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Chapter 28 – Insecure

BELLA

Edward had been acting weird ever since our talk. He still wanted to hold me and frequently touched me chastely, but we weren't progressing physically anymore. He was nervous about even going to second base now, and I didn't know why. Something had changed, and he was driving me nuts!

EDWARD

We had finally gone searching and found the goats, the few that were left, anyway. The largest ones had been hurt, and a mountain lion had claimed them as his food. The few younger goats had stayed near the dead and half-eaten elders, unsure of what to do. Luckily for us, the mountain lion was full when we came upon him and didn't mind us herding the younger goats away. We left the four dead ones for him, so he didn't feel like we were really taking his food. I think if we'd come a few days earlier, when he was still hungry, we wouldn't have made it out as easily. Once again, Alice had saved our asses. We really owed her.

Bella picked up one of the youngest baby goats that seemed to want to stay behind, and she carried it back to the cave. She really was very compassionate when it came to young animals. She informed me that the goats would be staying in one of the caverns of the cave, and we'd take them out to graze like tamed goats, because they needed someone to watch over them now.

We were lucky; one of the goats was just old enough to give milk, and the rest, I assumed, wouldn't be old enough until next spring. I hoped we would all be okay.

Bella had grabbed some of the tall grass from the field we had seen on our expedition to find the goats. There were heavy seed clusters on the end of it. Once we got home, she beat the grass on the edge of a pot, knocking the seeds loose. "It looks like some kind of wheat. I want to grind it," she told me, so I nodded okay and made the tools she needed for grinding it, fashioning a smoothed concave rock and grinding stone set for her. With this, she was able to turn the grain into a somewhat powdery substance, and she excitedly added milk and eggs to this stuff. She poured some of the honey into the mix that she had acquired, against my better judgment, but no one could tell her what not to do. At least I couldn't. She'd just roll her eyes at me.

The mix made some sort of pancake-like thing. She told me she didn't have baking powder or soda, so I'd better not complain. She served it with some more honey and some wild berries that Oliver had discovered. He went crazy when he'd found them and wouldn't let the chickens or Polly near the bush. He jumped about the bush, running around it protectively, and it brought to mind the song, Pop Goes the Weasel.

I started humming it as Oliver chased the chickens around the bush, and Bella burst out laughing.

"All around the Mulberry bush, the monkey chased the weasel," she sang.

Jake started clapping. He liked the song she was singing. Luckily for us, Oliver didn't mind sharing with Bella, so she was able to get some berries for our pancake dinner.

I just had to say, it was fucking awesome. It had been too long since I'd had a grain-based food. It was delicious, and I made sure she knew it.

That night, she snuggled into me and started kissing me softly, but I slowed her down and stopped her. I had thought things over too much, and I realized that if I wasn't pleasing Bella, I wouldn't know it. I was worried that I had pushed things before she was ready. She'd said she was "relieved" earlier, leading me to believe that she'd been stressed about how things had been progressing before, and I hadn't known it. It made me extremely nervous to try anything else. I had been confident before, but now I wasn't so sure.

It had been a week since our talk, and she seemed to be getting pissed off at me. I asked her if she was menstruating, and she slapped me. I guess that wasn't an appropriate question to ask a girl. In my defense, though, I was pretty sure she was, so I was somewhat justified in asking.

It was two weeks later, when she finally had it out with me. She had me completely fooled, too, as we all calmly ate dinner together and then put everyone to bed. She walked into the bedroom, where I was already dressed and lying on the bed. My back was turned to her. I had taken to keeping my throbbing hard-on away from her. I didn't want to freak her out and ruin her opinion of sex by making her feel pressured.

Bella had just lain down next to me, when I realized that I had forgotten something. I had been so nervous about finding her a gift all week, that I'd almost missed it altogether. Today was her birthday. Alice had sent her a present and told me not to open it, until a week ago. She'd told me what was in the boxes she had marked for Bella and instructed me not to give them to her until she said to.

To make my present, I had to sneak off several times to get what I needed, but I was able to get it ready for her. I had spent the better amount of four days working on it. I really hoped she'd like it.

