Reference to and dialogue from: 'The Einstein Approximation'; 'The Boyfriend Complexity'; 'The Wildebeest Implementation'
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A key was inserted into the lock and the door to apartment 4A opened. Sheldon took a breath before entering. He placed his luggage to the side, took off his shoes and sprayed his feet. After closing the door he took his shoes and luggage to his bedroom. He set his shoes in the plastic bin and laid his suitcase on the bed. There was no point fretting about the contamination as he needed to wash his bedding.
Two months was a long time between changings.
He stripped out of his airplane pants and put them in the bin along with his windbreaker before taking the whole kit and caboodle into the washroom for decontamination.
When he returned to his room he unpacked his clean clothes and toiletries and thoroughly sprayed his luggage with an antibacterial spray.
Taking up the luggage he went back to the living room and put it in the closet. Next up was laundry but before he did so he noticed some items on the coffee table. He ventured over and sat in his spot, closing his eyes for a moment before looking at what was before him. The binder was labeled 'Roommate Agreement' and he flipped open the cover to see Leonard's signature on the new agreement. Sheldon then went to a black velvet box and opened it. Inside was the Chancellor's Medal for Science.
Sheldon stared at it for a while before closing the box. He picked up the two items and proceeded to the hall only to stop in front of his board. Staring out at him were a flurry of incorrect and incomplete equations. He erased the board and wrote out the correct answer. It came to him while baking cookies with Meemaw that he'd been wrongly assuming that the electrons moved as particles through the graphene when in reality they moved as a wave. He'd explained the whole thing to Meemaw, who patiently listened to the entire science spiel.
'Well, that deserves an extra special cookie,' said Meemaw when he had finished and proceeded to roll out an extra big cookie.
Though they were all of the same batch Sheldon was convinced it tasted better than the others.
Next up was the washing of his bedding. Although it wasn't Saturday Sheldon considered this a one-time measure since he didn't anticipate-Eyes heavy. Whiteness. Can't move-a recurrence.
He wouldn't allow it.
XxX
Penny walked up the stairs in a mix of emotion. This was the day Sheldon came back and she really wanted to see him and at the same time she was-afraid? She hoped that Mrs. Cooper and Meemaw worked up some magic because Penny's last view of Sheldon exiting the building positively haunted her for two months.
She showered and changed clothes before grabbing her keys and venturing across the hall. Penny took a breath and then knocked out her incomplete shave-and-a-haircut.
Two knocks from in the apartment answered her and with a smile she entered.
"Hey," she said and proceeded to put on her apartment slippers and spray her feet.
"Hi," said Leonard, who got out of his seat. He looked at his roommate who sat on the couch watching television. "Look Sheldon, it's Penny."
"Of course it's Penny," Sheldon replied evenly. "Only she continues to annoy with her incomplete salutation. Besides, it's after her shift and we will be ordering Chinese food shortly which she usually partakes in whether she has the means to pay for it or not."
"Yeah thanks," Penny chuckled as she sat on the couch.
"I'm just going to-yeah." Leonard smiled awkwardly and went to his room.
"So," Penny began. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm well if that's what you're asking," replied Sheldon. "You?"
"I'm okay. Better now that you're back. You really had me worried."
"I apologize."
Penny moved a cushion over. "No need for sorries, Sheldon. I'm just sorry you went through this."
"Yes, well, I've moved on," he said stiffly. "I'd prefer if we didn't dwell on the past."
"Sure, sure." She did her best to catch his eyes but they were firmly fixed on her shoulder. "So anyways, I was thinking maybe we could go to a movie or something."
"You have one in mind?"
"Nope. We can pick something when we're there."
"Sounds like a waste of time choosing the best of the lot as opposed to preplanning an excursion to a specific movie," Sheldon tutted.
"You know me, chaos one oh one," Penny grinned.
"That you are," he agreed.
Silence.
"If you don't want to watch a movie we can do something else," Penny said seriously.
