were never mine to begin with."

We both didn't know what to say after that, so we stared at the fire in silence. At one point I shifted my weight a little and my hand touched his. Instead of pulling it back, I let it rest there and a couple of moments later our fingers interlaced. It was a friendly gesture, but I couldn't stop my body to react on it. A shiver ran down my spine and my heart sped up a little. Very slowly he pulled my hand towards his lips and I prepared myself for his bite. Adrenaline was pumping through my veins and my heart was beating out of my chest. Then he surprised me by softly kissing the palm of my hand and my wrist. My eyes locked with his and I saw they were starting to get darker and darker.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked me.

"I am if you are."

He nodded once and turned his attention to my wrist. I expected him to bite me, but he made a small cut with his fingernail. I barely even felt it. A single red drop appeared on my skin and Jasper licked it away swiftly sealing the cut with his venom. He smiled at me and I could feel his love for me radiate from him. He wanted to show me he was in control before he actually bit me and that made it hard for me to contain my love for him. Then he bit down on exactly the same place James had bitten me, replacing my scar with his mark.


AN: Sorry to leave it like that... I know I'm evil...