Disclaimer: I do own Kingdom Hearts. Get away with it.

Warnings: Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll (not necessarily in this order), yaoi triangles, attempts at humor, not at all educative behaviors, hormon-driven guys, underage drinking, namby-pamby stuff, a sometimes-whining-Sora, an often-mean-Riku, an occasionally-naked-Roxas and a lot of other stuff that I should and will not mention here.

Main Pairings: Sora / Riku / Roxas triangle

Author's notes: 2 chapters left, it's been a while since the last update, but I've not forgotten it.

Awesome Beta Reader: Saxocalyptica


Chapter 28: Homesick

"Are you sure you want to do it?"

Roxas wasn't sure of it, of course. Naminé was standing next to his brother, just in front of the door of their father's study. He didn't have to stretch his fantasy to imagine his father's reaction at what he had to tell him. More precisely, he didn't want to imagine it. "I'll stay calm, promised."

"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?"

Roxas shrugged. "Nah, there's no reason in being two to suffer, and any case it won't change anything for the old man." he answered quietly. "More than that, it's something I need to do on my own."

Naminé looked at his brother for a few seconds. She had never looked at him that way, Roxas was sure of that, and he felt uneasy at that. He decided that now it was as good as another time to face the devil.

"You've changed." she calmly said while he knocked at the huge door.

Roxas didn't answer and slowly walked into the huge room.

LINE

Roxas' father was sitting at his desk, like usual. The boy wondered if he ever got up from there, then again he didn't really care about it. "Did you want to see me?" he asked in a stern voice, not even bothering to look at his son.

"I need to ask you something." A slight shaking in his voice betrayed his uneasiness. There was something that Roxas had always wanted to ask his father, but he had never found the strength to do so. And he knew that if things were going to change, that was a step that had to be taken. No need to skirt around it, then.

"Why do you hate me?"

It was out. After all those years, he had finally asked the question to which he had never found an answer. "Why do you hate me?" he hissed once more.

Ansem Strife put on the table the newspaper he was reading and looked at his son. "What's that supposed to mean?" Answering a question with another question, typical of his father, Roxas thought.

"Let's face it: maybe you don't hate me, but you don't like me either, that's for sure." Mr. Strife didn't answer, his piercing orange eyes now scrutinizing his son's. "Since I was little, I've always tried to be the best in everything I did, be it school, sport or anything else, but you never cared for it. As for Cloud... I've thought a lot about it these days and I've come to the conclusion that the reason we grew so distant from each other... it's none else than you." He pointed his finger accusatorily at his old man.

A silence ensued. Then, when Roxas realized that his father wasn't going to answer, he simply went on. "You've always preferred my siblings at me." The way the sentence was pronounced sounded whiny even to himself, but it wasn't like Roxas cared at that moment. "I can understand Naminé being your only daughter, but Cloud? Alright, it's your first son, but I can' remember a single day in this house when I've not been compared to him. 'Roxas, have you seen what beautiful girl Cloud has brought home? Look, Roxas, Cloud got another prize! Roxas, why can't you be more like your brother?'" he stopped for second, just enough to take the breath for another tirade. "Well, guess what? I'm not Cloud, I cannot and especially want not to be like him."

Neither of them talked for a whole minute after that. Roxas was searching for some sign of hate in his father's look, but he couldn't find anything. And that was starting to frustrating him; he wanted a reaction, any reaction. What he really couldn't stand was plain indifference. Then the old man finally talked, calmly, with his usual stern voice. "You're speaking nonsense, Roxas. If you're just angry for whatever reason, chill down first, then we'll talk."

But Roxas was prepared for something like that. In fact, he was prepared for whatever reaction, because he knew that he wouldn't have easily obtained a straight answer from him. "I'm perfectly calm and I totally meant what I said." The excess of rationality in his voice surprised himself. "Maybe you don't hate me, maybe it's not even true that you don't like me, but this mean that at very least you don't care about me, which is even worse! And so I want to know: why? What have I ever done wrong for this?"

"Don't be stupid, Roxas." Ansem Strife answered with his deep voice, a defying look in his eyes as he searched for some hesitation in his son. Vainly. "If I didn't care about you, why do you think I'd keep pushing you to be better?"

"Don't pretend that you do it because you care!" the boy answered venomously. "Everything you do is for the 'good name of the family' or some other bullshit. If you really do it because you care, how comes you act like this only with me?"