"Tonight is Vintage Game Night. You may participate if you want."
"I mean just the two of us." She caught his mouth twitch so she reached over and touched his hand only to have him move it away.
More silence.
"Sheldon."
"We're still friends?" he asked.
"Always."
He nodded and to Penny seemed relieved.
"Sheldon," Penny said gently. "I'll take you any way you'll let me."
The physicist's eyes flicked between her shoulder and her face before he turned to the hall.
"Leonard," he called out. "Penny and I are ready to order. Unless you've changed your menu I'll order the usual for you."
"The usual's fine," said Leonard, who appeared a moment later.
"Very good," said Sheldon who leaned over to pick up the phone.
Leonard caught the pained look on Penny's face but when he raised an eyebrow in enquiry she shook her head no and he let it be.
He knew he couldn't walk on eggshells around Sheldon forever.
But tonight he would.
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Penny was stretched on her couch in her comfy pants watching television although to be honest she really wasn't focused on the program.
She was glad that Sheldon got a grip on himself but it felt like he put up more barriers than he needed to. Sure, she was glad to see the poop chart back on the refrigerator and, yeah, having Vintage Game Night and Chinese food was okay. The change was something deeper as if Sheldon thought that having control over his life meant not having a life again. She snorted. Well, at least they were friends so that wasn't too bad.
It just wasn't what she wanted.
"Dr. Sheldon Cooper, heartbreaker," she chuckled wryly.
Her phone rang and she picked it up, her eyebrows rising in surprise at the caller.
"Hello?" Penny said.
"Hi. I don't know if you remember me but my name's Alex and we met at the Thirty Under Thirty People party."
"Oh, hi! What's up?"
"I was hoping I could email you a script to look at."
Penny's heart skipped a beat.
"Is it for that show you were trying for?" she asked, hoping to keep her voice nonchalant.
"Just got the go-ahead from Discovery."
"Discovery?"
"The channel. They'll be running the show."
"Ah."
Alex chuckled. "I have a feeling that the script will be a little different than what you're used to since it's a reality show."
"O-kay. So what would I be doing? And if you say lounging around a pool waiting for a bachelor to come get me I'm hanging up," Penny said lightly.
"How about hosting a show where you get to shoot and blow things up?"
"And no bikinis."
Alex laughed. "No, no bikinis. You'd be a host and assistant to a couple of science-y guys as they check out things like urban legends and see if they're plausible."
"I dunno if I can do the science stuff."
"Penny, I'm not asking you to mix rocket fuel. ... What's so funny?"
"Nothing. Go on."
"I just need someone who can handle herself around firearms and I have a feeling that someone coming from Nebraska won't have a problem with that."
"Nope."
"You'll be asking things that the laypeople want to know about the science. ... So, are you interested or do I need to twist your arm further?"
This was the first serious offer Penny had received. True, she'd already done a feature film but as it never aired she didn't count it. Not that she'd count 'Serial Apeist' even if it did.
"Sure," she said brightly. "I'll text you my email addy," she said as she typed.
"Terrific! I'll send you a link to the promo website. Don't be mad that you're already on it."
Penny laughed. "You're sure of yourself aren't you?"
"When it's important I get what I want. I'll give you a shout in a week while you look over the script and we'll have you in to the workshop to meet the guys. Sound good?"
"Sounds great. Thanks Alex."
Penny hung up and clicked the link to the website and read the title.
"Mythbusters. Cool."
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Penny's feet pounded on the trail as she jogged her way through the park. Ever since her call with Alex she made it a point to run daily in order to get herself into shape. Not that she had let herself go but she felt she needed some color and better tone, especially since she was going to be on television.
"Television!" she squealed.
She made her turn into the park proper and in the distance saw a kite in the air. As she approached the familiar figure of Sheldon came into focus, standing his ground while his kite made an aerial assault on the sky.
With an extra kick she picked up her pace and went down the grassy hill towards the lanky physicist. This was what he did to have fun and she wanted to bear witness to it if nothing else.