I rolled over to see that she was crying. I wasn't sure if it was because she knew it was her birthday and she thought I'd forgotten, or because I had done nothing more than kiss her forehead today. "Bella?" I asked, reaching out to wipe her tears away, but she swatted my hand away.

"I've had enough of you and your cold shoulder! You tell me what's wrong right now!" she scowled at me.

I wasn't sure how to answer that, so I thought I'd try and change the subject. "Happy birthday," I said, not sure how it would be received. I was right to be cautious, she ended up slapping me.

She rolled away in a huff, and I could hear her crying softly. I quickly lit the linen at the end of the wax stick that Bella called a candle. It did resemble one, but it always smelled like honey. I guess that was where the idea for scented candles came from.

She sat up, looking at me, tired and worn out, and I quickly opened my trunk. I handed her the little box that was from Alice.

"Alice?" she asked.

I nodded yes. "She told me it was your birthday. It was hard to find a present for you. It isn't like I can just run down to the nearest mall and pick something up."

She smiled sadly at me. "It's okay, Edward. I usually don't celebrate my birthday, anyway."

"Oh, is it against your religion?" I asked. It was a perfectly legitimate question.

She just chuckled and shook her head no. "Sometimes I'd go to the diner with my dad for dinner on my birthday, but other than that, no, I've never really celebrated. I haven't been around for him to take me out the past couple of years."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I mean, I understand if you didn't want to. I was never big on celebrating mine, but most people enjoy the hoopla and all that comes with birthdays."

She leaned over and kissed my cheek. She opened the package and started to cry. I hoped it wasn't a sad cry, but a happy one. When she held the book to her chest, I knew she liked it.

BELLA

It was Wuthering Heights. I didn't know who Alice was, but I loved her right now. I had a book. I had a real book. And not just any book, my favorite book. I didn't know how she knew it was my favorite, or maybe it was her favorite, too, but I loved it.

"Um, I have a present for you, too. Jake and I worked on it together. Okay, I built it while Jake kept Oliver from stealing my tools, but it was a team effort. I could show you now or maybe tomorrow, when Jake is awake to show you, too?" Edward said quietly.

I leaned over and kissed him. "Waiting is fine."

It was my birthday, and so I wasn't going to let him shy away from me tonight. So when he went to kiss me goodnight, I deepened the kiss, pushing him down, letting him know I wanted him to lay back. He resisted nervously, and it made me smile. I thought I was the only inexperienced virgin here. A rapist he was not. He seemed terrified to go any further with me. I wouldn't push him tonight, but I did want some satisfaction.

I finally got him to comply with me and straddled over his hips, pressing my center down into him. I wanted to get off for my birthday, and maybe Mr. Uptight Mind Reader Boy could get off, too. I whipped off my shirt and pressed down into him with my center.

He groaned a little and grabbed my waist. He looked like he was going to protest, until I started grinding into him. I leaned forward, and he started kissing me again and made his way to my breasts. I had been thinking about that morning by the falls for too long. I needed to relive it, and thank heavens Edward was all for it as well now.

He finally started getting into it and flipped me over on the bed. He started grinding into me something furious, but it felt amazing, so I wasn't complaining.

"Uh, yams…oh, so good…um, yes…birth control..." he stuttered out. I had no idea what he was saying, but I thought he was hungry and trying to think of an excuse to stop.

Besides, I was panting too hard to even make words, so I wasn't even going to try to understand him.

He curled his tongue around my nipple and sucked it into his mouth, causing me to cry out in pleasure. He moved to the other breast and did the same. He tightened his hands on my ass as he rubbed against me and then attacked my mouth.

He kissed down my cheek and breathed in my ear, "I think I'm developing feelings for you, Bella."

I thought I'd heard him wrong at first, but then he slowed his efforts and moved to the other ear. "I think I'm falling in love with you, Bella." He hid his face in my neck for a moment. I thought maybe he was embarrassed, but I pulled his face up to mine and kissed him with all the passion within me. I wanted him to know I had feelings for him, too, and they were good ones.

A/N: Thanks for reading and please review!