The old man didn't answer immediately, giving the time to Roxas to wonder how many years of detention would he got at the end of the conversation. That is, if his father still had an influence over him, of course. "That's an interesting question. Maybe because, differently from your siblings, you're the only one that acts all cold and superior? Someone needs to bring you back on Earth!"

Roxas felt completely taken aback from that statement. "Don't try to make it seems like it's my fault, I have always been your least favorite! I can accept that, I mean, my siblings may be better than me at everything, but... still you have no right to treat me the way you do! It was all different before, when..." He couldn't help but feeling a deep nostalgic feeling. "...when mom was still alive."

His father didn't answer immediately, staring silently at his son. Roxas didn't remember to have ever talked about his mom since the car accident in which she had died years ago. In a single moment, his father had taken charge of the whole family. His father who, until that moment, he had mostly known through pictures and random evenings during which he was exceptionally not working.

"I miss mom." Roxas finally admitted.

"I miss her too." That sentence surprised Roxas the most: it was the first time that he heard his father talking about something like his feelings. "There has not been a single day that I've not missed her."

Another long silence ensued. Then Roxas realized that he was feeling the same as his father, that for the first time they had something to share... and he didn't like it. "This... this doesn't change the fact that you treat me like shit!"

The old man took off his glasses. "...you may be right." Ansem simply concluded. The answer didn't satisfy the blond boy in the slightest.

"What do you mean: 'you may be right'? You can't just say something so random!"

"I'm not an idiot, Roxas!" The old man's voice was starting to grow louder. "And I'm not psychic! Do you realize that this is the first time you told me how you feel? Was I supposed to read your mind?"

"You're supposed to read my lips!" Roxas retorted. "You've never done it before, how was I supposed to expect that you'd listen to me now?"

Ansem Strife kept looking at his son. There was a strange light in his eyes, but for all his efforts, Roxas couldn't understand what it meant. "The truth is... you're right when you said than it was all different when there still was your mother. I've tried my best to raise you three on my own. But in reality, I'm not fit for this, you can't take a businessman and make him into a father."

"You were always our father." The boy's words were hard and dry, as he was merely stating a fact.

"And that's what makes my failure as a parent even less excusable." Roxas felt extremely uneasy: he had spent hours preparing himself to face his father, and now he was making it looks like he was not the huge dick he thought he was? Even worse: he still was, technically, but if he really didn't mean to be it, everything changed. "I never meant to hurt you, Roxas! In fact, everything I did for you was an attempt at helping you improve yourself. Misguided, perhaps, but not malevolent."

"You think this should fix everything?" Roxas asked, trying to sound sarcastic but resulting a little bit hopeful. "Things will never be like before."

Roxas' dad closed his eyes: he had never looked that old before. "No, they won't." he finally admitted. The boy was taken aback by that abrupt statement. "Our family cannot be the same as when your mother was here, that's for sure. But that doesn't mean we cannot be a family anymore, I'm pretty sure that's what she'd wanted."

"That's... a low blow, you know?"

"I know, but you understand what I mean. On my side, I'll try my best for this to happen. What about you?"

Roxas didn't answer immediately. Then, he let slip three words, quickly, brutally. "I hate you!" His father was seriosuly taken aback by that. "At least... that's what I thought... But... if what you said it's true, I can't really hate you for trying your best. I... guess I've not always been the best son someone could hope for."

"For what it's worth, I've never thought that."

A long silence ensued, after which Roxas finally stood up and started walking towards the door. "I need some time to... process all that. It's ok if... I'll call you in a few days?"

"I'm here, son." Just before Roxas got out of the door, Ansem Strife talked again. "Just know that... I've never considered your siblings better than you."

Roxas smiled. His father couldn't see it and simply resumed reading his newspaper. It was just a matter of seconds before the door opened again and Cloud and Naminé slowly stepped into their father's studio, just a little bit nervously.

"Was it difficult?"

"A little bit, but I guess you and Cloud were right."

The two of them then walked away together.


End Notes: Last two chapters. Wow, this story really took me a lot of time, but in the end it's coming out how I pictured it in my mind. Thanks to all the reviewers, including Cloud C that made me realize I hadn't updated in a while. See you next time.

Next Chapter: ?