"Hey Sheldon," she said cheerily.
"Penny," he replied, his eyes firmly on his kite.
"Great day for kite flying, huh?"
"The temperature is moderate, there's an adequate amount of cloud to counteract the sun and the wind is from the north at fifteen miles per hour." He adjusted his lines and the kite made a flip. "It adequately meets my needs."
"Which from you is great praise," said Penny with a smirk.
"I'm not unhappy."
A frown came to the Nebraskan's face. She wanted 'happy' not neutral.
"So how long have you been flying kites?" she asked, trying another approach.
"Since I was five although Pop-Pop took me out to the beach to watch people fly kites when I was younger." The kite made first one turn, then another, before returning to its original position.
"Let me guess, you read about Ben Franklin."
"You've heard of him. I'm impressed," Sheldon said evenly.
"Hey, I did pay attention sometimes in class, y'know," Penny chuckled. "Besides I'm reading up on ol' Ben for a show I'm doing."
"You're employed?" he asked incredulously.
"Indeed I am," she said proudly."And try not to sound so surprised."
"Fair enough," said Sheldon. "What are you doing?"
"It's a show called Mythbusters where some scientist guys test urban legends and stuff and see if they're true or not," Penny explained. "One of the future episodes has Franklin's kite experiment."
Sheldon glanced at his friend.
"I hope they won't have you flying a kite during an electrical storm," he said seriously.
Penny shrugged. "I'm not sure."
"Penny, Benjamin Franklin's experiment is nothing more than an apocryphal tale," Sheldon said with a bit of a Texas twang. "I guarantee you he would have been killed if he did it."
"So how did he prove the electricity thing?"
"For one thing"-the kite made a series of loops and then hovered in spot-"Franklin suggested for safety reasons that the person flew the kite from within a dry area. This meant that the kite had to be flown from within a building, through a window. A daunting task." The kite did a tailspin and then pulled out just in time and regained its altitude. "A more plausible explanation is that he flew the kite before a thunderstorm and collected enough charge from a cloud to prove the existence of electricity in lightning."
"Well, I guess we'll see if you're right," Penny said. Sheldon snorted.
"Never doubt me," he sniffed as the kite did another flip and a low loop.
"Watch it!" Penny gasped and to her relief the kite lifted high into the air.
"I already told you, never-"
"How do you do those flips and not crash?" she asked.
"-doubt me," he finished crisply. "I see your shortened attention span has the better of you."
"Just like your anal retentiveness has you," Penny countered.
Silence save for the sounds of people enjoying themselves in the park and the kite cutting the wind.
Walking backwards and looking skyward, Sheldon made his way to Penny.
"Take this," he said and handed her the right control string.
"Sheldon, I can't!" she gasped.
"Of course you can. You just did. Now the other." He forced the other one into her hand.
"I'm going to crash it!" Indeed the kite made a sharp veer to the left.
"Pull the right control line," he said evenly. Penny did so and the kite lurched far to the right. "Now left."
The kite lurched to the left. Penny swore under her breath as the kite streaked towards the ground. Suddenly she found long arms around her as Sheldon put his hands on hers. He gave the right handle a firm yet steady pull and the kite righted itself. Then he moved their hands slightly down and the kite hovered in place.
"Pull the left control line and the kite will turn left," he said and demonstrated. "The right control line steers right. These are pull turns."
He released her hands and Penny moved the kite first one way then the other.
"This is fun," she said as she glanced at him with a grin.
"Now we'll do a push turn."
Again his arms enveloped her and she could feel his body pressed against her back. For an instant she closed her eyes before she felt Sheldon move her right hand forward. She looked skyward and saw the kite turning left.
"As you can see, it's the opposite," he said. "Pushing your right hand forward will turn the kite left and vice versa."
Penny gave it a try and the kite darted first one way then another.
"Wow that's fast!" she said.
"Yes it turns faster than a pull turn."
