~*~Chapter Twenty-Eight~*~
"Roman, I never for second believed you could hurt me. Even knowing what I know now, do I feel like you could hurt me. I have loved the angel who gave me my baby girl since the night that I met him. It's all I've talked about and thought about for months. I've always loved you," she said softly. Even though at the time she hadn't known it was Roman who was the angel, she had always loved the angel and now that she knew it was Roman, she loved him even more.
Roman felt his heart expand when he heard her words. Letha loved him! Never in his wildest dreams could he have hoped for as much, but it had always been there, deep under the surface. That night at the amusement park, he had been certain she was flirting with him. Nothing stood in their way now; they could be together. They weren't cousins... but one last thing made him pause.
"What about Peter?" he asked. "How do you feel about... Peter?"
Peter had come to Letha at a time that she needed someone to be a part of her life. How could she ever tell Peter or Roman how she felt all along? Roman had been in her life from the very beginning. There were times in the past when she had flirted with him. It was like something came over her and she couldn't help it the words were coming out of her mouth. She wasn't sure if Roman ever caught on to how attracted she had been to him from the start. She looked at Roman trying to figure out how to answer him.
"Peter was someone who came into my life when I was vulnerable. I needed someone," she said quietly. "My parents didn't believe me; no one seemed to believe me. Peter didn't believe me either when I told him about the angel. He told me that I was crazy and that he didn't believe such a divinity existed. I thought back then that maybe he was just saying that to avoid me, because he was trying to push me away, even though I was coming on to him. I liked him a lot. He was mysterious, intriguing, and different from the other guys in Hemlock Grove. I'm the one who swayed him with the intention of getting into his bed. He tried to keep me at arm's length before he finally gave in. I did start to love him and care about him as we got to know each other better. We talked a lot about different things. He wanted to help me raise Cassandra. I loved Peter, but not the same way that I love you. It just seemed so wrong at the time to have those kind of feelings for you. I had been raised to believe we were cousins, but since I know we're not now; it changes everything. Even while I loved Peter, I still loved the angel, yet I couldn't find him and I couldn't be with him. Peter loved me; he took care of me. He was always there for me."
Roman nodded, slowly absorbing Letha's words. "I watched through the window that night... the first night that you- that you and Peter had sex. I was soooo jealous. It nearly destroyed me," Roman confessed. "I overdosed on drugs and ended up in a coma."
"I was jealous because I loved you... and I have always wanted you, but I also wanted Peter. It wasn't fair. The two people I wanted, I could not have, because they were together. Also, at the time, I thought you were my cousin. It just wasn't fair," Roman said.
"Everything's kewl with me and Peter now. I love you, Letha... and I want to be with you, but I want to be with Peter, too," he explained.
"I had no idea you were watching us, Roman. Don't you think if I could have had you, I would have? If I could have had you, would I have been with Peter that night? I don't regret meeting Peter or loving him, but I told you what I wanted at the amusement park and again at the party. I understand you have a strong attraction or and feelings for Peter, but how did you plan on it working? Because what are we going to tell Cassandra?"
Roman looked away a second, muddling over everything Letha had just said. "We can't change the past. I don't blame you, Letha, for being with Peter and for wanting him when you couldn't have me," he finally said. "And as for me and Peter, we don't have to tell Cassandra, not till she's a lot older, and she's able to understand. She will grow up knowing Peter. She will grow to love him and respect him. He's sworn to protect her, too. He's been here all along, trying to help me take care of her. I had no idea what to do. I wasn't expecting to be a father and I didn't know how to care for her, but he tried to help. We'd both do anything for that little girl. I want her to grow up happy. I don't want her to have all the turmoil I've had. No one told me what to expect... or how to handle my urges as a upir. I'm going to be there for our daughter. I love her."
"You were very bad... to flirt with me those nights," Roman said as he looked at Letha with a wicked little smirk. "I wanted you sooo much. You know that, don't you?"
"I hope Cassandra won't be confused, because this situation will not be easy for her. I am glad you and Peter have been there for her, and that you will continue to be there for her," said Letha. She grinned when he mentioned her flirting with him. "Hey, I needed some sort of release, and I figured it was a good way to let you know how I felt. Ohhh no... what happened to that warthog you won me? I liked that uhhhh... interesting- looking thing." Letha let out a little giggle.
"I don't know what happened to any of your stuff," Roman answered honestly. "Marie and Norman split up... and he ended up moving in here. He's staying in the master bedroom. He helped me set up the nursery."
"I think I needed some sort of release, too," Roman told her. "I think that's why I slept with countless girls, most of whom I had to pay to forget my name. The one I really wanted, I could not have. Speaking of which... there is something you should know. I hope you understand..."
"It's the nature of the upir. I may not be able to control my urges. I crave sex. The need is so intense. I have to have it... and I may not be able to stop myself from... straying," he warned. "I want it to be just you and Peter, but I may... lose control." He hesitated before saying those words, guilty already, and he hadn't even done anything.
"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," she said. "I can't demand that you just keep your need between Peter and me, because it doesn't sound like something you can help."
"It's something I want to help... but the past few weeks, I have been ravenous... and not just for blood. It kept my mind off the fact that you were dead. I missed you so much. I was choking in the pain... so I had to find ways to forget," he stated.
"I'm going to try to control it. I really will," he said. "Will you help me?"