"That's 'cause it's easier to push something along rather than pull it kicking and screaming," joked Penny.
"Two scientific notes in one day. Penny, I'm impressed."
"Yeah, yeah." She watched the kite maneuver in the sky. "See? A few well-placed pushes and you go places where you've never been. It's fun."
"Unless you push too hard," he said seriously and pushed and held Penny's left hand. The kite did a complete circle. "And you end up right where you started."
"That doesn't mean you should give up," Penny replied, equally as serious. She felt his fingers take the controllers from her hands.
"Dr. Sheldon Cooper never gives up," he said and made the kite move end over end. "But he does know the limitations of his kite and is determined to fly within those limits."
"You know, Dr. C, for a guy who flies kites you really don't know a lot about them," said Penny.
"Gravity pulls all objects toward the center of the Earth," Sheldon said crisply. "Therefore other forces on the kite, such as wind, have to offset the basic pull of gravity which is trying to prevent the kite from flying."
"But you know why it flies?"
"The kite is positioned or angled in such a way to cause the wind to be split over the surface of the kite into two distinct streams of air, which is in accordance with Bernouilli's Principle."
"Nope. Because the only limit it has is the sky."
Sheldon turned his head to her and Penny flashed him a grin before turning away to resume her run.
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Penny walked through the parking lot at M5 Industries towards the grey building's entrance. From what she understood this was a special effects company run by Jamie Hyneman, who was one of the science guys on the Mythbusters project.
She opened the door and stepped inside to find a room filled with an assortment of gadgety stuff that she was sure the guys would get a kick out of.
"Can I help you?" said a young woman wearing overalls, work boots and a pony tail. Immediately Penny felt out of place with her capris pants and yellow peasant top.
"Yeah, I'm Penny. Alex told me to meet him here."
"Sherri. And yup, they're in the lab." The woman regarded Penny's flats. "Next time you're here you'll have to at the very least wear high top running shoes and pants. There's a lot going on out there."
"Understood." Penny followed the down the hall towards a door which had a green glowy sign for Muppet Labs above it.
The two women entered a large area filled with a vast assortment of tools and machinery. There were tables set up at particular stations where a couple of people were working on what looked to Penny like models of something science fiction-y. Over in the corner was a guy welding a metal contraption together.
"Penny!"
She turned to see Alex approach, his white slacks, cotton blue shirt and blue framed reading glasses making her feel less out of place.
"Hi," she said and the two shared a quick hug.
"Come meet the gang," he said excitedly and the pair came towards three men, two of which were smiling which made up for the third man's frown.
"She's not wearing proper attire," the scowly man said in a deep voice.
"It's not like we're working yet," soothed one of the other men. He flashed Penny an engaging smile. "Don't mind Jamie. He's a bit of a stick in the mud but he grows on you." He stuck out his hand. "Adam."
"Nice to meet you," smiled Penny as they shook.
"I'm Ben," said a tall man with dark hair and sunglasses on top of his head. "I'm the grunt."
"Cool." She turned her attention to Jamie, whose serious demeanor seemed countered by his walrus moustache and black beret. "Hi."
"Hello," he said evenly. "I thought this show was going to be about science?" he said to Alex.
"It's also television," Adam, replied. "The show can't just be about two fuddy-duddies like us."
"Hey, I'm willing to roll up my sleeves and work," Penny said. "I grew up on a farm so I know all about slinging manure and fixing stuff." Here she smiled proudly. "In fact I rebuilt my dad's tractor when I was twelve."
"She's also familiar with firearms," added Alex. "She might not be coming up with experiments but that doesn't mean she's helpless."
Adam clasped his hands. "Sounds good to me," he said enthusiastically. He nudged Jamie with his elbow.
"Next time wear sensible shoes," Jamie replied. "And welcome aboard."
Penny beamed.
XxX
"So anyways they're making a three hundred pound butt out of a copy of my butt," said Penny as she ate her Thai food in 4A. "Adam's really funny and is into special effects model building. We're at Jamie's workshop and I swear that man does everything." She took a sip of bottled water. "He even made a little robot like M.O.N.T.E. from a wok if you can believe it."
At this both Leonard and Sheldon froze.
"Jamie," said Leonard slowly. "You wouldn't mean Jamie Hyneman, would you?"
"You've heard of him?"
Sheldon put down his fork. "Have we heard of him. Penny, that 'little robot' you saw was Blendo, the first effective implementation of the full-body kinetic energy spinner weapon."
"After two fights at the nineteen ninety five Robot Wars in San Francisco Blendo was deemed too hazardous to compete by the event supervisors and the insurance company after throwing pieces of its opponents over the arena walls," gushed Leonard. "Blendo got co-champion status in exchange for withdrawing from the competition."
"Wow," said Penny. "Ben said it-"
"'He'," amended Sheldon.
"He is made from a lawnmower engine," finished Penny.
"So what's Jamie like?" asked Leonard.
"Intense." Here she grinned at Sheldon. "But when you're friends with Dr. Retentive here it's all good."
"That better be sarcasm," scowled the lanky physicist before aggressively taking a bite of his noodles.
"So why did they make a mold of your butt?" asked Leonard. "By the way, plaster or silicone?"
"Silicone. Adam said it's made from the same stuff as sex toys," said Penny. "Anyways, this fat woman on an airplane at altitude went to the bathroom and when she flushed the toilet she got stuck. They had to pry her off the toilet when they landed. We're testing to see if that's possible."
"Nonsense," sniffed Sheldon.
"Well, we're gonna find out," she shrugged.
"Penny, the toilet is designed to give off zero pressure."
Leonard held up his fork. "Hold on a second. Suppose it was someone like Mrs. Wolowitz? I mean she has enough fluff that she'd mold herself around the seat, acting like a fleshy seal."
"Suction would only occur for a few seconds at best and I refuse to believe that it would be enough to overpower someone's ability to stand," scoffed Sheldon.
A goofy grin came to Leonard. "Sounds fun to prove."
"What's there to prove? An airplane toilet seat by its very design prevents an airlock from forming."
"What if she forgot to put the seat down?"
"There are two lugs under the shroud that prevents the airlock."
Leonard shook his head in disbelief. "How do you know these things?"
"Leonard, where one evacuates one's bowels is almost as important as the matter that's being expelled. Toilets are like real estate. Location, location, location," tsked Sheldon.
"Let's say for the sake of argument that we can get a perfect seal. How much pressure could we generate?"
Sheldon cocked his head in thought. "Well, a standard airplane toilet is thirteen by fifteen inches. Given an average three psi negative pressure that would be four hundred and fifty pounds of pull."
"What's psi?" asked Penny.
"Pounds per square inch. It's the pressure resulting from a force of one pound-force applied to an area of one square inch."
"How do you weigh a pound of force?"
"The pound-force is equal to the gravitational force exerted on a mass of one avoirdupois pound on the surface of the Earth." Penny opened her mouth to speak. "An avoirdupois pound, also known as the wool pound, first came into general use circa thirteen hundred. It was initially equal to six thousand nine hundred and ninety two troy grains. Troy grains are-"
"I get it, Sheldon," Penny interjected. "Psi comes from gravity pushing on wool." His eyes widened in shock. "Okay, so how does the pressure stay at four fifty?"
"What do you mean?" asked Leonard.
"Well, she's stuck on the toilet until they land and pry her off," said Penny.
"Huh. That would dispel the pressure differential theory."
"Unless there was a toilet that provided pressure at altitude and on the ground. Which there is," Sheldon said enthusiastically. "Such a marvel of modern plumbing provides three psi negative pressure on the ground and eight psi negative pressure at altitude, with the pressure being produced by the differential between inside cabin air and the pressure outside the plane." He turned to Penny. "What altitude are they simulating?"
She shrugged. "All I know is that my butt's gonna plug a hole."
"God I love science!" gushed Leonard as he went to get a bottled water.
"Never noticed," she snickered. "Man, you guys take the simplest things and make it so technical."
"Penny, the show's premise is to prove or disprove myths via experimentation," sniffed Sheldon. "Your buttocks are merely a side note to the greater question of whether enough psi negative pressure can be generated to stick an obese woman to a toilet."
The Nebraskan chewed in thought before putting her fork down. "I'm gonna be an idiot."
"Why would you do that?"
Penny frowned. "Sheldon, I didn't get half of what you and Leonard were saying and I'm willing to bet Jamie and Adam are gonna be sounding off stuff like that, too. All I've got to offer is my butt and a smile."
"Penny, the question isn't that difficult."
"For you."
Sheldon set his dinner on his lap. "You lack scientific fundamentals. I'm quite sure if things were explained at your 'level' you'd see that what they're doing is 'easy-peasy'."
"Could you help me?" asked Penny.
"I suppose, although using a future Nobel Prize laureate to explain toilet pressure is extreme overkill."
"Think of it as a rescue mission. Your task is to make me not sound dumb when I talk about science."
"That is daunting. But not impossible."
"Gee thanks," smirked Penny.
"I can't guarantee you'll fully understand the scientific nuances of how and why 'things' work but I promise you won't sound stupid," Sheldon said evenly.
"I guess." Penny stabbed at her food and sighed.
"Penny." She looked at him. "I promise."
"Thanks Sheldon," she said with a little smile.
A twinkle came to his eyes. "This will be the greatest test of my scientific career. Bazinga."
Penny picked up a throw cushion and whacked him on the arm.
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Penny chuckled as she passed the plus-sized rubber mould made from her butt. Sherri had really detailed out the fluffiness, folds and creases so it looked about as realistic as possible. As much as she realized that she was nowhere near as big as the prop Penny nevertheless decided to cut down from two cookies to one at lunch.
The sparks from the welding torch caught her eye. She knew better than to stare at them but to be fair her attention was more on Ben who was covered in a workshop leather apron, gloves and welder's goggles. He made a final touchup and then turned off the torch.
"Hey," said Penny. "What ya up to?"
Ben raised the goggles onto his forehead.
"Building the supporting frame for your butt. They say it's going to be three hundred pounds," he replied.
"Just means there's more of me to love," Penny quipped. "How are ya gonna lift it?"
"Fork lift." He patted the frame. "Jamie's going to build something like a fish scale to dangle the butt off of so we can measure if there's any suction from the toilet."
"Airplane toilets are designed to prevent an airlock from forming," said Penny. "You'll probably have to take the seat off the toilet if you want to make a seal."
Ben smirked. "I never knew you were an expert on toilets."
Thank you Sheldon! "Where ya poop is as important as what ya poop." They both laughed. "Although if we did get the butt to seal and the pressure to pull we could get as much as four hundred and fifty pounds sucking on that tushie."
"That should keep me up at night." Ben grabbed the frame and Penny came over to take up the other end.
"Yeah, my ass does that to guys."
Together they brought the frame over to the forklift.
"Just set it down for now," said Ben and Penny obliged.
"How's it going?" asked Alex as he came up to the pair.
"Frame's complete," replied Ben. "All we need is the scale and we're in business."
"Just as long as it doesn't break." Alex indicated the toilet with his head. "That baby's eight thousand bucks and it's a loaner."
"As strong as a skunk's stench."
"Good." Alex checked his watch. "Well Sherri and Jamie are prepping the butt mold for the rubber compound that Adam's making so that's about all we can do for today. Adam said it'll take a day to set properly so you're off the hook until then."
"Sounds great," said Penny. Alex nodded before heading off.
"Lunch?" asked Ben. "I've got stuff to do this afternoon but I could use a bite."
"Sure," said Penny. They walked out of the workshop to a kind of mudroom where Ben got out of his work gear while Penny slipped into her flip-flops.
"Don't worry about being too glamorous. The diner knows all about us f/x people and our grungy ways," he said as he tossed a jeans jacket over his white t-shirt.
"Hey, don't knock the pink plaid," chuckled Penny as she straightened her top.
"No knocking here," he replied. "Even though I just spent the morning building a contraption to carry your sorry ass around."
"Does that make you my Prince Charmin?" she asked innocently.
"I'm not flush but I do have a throne you can sit on," he winked back. He opened the door and they went into the hall.
"Insert groan here."
"Hey, you started it." Ben grinned.
"And I always finish pissing contests," Penny warned as they exited the building.
"I can write my name in the snow," Ben sniffed.
"I can hogtie and castrate a calf in under sixty seconds," Penny said sweetly.
Ben laughed. "Remind me never to piss you off."
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Penny picked up her ringing phone and smiled at the caller.
"Hello?" she said.
"Hey girlie."
"Hi daddy! I thought you were mom."
"She's over at Hailey's doing some quilting."
Penny smiled. That's what mom always said when she went out to smoke pot.
"She tells me that your show's going okay," Wyatt continued.
"It's awesome! We stuck my butt to an airplane toilet, made biscuit dough bazookas in a hot car and ran a beanbag body through a plexiglass window."
"Sounds like frat boy stuff."
"Believe it or not it's science, dad. For instance, it's possible for a hundred and sixty pound man to smash through a twenty fourth floor window by running ten feet at five point seven miles per hour."
"I'll make a note not to do that."
"Next up we're gonna see if we can take out an airplane window with a bullet."
"Let me know the next time we go duck hunting."
"Yeah yeah."
"Seriously, I'm glad for you, pumpkin. This sounds like a solid tv show."
"Thanks dad."
"Ya mind if your old man comes to get a backstage tour?"
Penny brightened. "You mean come here? Sure!"
"It'll give me a chance to see ya and what you're doing. And meet your boyfriend of course."
Penny's smile vanished.
"How's the good Doctor doing, anyways?" Wyatt continued. "Hope he's not too busy to catch a game or something."
"He's fine. Uh, I guess I forgot to tell you that Sheldon and I had a fight and, uh-"
"Aw, pumpkin, don't tell me you broke up with him?"
The disappointment in her father's voice crushed her.
" No! I mean we're still friends but we're taking it slow."
"But you're still going out."
"Of course we are!"
"Great," Wyatt said in a relieved tone. "Then I guess I'll see the both of ya when I get there. Next Tuesday to Monday okay? I've got a good deal on a one week flight."
"Sounds great."
"Then I'll see ya next week."
"Counting the minutes. Bye daddy."
Penny hung up the phone and flumped against the couch.
"Oh balls..."
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Penny took a big breath before knocking at 4A. She had no idea how she got herself into these messes but nevertheless she wasn't going to disappoint her dad. Her 'external locus' wouldn't have that.
She opened the door to find Sheldon sitting on the couch with two whiteboards nearby with what looked like three checker boards forming a triangle drawn on them.
"Hey Sheldon," she said as she put on her slippers and sprayed her feet. "Where is everybody?"
"I'm right here. As for the rest of the traitorous bunch they're over at Koothrappali's place," he replied as he studied the three chess boards on the coffee table. "Apparently Priya's in town."
"Ah. Not a fan."
"Not really, no."
"Fair enough." She sat beside him on the couch. "Whatcha doing?"
"Inventing three person chess." He made to move a piece before hesitating and returning his hand back to his lap.
"O-kay."
Sheldon slid a rook three spaces before getting up and moving to Leonard's chair.
"So anyways, I've got the next script," she said. "We're gonna test if a bullet can tear a plane apart if ya fire it in the plane."
"You mean you're testing if explosive decompression is possible."
"Sure."
"Well," he studied the board. "To understand decompression one must know about cabin pressurization."
"Shoot."
"Pressurization becomes necessary at altitudes above twelve thousand five hundred feet above sea level to protect crew and passengers from the risk of a number of physiological problems caused by the low outside air pressure such as hypoxia, altitude sickness, decompression sickness or barotrauma." Sheldon moved a chess piece and then went to the computer chair that was placed before another chess board.
"For an aircraft planning to cruise at forty thousand feet the cabin altitude is programmed to rise gradually from the altitude of the airport of origin to around a maximum of eight thousand feet and to then reduce gently during descent until it matches the ambient air pressure of the destination." He picked up a wizard figure off the table and made to move it before a frown covered his brow.
"Why don't they just set it at sea level?" asked Penny as Sheldon got up and went to the whiteboard.
"Some airfields are higher than sea level." He corrected some words on the board. "And there are design limits on the fuselage. Now, any failure of cabin pressurization above ten thousand feet requires an emergency descent to eight thousand feet while maintaining terrain clearance-not crashing-and the deployment of an oxygen mask."
Sheldon returned to the computer chair and moved the wizard. "What you're testing is the possibility of a catastrophic loss of airframe integrity or explosive decompression from a bullet hole." He went back to his spot on the couch.
"Any predictions?" asked Penny.
"Aircraft fuselages are designed with ribs to prevent tearing. The size of the hole is one of the factors that determines the speed of decompression and a bullet hole is too small to cause rapid decompression," he said evenly. "This also rules out the possibility of a small hole blowing a person out of a fuselage."
"Looks like Ben owes me lunch," Penny said happily.
"Ben?" Sheldon asked evenly.
"He works at the lab doing welding and carpentry and stuff. He's really cool."
"Much of this showmanship could be avoided if you had a physicist and a whiteboard."
"Hey, Alex said you're always more than welcome," said Penny.
Sheldon snorted. "I'm on track for a Nobel Prize not a spot on a pop-television science show."
"Yeah, but ya get to blow stuff up," Penny chuckled as she got up. "Thanks for this."
"You're welcome."
Penny went to the door and changed back into her flip-flops. She made to exit but stopped. After a lungful of air to steady herself she turned around and went for it.
"Listen, I have a level one friendship request," she began.
"You already use my wifi and steal my milk," he murmured distractedly without looking up.
"No borrowing involved, I promise." Penny braced herself. "My dad's coming here for a week and I was hoping you'd pretend you're my boyfriend while he's here?"
"And why would I do that?"
Penny bit her lip. "Because I kinda told my parents that we were dating."
Sheldon straightened in his seat.
"Why would you do a thing like that?" he asked.
Penny tossed her hands in the air. "I dunno. They wanted to know that I wasn't alone out here and stuff. They already knew you were my neighbor and they were so happy that you're a doctor and it's no big deal."
The physicist turned to face his friend.
"I'm not comfortable lying," he said firmly.
"Please Sheldon."
"Couldn't you say we 'broke up'?"
"I tried but dad was so sad about it that I said we made up."
"I'll have to think about this."
Penny grinned "Thanks so much, Sheldon!"
He pursed his lips. "I said think not do."
"But to do not is to try." Penny winked and turned to exit.
"That's not what Yoda said!" scowled Sheldon as she closed the door.
xTBBTx
Author's Note: Jamie Hyneman and Adam Savage are to be taken as fictional accounts which in no way reflect on them as real people. They made a mock appearance on South Park and my portrayal is to be taken in the same light. Similarly, I am in no way affiliated with Mythbusters although the episodes I talk about are real. If you haven't seen Mythbusters you should check it out! *Lynn
Wikipedia: Pounds Per Square Inch; pound-Force; Pound (mass); Blendo; Adam Savage; Jamie Hyneman; Cabin Pressurization; Uncontrolled Decompression
Youtube: Mythbusters, Pilot 2 airplane toilet
Kite Flying: wwwhiflykitescoza
Principles of kite flying: bestbreezessquarespacecom
Ben Franklin: itsnotmagicitssciencecom
